


Do The Right Thing

by LyricalKris



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-02
Updated: 2012-06-02
Packaged: 2017-11-06 16:30:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 125,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/420963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyricalKris/pseuds/LyricalKris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a bust goes wrong, FBI Agent Edward Cullen is faced with a terrible choice. No one knows of his secret affair with comatose victim Bella Swan, nor that the child she carries is his. How can he do the right thing when he doesn't know what that is?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Disaster

**Prologue**

**Disclaimer: I'm not SM, merely playing in her wonderful driveway with her awesome toys.**

* * *

Scenes changed in and out like a nightmare playing in strobe light fashion. Time passed, of that he was certain, but he didn't know how much happened in the black spaces between glimpses of bright light.

Over and over the scene played out in his head. He remembered rushing into the house, seeing blood and glass all over the floor. Emily Uley's face was gashed open, though her groans told him she was alive. Jacob Black was dead, his body sprawled between the back porch and the Uley's living room, with a giant shard of glass sticking out of his throat. Edward's partner was already phoning in an ambulance and back up, g'dammit.

All of that faded into the background as Edward ran down the steps, looking around frantically.

"Bella!" Sam Uley's voice half pleaded, half growled, drawing Edward's attention into the forest. He ran. He ran and prayed to beings he wasn't sure he even believed in that he wouldn't be too late. Edward burst out of the treeline, finding himself precariously near a cliff. One glance down a ways from where he emerged he spotted his quarry.

"Bella, please. Let me explain." Maddened, his smart dress shirt streaked with blood, Sam approached Bella, his arm extended. She skittered back, but there was no where left for her to go.

"Bella!" Edward yelled, running toward them.

She looked up, her frightened, furious eyes finding his for one, two, three beats as he flung himself forward. Then her feet scrambled for purchase and she fell backward, screaming his name as she tumbled toward the water.

"Bella!" he yelled again, and he flung himself off the cliff after her, ignoring the man who had been his target for so many long months.

The tumultuous sea below them swallowed Bella and the sound of her scream seconds before the ice water hit him like a brick to the chest. That was where the scene began to fade in and out. He remembered forcing himself to cling to the edges of consciousness that wanted to fold in like a flower as the day fell. Somehow, he'd managed to succeed in his singular task, despite the waves threatening to beat him and his charge against the side of the rocks. His arms locked around Bella, he dragged her to the rocky shore before he passed out.

It seemed only a second later that he heard his breathless partner shouting. "Don't be dead, asshole. I'm not doing all this fucking paperwork by myself."

Edward's head rolled against the rough, pebbled beach and he opened his eyes. It was another sight he wouldn't soon forget. His partner was bent over Bella, his lips pressed to hers. Edward would have been jealous except that he was completely frantic. Bella's skin was a sickly gray aside from the river of crimson that fell from a wicked looking gash on her forehead. The chill from the water was nothing - a balmy day compared to what it felt like when he realized Bella wasn't breathing. He rasped her name weakly before darkness took him again.

He woke up once in the ambulance, long enough to vomit out whatever was in his stomach - sea water and the disgusting burrito from the corner store his partner had forced him to eat -and to see that Bella was with him. She was breathing, or that's what he surmised given she was in an oxygen mask and not a body bag.

He'd told her more than once that she would look beautiful no matter what she did. Right then, even he had to admit she looked terrible. Though he felt feeble, so weak he didn't even have the strength to be frustrated about it, he reached his hand out, searching for hers.

"Easy, buddy," the medic said. He must have realized what Edward wanted as he guided their hands together. "Better?"

Edward didn't look away from Bella long enough to acknowledge the man, though he was ever so grateful. The blackness encroached again, and he couldn't fight it.

He woke up again in a hospital bed. It couldn't have been too bad - whatever was wrong with him. He wasn't hooked to any machines. His head was threatening to pound right off his neck, and his partner was poking him in the side.

"Wake up you son of a bitch," he muttered. "You're not supposed to be asleep."

Edward groaned and licked his lips. He turned his head, forcing himself to concentrate until his partner and friend, Jasper Whitlock, came into focus.

"Bella?" he said, demanded really. He was weak and still too cold, but she was his priority.

Jasper narrowed his eyes. "Her father's here, and Black's father for that matter. As for Swan... I don't honestly know."

With another moan, Edward tried to get out of bed only to have Jasper push him back down. "You're supposed to be resting. Not sleeping, mind. Resting. Getting warm again. You can't go where the family is - but you knew that. So cool your damn heels and level with me."

Edward dug the palms of his hands into his eyes, trying to tone down the freight train that was barreling through his head. "About what?" he deflected, really just wanting to know, hell or high water, if Bella was okay.

She didn't look okay.

Again, Jasper pushed him backward onto the bed. He was leaning in Edward's face. "There's something going on between you and Bella Swan," he accused. There was no question.

Edward sighed because he always knew it would be Jasper who figured it out first. On another day he might have cared. Today, he would have given up anything just to know Bella was going to survive.

He swallowed hard, staring straight up at the ceiling. "Yeah," he finally murmured.

"Fuck," Jasper swore. He was silent for long minutes before he sighed. "This isn't like you."

"You don't understand," Edward said, an edge of desperation in his voice. "I know what it looks like, but you don't understand what she means to me. I need to see her, Jasper. I need to know she's going to be okay. I can't-"

"Okay, okay, I get it," his partner said, pushing him down again. "Jesus this is all going to hell faster than quick."

"Edward, oh good. You're alert," a voice from the doorway interrupted them. The two men looked up to see a petite nurse with jet black hair walking toward them.

"Alice," Edward breathed, relieved to see a familiar face. "Please tell me what's going on."

"Well, you have a conc-"

"Not with me!" Edward interrupted.

Alice studied him intently for a moment and nodded. "Your dad's in surgery now with Emily Uley."

"And Bella?" Edward asked.

"Critical but stable condition. That's all I know," she said, interrupting him before he could ask. "I'm supposed to be concentrating on you... but Brett said you got agitated in the ambulance until you could hold her hand."

"I'm fine," he insisted. "Alice, I need to see her. I need to be there."

She sighed, rolling her eyes skyward. "What you need is a trip through the MRI machine to make sure that thick skull of yours isn't cracked. But...seeing as I can't get you in one for at least another hour... I'm going to turn my back. Her dad's down in the ER waiting room. If you get worse, your ass better tell a nurse or I'm killing you myself, understand?" she said sternly.

"Thank you, Alice," Edward said, already swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

Alice just shook her head. She turned slightly, looking at Jasper. "You must be his partner. I'm Alice Brandon."

"Jasper Whitlock," Jasper confirmed, shaking her hand.

"Well, I'm sure you deserve double what they pay you. Looking after this one is a full time job on its own," she groused, nodding at Edward.

"Speaking of..." Jasper pulled his phone out and sighed. "It's Banner. Go on, you stubborn ass. I'll fill you in when you get back."

Nodding gratefully, Edward stood, fighting the wooziness that threatened to send him tumbling right back down. Alice was watching... if he showed signs of weakness she was just as likely to strap him to the bed as anything else.

Once he was on his feet, Edward was out of the room as fast as his sore legs would carry him. Trying to keep the urge to panic at bay, he imagined how he would approach the situation.

He'd already decided to come clean about what Bella meant to him. There wasn't anything more important than being able to see her. He wanted the chance to sit by her bedside along with her father.

Charlie Swan might kick him out. Fuck, Charlie Swan might kick his ass. Edward knew he would let him, but he still had some semblance of hope that maybe taking a punch would buy him the right to be there for her.

Nervous on too many levels, Edward reached up to run a hand through his hair and winced. His hair was a mass of snarls, dirty from the ocean water. As if first impressions could get any worse...

He stopped just short of the ER waiting room, hearing that hushed tone he associated with doctors. Quickly, he pressed his back against the wall, sliding as close as possible so he could hear what was going on.

"-on a ventilator for the time being. She inhaled a fair bit of ocean water."

"She'll be uncomfortable," a gruff voice said, and Edward imagined it must be Charlie. He could hear the emotion in his tone. He closed his eyes, remembering the sound of her voice when she spoke of her father. There was such tenderness there, a love she didn't speak about, but that leaked out whenever she talked about him.

Obviously, it went both ways.

The doctor cleared her throat. "Her lungs will recover... but what we're most concerned about is the blow to the head she suffered. Isabella is comatose."

Edward's eyes flew open and he barely caught the cry that threatened to betray his hiding place. He heard Charlie mutter a raw, "Oh, God."

"There's considerable brain swelling. We're working to bring that down, but until she wakes up, it's difficult to tell what, if any, long term damage there may be," the doctor continued. "I'm sorry. I know this is difficult," she said.

"I do have a question for you as to how to proceed treating Isabella. I'm not sure if you're aware, but she's pregnant."

"What?"

The volume of Charlie's reaction covered the noise of Edward falling to his knees in the hallway. He leaned forward, pressing the back of his hand hard against his mouth. His head spun.

"What's the question?" Charlie asked raggedly.

"Again, I am so sorry. No one should have to make these decisions. But we need to know how to proceed. If we try to save the pregnancy, we'll have to make different choices about the medications we use," the doctor continued. "And there is no guarantee. It's too early to tell if any of the trauma Isabella suffered has had an affect on the fetus."

"Saving the pregnancy won't endanger her further?"

"No. It just changes the way we treat her," the doctor assured.

"Then please, do what you can. It's what she would want."

"Okay," the doctor said, and there was rustling. Edward imagined she was getting to her feet. "You'll be able to see Isabella within the hour. We're going to move her into the ICU. I'll have a nurse come get you."

The silence that consumed the hall was deafening. It was a hospital for fucks sake. Where were all the people?

It was too much, too much all at once. He was scared out of his mind. The idea that Bella would never wake up was very real - too real. It was a concept he couldn't fathom. He'd only barely found her. She didn't deserve to die like this.

On top of the fear and the grief, the guilt he felt was crippling. Kneeling on the floor of the hospital, he bowed his head nearly to the tile, gripping both his fists in his hair. How many times had he assured her that what she was doing, what Jacob Black was doing, wasn't dangerous?. He had convinced her to stay, in fact, when she wanted to leave. Now she was dying and Jacob was dead.

And then this child. He knew it had to be his. Bella hadn't had sex with Jacob for nearly a year. He was sure she would have told him if that changed. But there was one problem.

"It's ... right, Charlie," another voice said from the waiting room. It took Edward a moment to remember that Jasper said Jacob's father was with Charlie. It must have been Billy Black. "It's right that some part of my son lives on."

Pulling himself upright again, Edward rubbed his eyes, wiping away the tears.

To the best of his knowledge, the only people who knew that Jacob and Bella's relationship had been over for the last five months were Bella and himself. How was he supposed to do this? To take responsibility for killing Billy Black's only son and in the same breath tell him that Jacob's relationship the last five months had been a sham? Would they even understand... or would they think she was a cheater? She couldn't exactly defend herself. Jacob knew about them, but they would only have Edward's word to verify that.

The word of the man who had gotten Jacob Black killed.

The word of an FBI agent who had slept with the woman who was part of his sting, who it had been his responsibility to protect.

Edward stared at the bright florescent lights above him at a total loss for what to do.

* * *

**A/N: This will start updating soon, probably in the next couple of weeks.**

**Thanks so much to jfka06, barburella and thetinkk for looking everything over for me. I love ya.**

**So…first impressions? Yay/Nay? Zomg, let me know.**


	2. Aftershock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sooooo… I apologize for not replying to reviews (which…holy crap guys… just GAH). This chapter flowed like water and I admit to have absolutely zero patience. Yoda would be ashamed.

_**~5 Months Ago~** _

"Think she's going to go for it?" Jasper asked, sliding his sunglasses down to the tip of his nose as he watched Jacob Black's car pull up.

"She'll go for it," Edward murmured, his eyes on the brunette who got out of the passenger seat looking severely irritated. Despite the fact that this latest development had every potential to throw a giant wrench in a months long investigation, he couldn't help but be pleased. Though he'd kept his opinion to himself, Edward had long thought that Jacob was mismatched with his girlfriend, Isabella Swan. He couldn't say he was surprised when Jacob called to say that Bella wanted to break up.

It did, however, leave them with a problem. Without Bella, their goal would be put off for months. The only choice then was to let her in on the undercover operation. That was why Edward and Jasper agreed to meet with Jacob and Bella.

"Bella," Jacob began, obviously uncomfortable. "This is-"

"Edward Cullen," Bella said, startled. She looked from Jacob to Edward and back again. "What's going on here? You are the absolute last person I expected to see."

Edward's lips quirked because he'd thought the exact same thing several months before when they started this whole endeavor.

"It's a small world, Miss Swan," he allowed. "But I'm afraid this is quite a bit more serious than a high school reunion." As he spoke, he reached into the inner pocket of his suit jacket and pulled out his badge.

Bella's eyes widened and she looked at all three of them. "FBI? Okay, you guys are seriously freaking me out. What's going on?"

Taking off their sunglasses so they could look her in the eye, Edward and Jasper had done most of the talking, revealing that Jacob had turned whistle blower about six months previous when he found out that the company he worked for - Imprint Inc. - was conducting a lot of shady business. Edward and Jasper, part of the White Collar Crime division of the FBI, had begun an investigation, during which Jacob had befriended the company's CEO, Sam Uley. For the better part of eight months, he'd been wearing a wire during private functions.

"I don't understand what this has to do with my relationship. Are you actually forbidding me to break up with Jacob?" she asked, stunned and incredulous.

"We don't have that kind of power, Miss Swan," Edward assured.

"See, the thing is, you're Jacob's ticket to Uley's private life," Jasper said slowly. "The reason you and Jacob are invited to his home as often as you are is because Mrs. Uley likes you. Now, you know what's likely to happen if you and Jacob break up. She's not going to want to invite him over."

Her lips quirked at that. "That's true," she said with a sigh. "She'd have his balls at the mere thought that he hurt me."

Edward and Jasper glanced at each other, knowing they had her. It would just take a little bit of charm to seal the deal.

"Miss Swan-" Edward began, but she leveled a glare at him.

"Can you cut that out? Bella. Please."

He smiled gently, reaching out and putting a hand on her arm. "Bella, I know it's not fair to ask this of you, but if you could keep up even a facade of your relationship with Jacob for just a while longer, you would be helping bring down a group of men who have defrauded their customers and community out of a great deal of money."

She growled, frustrated, and rolled her eyes skyward. "I guess I'm not really looking to start dating right away anyway," she muttered under her breath. She looked directly at Edward then, and he realized belatedly that he still had his hand on her arm. He withdrew it quickly. "How dangerous is this?"

"Come on, Bells," Jacob said with a sigh. "You know I never would have let you around Sam if I thought he was dangerous."

"This isn't the mafia, or anything like that," Jasper answered first. "Uley doesn't even own more than a paint ball gun."

"Believe me, Mis... Bella. Neither you nor Jacob have ever been in any danger," Edward added.

_**~Now~** _

"I don't know. I don't know what to do," Edward groaned, sitting on the edge of the hospital bed.

Numb and confused, he'd found himself wandering back to his own hospital room without saying anything to Bella's father. In retrospect, it was a good plan. It had taken him a full ten minutes to explain everything to Jasper - he was that shaken and shocked.

"Edward..." Jasper started, and under different circumstances, his tone would have made Edward automatically wary. "I really hate to be the one to ask this, but are you sure it's your kid?"

"You were there when they broke up," Edward said with a growl, narrowing his eyes at his partner.

"Yeah, I was there. I've also been through enough of my own break-ups to know that sometimes, when you see your ex, you have sex with them," Jasper returned, his tone steady. "And they've been living together this whole time."

"In separate rooms," Edward snapped.

"Take it easy," Jasper said, holding his palms up in a peacemaking gesture. "You know I had to say it." He wiped a hand over his eyes.

"What do I do?" Edward whispered.

It was a testament to how out of sorts he felt that he was so desperate for help. Typically, Edward was as stubborn as all get out, not listening to anyone.

Jasper chuffed. "There are two things you need to do. You either need to come clean right now - which might not be a bad idea. Think about this - Billy Black's one hope is that baby. Better you break his heart again right now, rather than wait."

Edward groaned, laying back on the bed and throwing his arms over his eyes. "What's my other option?" he muttered.

It wasn't that he was ashamed of his actions, and he definitely wasn't ashamed of Bella. He was just running close to empty, unable to feel anything besides the terror that Bella was going to die, taking the baby - the life he could barely wrap his mind around - with her.

"We still need to do our job," Jasper grunted. "While you were down getting your head examined, a nurse came by." He squirmed, a little smile appearing at the corner of his mouth. "And not that hot little nurse from earlier, Miss Brandon. How do you know her anyway?"

"Jasper, focus," Edward said, losing his patience.

"Right. Well, Charlie Swan wants to talk to us," Jasper said slowly. "He wants to know what happened. He's down in Bella's room. Billy Black is with him."

Edward sat up, crossing his legs as he leaned forward.

This was not supposed to be his life. Though he had gone into the FBI with visions of chasing bad guys and brandishing his gun, by the time he graduated from the academy, he'd grown up considerably. The criminals of the business world were no less infuriating to him, and though the job could be boring, he felt the work he did was important.

But people weren't supposed to die. Speaking to two bereft fathers wasn't something he should have had to face.

Then again, there was an upside. He would at least get to see Bella, see with his own eyes that she was still breathing.

"Okay," he muttered, getting to his feet again. "I'm as a ready for that as I'm ever going to be."

"I hear you there," Jasper said, looking a little green. "Let's do it"

The walk to the ICU was silent. Edward was lost in his own world, vacillating between the need to do the right thing, - admitting to his relationship with Bella, - and the need to just stop his world from spinning so wildly. He couldn't think straight at all.

As they got closer, though, his shame and guilt came secondary to his need to see her. He felt her presence like a beacon calling to him and his step got quicker.

"Steady," Jasper said, putting a hand on his arm.

Edward nodded, taking a deep breath before he stepped inside the room.

Automatically, Edward's eyes skipped over the older man who sat at Bella's side, staring intently at his daughter as if he expected she would sit up just to argue with him. Edward was half expecting that himself.

For a woman who was always so full of life, seeing her in such a state was beyond startling, completely robbing him of thought and words. Edward could hardly breathe past the the lump in his throat, let alone speak.

There were so many wires, each of them hooked to something that was keeping her alive, since her body wasn't capable. Her lips, usually so perfectly pink, wrapped around the tube pumping air into her with a mechanical snap-hiss. Part of her hair had been shaved, revealing the cut he'd only glimpsed before where it arced back to her crown. The bandage that covered it was wrapped around her head.

Jasper elbowing him not so lightly was the only reason Edward started breathing again. He nodded once more that he was ready and Jasper cleared his throat.

Charlie craned his head in his seat. He turned back to his daughter, squeezing her hand once more before he stood.

"Mr. Swan? I'm Agent Whitlock, this is my partner Agent Cullen," Jasper said, nodding at Edward. He offered his hand which Charlie reluctantly shook. "Please let us say first and foremost that we regret what's happened here."

"You should tell that to Billy Black," Charlie said flatly.

"We were told he was here with you," Edward said gently.

The older man nodded brusquely. "He went to check on Emily. They're friends." He shifted again, crossing his arms.

Edward's eyes had strayed again to Bella, and Charlie noticed. "She's pregnant, you know," Charlie bit out. "Six weeks."

"Six?" Edward repeated, feeling like he'd been slapped in the face. "You're certain, six?" He saw Jasper give him a sidelong glance, but couldn't bring himself to care.

Charlie's eyes narrowed. "That's what Doctor Snow said, not that it's any of your business. Now are you going to tell me how this happened? How did my daughter get mixed up in all this?"

Edward let Jasper take over, still staggering over the latest bit of information Charlie had handed him. Between that shock and trying to accept the limp, sickly-pale form on the bed who had to have machines breathe for her, feed her and everything else, was his bright, vibrant Bella, Edward simply couldn't concentrate.

By the time Jasper had caught Charlie up to the current date, Edward had regained his composure.

"What happened today was a complete fluke," he said, jumping in where Jasper had left off. "Both... couples were gathered in the living room when Mr. Uley happened to trip. As he fell, he grabbed Mr. Black's shirt, ripping it and exposing the wire he was wearing.

"We have no visual confirmation, but from the investigation so far, it would seem that when they started to argue, Mr. Uley pushed Mr. Black into the glass." Edward paused as Charlie became visibly upset, looking down at his feet and breathing hard. "Mr. Swan-"

"Chief Swan," Charlie bit out. "I'm a police chief, and you will respect that."

"Chief Swan," Edward amended. "I don't believe that Mr. Uley meant to hurt him." His words were tight. He didn't give a good g'damn what Sam Uley meant to do. The fact of the matter was that Bella would be completely fine if it weren't for him. But Charlie didn't need to hear Edward's venom. "He was in a state of shock when he chased after Bella." His throat threatened to close. "By that time, I'd gotten to the house. I went after them... I saw Bella fall. Mr. Uley was chasing her across a very narrow path along the cliffs, and she fell."

"Agent Cullen pulled your daughter from the water," Jasper added, his voice unassuming.

"You resuscitated her," Edward said, remembering suddenly.

Jasper nodded shortly. "Sam Uley is in custody at your station, as I'm sure you know."

They all stood in silence, waiting while Charlie studied his shoelaces and the specked title beneath his feet. "Well, thank you for what you've done. And thank you for letting me know. It makes sense. Bella never could stand injustice."

"If I might, Chief Swan... I've come to know Bella a little in the time we've been... working together. If there's anyone who can pull through this, it's her," Edward said, his tone fervent. He was trying to convince himself as much as Charlie.

Charlie only nodded, and Jasper's hand on his arm got Edward moving again. They made it halfway back to the main part of the hospital before Edward had to stop. He leaned against the wall, putting his hands on his knees and leaning forward.

Jasper squatted in front of him. "What is it?"

"I don't know. I don't fucking know," Edward growled. "Seeing her like that... it should be all I can think about."

"And what are you thinking about?"

Edward laughed somewhat hysterically. "Six fucking weeks..."

"I don't understand, Edward," Jasper said when he didn't continue.

"We weren't ... together like that until four weeks ago," Edward spat, too loud.

Jasper sighed. "Edward..."

"Don't," Edward warned. "It doesn't make sense. It just... doesn't."

_**~5 Months Ago~** _

Edward furrowed his eyebrows at his phone, not recognizing the number that popped up there. "Cullen," he answered.

There was a scoff on the other end. "God. I thought that was some television cliche."

"Bella?" he asked, shocked because she was the last person he would have expected to hear from.

She sighed. "Yeah, it's me. I got this number from Jake. I just..." She huffed. "This sounds stupid now, but technically I'm going through a break up and I have no one else to talk to. Since you're the one who forbade me to talk about it, I think that means you're obligated to listen to me vent."

Edward's mouth quirked up and down, like he couldn't decide if it was okay to smile. "Why me?" he asked, honestly curious. "Why not Jasper."

"Because I didn't go to high school with Jasper. This way I can pretend you're just the kid I grew up with instead of an FBI agent," she pointed out.

"Do you understand how entirely bizarre my life is right now?" Bella asked about an hour later. To avoid anyone seeing them who shouldn't, Edward had allowed Bella to come to his apartment. "I mean, all of a sudden I'm part of an undercover operation. Who am I? A mob wife?"

She looked around his mildly untidy apartment. "That's funny. You struck me as anal retentive."

Edward did smile at that. "It's the suit. It makes me seem efficient."

"Is this kosher by the way?" she asked, as if suddenly shy. "I mean, we're not breaking any rules, are we?"

"Well," Edward hedged. "Technically I'm walking a thin line," he said honestly. "Any personal relationship I have with someone near the case is a potential for the defense to get evidence thrown out when this whole thing goes to trial. But technically speaking, Jacob is our informant, not you. And I'm not consorting with an informant but chatting with an old friend from high school." He grinned at her.

Bella smiled down at her hands. "Good thing they don't know... we weren't really great friends in high school," she joked and then sighed.

"Well, you were a Freshman when I was a Senior," he pointed out. "I really am sorry. I know break ups are never easy, and asking you to stay..."

"It's fine, really," Bella interrupted. "I mean, I get it. You're close to getting what you need to nail him, and I'm all for that.

"And it's not like it's traumatizing. The thing about Jake and me... We're just friends, that's all," Bella said with a shrug. She looked up, her cheeks flushing suddenly. "I'm going to be blatantly honest here. It just occurred to me one day that we hadn't had sex in so long and neither of us cared. I mean... I'm 24 years old. I should feel more passion for my boyfriend, shouldn't I?"

"Um," Edward said, readjusting the way he was sitting because his pants felt suddenly, inexplicably tighter. "That would make sense, yes."

"I love Jacob. I do. Being with him is as easy as breathing," she said with a sigh. "But to me, that defines friendship, not a relationship." She played with her fingers a moment before looking up at him. "Is that childish?"

"I don't think so," Edward answered honestly. "I think you deserve passion. I mean..." he looked down quickly. "I think everyone deserves to be loved passionately by their significant other. Everyone deserves one person that makes them the most important person on the planet."

"Exactly," Bella nodded, and she smiled. "I just got the point where I thought, I let myself get sidetracked these last four years with 'good enough'. I'm just not willing to put any more of myself toward that. I'm done."

_**~Now~** _

"Edward!"

Edward was drawn out of his memories by his father's relieved voice. He looked down the hallway to see Carlisle coming toward him, still dressed in scrubs from the surgery room. "Dad," he sighed, letting himself be drawn into his father's hug.

"I heard you were here but couldn't leave," Carlisle said, releasing him after a long moment.

"I'm fine. How is Emily?" Edward deflected quickly.

"Well," Carlisle started, running a hand through his graying, blond hair. "There was quite a bit of, er, structural damage to her face, but we were able to save her eye. She's resting now."

"Good."

"Alice said you have a concussion?" Carlisle asked, reaching out to hold Edward's eye open so he could have a look.

"Dad!" Edward protested, feeling nine rather than twenty-nine. He had to force himself not to glare at his partner who was chortling behind his hands. "I'm fine. I'm just tired."

Carlisle studied him seriously for a moment. "Why don't you stay with your mother and me tonight, son?" He turned to Jasper. "You're welcome, too, Jasper. There's more than enough room. It's too late to be heading back to Seattle right now."

"And you can shine a penlight in my eyes every hour on the hour?" Edward finished for him. He sighed resignedly. "Yeah, Dad. Home actually sounds great right now." He turned to Jasper. "Fuck. Is Banner expecting anything from us?" he asked belatedly, remembering their boss for the first time that evening.

"Our statements first thing tomorrow morning and a shitload of paperwork," Jasper said gruffly. "It shouldn't be a problem though since he was on his way down here last I spoke to him about an hour ago."

It was a thorn in Bob Banner's side that while Sam's company was in Seattle, his main home - where Jacob and Bella were often invited and where Jacob had begun to glean Sam's secrets- was on the outskirts of La Push, where both he and Jacob had grown up.

Edward let Jasper drive him to his childhood home while he stared out at the encroaching green of the forest that surrounded them. He was mostly checked out, not listening to Jasper, who spent most of the drive going over and over the evidence they had, wondering if they had enough to bring Uley and his partners - brothers, Paul and Jared Wolfe - down.

When it was clear that Edward didn't care at that moment, Jasper tried to change the subject to something more benign. "So... you never did tell me how you knew that hot little nurse."

"Alice? Oh... last year at Christmas, my dad was cutting the ham and almost sliced off his finger," Edward said distractedly. "So I had to drive him to the hospital to get him it stitched up."

"That must have been embarrassing. A surgeon slicing up his own hand," Jasper snorted.

"Yeah. Anyway, Alice was his nurse. She's good people."

"I see," Jasper said, and on any other day, Edward would have called him on his feigned nonchalance. "Does she have a boyfriend?"

"Christ, Jasper. I don't know," Edward groused, really not wanting to talk about it.

Jasper knew him well enough to leave him alone then. Luckily, the drive wasn't long. It was no time before they were pulling up to his parents' house.

Esme was instantly all over him, ruffling his hair and looking him over for injuries. "You know, Edward. I have to say, I was relieved when you went into blue collar crime rather than the more violent crimes department," his mother said with a sigh. "It was supposed to keep you safe."

"Safe," Edward echoed, his tone bitter. "I'm fine, Mom."

And it was true - he was fine. But one of his charges was dead, and Bella...

Edward sank down on his bed in his old bedroom, pinching the bridge of his nose and trying to keep from crying again. Behind his closed eyelids, he saw Bella's lifeless form as Jasper leaned over her, blowing air into her mouth and pumping her chest. He saw her shorn hair and the stark red standing out against the bandage that was wrapped around her head.

It felt so wrong to be away from her, but he needed time to process what was happening, to get a grip on the situation he found himself in. He wasn't ready for the barrage of questions, especially the ones that would doubtless come up about the child Bella carried.

Had she known?

No, he had to believe she would tell him, even if it wasn't his.

But that didn't make sense either. Edward wasn't naive to the world. He knew that there was no such thing as a perfect relationship. Certainly, his and Bella's relationship was young. It wasn't out of the realm of possibility that her eyes wandered or, as Jasper had proposed, she had fallen into bed with Jacob.

Maybe it was stupid, but it felt impossible that Bella would do that to him. There had to be another explanation.

How had everything gone to hell so quickly?

In the end, Edward was glad that his father did indeed wake him every hour to check on him. It was the only thing that broke up the nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you so much to Barburella and twitina for spoiling the ever loving hell out of me. And thanks to GinnyW for always letting me pester her about baby stuff.
> 
> Okay…for real…it might be a little bit before I update again (no more than two weeks).


	3. Suffer In Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: SAC- Special Agent in Charge; AD - Assistant Director

**~4 Months Ago~**

Edward was so completely engrossed in his reading that when his doorbell rang, he physically jumped. Glad that no one was around to see his reaction, he went to the door, surprised again when he saw Bella's face in the peephole.

"Hey," he greeted as he opened the door, self consciously pushing the glasses he was wearing up further on his nose. "What's all this?" he pointed to the pizza box she was holding.

Bella grimaced. "It's so you'll forgive me for inviting myself over," she admitted. "Is now a good time?"

"Sure, I wasn't doing anything important," he said, taking the pizza box from her and stepping aside so she could come in. "You didn't have to do this, you know. You're always welcome."

"Eh," she waved her hand dismissively. "I was in the mood for pizza anyway."

Setting the box down on the table, Edward moved into the kitchen. "Beer?" he called to Bella, retrieving two bottles even before she answered affirmatively.

"Are you sure you don't mind me dropping by like this?" Bella asked, looking at him uncertainly as he settled on the opposite end of the couch from her. "I don't want to be a burden."

Edward snorted. "A burden? Let's get real. Because of me, your romantic life is on hold. You're living with your ex." He shook his head. "The least I can do is listen when you need to vent."

"First of all, it's not your fault that this is happening, it's Sam's." She made a face. "And do I really only come over here just to bitch?"

"Why else would you come over here?" Edward asked, a little confused.

Bella looked down, working her thumbnail slowly and carefully under the edge of her beer label. "I don't know. Maybe I think you're pretty good company," she said softly, looking up at him with a small smile.

"Well, that's nice to know," Edward said softly, finding himself having to play it cool for reasons he couldn't quite figure out. "You're not so bad yourself, Swan."

"Oh, come off it. You only open your door to me because I guilted you into it," she accused playfully.

He laughed. "Bella, I'm just as capable of pretending I'm not home as the next person." She smiled, looking away. "Now, tell me what happened."

Bella looked like she was about to deny it, but Edward tilted his head and she sighed. "Oh, fine," she said, rolling her eyes. "I was at a friend of ours, Lizzie. She and I met in college. Well, we were hanging out and she just asks so many questions about Jacob. 'Why hasn't he been by with you?', 'Has he been working out because my GOD, those muscles.', 'Isn't it so great to be with a guy who likes cars? That's soooo hot,'" Bella imitated in a sing-song voice.

"Sounds like a fun day," Edward sympathized, smirking.

"Ugh," Bella said, covering her eyes with one hand. "It took all of my self control not to tell her she could have him." A strangely wistful expression came over her face. "Someone should have him that can appreciate... all of that." She waved her hand vaguely. "I feel bad, you know?"

"Why?"

"Well, he's not talking to Jasper, is he?" Bella asked quietly, her eyes sad. "I just feel sorry for him, you know? When he was growing up, he idolized Sam and those other guys. This whole situation is getting to him. Then I heap this break up on him, and he has no one to talk to about any of it."

_**~Now~** _

Edward woke up with a pounding headache that was doing its best to match the ache in his heart. Slowly he rose, sitting up on the edge of the bed and bowing his head.

For a few moments he was lost in that post-sleep haze, trying to sort out what was real and what was just a product of his dreams. It took him minutes to accept that the majority of his nightmares were true, and when he realized that, he almost went out of his skin with the need to be at the hospital, to be where Bella was.

"Whoa," he muttered, stumbling hard against the wall when dizziness overcame him.

"Edward," his father's worried voice cut through the haze, and he felt Carlisle's arm around his shoulders.

"I'm fine," Edward assured, propping himself up between the wall and his father's sturdy embrace. "I just tried to move too fast, that's all."

"You should be resting," Carlisle said, trying to urge his son back toward the bed.

"I don't want to rest," Edward grumbled, twisting out of his father's grasp and walking into his closet. He took a moment to appreciate the fact that his mother hadn't given away any of his clothes from when he still lived at home during college. "I need to go to the hospital. I need to see Bella," he further explained.

When he turned back to his room, the expression on Carlisle's face was perplexed. "I'm not sure I understand. Why do you need to see Bella? I can't imagine she'll be of much use to your investigation in the condition she's in." He looked at his son, and Edward recognized that he was about to go into doctor mode. "You do remember that she's comatose, don't you?"

"Yes. I'm not having any problems with my memory," Edward said, trying to calm his irritation. "This has nothing to do with the investigation, it's..." He almost blurted it out. Almost. The only thing that stopped him was his impatience and the pounding in his head. He was in no mood to explain things to his father. If he told his father, he would have to tell his mother and everything would get more complicated than it already was.

"It's just that her safety was my responsibility - her and Jacob Black's," Edward said finally. "This wasn't supposed to happen."

Carlisle sighed. "I don't imagine you need to be told this, Edward, but bad things happen to good people all the time."

"Yeah, well, it's one thing saying it, quite a bit different when it happens on your watch," Edward grumbled.

"It is at that," Carlisle agreed. He sighed again, clapping Edward on the shoulder. "Try to take it easy, son. You'll get better a lot faster the more you rest."

Tempering his impatience to get back to the hospital to see Bella, Edward had to convince himself that he needed a long, hot shower. After all, it was doubtful that Bella would be alone. He didn't want to go to her room still rumpled and smelling of brine.

There was something about standing under the hot water spray in the shower that had the power of concentrating Edward's erratic thoughts. Usually, the enveloping warmth calmed him, letting him think more clearly about any given situation. It was hard to find any sense of peace with what was going on currently.

All he really wanted was to be by her side, holding her hand. Part of him recognized that it might make him crazier, having to watch her slack, impassive face hour after hour, knowing she might never wake up. Still, part of him wanted desperately to believe the mumbo jumbo he'd heard in countless movies and television shows. If he could talk to her, he could call her back to her body. She would wake up for him; their love was strong enough to bridge the gap between the conscious world and wherever her soul was resting.

Yet, lingering at the back of his mind, where he'd tried hard to hide it, was the issue of the baby.

If he could have gotten away with it, he would have demanded that Dr. Snow run whatever test they had again. It had to be a mistake. Six weeks ago, he and Bella had been passionately in love - the kind of love she'd broken up with Jacob to find. How could it be possible that she'd been physically intimate with another man at that time?

His mind recoiled at the thought, conjuring up any number of explanations ranging from sexual assault to a drunken encounter. But the question remained, with whom? Jacob, who she confessed she felt no desire for? Or someone entirely different? If it was someone different, why weren't they there?

But if she did love someone else, as agonizing as the idea was, Edward knew without doubt that he would track the fucker down and drag him to Bella's room. He would do anything if it helped bring her back. His love for her was steady and true even if hers-

Edward couldn't make himself finish the thought. It made no sense - neither logically nor in his heart. Bella absolutely loathed that she'd hurt Jacob, that them pretending to be together continued to hurt him. Why would she betray a love that went deeper than that?

He wished desperately that he could ask her. There was something he was missing. There had to be.

Trying to put his utter frustration with his helplessness and ignorance aside, Edward got out of the shower and dressed. The smell of breakfast cooking hit him, making his stomach growl. His mother was definitely trying to bribe him to eat. He smelled his favorite - french toast with a healthy side of bacon.

He had a feeling it would all taste like dirt; he just wasn't hungry at all. He also knew he would try to choke it down for his mother's sake. The empty feeling in his stomach reminded him that the last thing he'd had to eat was that disgusting burrito the day before and he vaguely remembered throwing that up in the ambulance.

"Good morning, dear," his mother greeted. "You're just in time for breakfast."

"That's good. I'm pretty hungry," he lied, sitting down next to Jasper at the kitchen table. Jasper said nothing, only handing him a cup of coffee.

Esme frowned. "I knew I should have made you something last might. You just looked so tired."

"I was exhausted," Edward said quickly. "I wasn't hungry last night."

To assuage his parents' worry, Edward forced down a couple pieces of bacon and a slice of French toast, all the while feeling sick with guilt because he knew Bella was getting all her nutrition from an IV.

Bella hated needles.

"Thanks, Mom," he said when he'd had all the breakfast he could stand. "I'll be at the hospital today, so don't worry about lunch."

"Wait a second there, Hoss," Jasper said, casting a longing look in the direction of his half eaten food. "You can't go to the hospital yet. We have to report to Banner oh, I don't know, like an hour ago."

Edward growled. "Can't it wait?"

"No, it can't." Jasper eyed him hard and Edward read between the lines. As far as Banner knew, there was no reason the job shouldn't come first. Of all people, Banner was the last on the list of people Edward wanted to know about his affair with Bella. He'd crossed a line and he knew it. It was too early to tell if that would have any bearing on the investigation, but Banner wouldn't be pleased regardless.

"Fine," he grumbled. "Let's get it over with."

~0~

The meeting with their SAC was was not a good one. Banner greeted them with news that Uley was out on bail. It got worse from there. La Push was such a small town, Jerad and Paul found out what happened and were able to get to Imprint Inc. before Banner could get a search warrant approved.

"Who knows what evidence they'd managed to erase," he said with a sigh.

He'd grilled both Edward and Jasper relentlessly before admitting they'd done nothing wrong. He even praised Edward for going above and beyond; hurtling himself over a cliff to his own detriment wasn't exactly expected of him. Edward couldn't agree with him there, but he was too anxious to get to Bella to argue the point.

"Sir, Edward isn't supposed to be thinking so hard for a little while, what with his concussion and all," Jasper hinted when Banner had gone back to listing all the things that had to be done.

Banner sighed heavily. "And that's different from any other day how?" he mumbled. Edward winced and said nothing, knowing the SAC was under a lot of stress. Normally, he would have refuted Jasper's claim, eager to get back to work to save their case against the Uley and the Wolfe brothers. Today, he would put up with anything that gave him the right to get back to Bella.

"Fine," Banner said harshly. "Take him wherever he needs to be, then I expect you back here."

"Not back at the office?" Jasper asked.

"No. All of your recordings are in the van, right?" He waited for Jasper to nod before he continued. "I'm going to need someone to stay here to interview Emily Uley when she's up to the task. Plus, I'm sure we're going to need interviews from some of the families in La Push." He shook his head. "Just drop Edward off and get back here. Oh, and Edward?"

"Sir?"

"Get better quickly. We're going to need your help on this case sooner rather than later."

"Yes sir," Edward nodded.

"I don't suppose you're going to let me drive you home, where you should be. You know, resting like the good doctor told you," Jasper said as they got into his car.

"Come on, Jasper," Edward sighed. "You know I'm not going to get any rest."

Jasper glanced at him before returning his eyes to the road. "This is the real thing, isn't it?" he asked quietly. "It wasn't just some affair." Edward didn't answer and his partner whistled. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. How could you not have told me this?"

"Come on, Jasper. You wouldn't have approved. Hell, I barely approved at first. I know we've worked hard on this case, I would never consciously put the investigation in jeopardy..."

"Relax," Jasper said firmly, taking one hand off the wheel to pat Edward's shoulder. "In all seriousness, I get it. I really do."

Edward slumped in his seat, sighing heavily. If nothing else, it was a relief that Jasper knew and seemed to understand. "I have no idea what to think or what to do." He put two fingers to his temple, rubbing hard. "I just need her to wake up, Jasper. I love her."

"Okay," Jasper said, his voice soothing. "We'll take it one step at a time."

**~4 Months Ago~**

The giggling was definitely a sign that they'd both had too much to drink. That was a first for their relationship. To that point they'd played it rather cold - a working relationship that occasionally bordered on friendly. For whatever reason, that Saturday afternoon, the conversation became effortless. Before either of them knew it, four hours had passed and they'd devoured a whole pizza and quite a bit of beer each.

At some point, they'd also closed much of the distance between them and they sat only a couple of hands length apart on the couch. Bella's head was laying against the back of the couch, lolling lazily. During a comfortably silent moment, she looked at him, her face flushed and smile wide. She reached out, giggling a little under her breath as she pushed his glasses up his nose. "You know, when I see you in these, it makes me feel like a 14 year old girl all over again."

He cocked his head to look at her curiously. "What do you mean?"

"You used to wear glasses all the time in high school," she mumbled, stretching languorously as she spoke.

His eyes were running the length of her body, appreciating the way she curved in just the right places. "Yeah, I had a fear of sticking things in my eyes back then," he admitted. "Hence, no contacts."

"Mmm," she hummed, settling back into place and looking at him. "I'm glad you're not wearing them today. I've always liked your glasses."

He sat up straight, leaning forward and grinning at her teasingly. "You liked my glasses in high school?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, hell. There wasn't a lot about you I didn't like in high school," she muttered. She sighed. "I had the biggest crush on you and you had no idea I was alive."

"I'm sorry," he said, feeling intensely sad about that fact.

"Don't be," she said, snorting softly. "You were a Senior and I was a Freshman. Seniors don't consort with Freshman."

"No, I suppose not," he said amiably. "So they're still er... charming now?"

She giggled. "Charming," she repeated mockingly. "If you're trying to ask if you're still attractive to me you are seriously in denial. You are... I mean, it's really unfair, Edward." She sat up and actually smacked him on the chest. "As if it's not bad enough that you have this whole G-Man thing going on. The suit and tie? The sunglasses? Come. On. But then you open the door all casual and with those glasses and..." she huffed. "You're reading  _The_ _Black_ _Dahlia_ for chrissakes."

"I like James Ellroy," he said, caught between feeling defensive and being entirely amused.

Bella grimaced. "Yes, I have a crush on you. Again. But it's your fault."

He couldn't help the grin that spread across his face and he was too tipsy to hide it. "You're just drunk, that's all," he said.

She leaned closer to him. "Don't you know people are more honest when they're drunk? Isn't that like, Interrogation 101, Agent Cullen?"

"You know, I don't think they taught that at Quantico. They must not be up to date on the latest techniques," he said, laughing lightly.

Their giggles quieted and Edward curled on his side, suddenly unable to take his eyes off her. He reached out, tracing the tip of a single finger down the bridge of her nose and tapping each of her rosy cheeks. "Can I tell you a secret?" he asked softly, curling his finger under her chin.

"Mmmhmm," she murmured, her eyes caught by his.

He leaned closer, nuzzling the side of her face with his nose and breathing her in. "I've had a crush on you since I saw you the first day we were monitoring you."

Her laugh was breathy and her eyes went to his as he leaned back. Edward cocked his head, realizing as he said the words they were true. He hadn't let himself acknowledge that her had an attraction to his informant's girlfriend.

He ran his finger over her lips. She wasn't Jacob's girlfriend anymore. "You're so beautiful. And smart."

Bella leaned all the way back on the couch, pulling out of his reach. She laid down with her head on the opposite end of where he sat. "You should be careful, Agent Cullen," she murmured, propping her feet up on his lap.

"Why's that?" he asked, unable to resist touching the back of her heel because he couldn't seem to get enough contact with her.

Her eyes went to his and he saw a sadness mixed in the light brown. "Because I've entertained the thought that I could fall in love with you," she said in a whisper.

_**~Now~** _

As Edward approached Bella's hospital room, Charlie came out of it, being led by a russet-skinned woman with her arm around his waist. Instinctively, Edward ducked around a corner, putting his head down as they passed.

"You know Bella would want you to be comfortable, Charlie," the woman was saying.

"She's not comfortable," Charlie groused.

"It's just a meal. A meal and maybe a hot shower. Come on. She won't begrudge you that..."

Edward breathed a sigh of relief as they disappeared. It would be good to have a little while alone with Bella. He headed toward her room at a quick pace until he got to the door.

Seeing her like that would never cease to be shocking. She was still intubated, her chest rising and falling at an even, mechanical rate. She looked so small against the big bed - small and still.

Edward's entire body ached with longing, wanting to crawl into bed with her and wrap his arms around her as if he could protect her from all these things. He crossed the room slowly, lowering himself into the chair by her bedside - doubtlessly her father's chair - without taking his eyes off her.

"Bella," he whispered brokenly, his throat tight. He sought her hand, glad to find it free of any wires. Wrapping his fingers around hers, he brought her hand up, kissing the back of it as his emotions overwhelmed him and tears overflowed. "I'm so sorry," he said, trying hard to be strong and failing. "This shouldn't have happened. I'm sorry."

He gave up wiping away his tears, instead using his free hand to stroke her cheek. He remembered the last time he'd done that, waking up with her in his bed. Could it have been only a few short days ago? He'd felt so lucky and entirely in love as he looked down on her, and she'd smiled up at him, sleepy and happy.

Edward gasped, finding himself hardly able to breathe through the grief. He'd give anything for her to open her eyes. "Please," he begged her. "Just don't give up, okay? I love you so much, and there's too much we haven't done."

He laughed, the sound bitter and raw. "I have no idea what I'm doing right now, Bella," he admitted. "Would you call me a coward for not telling people about us, or is it what you would want?" He sighed. "Maybe I'm just making excuses for myself, not telling your father and Billy Black everything because you can't speak for yourself. I wish, so much, that you would just sit up. Yell at me, sweetheart. Tell me what I'm doing wrong. You're good at that."

He waited, as if she would just get up and roll her eyes at his melodrama. Of course, she didn't and Edward bowed his head, trying to get a handle on his tears. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you this every day, but you are so... essential to me. Bella, I can't imagine..." He choked on his words. "I love you. I need you to wake up."

After a moment's hesitation, he took their joined hands, pressing her palm to her belly. "And if not for me, you have so much to come back to. There's this... Bella, I'm not mad. Not at all. I know you have to have your reasons. And I'll be there. I'll be there every minute, even if it...he...she's not mine. I'll always be there for you."

He cried in earnest then, his body stooping until his head rested on the rail of her bed. Without letting go of her hand, he sobbed his terror and heartache out, writhing with the utter helplessness he felt. Somehow, he kept himself from screaming as he really wished to. If he wasn't in a hospital, he would have yelled to every god and devil available. It was so utterly unfair that he was fine - breathing and eating and... living - when she was in this condition. He would give anything, his very soul if someone would bring her back to life.

And God, the anger. He wanted someone to pay. He wanted blood with a thirst that was unquenchable. His own or Sam Uley's - he wasn't picky. The blame was square on both their shoulders.

"Edward," a sympathetic voice cut into his self-loathing.

He picked up his head, startled to see Alice in the room. "Am I in your way?" he asked, wiping furiously at his eyes.

"No, I can get her from this side," Alice said easily, slipping around to the other side of Bella's bed. She set about wrapping a blood pressure sleeve around Bella's arm.

"Her vitals are improving," she said quietly. "She should be off this tube tomorrow."

Edward glanced at the raven-haired woman, knowing she was breaking a few different rules by telling him these things. Still, he breathed a little easier. "When will she wake up?"

Alice sighed. "That we don't know."

Edward closed his eyes briefly, bringing Bella's hand up and pressing it against his cheek. "And the baby?"

"Still doing well, as far as we can tell," Alice answered.

"Can she be moved to one of the suites? I'll pay for it. Anonymously. She needs more sunshine than this," he babbled.

"This is Forks, honey. There's not a lot of sunshine to be had," Alice said, sounding amused.

"Still," Edward insisted.

"I'll see. Maybe when she's off the tube and breathing well on her own she can be moved away from the ICU." She looked at him, jotting something down in Bella's charts. "Are you going to tell me why this is all anonymous, and why everyone seems to think that Bella was dating that poor dead boy?"

"Not right now," Edward said flatly. He sighed, finally sparing Alice an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, Alice. This is just... such a mess. Thank you so much... for everything."

Alice just nodded. She went about her business, injecting something into Bella's IV. "Antibiotics," she explained when Edward looked at her questioningly.

"Remember to take care of yourself too, Edward," Alice said before she left.

When she was gone, Edward concentrated his full attention on Bella. With his tears under control, he spoke to her softly, running his fingers carefully around her face, stroking her neck, her arms. He imitated every intimate caress he could without being lewd, his heart twisting painfully because he could remember how she'd sighed, her fingers combing through the hair at the back of his neck when he'd touched her like this before.

 _Come_ _back_ _to_ _me._ _Please_ _come_ _back._ _I_ _love_ _you_. The words infused every touch.

Edward was barely conscious of heavy footfalls out in the hallway before they slowed and stopped right at Bella's door. Then the hair on the back of his neck stood on edge and he turned. Instantly, rage and fury overtook every other emotion and he stood, putting himself between Bella and the man at the door.

When he spoke, his voice was a growl, low and dangerous. He was tensed like a lion, his fists clenched at his side and ready to pounce to protect the precious woman behind him. "What the fuck do you think you're doing here?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yes. I'm cruel. Jfka06, barburella, and jadedandboring will love me no matter what I do. *sniff*
> 
> Hey, lookit it this way... obviously, it has not been two weeks yet, has it? Recovering from surgery apparently does wonders for writing.


	4. Revelation

Sam Uley stood in Bella's doorway, his arms full of a huge floral arrangement and a confused expression on his face. "I'm sorry...who are you?

"You have no right to be here," Edward said, ignoring Sam's question entirely. "If you think you're getting near her, you must be insane."

Sam's easy going expression faltered. He breathed in deeply, moving to put the flowers down outside the room. When he looked back at Edward, his expression was contrite. "You're a friend of Bella's, I take it," he said.

Edward chuffed. "You could say that, yeah."

"Look," Sam said, extending one hand in a placating motion. "I don't know what you think I'm trying to do. I came to pay my respects, that's all."

"Your respects?" Edward asked, incredulous. "Like the way you respectfully threw Jacob Black - a man who was your employee and supposedly your friend - through a pane of glass? Have you paid your respects to your wife and maybe apologized for pushing her down when she tried to stop you from going after Bella? You should be behind bars."

Sam's features hardened, his eyes growing angry and suspicious. "Who are you?" he asked, his voice a barely contained growl. Edward realized belatedly that no one who didn't have access to the crime scene could have known all those things.

"Get the fuck out of my sight," he snarled instead.

"I didn't kill Jacob - not on purpose. It was an accident. A horrible accident," Sam insisted. "And I never touched Bella. I didn't do this to her."

"She was running from you!" Edward shouted, unable to contain his fury any more. "She wouldn't be here if you had any sense of rationality or responsibility for your actions." He lunged forward, grabbing Sam by his shirt and yanking him close. "I want you to understand something. If she dies or her child dies, I am going to kill you. I don't give a good God damn what they do to me, I will kill you," he hissed, his voice low and dangerous.

"Get off me," Sam growled angrily, trying to shove Edward away.

"Hey! What the hell is going on?" Charlie's voice interrupted their scuffling as he and the woman he'd walked off with came hurrying forward. "Agent Cullen?"

Edward let go of Sam, shoving him away hard as he tried to figure out who he was supposed to be. Bella's boyfriend might be able to get away with an emotional outburst, but Agent Cullen definitely could not. He ran a hand through his hair restlessly. "I'm sorry, Chief Swan. I was visiting your daughter when he tried to come in," he said, gesturing toward Sam.

"Sam," Charlie greeted the other man, his voice tight and cold.

"Charlie, I -"

"You don't get to talk to me," Charlie rumbled. "I don't want to see your face at all and if you get anywhere near my daughter -"

"I get it," Sam said tightly, straightening his shirt as he breathed in deep. He looked over at Edward, his eyes flashing with something dangerous. "Nice to meet you,  _Agent_  Cullen." Holding his head high, he walked in the direction Edward knew led to Emily's room.

A few nurses were milling and Charlie cleared his throat. "Will you take these flowers and give them to someone who will enjoy them?" he asked one of them.

"Chief Swan, I'd like to apologize," Edward said once the nurses had gone back to doing whatever they needed to be doing. "I went a little overboard when I saw him here."

Charlie regarded him curiously. "Is it typical for you agents to visit people like this?"

"Um, not really, no," Edward admitted, rubbing the back of his neck self consciously. "Bella and I... Well, I considered her a friend," he said finally.

"No need to apologize then," Charlie said, clapping him on the shoulder. "If I'd have been the one to catch him in here, I'm sure my reaction wouldn't have been much different."

He took a step back, standing next to the woman who'd stood quiet to that point. "Sue, this is Agent Edward Cullen of the FBI. It seems he's the one who pulled my daughter out of the ocean after she fell," he introduced, his voice choked. "Agent Cullen, this is Sue Clearwater, a good friend of mine."

"Your daughter used to date Sam, didn't she?" Edward asked, shaking the woman's hand.

Sue frowned. "You can say I had some insight into Sam's character many years ago, yes," she confirmed.

"I'm sorry," Edward said genuinely. "Connecting names, that's all." He looked toward Bella one last time, knowing the ICU room carried a two person only guest policy, and there was already a nurse eyeing them to see who would leave. "I'll leave you in peace," he said.

"Agent Cullen," Charlie stopped him. "Will we hear anything soon about the case against Sam? I'd sure as hell love to know he's going to do some time for something soon."

Edward ran a hand over his eyes. "The investigation is going ahead full throttle," he assured. "We'll be in touch as soon as we know something, I promise."

"Thank you," Charlie said sincerely and then he turned back to his daughter.

**~0~**

It never got easier to walk away from Bella. Edward found himself out in the parking lot in a partial haze, wandering around aimlessly before he realized that he had no car. Because his phone had been destroyed when he jumped into the ocean, he had to head back in to the hospital. Luckily, as Dr. Cullen's son, most of the nurses knew him and had no problem letting him borrow a phone.

"It's no problem, Edward," Esme said easily when he called. "Someone will be there in just a few minutes."

He wandered out into the lobby to wait, tapping his foot anxiously.

It was insane how alive and insistent the pull he felt toward Bella was. His whole being seemed to know that she was near and strained for him to go to her. He closed his eyes, reminding himself that he couldn't, not yet.

As if that wasn't enough, his mind, quite a bit more coherent than he'd been the night before, had taken to replaying the images of the whole incident over and over. From the loud, ominous sound of Jacob's shirt ripping and the five tense seconds of complete silence that followed to watching Bella stumble backward, it all played on an endless loop.

Edward leaned forward, rubbing his aching head. Those images had him on edge, the guilt high because if he'd just started running toward the house a few seconds previous...

But he hadn't, and that thought had him writhing out of his skin. Desperate, he sought the comfort of other, happier memories.

_**~2** _ _**Months** _ _**Ago~** _

There was absolutely nothing particularly spectacular about the day that everything changed between them. It had been a long time coming as they stepped carefully around tipsy admissions and a mutual attraction that was getting harder and harder to avoid.

"Oh my God," Edward groaned, holding his full stomach with both hands. "You spoil me, Bella."

"Naw," she said, leaning her elbows on the table. "It's nice to stretch my legs. Cooking relaxes me but Jacob ... he only wants beef." She rolled her eyes. "My dad is the same way - steak and potatoes, roast beef and carrots. I mean, sometimes I could sneak a pork chop in there."

He chuckled. "I like variety. I'm not even opposed to a vegetarian meal now and again."

"Well, that's good to know for future reference," Bella said, grinning at him.

"Oh, Bella. I didn't mean for it to sound like that," Edward said ruefully. "You don't have to cook for me when we hang out."

"It's nice," she answered. "I told you, it relaxes me. And really, I love this kitchen. It's just so open. Just help me clean up, if you're feeling guilty."

"That's more than fair," he said, laughing. He grimaced. "Only give me a minute. I think I'm going to have a food baby."

"By all means, put your feet up. A man in your delicate condition has to take it easy," she teased him.

Leaning back, Edward did exactly that, propping up his feet up on her lap. He waggled his eyebrows playfully at her, grinning impishly.

"So, how are things?" he asked her finally.

She sighed. "Jacob is a little clingy," she admitted. "But, it's nothing. It's understandable. Of all the crap things to happen, Paul was back in La Push a few weeks ago and ran into Rachel."

"As in Rachel Black, Jacob's sister?" Edward asked.

"Exactly. They've started dating. Jake keeps trying to tell her that Sam's bad news but..."

"He just looks like the asshole brother," Edward concluded.

"It's a lot. Carrying this secret around. When we go to La Push... so many of them look up to Sam and the other guys," she continued quietly. "It's killer, you know? We're going to break their hearts. And some of them are going to think that Jacob is the bad guy."

He studied her face, thinking about what a big heart she had. She could easily be pissed off about her own lot: that she couldn't move on, that her life was on hold. Instead her heart went out to her ex and the community that was completely clueless to the fact they were about to see a favorite son sullied.

If it would help, he'd have apologized again, but she'd long ago told him to shut the hell up with his apologies.

Instead he stood, gathering up the plates. She followed, and they worked together to get his kitchen back to its typical disorganized cleanliness. They talked about her work and the books they'd been reading. Time with Bella was always so pleasant.

When it was time for her to go, he walked with her to the door. As they were saying their goodbyes, it was the most natural thing in the world for him to tilt his head down to kiss her - a simple, sweet kiss goodbye.

Except that they'd never kissed before - a fact Edward only realized as he straightened up, looking into her wide, startled eyes. He sucked in a quick breath, his mouth forming a distinct 'O' shape, and though he opened his mouth to apologize, no words came out.

In fact, he wasn't sorry at all.

They were completely frozen, Bella with her hand still on the door jamb as she looked up at him and he down at her. Quite suddenly it was a whole different ballgame, the atmosphere in his apartment going from relaxed to incendiary. His very skin pulled toward her. In training at Quantico, Edward had experienced the flight or fight reflex many times - an innate instinct for action. It was much the same then, except his every muscle was tensed, pushing him toward her, because that tiny taste of her lips was more.

That's it. She was simply more.

More than anything he'd ever experienced or wanted.

She raised onto her tiptoes, her arms wrapping around his neck as his circled her waist. They paused like that, both of them inexplicably breathless. Edward tilted his head down and as they breathed, their noses brushed each others cheeks.

"What are we doing?" Bella breathed.

"I don't know," he admitted, his voice so soft it was hardly a whisper.

"Can we do this?" she asked, looking into his eyes. She was scared but he could see the fire in her eyes, like she could feel the same pull he could.

"I don't know," he murmured truthfully. He was approaching complete anoesis, and while he knew there were things he was supposed to be thinking about, complications that were probably better avoided, he knew nothing besides the feel of the woman in his arms and her skin brushing his.

His lips brushed hers just as they breathed and there was no turning back. He kissed her once, feeling the fullness of her lips between his. His mouth turned up at the corners and he kissed her more fully.

Her hands were in his hair then, pulling him closer. When they parted again she laughed, the sound so happy that Edward's heart pounded harder, and he couldn't help but laugh too.

Looking at him with happiness in his eyes, Bella kissed him once more before she sighed a goodbye, disappearing out his door.

_**~Now~** _

"Little brother, you've got to get a new phone post haste."

Edward looked up, finding his older brother Emmett standing over him. "Hello to you too, Em," he said quietly, getting up. "Thanks for coming to get me."

"Oh, hey, it's no problem," Emmett said, waving a hand.

"You did a good thing, I hear," Emmett began once they were driving. "Real super hero stuff, like I thought you were gonna be when you said you were joining up with the FBI Agent."

Edward scoffed. "I'm not a hero. I got my informant killed and his girlfriend," he said the words somewhat stiffly, "hurt. She's in a coma."

"I know," Emmett said softly. "Dad told me everything. Bella Swan right?" He shook his head. "That's a trip, man. I remember her. I went with my friends to the beach one day - maybe I was twelve, I don't know - when she was just a little girl with her daddy." He laughed lightly. "She fell in the tide pool."

Edward smiled before he could help it. One day, they'd laid in bed for hours and he'd pointed at the little scars that littered her legs and arms. She'd detailed the ones she'd remembered, admitting sheepishly that she'd been quite clumsy in her childhood. He sighed heavily, his heart aching to hear her voice again.

"I don't think it was your fault, Edward," Emmett said, glancing at him.

"Yeah, well..." Edward shrugged dismissively.

"And Dad said she's pregnant, too," Emmett continued, picking back up on the conversation of Bella.

"Six weeks," Edward muttered. It was really as far as he'd gotten in terms of thinking of the baby.

His older brother scoffed. "Ah, fuck. Pregnancy math is such a crock of shit," he laughed.

"What do you mean?" Edward asked, sitting up a little straighter.

"Like, did you know that they don't count from the date of conception? It's all based on a chick's cycle," Emmett explained, gesticulating with one hand while he drove with the other. He snorted. "So like, they start counting a couple of weeks before you actually conceive."

"What?" Edward exclaimed, completely incredulous.

"I know, right?" Emmett snorted. "It's like saying every chick is pregnant for two weeks every month, even if she isn't screwing anyone. Virgins are pregnant for two weeks a month."

"And how do you know all this shit?" Edward demanded. "What, are you going to medical school all of a sudden?"

Emmett spared him a look as he pulled into their parents' driveway. "Come on, you really have to ask me that? You know what it took for Rose and me to get pregnant, man. Believe me, the shit I know about cycles and... fucking cervical mucous..." he shuddered.

"You're right," Edward said, closing his eyes and forcing himself to calm down. "I'm sorry, Em. I wasn't thinking."

The elder Cullen brother pointed at the younger, waving a finger. "I'm going to blame you being a dumbass today on your head being all jacked up, but don't let it happen again."

Edward rolled his eyes, but nodded at Emmett before he hopped out of the car. "Hey, can I borrow your phone? I need to get in touch with my partner."

"Jeez, Edward. It's okay. You can tell us he's your boyfriend. No need to pretend anymore," Emmett teased, fishing his cell out of his pocket.

Again, Edward rolled his eyes, choosing to ignore his brother.

Back inside, Edward hugged his sister-in-law over her hugely pregnant belly. "You're a house!" he exclaimed.

"Bitch, I look fabulous," Rosalie exclaimed, smacking his arm.

"You're a fabulous house," Edward amended, and quickly ducked away faster than she could waddle after him.

Quickly making excuses to his mother and father about needing a nap, Edward headed upstairs. Finally tucked away in his room where he didn't have to play the part of brother and son, he leaned against the door.

For a moment he reeled, unable to grasp a coherent thought. There was some sarcastic part of him that was wondered if he shouldn't be used to this feeling by now. In the last 24 hours, he'd been handed one shock after another.

If Emmett was right about pregnancy math, then the baby Bella carried was most certainly his.

"Oh, God," he whispered out loud.

To that point, the pregnancy had just been part of Bella's diagnosis. Certainly, because of the inherent connection between pregnancy and sex, he'd had questions, but the entire situation was rife with complications.

Emmett's words had brought the issue to the forefront, and Edward's heart was beating out of control.

It figured that as soon as one facet of Edward's life was righted - because it had simply not made sense that she'd been with anyone but him six weeks before - another facet was turned upside down and backward.

He and Bella had created a child.

His child.

Sliding down the door to the floor, Edward took out his brother's phone. He struggled, trying to remember Jasper's cell number and then trying to dial with trembling fingers. A minute or so and a great deal of cursing later, the phone was finally ringing.

"Whitlock," Jasper's distracted voice answered.

"Jasper! I need your help."

It took him a few tries, he was so out of sorts, but he managed to explain the situation and his need to get back to Bella that night. Dealing with the incredible, overwhelming thought that he and Bella had created a whole other life on top of the fact that both that life and Bella's hung in the balance was more than his brain cells could handle. He needed a plan.

"Jesus. Wow," Jasper said when Edward had explained everything. "You're going to be a dad, Edward. How do you wrap your head around that?"

"I can't. I just..." Edward blew out a long breath, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the door. The helplessness was like poison inside of him, stinging and turning his very blood black. He hated this feeling that there was nothing he could do. "I can't think about that right now," he barked. He couldn't think of all the things that could already be wrong with the baby when Bella couldn't even glimpse the sunlight through the woods.

"Sorry," Jasper said, taking a deep breath of his own. "Okay, here's what we're gonna do. You get me Alice's phone number -"

"Fuck, Jasper. Really? That's the line of thinking your choosing right now?" Edward spat.

"Would you calm down?" Jasper commanded, waiting for Edward's silence before he continued. "Legitimately, get Alice's number. She's working tonight, right?"

"Yeah," Edward agreed.

"Okay, so she'll know when and if Chief Swan leaves, right?" Jasper prompted.

"Yes," Edward agreed, a spark of hope stirring in him.

"So do this for me," Jasper said. "Get the number, text it to me, and take a fucking nap. I will come get you when everything is ready."

"Thank you," Edward said, feeling like he could breathe for the first time in an age. It wasn't much, but it at least felt like he was doing something. "Oh, um... how's the case?"

"Do you really care right now?" Jasper asked, his voice skeptical.

"No," Edward admitted. It was a concern to be sure, but at the moment, it was far down on his list.

"Don't worry about it then. I'm sure Banner will be up your ass by tomorrow, anyway."

"Thank you," he said again.

~0~

It was well past eight in the evening before Jasper appeared in front of the Cullen house. Not wanting to explain anything to his parents, Edward found himself in the bizarre position of sneaking out of the house - something he hadn't done since he was 17 years old.

Alice met them at the door, ushering Edward to Bella's room so no one would question his presence.

"Thank you for this, Alice," he said softly when they reached Bella's room. "I know you're risking your job."

Alice waved a hand. "I'm being well paid," she said brightly. "Your partner, who is, by the way, completely hot, has promised me dinner, among other things." She grinned. "It's really not a big deal as long as you don't try to start another fight."

"I don't think that will be a problem."

"Well, in that case, I have something for you," she said, flipping open a folder she was carrying. "This is top secret okay. If anyone finds out you have this, it will be my ass, so guard it with your life, Agent."

She handed him a small, grainy image. Edward's breath caught and he looked at her uncertainly. "Is this..."

"When they discovered the pregnancy when Bella was admitted, they did an ultrasound. That's how they knew how far along she was," Alice explained softly. "She pointed to an oblong shape that stood out. "This is Bella's womb. This is the sac," she pointed to a smaller object, "and this," she said, pointing to an odd little blob of something, "is your thing-a-ma-baby."

"Thing-a-ma-baby?" he asked, his mind completely blown.

"Well, she looks kind of more like a tadpole right now," Alice informed him. "But she has a beating heart and arm buds. And she's maybe an eighth of an inch long."

Edward choked on a laugh, quickly clamping his hand over his mouth. For a moment, a joy unlike any he'd ever known had bubbled in him. But how could he feel joy right now?

"Edward," Alice said softly, a hand on his arm. "Bella's a fighter. Even in just this little time, I can see that. And that means, this little gal or boy is a fighter," she tapped the picture. "It's going to be okay."

"You can't know that," Edward said hoarsely.

Alice smiled. "Sure I can." She rubbed his back soothingly. "Congratulations, Daddy. My shift ends in an hour or so. I'll be sure to come check on you then."

"Thank you," he said again.

When she left, Edward crossed to Bella's side and sat in the same chair he'd occupied that afternoon. Again, he looked down on her, running his fingers tenderly over her nose and down her cheeks. He whispered that he loved her, taking the time to reassure her of his presence.

Keeping one hand in hers, he brought up the ultrasound photo in his other hand.

"This is so different than how I'd imagined it to be," he told the unresponsive woman. "I did daydream this, you know... so many times. I thought about someday." He huffed. "I thought about a lot of somedays. About the days I could love you out in the open for everyone to see, of coming home to you every day. I dreamed of asking you to marry me."

He laid the ultrasound on her still form. "And yeah, I dreamed about this. Though, I have to tell you, sweetheart, I was kind of figuring you were going to be the one to tell me..." His words choked off and he put the fist of his free hand to his mouth as he breathed deeply, determined not to cry again. She needed him to be strong.

He brought their joined hands to rest on her belly as he had that afternoon, this time keeping his hand below hers, wishing he could feel the pregnancy. Maybe he could, if he could touch her skin, but he didn't dare move the blankets. He made a mental not to ask Alice for more information.

But for the moment, he simply allowed himself the time to truly comprehend the life that was forming beneath his palm. Staring at the ultrasound, he couldn't deny it if he wanted to which, despite everything, he didn't.

At an eighth of an inch long, his child was suddenly, overwhelmingly huge on his horizon.

Closing his eyes momentarily, he put both his hands over her flat stomach, sending all his energy toward the fragile life they'd created.  _Please_ _be_ _strong._ _I_ _love_ _you._ _I_ _will_ _do_ _anything_ _for_ _you._

It was amazing how true those words rang once he allowed himself to think them. He loved this tiny little creature he could scarcely even see on the ultrasound.

Opening his eyes again, Edward laid his head on the pillow next to Bella's. He carefully kissed her hair and pressed his lips against her ear.

"Bella, we're going to have a baby," he whispered, his fingers stroking hers. He waited as if she would wake and turn to him with joy in his eyes. Or fear. Or even anger. He'd have taken any of it.

He wanted to celebrate her queasiness with seltzer water and crackers. He wanted her to wake up and make him vow that as long as she couldn't have caffeine then neither could he.

Of course, Bella's only reaction was the mechanical up and down movement of her chest as the machine pumped air into her and pushed air out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Let me take a moment to rec a brilliant story.
> 
> Originally posted by Twanza, Love in Idleness has been reposted and updated under Plummy. It is a brilliant fairy tale of a story. Seriously... of all fanfic Edward and Bella's, these are the two I'd most like to have in my circle of friends. I love them so much it almost HURTS that they're fictional.
> 
> / s / 7455921 / 1 / Love_In_Idleness
> 
> Thank you, as always, to jadedandboring and barburella.
> 
> Well - this is one question answered... for now. Bwah hahaha.


	5. Nose To The Grindstone

Edward startled awake, confused for a moment as to where he was. There was a soft hand on his shoulder and he looked up to find Alice looking down at him with sympathy in her eyes.

"Hey," he said, his voice gravely with sleep. He rubbed his eyes with the hand that wasn't wrapped around Bella's. "I must have dozed off," he mumbled, his brain catching up with reality. "I'm real helpful," he said with a scoff.

Alice didn't say anything at first, just grabbed another chair and dragged it to his side. "I don't think you've really gotten any rest for a while, have you?"

Edward chuffed, looking back toward Bella. "We were together the night before," he said softly, running his thumb over her fingers. "Sleep didn't really enter into the equation." He shook his head. "I don't know why I'm telling you this."

"You have to tell someone. I get that," Alice soothed, rubbing his back lightly. "Jasper told me about everything. I can't imagine."

"I figured he told you," Edward murmured, thinking of the ultrasound picture tucked in his wallet. He bit down on the inside of his lip, a wave of emotion hitting him hard. "I just keep waiting for her to open her eyes, yank this fucking thing out of her throat, and tell me what I'm supposed to do here."

"She is getting stronger, Edward," Alice said quietly. "With any luck they'll be removing the tube tomorrow." She smoothed the edge of Bella's blanket carefully. "Maybe when she's breathing on her own, she'll wake up. She probably just doesn't want to deal with the ventilator."

Edward grimaced. "Yeah, there's that. I wouldn't want her to wake up on that thing," he admitted. "I just... it's frustrating. I want to help her. All the problems she may face... I can deal with anything at all as long as she's awake and I can do  _something_."

"You are doing something," she assured. "She can hear you."

"You can't know that," Edward groused.

"No, I can." Alice tilted her head, looking thoughtful. "When you work in a place like this that relies on science and medicine to save lives, you notice the ... discrepancies."

"Discrepancies?"

"There are people who hang on, when all medical knowledge says their bodies should have given out, until a loved one has a chance to get to them and say goodbye," she explained. "Or people like Bella... You know, there's no medicine I can give her that will make her open her eyes. There's absolutely no way to gauge how much time her body and mind need to rest before she'll wake up. But I've seen enough to formulate a theory. I think the love she can hear in your voice and feel in your touch can act as an anchor." Alice looked up, smiling at him. "She needs your presence to hold her steady enough."

Edward didn't answer. Of course, he'd heard of these things. He remembered a long night he spent with his family at the hospital when his maternal grandmother died. Though she'd lost consciousness hours before, she seemed to be holding on. Finally, when dawn began to break, Carlisle had pulled Esme to his side and whispered, "Tell her you'll be okay and that it's okay for her to go."

Esme had resisted the idea, but before the family left to catch a nap, Esme had taken her mother's hand and told her that very thing. They'd scarcely arrived back home before they got a call from the hospital saying the old woman had died.

Edward quickly pushed the thought away, not wanting to think about having to tell Bella it was okay to let go. He felt suddenly breathless, his lungs caught in a grip so physically powerful, he put his free hand to his chest.

It could work the other way, too, he tried to convince himself. Like that stupid movie with Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise, where he was floating away until he heard her say, "I love you."

Maybe there were magic words that would make her eyes snap open.

He held her hand tighter, carefully brushing her hair off her cheek.

"We should go, though," Alice said carefully.

Edward recoiled physically. "What? No. This is the only time I have."

Alice's expression was apologetic and pitying all at once. "I gave you what time I could. But Edward, honestly, you're a mess. The bags under your eyes are practically black. What you need is a solid 12 hours of sleep. You have yourself to think about, too."

"I'm fine," Edward protested. "Even the headaches have stopped for the most part. I can deal with it." He swallowed around a hard lump in this throat. "I can't leave her here alone. And in the morning, her father will probably be back."

"You need to sleep in a bed. Not a chair. In your bed," Alice said firmly using her 'don't argue with the nurse' voice. "For one thing, I have to go home, and I promised Jasper I'd get you home. Now, I don't know if you noticed, but I have this weird impulse to do whatever that man tells me to," she tried joking. Edward didn't flinch and Alice sighed.

"Think this through logically if you must," she tried again. "I do have to go home, and the night nurse is not as nice as I am. And really, Edward. If you don't want people to ask too many questions, you're going to have to keep more normal hours. You think your parents won't notice you being gone all night?"

Again, Edward didn't budge. He didn't even acknowledge she was talking. He knew he was behaving as a petulant, stubborn child, but he didn't want to leave Bella. He hated to think of her all alone.

Leaning closer to him, Alice finally tried a third tactic. "Edward, would she want you to do this to yourself?"

Edward closed his eyes tightly, fighting a wave of frustration that made him want to throw things. He breathed in deeply and out slowly before he opened his eyes again, looking at Bella's unnaturally slackened features. "No," he admitted. "She wouldn't. She would tell me to go home and get rest."

"You're not supposed to argue with a pregnant woman," Alice said, sensing victory.

"Fine," Edward said with a short growl. He found it difficult to deny Bella anything as it was. A pregnant Bella was a force to be reckoned with, conscious or not.

He brought Bella's hand to his lips again, pressing a long kiss there. He stood and kissed the corner of her mouth, careful not to upset the wires and the tube. "I love you, Bella," he said near her ear, giving her hand a final squeeze before he made himself turn away.

_**~2 Months Ago~** _

She showed up at his door unannounced for once. She'd never been there on a weeknight, and when Edward first opened the door, she looked nervous.

But when her eyes found his, the anxiety faded, replaced by a spark of eagerness and an unmistakable tenderness. "Hi," she said softly.

"Hi," he responded, gripping the side of the door to keep from pulling her into his arms. They hadn't talked about what had happened between them a few days before. There was nothing Edward wanted more than to kiss her again, but given her silence, he had no idea if she would be receptive.

It took all of five tense seconds for his willpower to crumble to dust. He reached for her just as she stepped toward him, and his lips were on hers in the next moment. Wrapping his arms firmly around her waist, he lifted her off her feet long enough to pull her inside. Never breaking their kiss, he reached out with one hand, pushing the door closed.

For minutes, they stood in the middle of the foyer pretending that the outside world didn't exist. Their first kisses were hard and fast, aggressively seeking answers to the questions days of silence had brought on. Was their attraction really as intense as it felt in that first, stolen moment? It had happened so suddenly and the whole incident felt like a brand seared on every inch of his skin. Could it be recreated? Did she want that?

When those questions were answered and their breaths had been reduced to gasps and little moans, their kisses slowed. These kisses were wondering and tender, communicating a deeper emotion than need. Their tongues met, no longer pushing and pulling, but caressing gently. These were the secret words they'd tried not to acknowledge for months as their simple camaraderie became first friendship and then something more.

It was Bella who pulled away first, though she didn't go far. She laid her head on his shoulder, keeping him wrapped in her arms as they both panted. Edward was content to hold her, knowing instinctively that when they moved from this spot, they would have to talk.

Nothing put a damper on burgeoning love like the pinpricks of reality.

Tucking her under one arm - because he wasn't going to let her go until or unless he absolutely had to - Edward led Bella to the couch. Keeping one arm around her shoulders, he reached for her hand, playing with her fingers.

"Edward," she began softly, breaking the silence between them. "What would this...us...cost you? Honestly?"

His smiled quirked because she hadn't questioned that he would want it, want her. There was no question. Even in the grips of childhood, when it felt like he  _needed_ everything that flashed on TV, he'd never wanted anything as much as he wanted this with Bella.

Not that he knew what  _this_ would entail. He'd been thrown into this state suddenly, without warning or planning.

"I'm not breaking any rules," he said slowly. "Maybe if I was trying to date Jacob," he teased, and Bella made a face. Edward's expression became thoughtful. "Jacob is the key to this case. He would be the one testifying, not you. The only thing I can think is that if someone were to find out about us, I may be reprimanded for potentially endangering the integrity of the investigation if someone saw us together."

He shifted slightly, turning sideways on the couch so he could look on her. "But what about you, Bella? I know this has to be confusing for you, since you have to be with Jacob. Is this really what you want? Don't you want some... space?"

She rolled her eyes and smiled, taking their joined hands and pressing his palm to her cheek. "The problem with my relationship with Jacob was that I had space. We are two people living separate lives in the same house. Best friends, but not... lovers."

She dropped her hand to his waist as he ghosted his fingers along her cheek. When he ran the pads of his fingers over her lips, she kissed them, her look shy as she watched him. "I'm not the kind of woman who needs to be in a relationship to be happy," she said slowly. "But Edward, you do make me happy. When I'm with you..." she trailed off as if she didn't quite have the words to explain.

Edward understood. His life to that point had been lacking for nothing. He had good friends and a loving family. He had a satisfying career to fill his work hours. When he met Bella, he hadn't been looking for a relationship. "Do we do this then?" he asked, his eyes watching her lips because he had already gone too long without kissing her.

She raised her hand, sliding her fingers through his hair. She was smiling. "I want this," she murmured. Her expression turned stern as she looked at him. "But I expect you to be honest with me. If it turns out that this could hurt you, tell me. We'll figure it out."

"That's the way this is supposed to work, right? Communication and all that?" he teased. He ran his finger down the bridge of her nose.

She grinned at him. "How very adult of us." Again her expression turned serious. "Promise me."

"I'll promise if you promise," he said, catching the finger she pointed at him and bringing it back down to their laps.

Her lips turned up in an indulgent smile. "I promise."

"I promise," he pledged back.

They sealed it with a kiss.

**~Now~**

Edward rested his head on the cold glass of Alice's car window, watching the darkened town go by as she drove. It was a little bit easier taking care of himself when he knew it was what Bella would want, no, demand of him.

Of course, it left him a little bitter. She wasn't holding up her end of the bargain. She wasn't telling him what she needed.

"Edward?" Alice distracted him from that line of thought. He looked over at her with a tired, questioning expression. "Why aren't you telling people about you and Bella? I mean, tell me to fuck off if it's prying, but wouldn't it make your life easier?"

"Would it?" Edward asked. He closed his eyes and breathed slowly. "I don't know, Alice. It's so hard to think." He leaned against the head rest, staring up at the roof of the car. "I was going to. I had every intention of being honest with everyone. But then she was in a coma, and pregnant. And then Charlie said six weeks when we... we..."

Alice nodded knowingly. "Pregnancy math has caused many an argument in my experience. Say no more." She spared a look at him. "Someone straightened that out for you, right?"

"Yeah," he admitted. "I just don't know. Every time I try to figure out how to say it... it all sounds so tawdry in my head." He looked down at his hands. "It wasn't like that. It wasn't like that at all. And then they'd only have my word on it. What is that to them?"

"I forget how much thought you put into everything," Alice said not unkindly. "But I get it. It's a lot to wrap your head around all at once." She huffed. "Some people can't think past the baby, let alone everything else. But I think your family would understand."

"Sure, they would," Edward agreed. "But then there will be more opinions to contend with. My mom would want to see Bella. My father would definitely want me to come clean, and I don't know if I want to deal with his pressure right now. It's just more noise," he said waving his hands helplessly.

"Parents are awfully opinionated," Alice agreed. "Supportive but...yeah."

"Ultimately, I need to handle this on my own," Edward said more to himself than her. "I need to figure out what I'm going to do before I talk to them."

Thankfully, Alice was silent for the rest of the drive, leaving Edward to untangle his chaotic thoughts. When they pulled up to his parents' house, she leaned across the console, pulling him into a hug. "I'm here for you, okay? I know it's not like we're the best of friends, but if you need to talk it out, I'm here."

"Thank you, Alice," he said sincerely, hugging her tightly for a moment before pulling away.

He turned to get out of the car and was startled to see his partner peering in the window. Jasper opened the door for him, looking like he was barely containing his eagerness as Edward stepped outside. Edward rolled his eyes and spared his friend a good luck clap on the arm before he trudged tiredly up the front steps.

"Edward," his mother called when he was almost to the steps. "I thought you were in bed."

"I should be," Edward admitted. "I couldn't sleep."

"You're running yourself ragged," Carlisle said, looking concerned.

"Well, I'm going to pass out now, so goodnight," Edward said quickly, trying to plaster an approximation of a smile on his face.

He was exhausted. The weight of too many things lay heavily on his shoulders, and his thoughts could have kept him up for days, but Edward had no energy left to give to any of it.

Sitting on the edge of his bed, he took the ultrasound picture from his wallet, staring at it again. His heart ached, wishing for the billionth time that Bella was here to share his emotion. Laying down, he tucked the image carefully under his pillow, keeping his fingers on it as he fell into a deep, heavy sleep.

That night, as the night previous, his sleep was plagued with nightmares. This time around though, in between all the darkness of his worst fears come to life, there were spots of hope. He dreamed of Bella, her long hair flowing loose down her back and her hands folded lovingly over her growing baby bump. She looked back at him, her serene smile spreading as she extended a hand, waiting for him to join her.

He woke up before he could.

**~0~**

"Hey, lazy ass, get up!"

Edward groaned, lost in time for a moment. His brother had woken him up exactly that way more times than he could count. But when he opened his eyes, it was his partner he saw instead of his brother.

"Seriously, Banner is on my ass. We need to get you another phone because he is going to have conniption if you're not accessible soon," Jasper said, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. "And then we have to meet him. It appears like the Wolfe brothers are in clean up mode. We need to get some interviews done in La Push - talk to people before they do."

"Fine," Edward said, sitting on the edge of his bed and blowing out a long breath.

"What the hell time is it?"

"It's after one in the afternoon, lazy," Jasper said with a snicker. "I'll be downstairs."

**~0~**

"Are you sure you're feeling okay?" Jasper asked, looking over at him. "Edward, you can tell Banner to piss off. I mean, for Chrissakes, your dad is a doctor. Get him to write you a note if you need to take a couple of days.

"I've taken all the time I should," Edward said dismissively. "My head is fine. I need to make sure Sam can't get to Bella."

"What do you mean?" Jasper asked.

Edward rubbed his eyes, realizing he hadn't told Jasper about the incident. "He tried to visit her yesterday," he muttered, his lips twisting into a sneer.

"You didn't hit him, did you?" his partner asked.

"It was close," Edward admitted.

"Edward..." Jasper began, his tone warning, but Edward cut him off.

"I know. I controlled myself. It won't happen again," he said quickly.

"Yeah...right," Jasper said with a sigh as they pulled into the hotel parking lot. "We better get this fucker off the street before you get in trouble."

The minute they walked into SAC Banner's suite they were greeted with chaos. Agents were everywhere, ruffling through paperwork, pouring over computers and barking in phones. Banner stood at the center of it all looking haggard.

"Agents," he greeted as Edward and Jasper walked in the room. "About time you got your asses down here. We need to get moving on the Wolfe brothers now." He paused for a second, shaking his head vigorously. "I'm sorry. Agent Cullen are you fit for duty?"

"Yes sir," Edward assured, gesturing down at himself. He was back in his normal suit.

Banner nodded. "Replaced your cell phone and all?" He waited for Edward's affirmative before continuing. "Good. We're going to need you on this. The Wolfe brothers are a flight risk. I just got a search warrant for their homes in La Push, and I'm going to need you to go there now. You're going to take a team of five for each house, and two officers from the Sheriff's department," he barked, shoving the aforementioned warrants at them.

"We've got the full cooperation of the Sheriff so if you see something, anything, you pop 'em. I want those two behind bars and I don't give a damn if it's over an out of date parking ticket, you got it?" Banner demanded. When they both nodded he caught the attention of the two teams waiting for orders. "Agents? You're with Whitlock and Cullen on this. You follow their lead as you'd follow mine, understood?"

"Sir, what about Uley?" Edward asked anxiously.

"Not as big a flight risk at the moment," Banner said quickly. He chuffed. "It seems he has some conscience. He rarely leaves his wife's side." He sighed. "He's also got more to lose than the other two. With a manslaughter and reckless endangerment charges hanging over his head, he knows he's in trouble if he skips bail."

He shook his head. "In any event, I need you to get to work on the other two. As it is, we can already tell there are missing documents from our raid on Imprint Inc. The fact that they're both down in La Push tells me there's something they don't want us to know about here. Daylight's burning, Agents."

"Oh!" he shouted when they were almost at the door. "I hope I don't need to tell you to treat this case delicately as possible. La Push is a very small community and those men were heroes. It's likely you'll be met with resistance."

~2 Months Ago~

"What are you thinking?"

Bella, lounging in his arms as they lazed on his sofa, looked up at him as if she was snapping out of a trance. She smiled as he wound his finger in a strand of her hair, curling it around and around. "I feel kind of guilty," she hedged.

His eyebrows knitted together and he sat up a little straighter. "What could you possibly have to feel guilty about?"

"Well, I was thinking about Jacob," she admitted. "Not romantically or anything..."

"How is that different from almost every time you've been here?" he asked, perplexed by her as he always was.

At that she grinned, turning so she could kiss the underside of his chin. "Everything is different now," she said softly. "It doesn't seem, I don't know, polite to talk about one boyfriend with the other."

Edward had to fight his smirk. "Boyfriend," he mused out loud, trying the term on for size. It was such a juvenile expression and yet it made him feel like gloating. How odd.

"Well, this is hardly a typical situation, is it?" he pointed out. "You're concerned for your friend. Even though I confess it isn't easy knowing you go back to the house you share every night, I also know that I can't stop you from caring so much about his welfare. And I feel doubly responsible because, well, it's kind of my fault he's in the position he's in."

"It's Sam's fault, not yours," Bella argued vehemently.

"Regardless. Just because our...dynamic is changing doesn't mean everything has to change," the continued. "What's wrong?"

"We were talking last night about what we were going to do... after, you know?" she began. "A few months ago, his friends Quil and Embry came to him with an idea. They wanted to start an auto repair/auto upgrade shop." She smiled indulgently. "It's a hobby of Jake's, restoring cars, building them from the ground up." She stretched, her body aligning with his. "He would really love that kind of work.

"So he was thinking of taking them up on the offer, moving back to La Push," she concluded.

"That worries you?" Edward asked gently.

"No, what worries me is that he won't get to do those things," Bella said distractedly. "There's no telling how the community will react. He might be ostracized."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you so much for your response to this fic. I think I missed a few reviews this time around. I'm sorry for that. Know that I read each one and you all make me very happy.
> 
> Thank you so much to jfka06, barburella and especially jadedandboring. I love you all.


	6. Yes Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Some of you are unclear as to what Sam and the Wolfe brothers were being investigated for. While I haven't gone into detail, Edward and Jasper work for the White Collar Crime devision of the the FBI. If you're really interested in what that entails, you can read more info here: http :/www . fbi . gov / about-us / investigate /white_collar

"Everything okay, Edward?"

Edward looked over at his partner, grimacing because Jasper was far too good at reading people. It made him a great FBI Agent but could be annoying when he was trying to keep his chaotic emotions under wraps.

"Fine," Edward said gruffly. "I just miss my car." It wasn't a lie. The fact that his car was still three hours away in Seattle was extremely annoying.

"Right." Jasper wasn't buying that excuse. "Your father said you could take one of his. Those are good cars, Edward. The man has a collection of them."

"That's exactly what we need," Edward grumbled under his breath. "You wanted me to drive into La Push, where many of the residents don't even have a car, in one of my father's ostentatious luxury sedans?"

"Good point."

Luckily, Jasper dropped the issue as they decided how to go about things once they got to La Push. Edward volunteered to lead the raid on Paul's house. He was known to be the more aggressive of the brothers.

"I hope you're not going in there looking for a fight." Jasper's expression was wary as they pulled into town. Luckily, the brothers had homes on the same street.

"I'm a professional," Edward grumbled. He rolled his eyes when his partner fixed him with a stern stare. "I'll be fine," he promised.

Blowing out a sharp breath of air, Edward got out of the car. He hoped his expression was as impassive and impeccable as usual rather than betraying how he truly felt. In control he was not. It was like being stuck on a malfunctioning tilt-o-whirl, unable to get off. Existing that way was more than a little surreal. He was caught between being the federal agent who wanted to do his job and the boyfriend who felt like an ass because he should have been there for Bella every moment until she woke up.

Both jobs vied equally for his attention. It felt almost criminal to not be with Bella, but at the same time, he had a job to do. Now more than ever, he had a responsibility to bring these three men to justice. Along with the money they'd defrauded from their investors and employees, they were also directly or tangentially responsible for Bella's condition.

Then again, so was he... but Edward tried not to think of that. Instead, he readied the warrant as he walked to Paul Wolfe's front door.

"Mr. Wolfe?" he called as he knocked on the door. "FBI, open up."

The door opened almost immediately, revealing a man with a threatening glower. In his suit and smiling, Paul looked like quite the charmer. Dressed down with the expression he was currently wearing, he looked more like a thug.

Edward felt the alpha male in him bristle, aggression rolling through his blood stream at the mere sight of the man. He let himself smirk lightly as he held up the warrant, shoving it into Paul's hand. "We're here to search the premises," he informed the man, taking off his sunglasses and putting them in his inside jacket pocket. He pushed by Paul, beckoning his team into the foyer.

A young woman Edward didn't recognize came to stand beside Paul, her dark eyes familiar somehow. She too was scowling, watching as Edward's team filed in. Edward pretended to pay them no mind, directing his agents to various parts of the house, but he was keeping track of the two out of his peripheral vision.

"You don't have to let them see everything, do you, baby?" the woman asked.

"Actually, he does," Edward corrected mildly, striding past them into the comfortable living room. He looked around, carefully running his gloved fingers over the books in the room's one shelf, looking for discrepancies. "If he doesn't cooperate with us fully, he would be facing obstruction of justice charges. Not something you want to add to the list."

Paul scoffed. "You have nothing on us, Agent..."

"Cullen," Edward supplied.

"Sam was working alone. My brother and I had nothing to do with all of this."

Edward turned to look at the man. "See, Mr. Wolfe, the thing is, no charges have been levied against Mr. Uley besides manslaughter and reckless endangerment - which I know for a fact you had no involvement in. I was there. I also didn't mention anything about you or your brother being under any suspicion." He cocked his head innocently. "Don't you find that strange?"

Paul narrowed his eyes.

"Sir?" one of his agents caught Edward's attention. He was holding up a baggie of what looked to be a good amount of pot.

"Gentlemen." Edward nodded at the two police officers who had stayed by the door. "I believe this is your jurisdiction."

"What the fuck," Paul cursed as the police officers began to cuff him and read him his rights. "You've got to be kidding me."

There was a brief moment of chaos. Paul began to shout over the voices of the officers, not exactly resisting arrest but not making it an easy experience. The young woman strode forward and Edward threw his arms out wide, blocking her path. "Ma'am, you'll want to stay back, please." She had nothing good to say about that and looked like she was about to fly at Edward when Paul called out to her.

"Babe, it's fine. They can't hold me for long for this shit." He sneered in Edward's direction. "They're just grasping at straws."

Finally, the businessman was subdued and taken out to the waiting squad car. When the car had pulled away, the young woman stormed back inside, her expression livid as she got right in Edward's face.

"You're a real piece of work, you know that, Fibbie?" she fumed. "How fucking dare you. First you get my brother killed, then you haul an innocent man to jail over this bullshit."

Edward froze, realizing belatedly just who was talking to. "You're Rachel Black," he murmured, any irritation he'd felt draining from his features. Of course. Bella said Jacob had been stressed when his sister began to date Paul Wolfe. He swallowed hard. "Ms. Black, I assure you -"

"I don't want to hear it from you," Rachel said. "My brother idolized all of these men since he was a little kid. I can't even imagine the kind of bullshit you pulled to get him to turn against his brothers."

Edward sighed. "I'm not at liberty to discuss the case with you."

"I don't give a damn -"

"Rachel!"

A commanding, gravely man's voice drew both their attention to the door. There were a handful of new people standing in the entryway. Edward had expected this. In a town as small as La Push, word traveled fast. The man who had spoken looked no less imposing because he was bound to a wheel chair. He was staring at Rachel with disapproval. Directly behind him was Rachel Black's doppelganger. From this, Edward decided he must be Billy Black and the other young woman would be Rachel's twin sister, Rebecca.

"Dad, he -"

"Enough, Rachel," Billy demanded. His expression gentled, and he turned to Edward. "I apologize. I'm Billy Black," he offered, extending a hand.

"Edward Cullen," Edward said, shaking the man's hand. It took everything in him to keep the shame and guilt from his face. "I am sincerely sorry about your son, Mr. Black."

"Cullen..." Billy stared up at him, his eyes widening. "You're the one who pulled Bella from the water."

Edward nodded once, and Billy put another hand over their clasped ones. "Well, then it's a pleasure to meet you, though I wish the circumstances were different."

"What the hell, Dad?" Rachel interrupted, still livid. "If it wasn't for him -"

"If it wasn't for this man, your niece or nephew would be dead," Billy said firmly.

Swallowing around the lump in his throat, Edward spoke regretfully, before anyone could make him out to be a hero or talk more about his child belonging to Jacob. "I apologize. I'm going to have to ask you to all step out while we conduct our search."

"Of course, of course." Billy motioned at his other daughter and the small group of people still peering in the doorway. "Outside." He turned to look at Edward again. "Do you have a moment?"

There weren't a lot of things Edward wanted to do less than talk with Billy Black. Between the guilt he carried, knowing Jacob had died on his watch, and the awkward secret that weighed heavily on his shoulders, Edward could have easily put off this conversation forever. Still, he nodded, calling to his agents that he would be right outside the door if he was needed, and followed Billy outside.

"I don't think we'll ever be able to express enough thanks for what you did to save Bella, Agent Cullen," Billy began as Edward fell into step beside him. "As you might imagine, this situation has been nothing short of a nightmare. The suspicion that falls on these three boys - these men - has many folks around here heartbroken to say the least." He breathed deep, and Edward could see an unfathomable pain reflected in his ancient eyes. "And of course, my son... Dying at the hands of one of our own..." He shook his head unable to continue.

Edward reached out, putting his hand on the man's shoulder. "If my partner or I had thought there was any chance of either of them getting hurt, this investigation would have gone a lot differently," he said quietly.

Billy nodded. "I understand that. And I want you to know, I don't hold you responsible for Jake's death." When he spoke, he cast a sharp look at Rachel who folded her arms, looking away quickly. Obviously, not everyone agreed. "But that you were able to save his child... It has been a great comfort."

Edward bit the inside of his cheek, saying nothing.

Casting a look around, Billy motioned with his head. "If we could talk privately?" he requested, taking the wheels of his chair. He rolled just out of earshot of the curious onlookers, Edward beside him. "I want to be frank with you, Agent Cullen. This investigation of yours would have gone a lot differently if Jacob hadn't..." He chuffed, his eyes closing briefly with pain. "I'm sure you will need to interview some of us, am I right?"

"Yes, sir," Edward agreed, not quite sure where Billy was going with this. "Rachel, for certain, but I'm sure there will be a more detailed list soon."

Billy nodded, a look of deep concentration crossing his face. "To be honest with you, the tribe is torn. I'm not a hundred percent sure of what you're looking for, but if the FBI is involved, I know it can't be good. There aren't a lot of us who want to believe that our boys are criminals." He looked up into Edward's eye then, a fierce determination present. "But I know my son would never have agreed to work with you if he didn't believe in what you were doing. That's enough evidence for me.

"I don't know how much you know about our tribe, but I am an elder," Billy continued. "I'm going to do what I can to urge cooperation between our people and yours."

**~2 Months Ago~**

It wasn't that Edward couldn't feel the underlying tension in the air as he helped Jacob attach the mic to his broad chest, he was just trying to ignore it.

It was amazing, the feelings of jealousy that rose in him. Jacob's muscles were more defined than his. The mental image of Bella's hand splayed over the other man's chest made Edward irritable, but he couldn't seem to get rid of it. Despite the fact he knew Jacob to be a nice man, Edward found himself trying to find faults in his character, as if proving to himself that Bella had made the right choice and would never feel the pull to go back to the other man.

Edward thought it must be his imagination that Jacob seemed to be in a worse mood than usual. He even told himself he was ridiculous for feeling that the other man's stance was aggressive. Eventually though, Edward realized he wasn't the only one who felt the uncomfortable atmosphere that suddenly existed between them

"I know about you and Bella," Jacob said apropos of nothing as he was buttoning his shirt back up.

Edward froze and his eyes flicked up to the other man's. He stood back, folding his arms over his chest, not acknowledging the statement. There was nothing to say.

Jacob sighed, rubbing his temples. "I'm not... Well, what do I have to be angry about, right?"

Seeing the disgruntled expression on Jacob's face, Edward tried his best to recall his sympathetic urges. This man had lost much and might lose even more before they were done; it wouldn't help to view him as a rival. Besides, he was sure of Bella's affections - as sure as he'd ever been of anything. "Mr. Black -"

"Listen, can we cut that shit now? After all this crap," he gestured to his chest, "and now you're fucking my girlfriend, just call me Jacob."

"She's not your girlfriend," Edward said, his voice tight. "And we're not..." He trailed off because it was honestly none of Jacob's business. He just didn't want him thinking of Bella in that way.

The russet-skinned man held a hand up. "You get the point. Just Jacob. We've been working together for a fucking year now. That Mr. Black stuff always makes me feel like I'm in trouble in school or something."

"Okay, Jacob," Edward said. "Look, I know this isn't the most ideal of situations..."

The other man scoffed. "Ideal? No, it's pretty far from ideal. Look, this is awkward, but fuck, who else am I going to tell?"

Edward snickered and Jacob looked up questioningly. "That's almost exactly what Bella said when she started coming over to my place."

"For what it's worth, she seems happy. And I'm glad of that."

"But you aren't happy?" Edward guessed.

"You know the fucked up thing? I'm not even that upset about losing Bella." Jacob banged his head back against the wall. "She's right, we're much better as friends. It's just... I never questioned my life. My dad and Bella's dad always hoped we would get together. The whole protective dad syndrome didn't apply to me, apparently. It just seemed, I don't know, the natural order of things? Then, when I was about to graduate from high school, Sam took an interest in me. I spent the summer before collage doing clerical work at Imprint Inc. I went to school..." His look was far off. "That was supposed to be my life. And it was working. It was ... effortless. Everything from my girlfriend to my job was as easy as breathing."

Jacob shook his head hard then, looking at Edward warily. "I don't know why I'm telling you this shit."

"Like you said, who else are you going to tell?" The discussion was far from comfortable, but that was life. With everything Jacob was doing for this investigation, Edward could probably stand to hear a little venting from the man. "I wish I had an answer for you, or a reward other than the appreciation of your community."

Jacob was silent, touching the mic through his shirt. "My community..." he repeated wryly. "My community has always been my tribe, and I'm pretty sure not all of them will appreciate what we're doing here."

_**~Now~** _

Reflecting back on their stilted conversation, Edward could be glad of one thing: that Jacob didn't have to see the judgement of some of his peers. Edward could easily ignore the glares, and the muttered comments as he helped load bags of evidence in the cars. It came with the territory of being in any kind of law enforcement. He suspected Jacob would have had a more difficult time, having grown up among these people, considering each one of them family.

"Jake had no business bringing this into our home," Edward heard one woman hiss vehemently.

"Power corrupts," another woman argued. "That is as true for all people. The members of our tribe are not exempt from that."

"You're all idiots," an older man rumbled. "That boy is the reason we could rebuild the rec center."

"That doesn't excuse -"

Edward ducked back into the house, calling out to his agents. "Are we good?"

"We've got everything," Agent Jessica Stanley nodded.

"Good work," Edward nodded approvingly. "Let's pack it up."

When he stepped outside again, Billy was back, wheeling toward him. "Agent Cullen!" he called, and Edward stopped, automatically wary as he waited. "My son's funeral is soon. If you can make it..."

Edward hesitated. "I don't know what my schedule is going to be like the next few days," he said honestly.

Billy nodded. "Of course. That comes first." He looked around them. "I think it would be better for everyone if this case is settled as soon as possible."

_**~0~** _

Edward was beyond exhausted by the time they got back to Forks and the hotel. He'd let Jasper do most the talking on the way. He hadn't been able to put Jared in jail for anything but judging by how quickly the man had raced to his brother's aid, Jasper thought he was less of a flight risk now.

"Good," Banner said as the agents entered his room, bringing the potential evidence they'd gathered. "Agent Cullen, why don't you leave these agents to it and come with me."

Edward's step faltered and he looked automatically toward Jasper. His partner had a clueless, worried expression. Swallowing hard, he put down the evidence bag and followed his boss out the door.

"Agent Cullen, I've heard some rumors that concern me," Banner began when he was sufficiently down the hallway.

"Sir?" Edward asked carefully, not wanting to assume anything.

"I questioned Sam Uley today and it seems you've forgotten to tell me about an altercation between the two of you yesterday," Banner said gruffly, stopping at the end of the hallway. "You want to enlighten me?"

Inwardly, Edward cursed himself for not having the foresight to realize Sam would talk about that. If his boss had heard it from him first, it would have been Edward's word against Sam's, and he would have easily won that war. Not telling Banner about the incident cast suspicion - the last thing Edward needed to deal with at that point. "I happened to be in Miss Swan's room, paying my respects, when he showed up." Edward forced himself to look in Banner's eyes steadily though his palms felt damp with his nerves. "I admit I lost my temper but only momentarily."

Banner eyed him speculatively. "He said you threatened him."

Edward had no answer for that and Banner sighed. "Listen, Cullen, I know I don't have to tell you that we're hanging on to this case by the tips of our fingers right now. The Wolfe brothers had enough warning that a lot of the hard evidence we need is, of course, mysteriously missing."

He took a breath, looking Edward in the eye with a hard expression. "If there's some validity to Uley's assumption that your relationship with Bella was anything but professional, I don't want to hear it. Right now, that woman's condition and her pregnancy are what's swinging sympathy in our direction. It tends to encourage more cooperation knowing that Black died trying to serve his country, leaving behind an unborn child." He scoffed, shaking his head. "The other employees at Imprint Inc are falling all over themselves trying to help us, but the problem is they have nothing. We need everything working in our favor if we're going to get anything useful out of the people of interest in La Push."

Edward gritted his teeth, doing his best to control the rage boiling in him. Agent Banner's words were crass and cold. He absolutely loathed that his boss would talk about Bella that way - like she was just useful piece of leverage. Tactless as it was, he knew if Bella were anyone else, his only focus would be the case. It was the whole reason why he'd convinced her to stay with Jacob, ignoring her own personal life.

Banner stepped closer, his hands on his hips and his expression leaving no room for argument. "The last thing we need right now is for the agency to get involved some g'damn soap opera drama about Jacob Black's child. Until Swan can get up and say otherwise, I'm absolutely positive no one has any reason to doubt the child is his, isn't that right, Agent Cullen?"

It took every last ounce of self-restraint Edward had not to tell his boss he could go straight to hell and fuck himself on the way for good measure. "Yes, sir," he bit out instead.

"Good." Banner stepped back. "Make no mistake, Cullen. When this is all over, you and I are going to have a conversation. You have a spotless record and a keen mind, Agent, but your career is young. I hope to high hell you haven't done anything to endanger your progress with the Bureau. However, right now, I need your attention here, do you understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"Alright. Let's get back to it then." Banner began to take a step in the direction of the hotel suite when he stopped short. "One more thing, Cullen. Keep your damn hands off Sam Uley. I don't give a rat's ass what he does, the only reason you have to touch him is if and when we have cause to arrest him. Maybe it's better if you don't go back to that hospital at all, seeing as that's where he spends most his time."

"Yes, sir," Edward said again.

_**~2 Months Ago~** _

Edward knew that Bella would come to him that evening, when she and Jacob got home from their visit with Sam and Emily. It was always stressful to her - being in the same room with Sam, knowing what he'd done. Bella also found it awkward to converse with Emily. It went against every instinct she had not to tell her friend what was going on with her husband. It seemed so unfair to her that Emily would be blindsided when Edward and Jasper came for Sam.

Before, Edward felt helpless. He'd felt unbelievably guilty that he was causing her so much stress and he couldn't figure how to make her feel better. It was easier the last few weeks, since they'd decided they wanted to be together. Among other things, he'd discovered that when he looked up from underneath his eyelashes directly into her eyes, her face would flush and she would forget most any worry.

And if that didn't work, long, slow, thorough kisses made them both forget the world outside his door existed at all.

That evening, Bella had crawled straight into his arms, sitting on his lap and resting her head on his chest. He could feel the tension beneath his fingers as he held her close, his hands against her back. Pressing soft kisses to her forehead, he twirled a lock of her hair while he waited for her to decompress.

Little by little she raised her head, first resting it on his shoulder so her breath was hot on his neck before she finally sit up straight, kissing the tip of his chin. He tilted his head down, having waited long enough to taste her lips. Their kisses were gentle, a sign that she had something more on her mind.

Sure enough, after a moment she sighed into his mouth. Edward tried not to frown when she untangled herself from him, sitting on her own couch cushion. He was somewhat mollified when she instantly grabbed his hands, playing with his fingers.

"It's just a jarring thing," she began. "That a husband could keep something so major from his wife." She looked off, not really seeing anything. "You're supposed to know your husband inside and out, but I can't imagine that Emily knows this about him. I can't imagine she could be okay with what he was doing."

Edward watched her carefully, not quite knowing how to respond. "Bella, I'm not sure if it's any consolation, but of all the things I know Sam Uley to be, he does love his wife honestly." He smiled at her, trying for a joke. "It's just awkward dinner conversation, isn't it? 'What did you do at the office today?' 'Oh, defrauded people. All in day's work.'"

Bella's lips didn't so much as quirk. She looked up at him with sharp eyes. "You of all people are making excuses for him?"

He sighed, seeing that he was going to have to be more careful. "Of course not," he said firmly. "What I'm saying is that what Sam has been doing has no bearing on Emily or their relationship, that's all."

"Could you lie like that? Could you keep something like that from me?"

Tugging on her hands, he pulled her close enough that he could cup her face. "I know our relationship is new, but I promise, I could never be someone you couldn't be proud of."

_**~Now~** _

All the rest of that evening and into the night, Edward had put his nose to the grindstone, throwing himself into the case. He, Jasper, Banner, and the rest of the agents carefully poured over much of what had been collected from both Wolfe households. Edward worked hard, giving Banner no reason to think his thoughts and energy were concentrated elsewhere.

Of course, all the while, Edward was planning on disobeying Banner's rather indirect order. He had no intention of staying away from the hospital.

He caught Alice at the tail end of her shift, begging her for help and news about Bella.

"She's off the ventilator and doing well breathing on her own," the raven haired woman said with a smile. Then she frowned at him. "You're cutting it close, Cullen. If you're lucky, you have maybe an hour before the next nurse has to check on her."

"I got it. Thank you, Alice," he said sincerely.

She nodded and ruffled his hair, partially closing the door before she ducked out.

Edward took his seat, wasting no time in tracing the pad of his thumb across Bella's chapped lips. He was beyond relieved that she was off the ventilator though, to him, she still didn't look like she was just peacefully sleeping. She was too unnaturally still, for one thing, but the absence of the mechanical snap hiss gave him some measure of comfort.

He leaned in, kissing her forehead, the tips of her nose and her cheeks. He kissed her lips, hating how dry they felt against him and wishing fervently they would move with him. Finally, he wound their fingers together, lifting and kissing the back of her hand.

"I promised you once that you could always be proud of me... Well, I'm pretty sure I've broken that promise every day since you fell." Her hand was so cold, he clasped it in both of his, rubbing warmth back into her body. "I suppose I could blame Banner. He literally told me to keep quiet today, but part of me is glad I don't have to think about what the right thing to do is." He scoffed. "That's not very brave, is it? Letting someone make your decisions for you?"

Keeping one hand clasped with hers, he let the other rest over her belly. "It doesn't feel right at all. I want to be so proud of this. I want to be so happy. I want to know you're happy, and I think you would have been. But this is all... I hate that I've somehow turned you into a scandal. Bella, you don't deserve that. You deserve so much better than that."

He lapsed into silence, putting aside his self deprecating feelings because they wouldn't help her. Though, part of him mused she might be encouraged to wake up if only to fight with him. Instead, he concentrated on telling her over and over again how much he loved her, and how very strong she was. He caressed her cheeks as he filled her in on Jasper and Alice, thinking she might get a kick out of their little crushes.

An hour went too quickly, and Edward, as always, had to force himself to get up. Before he left, he repeated the ritual he'd started with, kissing her face reverently. "Bella," he whispered to her, "I promise, when you wake up, I don't give a damn what Banner says, everyone from Forks to Seattle will know you're mine, and this baby is ours."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: FAQ Answer - Yeah, I promise she won't be in a coma the whole fic. That's all you're getting ;) I love you all.


	7. Conception

Edward returned home, happy that his parents were both in bed. Jasper was awake, his face a mask of concentration as he typed furiously on his laptop. Though he was bone weary, Edward pulled his own laptop forward.

As Edward was trying to wrap his head around the holes in their case, Jasper cleared his throat. "Are you going to make me resort to looking like a gossiping old woman, or are you going to tell me why Banner dragged you away today?"

Pushing his laptop away, Edward rested his head in his arms on the table. Breathing through his nose to calm his temper, he repeated the dressing down Banner had given him.

Jasper whistled. "That's harsh."

"How much trouble do you suppose I'll be in if I punch my boss in the face?" Edward muttered.

"Edward, you're in as much hot water as you can stand to be in right now." His partner smirked slightly. "In all seriousness, Edward, you've got to give yourself a break."

Edward looked up, his weary eyes questioning.

"You're not some deadbeat who abandoned his girl the minute she announced she was pregnant. You are between the rock and the hard place, my friend." Jasper shook his head. "You got two grieving families who are clinging to the one bright spot - this kid - and a case on the brink of total destruction. Come on. I don't think there is a right way to deal with it. One way or another, this is going to come as a blow to Black's family. Until Swa- Bella is awake to back up your version of reality, telling them now is only going to leave a deeper wound. Not to mention - and not that I know a lot about this new age chakras and all that - but I doubt Bella being surrounded by negative energy is going to help her any."

"Negative energy," Edward repeated under his breath. "You sound like Alice."

Jasper shrugged, a small smile tugging at the edges of his lips. "She's a smart one, that girl." Again, his features became serious. "You're a good man in a very difficult situation, Edward. It's a lot for anyone to deal with in the span of a few days. I don't know if it's any consolation, but I think you're doing the best you can."

"Right now, it's just a matter of time. Bella will wake up soon, and you can face her family and Black's family together. What matters most right now is that you know what you have," Jasper concluded. "You know what you and Bella are, and you know where that child came from."

_**~4 Weeks Ago~** _

It took no time at all for kissing Bella to become one of Edward's favorite things to do. When he knew she was coming over, he felt as giddy as a child trying to sleep on Christmas Eve, knowing he would wake to an overflowing stocking full of presents. He couldn't keep the smile off his lips as he moved around his home, and when the doorbell rang it took all his considerable self control not to sprint.

He loved their hello kisses. The instant he got the door open, before either of them said anything, he took her face in his hands. Every day they were together, their first kisses were slow, like the first sweet sip of hot chocolate on a cold winter's day. They tasted each other with just skin first before deepening their kiss, tangling themselves tight in each others arms.

As they spoke, ate, or went about whatever activity they had planned, there would be small kisses - smooches really. They were quick, adoring pecks met with private smiles and soft eyes.

Inevitably, they ended up on the couch, completely unable to keep their hands off each other. The kisses they shared there communicated not only with their lips, teeth and tongue, but with their whole bodies. Invariably, Edward lost control of his sense - completely intoxicated and consumed by her scent, her taste, and the feel of her body against his. Before he knew it, he was pressing her into the couch cushions like some horny teenager.

Though Edward's thoughts were anything but concrete, he was hyper aware of the tiny noises she was making as they kissed, the mini symphony oddly in tune with the soft crooning of Elvis Costello from his sound system. Little moans vibrated at the back of her throat. The way he could feel the sound on his lips drove him crazy. He craved ever more of her, and his hand ran from her neck to her side. When his long fingers grazed the peaks of her breast, she groaned louder, wriggling beneath him.

With a gasp, Edward pulled back. He closed his eyes tight, trying to overcome the primal urge that had risen in him, calling for him to claim her, forever mark her as his. Breathing deep, he backed up a little further, still leaning over her, his hands resting on her thighs as he waited for his more civilized brain to take over.

Bella stroked his cheek, waiting for the air around them to lose some of its kinetic energy. It was difficult to speak coherently when their bodies called to each other.

"Why do you always stop?" she asked when he finally opened his eyes again. Her face was flushed but calm. "I can see you don't want to."

Edward sat up straight on the couch. He looked down on Bella, smiling adoringly as he ran the back of his knuckles down her arm. "You're so hard to resist, but I don't want to rush this. You can't imagine how much I hate that I have to hide you. I want to do everything else right."

Bella put her feet in his lap, her expression amused and more than a little smitten. "You're so sweet and good to me." She pursed her lips. "How long is this nookie moratorium anyway? I think it's only fair you let me in on this timeline so I can do what I need to do not to explode."

"Technically, we can't call a moratorium on something we haven't started." Tilting his head, Edward picked up one of her feet, beginning to massage the sole. "You don't think it's moving too fast?"

Giving a quiet moan at his ministrations, Bella looked up at him, biting her lower lip. "Too fast? No. We've been dating for four months."

He quirked an eyebrow. "Four months? It's barely been four weeks."

"Come on. What is it you think we were doing those first three months?" Her grin was somewhat mischievous. "We talked so much, getting to know each other. We couldn't have been more innocent if we were living back in the day of chaperoned walks and iced tea on the porch."

Edward chuckled softly. Smiling at him, Bella straightened up, wrapping her arms around his neck as she readjusted herself on his lap. "I know we didn't do it on purpose, but we've been dating all this time. Movies on the couch. Dinners." She kissed his cheek, tiny little pecks that made him shiver lightly with her soft touch. "It's okay; this is okay. I know this isn't normal, but that doesn't make it less wonderful."

His hands firm on her back, Edward turned his head to face her. He stared into her eyes, knowing Bella had a penchant for trying to make people feel better. But she only stared back steadily, her look so tender and completely adoring that his heart seemed to expand in his chest. She meant every word.

Tilting his head down to rest forehead to forehead, he closed his eyes for a moment, just breathing in her breath. It was so entirely overwhelming - what he felt for her. It was unlike anything he'd ever experienced, and part of him was so terrified of losing it that he had the urge to treat their realtionship as if it were fragile as finely spun glass.

He wanted to do everything right, and he wasn't prepared. He wanted the elaborate set up: silk sheets, soft candlelight, and rose petals scenting the air. Or perhaps lavender, because Bella was far too complex for something as mundane as roses.

Somewhere, though, he knew he was being silly, or perhaps a bit too overdone in his romanticism. Just as every kiss they shared was special and thrilling, being with her for the first time would be fantastic no matter what the circumstance and setting. It was a fact he knew at his core.

There was something he wanted, needed, to say first.

Just as Edward breathed in deep, ready to say the words that at once seemed too simple and seemed so big, Bella began to kiss his chin and up against his jawline. "Edward," she whispered. "I'm in love with you."

Taken by surprise, Edward couldn't bite back the chuckle that built in his throat. He opened his eyes, moving his hands up to cup her face. "I was about to say that."

"You weren't," she protested, but she was smiling.

He nodded. "I was." He kissed her soundly, his hand moving to the back of her neck, his fingers stroking along the graceful line of her throat. "I love you, Bella."

He could feel her smile beneath his lips, but Bella's only response was to wrap her arms tighter around his neck, pulling herself closer. They kissed for minutes, the atmosphere in the very little space between them becoming again heated and electric.

Compromising, Edward gave in to his consuming lust, his absolute need to see and feel every part of her, but he wouldn't have her on the couch. She deserved better than that.

Besides, the couch was narrow - not nearly enough room to maneuver.

Hooking one arm under her knees, the other around her back, Edward lifted her, careful not to break their kiss. She squealed a little out of surprised, clinging to him tighter. It was good he knew his apartment like the back of his hand because his eyes weren't open as he carried her into his room.

"Oh, shit," he muttered just as he sat her on the bed. He gave a little titter of laughter, kissing her sweetly. "I don't have anything."

She giggled at that. "Mr. Hot Shot FBI isn't prepared?" she teased him. "That's a little comforting."

He raised an eyebrow. "Why's that?"

Bella snorted, rolling her eyes. "Come on, Edward. You're ridiculously hot in casual clothes. Do you know what you do to women and a fair amount of men, I'd wager, in your full G-Man uniform? With the fucking sunglasses even?" She shook her head. "You could have women whenever you wanted. Easily."

"I could," he admitted softly. He kissed either side of her nose tenderly. "But I'm one of those fools who thinks sex should be special, or else what's the point?" He kissed her lips once, twice. "Old fashioned, remember?"

"Yeah," she agreed, leaning in for another kiss.

"And Bella," he murmured, sweeping her hair off her shoulders. "You're so, so beautiful." He kissed her exposed neck, creating a little bit of moist suction - not enough to bruise, but enough that her breath wheezed. "You have no idea how completely alluring you are."

He felt a brief pang, realizing that she'd never gotten a chance to know how gorgeous she was. She'd told him before that her relationship with Jake was more like an advanced friendship. They were friends and then suddenly, they were more. Since she'd never been able to play the field, he doubted anyone had told her how sexy she could be.

Well, he would just have to make it his mission to remind her every chance he got.

Bella looked up, her expression suddenly, uncharacteristically shy. She said nothing to his claim, instead raising shaking fingers to the first button of his shirt. "I'm on the pill," she said, her voice wavering slightly. "If you say we don't need a condom, I trust you," she murmured as she continued to unbutton his shirt.

The idea of being inside her with nothing between them sent a jolt of pure exhilaration down Edward's spine. His hands at her hips, he scooted her backward so he could join her on the bed. He shouldered out of his shirt, tossing it to the side as he looked on her.

She seemed eager but nervous somehow. Frowning slightly, Edward took her chin in one hand, gently tilting her head up to meet his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," she said, but her voice was breathy. She chuffed, running her hand over his bare skin.

"You're shaking," he informed her, holding her hand against his chest.

"I know." She sounded annoyed. "My brain and my body are arguing. I want this. You have no idea how much I want this. But part of me is very, very aware that I haven't done this with anyone but..." She swallowed hard. "And I don't know if I'm ... good."

"Oh, sweetheart."

He gathered her into his arms, sitting cross legged on the bed with her facing him. It was nice to know, in a way. Edward was no virgin, but there was always some nagging part of him that worried. He wanted to be everything for Bella.

In the end, they were both over-thinking things. Once Edward laid her down, leaning over her as he kissed her, the heat of the moment overtook any and all nerves they might have had. Every aspect of their relationship unfolded like watching a master artist bring a picture to life: natural and easy. Since they'd met officially, conversation flowed effortlessly between them, like a drawing in it's beginning stages, the lines seeming random and haphazard, yet still, oddly right. The second layer added complexity to the pattern, their conversation turning into genuine attraction and an ever deepening emotion for each other - the artist's vision taking shape as something definable. Finally, they were down to their core: the shading and blooms of color that brought a drawing to life, making a pretty picture, fine art.

Edward tugged Bella's shirt over her head, soaking in the sight of body and the black bra with red polka dots she wore. It seemed so oddly innocent - red polka dots - and he was beyond charmed. "I love you," he said again as he kissed her.

"I love you," she mumbled back against his lips, her hands loosening the belt at his waist.

They undressed each other between kisses, taking their time. She was made, it seemed, to fit up against him, no matter what position they rolled into, trying to get their clothes off without letting go of each other.

When they were both nude and her warm, wonderful body was pinned beneath him, Edward reached between them, finding her clit. He stroked her with two fingers, slowly circling and alternating pressure as she gasped in pleasure. "Are you okay?" he asked, needing to be sure.

"I want you," she moaned. "Now."

He didn't need to be asked twice. She was slick and ready for him, and Edward didn't think he'd ever been more eager, even in his teen years. Still, he took it slow, savoring every moment as he slid inside her.

She breathed his name as she wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling herself against him as she nipped at his jaw. How she knew exactly how to touch him and where, Edward had no earthly idea. He wasn't thinking at all, but moving in her, with her, in a primal, instinctual way. Whatever was happening between them, the pleasure he felt seemed to be mutual. The sounds he coaxed from her, the breathless way she panted his name, had to be the best things he'd ever heard. Symphonies played by the masters couldn't bring him to utter, natural high that was building in him.

It was a strange feeling - like the universe had dwindled down to just the two of them, the atmosphere clinging to them like plastic wrap, at the same time the emotion in him felt too unfathomably big for his body to withstand.

Somewhere, Edward heard that the most intense orgasm was the closest you could get to glimpsing the afterlife, the magnitude and enormity of infinity, while still being alive. His vision actually went white.

Awareness came back to him only in increments. He became aware first that he was, indeed, alive, as evidenced by the fact he was gasping for air as if he'd run a marathon. His head was buried at the crook of Bella's shoulder, his nose tickling the sweat-slicked skin of her neck. His full weight was on her, but she didn't seem to be protesting. Her arms were still wrapped around him, her fingers tangled in his hair. Beneath him, her body moved, suggesting she was just as breathless as he was.

"Oh God," Edward groaned, finding the will to roll out of her and off her. She didn't let him go, her head resting on his shoulder. He laughed.

Bella raised her head, her dark eyes curious. "What?"

Grinning lopsidedly at her, he raised the hand that wasn't wrapped around her shoulders. His hand was visibly trembling.

She snickered, hiding her face against his skin for a moment. Then she raised her hand, showing him that she was shaking too.

Chuckling, he twined their fingers together and kissed her forehead.

_**~Now~** _

Edward woke early and couldn't sleep. His dreams had been full of the relatively little time he'd had with Bella. While he wouldn't trade those memories for anything, the ache when he woke up without her, knowing he couldn't hear her voice or feel her in his arms, was all the worse.

He showered and dressed before anyone else in the house woke. Hoping his father would forgive him, he took the keys to the Mercedes and drove to the hospital.

A flash of his badge to the night security guard gained him access to the hospital. As luck would have it, the nurses were otherwise occupied as he slipped into Bella's room. What he was going to say to them if they came in, he didn't know. He supposed he would think of something if the issue came up.

His eyes found the bouquet of flowers he'd had delivered anonymously. The ICU room was small. When they moved her to a regular room he had every intention of filling it floor to ceiling with flowers and balloons.

As usual he kissed her face and her knuckles before he sat, her hand in his. He spoke in soft tones, telling her about his dreams, remembering the perfection of that night. They'd made love repeatedly all night long in so many positions. Their second time, he'd pinned her up against the wall in his kitchen. He couldn't help himself; she looked so sexy in a pair of his boxer shorts, and dinner was quickly forgotten. They dozed but never really fell asleep, one or the other of them beginning to kiss or tickle exposed skin. They made love a final time in the early morning, lazy as they relaxed in the wide bathtub he'd never had occasion to use. He still remembered the sound of the water lapping against the side of the tub, sporadically splashing on the tile floor with their movements.

Edward put his hand over her belly, closing his eyes tightly. He remembered the serene, utterly happy look on her face as he'd reluctantly kissed her goodbye. She'd walked away with a little wave and a huge grin, walking a little funny. What neither of them knew then was that at some point that evening - or very early that morning - they'd sparked the beginnings of a new life.

Despite his fervent wish that he could share his complete awe over that astounding fact, Edward did find some peace. Regardless of what other people thought of the baby's parentage, his child - their child - was conceived in love. No one's opinion of their relationship would ever change that.

"Ahem."

Edward stood as he turned, startled at the noise of a person clearing their throat behind him. It was a woman - an oddly familiar looking woman that Edward was sure he'd never seen in his life, yet... "Mrs. Swan," he choked, realizing suddenly that she must be Bella's mother. Apart from her hair and eyes, their facial structure was too similar.

The woman smiled slightly. "Mrs. Dwyer," she corrected mildly. "But please call me Renee. And you are?"

Somehow resisting the urge to squirm, Edward held out his hand, shaking hers firmly. "Edward Cullen with the FBI," he introduced formerly.

"I see." She looked down at her daughter, her eyes crinkling around the edges. "I don't think Bella has any answers for you."

Edward shifted uncomfortably. "I didn't mean to intrude. Your daughter and I... we..." He breathed deep, recalling what he'd told Charlie. "We developed a friendship in the time we spent working together." He knew his case was flimsy. His position when Renee had walked in - one hand holding Bella's and the other possessive over her still-flat belly - was not exactly typical of friends.

Renee's eyes narrowed, scrutinizing him. Edward had to fight back a smile. It was the exact face Bella made when she was trying to decide if he was full of shit. Finally, though, she smiled gently. "It's no intrusion. It can only help Bella to have more people who care for her around." She walked over to her daughter, stroking her cheek lovingly and sighing as she sat in the chair Edward had so hastily vacated. "Why don't you find a chair and come sit with me awhile?"

Though he probably should have made some excuse and gotten out of there, Edward couldn't deny he was itching to speak to the woman. Bella always spoke of her mother with great fondness though she'd seen the woman only sporadically growing up.

He would also be lying if he didn't acknowledge that part of his reason for staying was that watching her was like watching a facsimile of Bella - a copy of a copy - but it soothed his aching heart just slightly.

They talked for about an hour and a half. Renee asked careful questions about the case, taking in all the information he could reveal, which wasn't much. She asked how long he'd known Jacob. Renee got a kick out of the fact that Edward and Bella had briefly attended the same high school. Back then, Edward was aware that Bella Swan existed, but he was a Senior when she was a Freshman. They just didn't run in the same circles. Edward tripped and stumbled, maneuvering through conversation that wouldn't reveal how much he cared for Bella.

"Well," Edward said finally, reluctantly. "I'm expected elsewhere."

"Right, of course," Renee said. "Agent Cullen. Edward. Do you mind if make an observation?"

Edward stood still, waiting nervously.

"This is probably going to sound silly but... Well, I read a lot of crime novels, you know? I know a little something about law enforcement officials and cases... that kind of thing. I know the... tendency for agents to get over-involved with the people in investigations, how when you work with someone doing something so brave, you might feel a bond, an intimacy."

She tilted her head, studying him carefully. "Those feelings aren't built off anything real," she said slowly. "I've heard obsession is a natural tendency for people in your line of work."

Edward bit the inside of his cheek, not at all sure how to respond. He swallowed hard, opening his mouth and shutting it again before he trusted himself to answer. "It was nice to meet you, Renee. I'm sure I'll be in touch."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I love jfka06. She's mah twin. And I love barburella.
> 
> Jadedandboring - I miss you.
> 
> All of you - I love you too. Thanks so much for making this story so great to write. This chapter ran away with me so we'll see how it goes next chapter. Hehe.


	8. Best Intentions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry about the review reply situation. I'm kind of at this one movie... you probably don't know it.
> 
> Then again, you're probably there too...
> 
> So who am I talking to?

Edward woke on the morning of Jacob's funeral already exhausted despite the fact he'd slept through the night for the first time since this whole ordeal had begun.

A week had passed.

A week since he'd heard Bella's voice and seen her pretty smile. A week since his life had been thrust into a swirling vortex of confusion and frustration. Statistically speaking, Bella was getting better. The swelling around her brain had receded, she was breathing on her own. Still, she didn't wake, and despite how fervently he tried to keep them at bay, worst case scenarios assaulted Edward's every spare thought.

Edward wasn't ready to face the thought of a world where Bella didn't exist. The very idea made his skin crawl with wordless anxiety. Watching her impassive face day after day was bad enough - torture. Could he survive if she didn't?

He would. If the worst should happen, he would survive, if only for the sake of their child. Bella would accept no less from him than to make sure their baby was loved and cared for.

With a groan, Edward quickly sat up, getting out of bed. Exhausted though he was, he knew he needed to keep moving - trying to outrun these impossible thoughts.

When he was dressed and as ready as he was ever going to be, Edward made his way downstairs. He was surprised he didn't hear his parents until he walked into the kitchen finding Jasper there with Alice. His parents were the type that they'd rather have skipped breakfast than disturb the twosome.

"Sorry," he murmured. "Let me get some coffee, and I'll be out of your way."

"No, you can stay. This is your house," Alice protested. "It's just, between my schedule and Jasper's, we haven't had any time. So we're improvising."

"I made eggs," Jasper said proudly.

Alice snorted. "He means he burned eggs."

"Hey! Just because you can't appreciate my culinary vision..." Jasper protested, but he was smiling.

Alice grinned, unconsciously leaning across the table. "You're lucky you make a good FBI Agent."

In spite of his dour mood, Edward felt the corners of his lips twitch upward. He'd seen his partner with women before. It was different with Alice - very... sweet.

He was glad some good could come of this clusterfuck of a situation.

"I'm no company this morning." He poured himself a cup of coffee, hating the stuff but needing some sort of jump start.

"You're wearing black instead of gray... The funeral is today, isn't it?" Jasper asked.

Not turning around, Edward nodded.

"You shouldn't go," his partner said bluntly.

Edward turned around. "I have to go, Jasper. Billy Black and Jacob both deserve that much of my respect." Billy had been such help with the case, Edward felt endlessly bad that the baby Bella carried wasn't his grandchild. Of all his lies of omission, that one felt the worst.

"The Blacks deserve the respect of the Bureau," Jasper argued. "You don't need to deal with another stress. Let me go. I can represent the Bureau as well as you can."

Edward blew out a long, slow breath. It felt an awful lot like shirking a responsibility. Among other things, he knew Bella would be heartbroken that she'd missed Jacob's funeral. His loss was going to be a huge blow to her. It seemed like the least Edward could to attend in her stead.

Then he considered that Jasper understood his train of thought. They were in no way required to attend the funeral officially. In fact, Edward was fairly certain that if Banner knew of his intentions, he'd have a thing or two to say. After all, it was highly likely Sam, Paul, and Jared would be there.

"Besides," Jasper added, a small smirk playing at his lips. "I was supposed to spend today listening to the hours of tape we have. You can relieve me of that joyful task."

It was a tedious necessity that the tapes had to be marked and cross referenced to back up what physical evidence they had. Perhaps it was pathetic, but Edward felt a glimmer of anticipation that he would get to hear Bella's voice, however briefly.

"Fine," he allowed grudgingly. "But put on a black suit."

"I never wear black to funerals," Alice said, sitting back in her seat and looking between the two of them. The look on her face was contemplative. "I think funerals should be a celebration of life." She looked up at Jasper, grinning. "But I bet you'd look very handsome in black."

"Sugar, I look handsome in anything."

Shaking his head slightly, Edward snatched up Jasper's car keys from the table beside him. His partner hardly noticed, staring as he was at Alice with the goofiest expression on his face. Glad at their happiness, Edward went out to the van, finding the equipment he needed to do his job for the morning.

Once Jasper and Alice took off - Alice having decided she would accompany him to the funeral - Edward had the large house to himself. He found the space was welcome. Since the accident, every hour of his life seemed too chaotic, whether it was spent in the bustling command center of Banner's hotel suite or talking to increasingly difficult witnesses.

Of course, Edward should have known it wouldn't last. He saw his phone light up and slid the headphones off so he could answer. "Cullen."

"Where the hell is Whitlock?" his boss demanded.

"Indisposed at the moment, Sir," Edward said and quickly continued before Banner could start yelling. "What do you need?"

Banner sighed heavily. "Alright, Cullen listen. Emily Uley is awake and alert. We need to get her statement out of the way and seeing how Uley is going to try to attend that funeral, now is a good time. Can I trust you to handle that?"

Edward felt a prick of annoyance. He hadn't been anything but professional, as far as Banner was concerned, since their conversation. "Yes, sir."

"Good. Get it done. Now."

_**~0~** _

Grateful of his father's car collection, Edward arrived at the hospital not fifteen minutes later.

It was poor planning on his part that he had, as he'd promised Alice, paid for Bella to have one of the private suites when she was moved from the ICU. It wouldn't be much of a problem, but Forks Hospital had exactly four of those suites, all in the same wing.

Of course, what that meant was Bella's room was now across from Emily Uley's. Edward sighed to himself, knowing it would make his visitation even more difficult than it already was. Sam so very rarely left Emily's side.

Edward forced himself not to pause outside Bella's room, though he noted she was alone. Of course. Charlie and Renee would both be at the funeral as well.

Shaking that off, Edward turned into Emily's doorway, knocking on the open door. "Mrs. Uley?"

_**~0~** _

It took Edward no time at all to determine that Emily Uley was completely oblivious to her husband's shady dealings. He'd apologized profusely, hating that he as making her talk when her wounds made that painful. Emily had merely shaken her head, insisting that they get it over with so the case against her husband could be dropped.

Edward took her statement about the day of the accident, glad he didn't have to speak for minutes as she gathered her thoughts. He would have had trouble containing his fury.

She and Bella had been drawn from where they were sitting outside by the yelling. When Sam leaped at Jacob, grabbing the younger man by his shirt, Emily had flown forward, grabbing his arm and trying to hold him back. In his anger, Sam had blindly thrown both Jacob and Emily forward, sending them crashing through the glass.

"It was an accident!" Emily insisted. "I shouldn't have tried to grab him like that. It was an automatic reaction."

Along with giving some insight into some of their more major purchases, she detailed the various charities that Sam gave to, some of which he'd started. Edward kept his face carefully devoid of emotion. He knew well that Sam had something of a Robin Hood complex, believing what he was doing was morally right because he poured so much back into the community that had raised him.

Finally, Edward was out of questions. He squeezed her hand, offering his sincere apologies about her injuries and wishing her well. He was grateful that Emily didn't seem to hold it against him that he was out to put her husband in jail.

When he got back out into the hallway, he noticed that Bella was still alone. He stepped into her room, sending off a quick message to his partner, asking if everyone was still at the funeral.

Jasper reported back quickly saying they were at the wake and the food was delicious but tensions were high. Not a lot of the mourners were comfortable with the fact that Sam showed up at the funeral, though he kept a respectful distance.

 _ **It's sad. Really sad. This whole community is so divided.**_ Jasper texted.  _ **Everyone's pissed off at everyone - for believing or not believing. I only stayed because I swear it's going to turn into a fight with Paul and Jared here.**_

Sighing, Edward slipped his hand into Bella's, stroking her skin with his thumb. He told her that Jasper had gone to the funeral and that it was a beautiful service. Quil and Embry had arranged a fitting tribute to their best friend and hadn't let the service get too somber, reminding the gathered mourners that above all, Jacob would have wanted them to smile.

He left out the part about the community discord, hoping that wherever her soul was wafting, she couldn't see what was going on.

**~0~**

Days passed in a blur. The case was shaky but workable. With what evidence they had, the chance of conviction was greater than not. There was still a lot of work left to be done.

With their assets frozen and two of them facing court dates, Imprint Inc's hierarchy weren't considered great flight risks at that point - a plus. In addition, the minute Emily was released from the hospital Sam had high-tailed it out of La Push, and currently spent his days flitting between his business and his home. Edward counted wins where he could get them.

Charlie had offered up the use of the Forks Police department interview rooms, and that's where Edward found himself a week and a half after the accident. He and Jasper had been holed up here for days on end, interviewing some of the residents of La Push. It had been a tiring process, some of their interviewees not being receptive at all.

As luck would have it, Jasper's interview with Leah Clearwater ran late, leaving Edward to deal with Rachel Black.

Initially, Edward thought that Rachel didn't have any information to offer them. The longer the interview went on - because she wasn't precisely cooperative - the more Edward began to suspect she knew a lot more than she was letting on. She was defensive in the extreme, which Edward would have expected - he was trying to put her boyfriend away - but her anger was tempered with something else: guilt.

Edward asked her a question about Paul's attitude toward Jacob, and for once, Rachel's expression was calm, though there was a hint of malevolence in her dark eyes. "It was a shit thing, you know? After Mom died, we left Jacob - God, he was just a kid - to take care of Dad. So here's this little boy doing everything for Dad. Who knows if anyone ever comforted him about Mom; he was the only one who was there to comfort Dad. Then Dad got sick, and Jake had to take care of him physically too."

Rachel scoffed, wiping a tear away from the corner of her eye. "So Jake, he basically does whatever Dad says. That's how he lived so much of his life: doing what was expected of him rather than what he might have wanted."

Her eyes, fiery with disdain, fell on Edward for a moment. "Dad pushed him to go with that girl. What a neat idea," she said scathingly. "He and Chief Swan were two single dads who didn't know what the fuck they were doing. Wouldn't it be easier if, when the hormones struck, their two kids would date each other? So that's exactly what happened."

Edward shifted in his chair, his hackles raised at the tenor of her words, the way she spoke of Bella. "Ms. Black," he began, intent on getting the conversation back on track, but she interrupted.

"I talked to him a lot in the last few months, you know. I could tell something was wrong, something big." Again she wiped at tears that had gathered in the corners of her eyes. "My brother - he was always smiling. The last few months, he was stressed. Jake doesn't get stressed," she bit out. Rachel scowled, again looking to Edward. "And wouldn't you know it, the one person who should have been there for him - whenever I called or came over - she wasn't there. What do you think, Fibbie? Don't you find that suspicious?"

Reminding himself that Rachel was reeling from the loss of her brother, Edward summoned every ounce of compassion he had to calm his tone. "I have no opinion on that matter," he lied gently. "Ms. Swan is under no suspicion from the FBI. I understand this is a bad time for you and your family. If we can get through these questions, you'll be able to go."

"You understand," Rachel repeated bitterly. "Let's be honest here, G-Man. I'm here because my father asked me to cooperate. He asked me to cooperate because you saved Bella Fucking Swan rather than my brother, and I'm supposed to be grateful because you saved my niece or nephew along with her. But the thing is, there's no part of me that believes that kid is my blood." By the end of her little speech, Rachel's voice filled the room. She stood, glaring at him. "So fuck Bella Swan and fuck you. I'll be damned if I help you take more from my tribe than you've already taken."

She started to march toward the door but Edward called out to her, his voice hard. "Ms. Black. You can be arrested for refusing to cooperate with a federal investigation. I will ask you not to make me do that." Rachel froze mid-step. "If you'll take your seat.."

Huffing furiously, Rachel did as she was asked. It took considerable control but Edward managed to get his voice back to a more civilized tone. "Incidentally, Ms. Black, your brother was already beyond help when I arrived on the scene," he said softly, hoping it would assuage her somewhat.

If he was being honest, had it been a choice between helping Jacob or helping Bella, he wouldn't have hesitated. He would have chosen Bella every time.

_**~3 Weeks Prior To The Accident~** _

One second before he opened the door, all Edward could think about was how he couldn't wait to be inside Bella again. The moment he answered the door, he could tell something was wrong, and he forgot about the fact he'd full intended to pin her up against the door to ravish her.

"What's wrong?"

She did speak right away, instead stepping into his embrace. She tilted her head up, and Edward obligingly pressed soft, adoring kisses against her lips. Laying her head on his shoulder she sighed, leaning heavily against him. "It's just been a trying day," she hedged.

He held her for a few long moments, rubbing her back in lightly circles before he took a step backward. "Come on," he said softly, taking her hand and leading her to the recliner rather than the couch. He sat and gathered her into his arms, cuddling her close. "Talk."

She sighed, her breath hot against his neck as she breathed him in. "I got in a fight with Jake."

Edward's body tensed before he could help it, and he took several breaths to calm his initial reaction. Logically, he knew that it wasn't easy for Jacob or Bella - that they had to keep up appearances when their relationship was over. Technically, he sympathized with both of them.

Emotionally, however, he hated that his girlfriend shared a house with her ex, and the thought of him upsetting her made Edward want to react with his fists first.

He kissed the top of her forehead, reminding himself that it was him she wanted to be with. "About what?" he asked calmly.

Again she sighed and turned her face so she was mumbling against his skin. "His sister and a few of our friends have noticed that I'm not around as often as I probably should be." She lifted her head, her fingers curling around his neck. "He hates that he has to make excuses for me." She looked at Edward, her eyes pleading with him to understand. "It's not fair to him. This isn't his fault any more than it is yours or mine."

Edward rested his head against the back of the chair, searching her eyes. He knew what she was trying to say. If they were to keep up appearances that they were a normal, happy couple, Bella and Jacob would probably have to spend a little time with their friends, cutting into the already limited time Edward had with her.

Edward would be the first one to admit he had a jealous, possessive streak. Bella was precious to him, and now that he'd found her, it went against his every impulse to let her go. Jacob already had more of her time than Edward was comfortable with; the idea of giving him more made Edward bristle.

Looking in her eyes, Edward could see that Bella knew this. It was no wonder she was so tense. She hated that she was hurting them both. Edward let out a grumbling sigh, hating that he was the one who'd put her in this situation to begin with. There were consequences to every action. It was only fair, since he'd asked Bella and Jacob to sacrifice part of their personal lives, that he would sacrifice part of his.

Life was never meant to be fair.

Carefully, Edward turned so that Bella was seated on the recliner, and he was sliding off it. She was about to protest, her hand reaching for him, when he settled on his knees in front of her. Her breath caught in her throat when he pushed the fabric of her shirt up, brushing the sensitive skin of her belly with light caresses of his lips.

"What are you doing?" she asked, her breath hitched as her hand landed in his hair.

He didn't answer her verbally, though he looked up briefly, arching a single eyebrow as his lithe fingers undid the button of her jeans. He pulled the zipper down slowly, teasing her as he looked up at her with a devious grin.

"Oh... Edward," she gasped, realizing his intentions as he drew the pad of his thumb down the center of her panties. "That's not... I mean, you don't..." She swallowed hard. "I've never..."

At that, Edward did look up. "He never did this for you?"

Bella looked down at him, biting her lip. It was all the answer Edward needed.

At the same time he looked down on Jacob for never doing this for her - in Edward's estimation, it was prerequisite - he was also glad he could give her a first. It went a long way to assuaging his wounded pride. Jacob would never get to do this for her, where as Edward fully intended to have her likes this - and any other way he could come up with - as often as possible.

Hooking his fingers into the sides of her jeans, he tugged them down her long legs, never breaking their gaze. He let the hilt of his palm rub her over the thin slip of her panties, watching as her pink tinged cheeks turned bright red as she squirmed beneath his hand.

Moving his hands to grip her waist, he scooted her forward so her ass was balanced on the edge of the chair. Bella gave a little yelp, her hands tightening on his shoulders as he tugged her panties down.

He let his hand rest for a moment at the back of her ankle, lightly tickling the skin there until she released her lower lip from the vice grip of her teeth. Once he had her chuckling he skimmed the back of her leg up to her knee. Kissing the side of knee once, he supported her leg with his palm, lifting it and placing it firmly on his shoulders. Bella gasped, smothering a whimper behind her hand.

Slowly, Edward drew the pads of his fingers along her inner thigh, teasing, brushing closer and closer to where he could feel the glorious heat radiating off her flesh. He nuzzled the skin around her bellybutton, occasionally darting his tongue out to lick her randomly.

He let the pad of his thumb slide over her slit, feeling the moisture that had begun to bead there. His mouth was dry, already aching to taste her, but he wasn't going to rush the experience. As it was, her tiny little whimpers and gasps were driving him crazy.

When his fingers slid inside her, she called his name, her hands going straight into his hair.

When he replaced his fingers with his tongue she cried out, her hips bucking once wildly before she settled down again.

He couldn't decide what he loved more: her hot taste on his tongue or the sounds she made as he used his mouth for her pleasure. He kept one hand splayed across her stomach, both keeping her from moving too wildly and letting his fingers tickle her skin, adding to the sensations he knew she was feeling.

"Edward. Fuck. Edward!" she babbled, mostly incoherent as she writhed under his ministrations.

He wished he had eyes on the top of his head so he could see her come undone. She was glorious when she came.

But there would be time for that later.

When she was spent, Edward lifted his head, kissing the inside of her thighs as he set her leg back down. He kissed her belly, running his nose against her shirt until he got to her neck. He stopped for a moment, kissing and lightly licking her salty skin before he got to her lips. Though she was still breathless, she pulled his mouth to hers eagerly, kissing him feverishly until she absolutely needed to breathe.

They switched positions so he was holding her on his lap again, a blanket spread over her bare legs while they talked. Edward grudgingly agreed that she should spend more time with Jacob - their friends had invited them camping the next week. It was imperative they keep up appearances for just a while longer.

"I should warn you though," he said, kissing her neck.

"Hmm?"

"When this is over, I plan to make it very obvious that you're mine and mine alone," he rumbled, his lips vibrating against her throat.

She laughed breathlessly. "I think I can handle that."

She shifted on him then, straddling his hips. They spent the next hour not speaking, but making love - reaffirming their connection and complete devotion to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yeah so - these kids are changing plans on me. GAH! *smh* I fully intended to have something happen that you guys have been begging for... but they got in my way.
> 
> Oh, oh, oh! Guess who's back? Back again! That's right, jadedandboring is feeling better enough that she let me pester her for beta again! Woo! Poor girl. I'm so needy and demanding. Anyway - give her love for coming back to me (to us!) and taking over beta. :)


	9. I'll Do Anything

Two weeks after the accident, the team was finally about ready to make an arrest on Sam Uley. The case against Paul and Jared Wolfe was a little trickier though.

Edward had to give credit where it was due. Sam was not like many corporate criminals, hiding his misdeeds under other people's names so, should shit hit the fan, none of the blame landed on him. For being the ones with the most power, the CEOs usually took the least responsibility.

Gradually, as the focus of the case shifted from Sam to the Wolfe Brothers, Edward couldn't help but think back to his conversation with Rachel. He was missing something. There was a huge sum of money missing that if they could figure out where it had been siphoned, the team would be able to cinch the case with certainty. Emily Uley and Kim Wolfe, Jared's wife, were completely clueless about their husbands but Rachel...

Admittedly, it seemed unlikely that of all three significant others, the newest would be the most in the know. Still, her defensiveness had made Edward suspicious.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Edward breathed deeply, tossing the headphones on the bed. He'd been listening to the tape of his conversation with Rachel, trying to catch where she might have faltered in her answers.

In the silence of his room, Edward had to acknowledge there was a chance he was just trying too desperately not to think about Bella and the situation he would soon find himself in. When an arrest was made, the investigation would officially move back to Seattle - three hours away from Bella's hospital room.

Edward fell back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling and allowing his requisite few moments of the day to feel extremely sorry for himself.

Seeing Bella was like a daily covert mission. Two weeks into the game, Edward had pretty well profiled everyone's habits. Renee came early while Charlie stayed late - though Charlie was more likely to skip an evening, seeing as he was still needed down at the station. Edward knew the nurse's shifts and when each specialist came to visit Bella. He only nodded at the night security guard as he passed now.

Still, he did it gladly, completely unable to fathom the idea of not being at her side as often and as long as he could.

The idea of going back to Seattle was a crushing one. Days were turning into weeks, and going to Seattle felt like admitting that she wasn't going to wake up.

The mere thought had Edward's throat closing up, his chest seizing so it was impossible to breathe. He closed his eyes tight,a mantra filling his mind, shutting out everything else.  _She will wake up, she will wake up, she will wake up._

She had to.

Edward swallowed hard, trying to breathe again. He almost missed the soft knock at the door.

Sitting upright again, Edward tried his hardest to erase the agony from his expression, sure it was his mother at the door come to check on him. Esme was definitely more than a little suspicious of him at this point. He should have known that he couldn't keep a secret this big from his mother, but he still didn't have the words to explain it all to her. Esme would want to help, and he would just end up more frustrated because he was still stuck so firmly between a rock and a hard place.

There was no sense in making them both miserable when his hands were tied.

"Come in," he managed after a few more moments. His voice sounded as raw as his throat felt. Grimacing, he reached for the bottle of water that rested on his nightstand, taking a long drink from it as the door opened.

It wasn't Esme but Alice who came in. "Hey," she greeted him, smiling gently.

"Hey," he answered back, trying to return the smile and failing. "What are you doing up here? Jasper will have my ass if I monopolize what little time you have."

She smirked. "Yes, well... he'll have to deal with it for a minute. I have something for you."

Climbing onto the bed with him, she grabbed his laptop, pulling it toward her. Edward frowned, about to protest as she was not supposed to see the details of the case he had displayed, but he was distracted by his curiosity when she popped open the disc drive. "What are you doing?"

"You'll see," she said, her smile eager.

He waited as the media player popped up. Alice tugged his headphones out of the jack, and a fast, steady whirring sound filled the room. Edward's eyes went wide, his lips parting in surprise. "Is that..."

"Your baby's heartbeat."

Edward put a hand to his mouth, too awed to be embarrassed that tears pricked at his eyes. He listened, the beginnings of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "It's so fast," he breathed.

Alice nodded slowly. "It's a strong heartbeat. Bella's doctors are keeping close eye on the baby. So far, he appears to be developing normally."

Edward closed his eyes, listening to the loop of his baby's heartbeat. He so very much needed some kind of hope to hold on to. The baby's progress was something tangible he could measure, so different from tiny observations on Bella's improved coloring or slightly easier breathing.

"Edward," Alice began, and he could tell from the tone of her voice that he wasn't going to like what she was about to say. "Have you considered... I mean, Bella might not wake up for a while yet. Have you considered what you're going to do if she doesn't wake up by the time decisions have to be made about the baby?"

"What do you mean 'decisions about the baby'?" He asked, panic beginning to prick at his already taxed heart. "What kind of decisions?"

"Well, right now it's just a matter of waiting. There's not much the doctors can see." She spoke softly, gently, in that 'I'm sorry to have to tell you' tone that Edward couldn't stand. "But with the trauma Bella suffered, particularly given that she wasn't breathing for a few minutes on the beach, there's no telling what... challenges might lay ahead. The last thing you need is to get into a legal battle when hard and fast decisions might need to be made about  _your_ baby." She bowed her head slightly, looking him in the eyes with a compassionate expression. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

For a long time, Edward said nothing. He understood. He'd known from the beginning that there could be long lasting effects to both Bella and the baby after a fall like hers.

Edward felt a rush of fierce protectiveness come over him. This was his child. No one else was going to make decisions about his or her health... no one but him or Bella.

His silence, to that point, had been the right thing to do - if there was any right path. On top of wanting Bella to be able to speak for herself, defend her decision to be with him, it had also helped the investigation tremendously.

But if it came down to a choice between his work and his family, there was no question. He would have to leave justice in Jasper and the other agent's capable hands.

He swallowed hard, turning over his options. "The investigation will move back to Seattle by the end of the week," he said slowly. "If Bella hasn't waken up by the time that happens...I'll tell everyone. I'll die before they make me leave her side."

~0~

All through the long day, Edward kept remembering the steady, thrumming sound of his baby's heartbeat. It was like a catchy song stuck in his head, but much less annoying; it was the most beautiful song he'd ever heard.

Of course, it meant that thoughts of Bella were so close, it was as if she was under his skin, in his bloodstream.

He needed to see her.

Taking a chance, he stopped by the hospital. It was easier to walk around without being questioned during the day, but then again, the likelihood someone was in her room was a lot higher.

Peering in carefully, Edward could see it was not just someone, but multiple someones. He tried to turn away, but he was caught.

"Edward," Renee called, smiling as she hurried over to the door to catch him.

"Mrs. Dwyer, I was just -"

She shook her head. "Never mind all that." She said, taking his hand. "I don't believe you anyway. Come in here."

"What is this?" Edward asked warily, looking around the room to see a tired, irritated looking Charlie, a bemused Billy Black, Embry Call, Quil Ateara, woman he recognized as from Bella's stories as her best friend, Angela, and a complete stranger - a woman in pastel colors with a gentle smile.

"This is Zafrina," Renee said, her arm on the stranger. "She's a priestess who's going to lead us through an exercise." She looked down, resting her hand on Bella's leg through the blanket. "See if we can't focus our energy to guide Bella home."

"Ridiculous," Charlie muttered under his breath, crossing his arms and looking away.

Billy turned to him. "Science and medicine haven't helped her, Charlie," he said quietly. "What else is left besides magic?"

Charlie didn't answer, but at least he didn't protest.

"And what can I do?" he asked, not sure what his place was supposed to be.

Zafrina smiled at him kindly. "Anyone who cares for Bella can help. She's not gone. She's lost. She needs familiar faces to guide her way home."

Dubious though he was, Edward was more than willing to try anything. "Okay, what do we do?"

She smiled and beckoned him forward. "Everyone take the hand of the person next to you."

Edward ended up between Angela and Quil. The former looked at him curiously. Of course, she was the only one who had no idea who he was and how he knew Bella. Quil nodded at him briefly. They'd been introduced when Edward and Jasper were conducting interviews of the La Push residents.

"This is a matter of concentration, of energy," Zafrina began. "No matter what you believe, I know all of us gathered here only want Bella to get well. Think of that emotion - your desire to help her - and concentrate your will. Whatever effort you would put forth to help bring Bella's soul back to her body, use that energy here. Now."

She let the room lapse into silence for a moment, letting her words sink in. Though he could see out of his peripheral vision that most of the gathered people let their eyes close, Edward kept his eyes open, trained on Bella's face.

He would have given anything, everything in him, if only she opened her pretty eyes.

"Bella," Zafrina said, her tone melodic. "I know you're drifting, and you don't know where home is. It's very peaceful where you are. It would be nice to stay, but Bella, this isn't where you belong.

"Do you remember when your father took you fishing when you were a little girl? The lakes around Forks are so peaceful, tranquil. That's where you are right now: floating in a boat on the water, the waves lapping against the side."

Edward began to understand what Zafrina was trying to do. If one believed that Bella's soul was untethered, what she was doing was providing a real, tangible place to act as an anchor. If she could trip Bella's memories, make the place her soul was existing somewhere on earth, maybe she would find her way back to her body.

In theory, it made sense. Even though Edward was prone not to believe such new age nonsense, he would believe in anything if there was even a sliver of a chance it could help her.

"The boat you're in is tethered to the shore, Bella," Zafrina continued. "You won't drift away completely. In fact, if you look toward the shoreline, you can see... it's filled with people who love you. Your family and friends are there, waiting. They'll pull you back to shore if you'll let them. They're all right here. Your mother and father. Your best friend. Jacob's best friends."

 _And me_ , Edward thought, wishing he could squeeze her hand.  _I'm here, and I'll never leave you alone._

_**~Two Weeks and One Day Previous~** _

When he opened the door to find Bella on his doorstep, Edward simply pulled her into his arms. He hugged her tightly, not even kissing her but just breathing in her scent, her presence.

"It doesn't feel right when you're not with me," he realized out loud.

She laughed, the sound buried against the skin of his neck. As she raised her head, she drew the tip of her nose along his throat, up to his chin. Finally, she tilted her head back enough that she could look in his eyes. "I was just thinking the same thing." She sighed. "Last week we went camping with Quil and Embry. It felt so wrong... Jacob wrapped his arm around me. It was innocent," she said quickly, noticing when his body tensed. "But I wanted it to be you."

He brought his hand up, running his fingers along her jawline. "It'll be us. Soon," he promised.

The thought brought a smile to her face, and Bella rose on the balls of her feet to kiss him. It was a long, thorough kiss. Having been separated from her for almost two weeks, save for the fact that they texted every day, Edward easily could have devoured her. He could have let his most base desires take over, and he knew Bella wouldn't have argued even if he had her right there on the floor of the entryway.

Standing there, with his arms around her, and her hands pressing against the small of his back, Edward was not in the mood for ravishment.

He wanted to kiss her for hours, as if there was no limit on the amount of time they could spend together.

 _Soon_ , he reminded himself. Soon the neediness he felt, the restlessness that he felt whenever his mind wasn't preoccupied, the ache of missing her would be a thing of the past.

Then, their life would begin.

He couldn't wait.

There was no part of him that worried that their spark, their fervor for each other was borne of the thrill of secrecy. The fact that he couldn't tell the world he was in love with her made him rather disgruntled, actually.

At the very least, he wished he could tell his mother.

When, year after year, he never brought anyone home, Esme had worried about him, as mothers were prone to. She would love Bella. Well, she would probably love anyone who treated her youngest son properly, but Edward felt she would absolutely adore Bella.

He wanted to take Bella home and accept all the consequences that went with that: his brother's teasing, his mother's never subtle questioning. He wanted to meet her parents, shake her father's hand.

He wanted to know what their first fight was going to be about and if make-up sex was really as hot as people made it out to be.

"Hey," he said, reluctantly releasing her lips as a thought occurred to him.

"Hmm?" Her cheeks were piqued, her skin radiating warmth. She blinked up at him as if coming out of a dream.

Cupping her cheek, he chuckled softly. "Let's go somewhere for the weekend."

Her eyes went wide. "What? Today? Edward, you know Jake and I have to be at Emily and Sam's tomorrow."

He shook his head, dropping his hand to twine with hers. "That's not what I mean. After. The very next weekend after this whole mess is over. We can plan it today so we can just take off when we can be together. Anything you want. Anywhere you want."

"Anything I want?" she asked, her eyes light.

He nodded. "Yeah, anything. Anywhere."

She laughed, tugging him closer so she could peck his lips. "The very next weekend, when this is all over, I want to go to Forks. I want to go to my dad's house on Friday and scandalize him by sharing the spare bedroom with you," she said, grinning mischievously.

"You're trying to get me shot?" he asked, but he laughed as he said it.

"FBI outranks small town Sheriff. He won't pull a gun on you," she assured him.

He chuckled. "And after we traumatize your father?"

"Obviously, we move on to your parents," she replied quickly, nodding sagely. "They're on the to do list for first thing that Saturday morning." She wound her arms around his neck, her eyes still twinkling as she teased him. "From what you've told me of your brother, we're going to have to do more than sleep in the same bed under their roof to shock them." She pursed her lips. "So what'll it be? I could stuff a pillow under my shirt and pretend I'm pregnant. Oh, or I could dress up as a tranny."

He laughed, ducking his head against her neck so he could muffle his chortling against her shoulder blade. When he lifted his head again, his tone was serious, though his smile was adoring. "It doesn't matter what you do, Bella. They're going to love you. They just won't be able to help it."

She tilted her head, honest trepidation tempering the humor that had been there just a moment before. "Really? You think they'll like me?"

Tucking a finger under her chin, he took her lips softly between his. "Honestly, Bella. They'll be thrilled." He grinned at her. "You don't know my family. They're honest. An hour with you and they'll be wondering what you're doing with a guy like me."

She sighed, leaning into him as they kissed again. "Obviously, I have incredibly bad taste in men." She smiled against his lips. "And I do know your father, at least in passing. I'm pretty sure he was the one who stitched me up the last time I had to have stitches."

For minutes there was only the sound of their skin moving together, clothing to clothing, mouth to mouth. He managed to walk them into the living room where they sunk into the recliner together.

"I mean it, you know," she said, tracing the line of his jaw with a single finger. "All the shock value things aside, I do want to tell our parents, as terrifying as that is."

Amused, he twirled a lock of her hair around his fingers. "Terrifying?"

She rolled her eyes. "One of the benefits of dating your best friend? The parents already know him."

"And approve of him," Edward said, grimacing.

Bella knocked lightly on his forehead. "Don't start. You're an FBI Agent. There's nothing that isn't respectable about that. You'll be fine." She smiled. "So we'll do it."

"Of course. The very first weekend that this is all over," he promised.

_**~Now~** _

In all Bella's childhood, there was one nightmare she never forgot. She was on a boat - one of her father's little fishing dingies - in the middle of the night. What she was doing there, she never knew. Even when her father took her, Bella had never been fond of fishing. She simply appeared there, in the middle of a tumultuous sea, screaming as the little boat pitched and tossed, threatening to capsize her in the unforgiving, endless ocean.

Though she hadn't had the dream in years, she hadn't forgotten the complete, utter terror. There was no controlling the boat or the roiling water, nor was there any discernible pattern that might have let her get her bearings.

The tossing of the boat was making her unbearably nauseated - this sensation was new. She groaned, trying to curl in on herself, but there was a different kind of tugging at each of her hands.

"Bella? Bella?"

That voice. That voice had never been part of this nightmare before, but this was a welcome change. Somehow, she knew if she could get to that voice, she would be safe. Wild to feel warmth and dry, steady land again, Bella tried to drag her eyes open, needing to find the voice.

She gasped and moaned again when her eyes met an impossibly bright light. It felt like each beam had sent a separate, long, deadly sharp nail through her skull. She whimpered.

"Nurse! Someone! Help her. Please!"

The voice was begging. He wanted to take away her pain.

Beyond the agony of her brain trying to pulse its way out of her skull with every heartbeat, above the inescapable nausea that made her want to drag her protesting limbs into a fetal ball, Bella was becoming increasingly aware of a persistent, confused line of thought.

This horrible nightmare... Every time she had it in the past, she woke screaming, finding herself safe in her bed with her father's arms tight around her. As full consciousness returned, Bella's mind was stuck on several facts. First, she was not safe in her bed, and the ill effects of the nightmare were not fading away as her father rocked and shushed her. Second, the voice that made her feel a safe harbor was within reach did not belong to her father.

More voices intruded - a lot more. Someone was touching her. Actually, several someones were touching her. No... they were restraining her. She was thrashing. They were calling her name and urging her to calm down.

Trying to get a hold of her panic and confusion, Bella made every effort to do as they told her. She breathed deep, and that helped her churning stomach a little.

Finally, she succeeded in opening her eyes, this time blinking past the too-bright light around her. Panic pricked at her again when she realized her sight was blurred, but only a few seconds later, the world came into focus.

There were quite a few faces around her, all of them focused and concerned, but one face stood out in the crowd. Bella's eyebrows furrowed, spotting him almost instantly. He was watching the proceedings with wide, anguished eyes.

And he was staring at her.

"Edward Cullen?" she heard herself whisper though there was so little volume to her voice, it was a wonder she made any sound at all. "What are you doing here?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I love you jadedandboring! Jsyk. And barburella too.
> 
> Soooo. She's awake! Yay!
> 
> Yay?


	10. I Don't Know What To Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: My dear, dear readers.
> 
> I know. I'm a horrible person. I've heard your cries. You're right. It's too much. It's too mean.
> 
> Bear with me. I have a plan. I don't think it's "typical" or cliche, but you're gonna have to tell me. Buckle up. Keep an open mind. I have an...interesting ride ahead for you.

Bella had discovered that if she lay with her head facing away from the door, toward the window, people would naturally assume she was asleep. Normally, Bella wasn't the type of person to deceive, but if it meant they wouldn't ask her stupid questions and she wouldn't have to see that pitying look on their faces, she was all for it.

How was she feeling? That was the most popular question.

The truth was, she had no idea.

When she finally woke fully from the nightmare of the tossing sea, calmed by nurses rather than her father, Bella had been set upon by Dr. Snow.

She remembered Dr. Snow. The woman had stitched her up more than once. One of the negatives of having such a rambunctious best friend when she had two left feet was the increased likelihood of injury.

Bella's lower lip trembled.

She closed her eyes, wishing she could sleep for real. Then maybe she could wake up and the world would make sense again. Nothing made sense now. It was worse than her nightmare of being lost in a violent sea. At least, if that nightmare were real, it would match physically what she should have been feeling - if she could feel anything at all. Instead, the room was sedate. People walked in carefully and spoke to her in soft voices. Maybe worst of all, Bella said nothing. When the doctor and her parents softly told her how she ended up in the hospital, each factoid hit her like a hammer hits a nail on the head, driving her deeper and deeper down below the surface.

It was as if her mind and heart simply couldn't accept their words. They had to be wrong.

Her most recent memories, before waking up in her hospital bed, consisted of all things summer break. She would start her Senior year of high school in just two short months. She worked at Newton's Outfitters part time and spent most of the rest of her time with Angela or Jacob.

Jacob, who was her best friend.

Often, when they hung out, people would mistake Jake for her boyfriend. It annoyed Bella to no end that people assumed girls and boys couldn't be just friends. Her friends at school were constantly trying to get her to admit that she liked him like that.

The thought of kissing him just seemed... weird.

That was the first hit of the hammer. The night before, after the doctor asked her random questions - do you know where you are, do you know your name, who's the current president - Bella had gotten frustrated. She was sure she'd been doing something stupid with Jake - maybe he'd finally been able to convince her to go cliff diving - and she bumped her head. What was she doing, she'd asked. And was Jake okay, or did he have a concussion too?

Taking her hand, her mother had told her there were some things she needed to know. First and foremost, she and Jake were a couple.

They had been for nearly six years.

She'd shaken her head vehemently. They had to be wrong. They had to be mistaken. "Where is he?" she'd demanded. If this was some elaborate joke he was playing, she was going to beat the crap out of him.

"Bella..." Charlie's voice had been low and gravely as always, but it was the emotion she heard in his usually plain tone that sent a chill right down her spine.

He said there was an accident. Jacob and Sam were arguing. Sam pushed Jacob through a glass door, and she fell off a cliff.

Obviously, Bella understood there were huge gaps in that story, but she couldn't deal with those questions yet. She was stuck on the most devastating part.

Jacob was gone.

Her best friend was dead.

Dead and buried.

She was too stunned to react, too numb to let those words sink in.

Then they'd delivered the final blow, and Bella hadn't said more than three words since then.

"Is she asleep?" Bella heard her father's voice ask.

It was afternoon. She'd been awake from her coma for about twelve hours. Her mother had been by her bedside for the last three, uncharacteristically quiet. "Yeah," Renee replied softly.

"Has she talked at all?"

Renee sighed. "No. This is... Charlie, she's almost catatonic."

"How would you feel?" Charlie returned in a gruff whisper. "She's missing six fucking years, Renee. She thinks she's a kid. Even without a head injury, this is way too much to put on a 17 year old girl." Bella felt his tender touch at her cheek. Though she knew her father was worried and hurting, she couldn't bring herself to roll over and reassure him.

"With everything else that's going on, I'm worried that this pregnancy will be traumatic for her," Charlie said after a moment.

At the word pregnancy, Bella squeezed her eyes shut tightly, her mind automatically shutting down.

It was almost as if the word had been spoken in a foreign language. Since they'd told her she was pregnant the night before, the term had lost all meaning.

Oh, it provided a logical explanation for the things that were happening with her body. Intellectually, she knew it was the reason her tits were sore and she was constantly nauseated. Viscerally, she had no emotion. She simply couldn't think about it, couldn't wrap her mind around what pregnancy meant. For her it was simply a word thrown in with the rest of her diagnosis.

Traumatic brain injury.

Retrograde amnesia.

Pregnancy.

It all added up to this fog in her mind that seeped at her will to even move. Too much. How a situation could make her at once want to run away as far and as fast as she could while rendering her too exhausted to think was beyond her.

"Bella?"

Her parents must have been alerted to her wakefulness by the stutter of her breath. Resigned, Bella rolled her head away from the window to look at them. Part of her wanted to attempt a smile, but she simply felt too exhausted to try.

"Hi, honey," Renee said softly, her voice hardly more than a breath as she smoothed a lock of Bella's hair back.

"Hi," Bella answered back.

"The doctor said you could try some real food in a little while," Charlie said, trying to smile. It looked more like a grimace.

Bella nodded slowly. The thought of food wasn't appealing given that her stomach was churning unpleasantly in her gut. "Good," she said for her parents sake more than her own.

As her parents tried to make small talk, Bella did her best to pay attention. Still, she found her mind wandering. She was still confused as to what point her nightmare the night before became reality.

Replaying the befuddling, chaotic events of the night before, Bella's eyebrows suddenly furrowed. She looked up at her parents. "Can I ask a really stupid question?"

Her parents exchanged a surprised glance. Bella supposed it was the longest sentence she'd uttered since she woke up. "Anything," Renee said too eagerly.

"This is... Well... was Edward Cullen here last night?"

~0~

It had been pure chance that he was with Bella when she awoke in the middle of the night.

He couldn't sleep that night, no matter how he'd tried. The itch to be at Bella's side was a need so powerful he felt like he would go right out of his skin if he couldn't go to her. Admittedly, he hadn't put up that much of a fight, giving in to the want to see her easily. He waved at the security guard and dodged the nurses to duck into her room. Even when the nurses came in, startled to find him in her room, he flashed his badge. They stopped asking questions after that, and because he knew he was going to come clean in the next couple of days, Edward didn't think twice about the repercussions.

Soon, everyone would know what Bella meant to him.

But as he held her hand, talking to her about nothing and everything, he felt her fingers twitch against his skin.

Then her eyelids started to flutter.

He called her name, scarcely able to move, so afraid he was dreaming.

Her body went rigid, her breath wild, and he heard a pain-filled whine at the back of her throat. When she began to thrash, he panicked, calling for the nurses because someone needed to help her.

In the chaos that had ensued, he was pushed out of her hospital room. All of a sudden they were a lot stricter about their rules, and no amount of his yelling, pleading, an threatening got him access to her room. He'd only backed off when her parents arrived, resigning himself to wait.

She would ask for him. He was convinced of this fact.

Renee came out of the room before everyone else, her hand pressed tight to her mouth and tears running down her cheeks. Completely fearful that something had gone terribly wrong, that she'd slipped away again, Edward had gone to her.

Not caring how it looked, he begged her to tell him what was going on. Regardless of what she thought - that his obsession was borne of his work - Edward and Bella were friends, and he cared about her.

Through tears, Renee managed to convey the doctor's suspicions. Then she'd asked him to leave, telling him Bella was resting now and she didn't want him to bother her with questions about the case.

Devastated didn't seem like a strong enough word for what Edward felt then. He was struck absolutely dumb by the implications of Renee's words. He would have fallen right on his ass if there hadn't been a chair behind him. As it was, he slumped forward, his head against his knees, as if he had no bone mass in his upper body. Bowed... he was literally bowed by the news.

Out of pure necessity to do something, Edward eventually stood and stumbled out of the hospital, to his car. He hardly remembered the drive home, only that when he got there, he was a degree of furious he had no name for.

Sitting alone in the garage, he writhed with the injustice of it all. Why? Why did Bella have to suffer this after everything? And after struggling alone for two long weeks, why did this happen to them?

Them.

There was no them.

No one else knew. The only other person who knew they were together was dead, and now, Bella didn't remember.

They'd been erased.

Edward had never stopped to understand what people meant when they said it felt like the walls were closing in on them. He did then. Walls tumbling down, encroaching on his space, left him feeling panicked and claustrophobic. A crushing weight was hovering, and if he stopped moving, it was going to kill him.

He could feel it.

Edward's trembling fingers pulled at the handle of the car door. He ran for the house like he was being chased. Once he was in the house, he slammed the door shut behind him, not giving a damn that it was three in the morning and the rest of the household was sleeping. At the moment, time was meaningless to him. Everything was meaningless except for the fact the world was falling apart.

And the damnable thing of it all was that he'd asked for it.

How often in the last two weeks had he offered up anything - everything - if only she'd open her eyes?

Well, wish granted.

Breathing raggedly, Edward tried to wrap his mind around that concept.

If this was the price of her being awake and alive, it couldn't be too much.

He crouched, feeling dizzy, and wrapped his arms over his head as if that could stop the world from spinning so crazily on its axis.

And their relationship, what they'd been to each other, wasn't erased.

There was something very tangible that proved it wasn't all just a dream.

Edward let out a low moan. He was still agonized, but it felt like something he could hold under his skin. Tolerable, though only barely.

"Edward?"

Startled, Edward looked up just as his parents knelt by his side. His father pushed his hair out of his eyes, searching for signs of trauma. Taking another steadying breath, Edward carefully pushed Carlisle's hands away.

"Edward, what's wrong?" Carlisle asked urgently. Esme touched his cheek with the back of her palm as if checking for fever.

"I'm fine," he said shortly, climbing to his feet. He had to laugh then, the sound vaguely maniacal. "No. No, I'm not fine."

Carlisle placed a gentle hand on his arm, leading him to the table to sit down. Immediately, Edward buried his head in his arms, still trying to gather his thoughts.

"Dad..." he began, his voice small even to his own ears. "For um... When someone has amnesia, how likely are they to... I don't know, snap out of it? Remember?"

When his father didn't answer right away, Edward lifted his head. Carlisle was watching him with a soft but suspicious expression. "Amnesia after a head injury?" he qualified.

Edward nodded.

"Well, head injuries are notoriously difficult to predict. Often it's a matter of time before memories begin to come back," Carlisle said, in full on doctor mode now. "I can't say I have a lot of experience in the area, though. That's a question for a specialist."

"But generally," Edward pressed. "Can anything be done to help them remember?"

Carlisle pursed his lips, glancing first at his wife before turning his gaze back to his son.. "Edward... does this have anything to do with Bella Swan?"

Edward stared at the table top, feeling ashamed. He knew his parents were going to wonder how he could have kept this from them. Part of him still thought it was a good idea to keep it a secret; after all, what could they possibly do to help him or Bella? But he realized suddenly that he was desperate to tell them. He needed them to know because he needed their support.

He needed his parents.

"Yes, sir," he finally answered, his head still bowed.

He felt his mother's hand on his back. "Sweetheart, you can tell us."

Edward took a deep breath. Though he'd done nothing wrong - he and Bella had been involved in a loving, adult relationship - it felt strangely like he had to admit to getting a girl in trouble. "We were... I'm in love with her," he finally said.

"Oh, honey," Esme sighed. "How difficult this all must have been for you... watching someone you care for with another man..."

Edward shook his head vehemently. "You don't understand." He ran his hands over his eyes, digging his fingernails into the flesh of his cheeks just trying to ground himself. "The baby? Her baby? It's mine. Not Jacob's."

His mother gasped. His father murmured a low, "Oh, God."

Leaning his forehead on his palms, Edward sighed and told them the whole story.

~0~

Gradually, the night turned into morning and morning faded to afternoon. Jasper, after he heard about Bella, had covered all of Edward's official duties, something Edward was grateful for as he was having trouble concentrating on much of anything at all.

Mid afternoon, Jasper came back. Edward didn't acknowledge his presence. He didn't even turn from where he'd been sitting in the living room, staring out at the trees behind the house.

It was better now that his parents knew and worse at the same time. They could help him shoulder the burden of his heavy secrets, but at the same time, telling them hadn't flipped a magical switch.

How he longed for the days when Mommy and Daddy could fix everything from scrapes to problems that seemed bigger than the world.

He heard Jasper sigh, but still didn't look up, even when his partner sat down on the couch opposite him.

"You know, moping isn't going to solve anything either."

Edward chuffed. "What is it you want me to do?" he asked, his voice raw. He had no idea what his next step should be. The agony that Bella didn't remember what they had weighed heavily with Alice's words from a few days previous. He wanted to be a part of his child's life, especially if decisions had to be made before he was born. The problem now was that he would inevitably add to her confusion, and therefore, likely set back her progress, if he were to attempt to explain the situation to her.

Bella would need to lean on others to restore the last six years of her life. The problem was, everyone else in her life had a very different experience of the last few months.

As Jasper attempted to suggest courses of action, Edward repeatedly shot him down. Why his partner was not getting exactly how helpless he was in this situation, Edward couldn't fathom.

But it was pissing him off.

"Don't you get it?" Edward finally exploded, turning to glare at Jasper. "She is not in love with me. As far as she's concerned, she's 17 fucking years old. Her best friend is dead and she's pregnant, and you want me to  _tell_ her she's in love with me?" He shook his head. "I can't do that. She's got to be completely stressing out. I can't add to that."

Feeling like he was skating the edge of madness, Edward drew the pads of his fingers down his cheeks. "I don't know what to do," he admitted to his friend. "On the one hand, there's the baby to consider. It's my child, I should have some say, and I know that. That feels like the right thing, and maybe that should be the most important thing. But I want her, Jasper. God help me, I want her back. I don't want her to feel obligated to love me, or to even try to love me, just because I love her, or we're having a child together."

For a prolonged minute there was silence between the two friends. "I don't envy your position, Edward. I really don't. I promise I'm not trying to be a dick, here. I wish I knew the magic words to make this all right again.

"But that being said, I will tell you what's not going to work: you doing nothing." Jasper gave a little chuff of laughter. "You got her to fall in love with you once. Don't you think you could do it again?"

Edward's eyes snapped up to his partner's. "You want me to pursue her?" He gave a wry laugh. "Are you fucking crazy? I didn't even pursue her the first time, and you want me to woo her when she thinks she's a teenager pregnant with another man's baby?"

"Well, fuck, Edward. You have to do something," Jasper said, throwing his hands in the air. "This clusterfuck isn't going to unravel itself." He tapped his chin. "Although, all things considered you probably should at least talk to the girl first. Who knows. Maybe seeing your face again will make her remember."

Tilting his head all the way back, Edward stared at the ceiling. "You know I'm not that fucking lucky."

"Stranger things have happened," Jasper said mildly.

Before Edward could answer to that, his phone rang. Feeling as bone weary as an old, old man, he brought the phone to his ear. "Cullen."

"Agent Cullen? This is Chief Swan," the uncomfortable voice on the other end of the phone said.

Edward straightened up in his seat. "Yes, sir?"

There was a sigh and a pause. "Bella's asking to see you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you to barburella and jadedandboring. They love me, even if you don't ;)


	11. The First Step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: My bad. She's missing eight years. I can't add, apparently.

_**~8 Years Ago (or last week in Bella time)~** _

It was the rainiest summer that Forks had ever seen, which meant that Bella's job at Newton's Outfitters was even slower than usual. She'd stocked the shelves and swept the floor. Since she was alone in the shop, she allowed herself the indulgence of putting her feet up on the counter and sticking her nose in a book.

She'd only progressed a single chapter when the bell rang, alerting her to the fact she had customers. The sound of laughter greeted her immediately, one chuckle deep and boisterous and the other light. It was such a pleasing sound, and it drew Bella's gaze away from her book.

When she saw the boys - the men - who walked in, Bella very nearly fell off right out of her chair.

If the town of Forks had a royal family, it would be the Cullens. There was the good doctor, the town's most skilled surgeon and all around nice guy. He was also ridiculously attractive. Even for girls Bella's age, surgery wasn't as scary if it was him performing it. If a building were being restored or there was some big benefit going on, you could bet that Esme Cullen was behind it. She was the epitome of class, and unfailingly kind.

Then there were the sons. Forks's princes were many times more attractive than the royal princes of England. Emmett Cullen was eldest by three years. He'd recently graduated with a Master's degree in psychology and, if rumor could be believed, was going to work with troubled kids in Seattle.

And Edward... Well. Edward annoyed her.

He annoyed her because since she'd gotten a really good look at him when she was fourteen years old, she'd fallen.

Before that day - her first day of high school - she'd always rolled her eyes at the pedestal the rest of the town put the Cullens on. Why they were so fascinated, she didn't understand.

Until she laid eyes on Edward.

Feeling every bit the foolish Freshman, she'd been running, trying to get to her class on time after going the wrong way. Of course, as she flew around the corner, she collided with another student. Bella's books went flying yet, inexplicably, it was the other girl who was pissed about it. "Watch where you're going, bitch!" the girl had screeched, shoving Bella as she walked by.

Bella would have fallen right on her ass except someone had caught her. She looked to the side to find herself enveloped by arms. Boy arms.

"Are you okay?" he'd asked, and Bella was drawn in by green, green eyes.

"Hey? Are you okay?"

Bella shook her head hard, coming out of her memory to find those same green eyes looking at her with some concern.

"Um, yeah," she said quickly, trying to cover the fact that she'd been staring. "Can I help you with something?"

Bella had to admit that somewhere along the line, her crush had gone from minute to overwhelming. Maybe it had something to do with the fact he was older. College boys were definitely more attractive than the boys at school. More mature. As a Senior in high school, he'd been a little gangly. He had a lot more muscle mass now.

Of course, she'd heard the rumor that he was looking to join the FBI. She imagined that one had to be quite physically fit for that.

Despite the fact that his older brother still dwarfed him by the mere size of his frame, it was Edward's muscles, not Emmett's, that Bella found herself eying. It was strange. Normally, things like arm muscles did nothing for her. However, when she saw the obvious strength of his arms, the muscles she could clearly see poking out from under his sleeves, Bella had such an urge to reach out and squeeze that she had to lean forward, trapping her hands on the counter.

Emmett laughed. "We need a new tent," he said, leaning forward on the counter. "We're going out to the Goats Rocks Wilderness."

Bella balked. "Aren't there a lot of bears around there?"

"Camping is boring if there isn't a bear to wrestle," Emmett replied with mock seriousness.

Chuckling at the expression on her face, Edward winked at her. "Don't worry. We know how to handle ourselves."

_**~Now~** _

"Bella, are you sure you want to do this? I just don't think it's a good idea to push yourself so quick," Renee fretted.

Sighing, Bella rolled her head away from the window to look at her mother. "There are just things I need to know that no one else could tell me." Not the least of which was why he'd been in her hospital room in the middle of the night.

A movement by the hospital room door caught her eye and Bella looked up. Edward stood in the doorway, peering in with an uncertain expression. He was wearing glasses, Bella noted. He'd been sans glasses when he stepped into Newton's.

Bella rather liked him in his glasses.

He looked considerably older than she knew he was, and Bella's eyebrows furrowed in concern. This was not the lighthearted teenager she'd known at fourteen, nor was he the grinning college boy she remembered from just a few days ago. There was no trace of the boy he'd been. What was left was a man who had the weight of the world on his shoulders. She wondered what he had seen, what he had experienced that could have made his features so troubled.

Then, their eyes met and his features lit up. A smile tugged at his lips, and even from across the room, she could see his jade eyes grow warmer. For that moment, he looked like the college boy again - all charm and youthful beauty. Bella's breath caught and she felt heat rise to her cheeks. Before she could help it, she found herself smiling back at him.

It was bizarre that despite her situation - her world so upside down and frightening - she still felt warmth spreading through her body like hot chocolate on a cold day and a twist in her stomach that had nothing to do with nausea.

Edward's steps were quick as he crossed the room to her. His hand came up and for a moment Bella thought he was going to touch her, but at the last second he rested it on the bad of her bed. "Hello, B... Miss Swan. It's so good to see you awake," he said softly.

The way he was looking at her, like she was the only person in the room, no, in the world, temporarily robbed her of words.

"This is not a good idea," Charlie said gruffly. Bella hadn't even seen him enter behind Edward. "Bella, this is too much. You're going to -"

"I'm fine," she insisted, annoyed and slightly embarrassed by her father's hovering. She was used to that kind of thing with Renee, but Charlie was typically good about giving her space.

She took a deep breath, shaking her head to dispel the ridiculous notion that Edward was looking at her with anything more than friendly concern. Her thoughts and emotions had always been slightly melodramatic when it came to him - way too teenage girl for her taste. "In fact, I would really like it if you let me speak to Ed... Agent Cullen alone."

"That's not happening," Charlie said at the same time Renee protested, "No, Bella!"

With a light growl, Bella looked up at Edward. "Tell me there's some law that what we talk about has to stay private."

Edward's lips quirked in amusement. He cleared his throat. "If I were questioning you, that might be something I could do," he said softly. Then he glanced in Charlie's direction. "But I've been told in no uncertain terms what would happen if I tried something like that."

Charlie crossed his arms, his mustache twitching as he made a face at the Federal Agent.

Bella sighed, rolling her head to look at her father. "Really. I'll be fine. There are just things I have to know." She'd been repeating this over and over since she requested they call Edward. They were afraid she would ask for details about how Jacob died - which she had every intention of doing. They didn't want her to be more upset than she already was.

But Bella needed to know, among other things, what her best friend died for.

And what part she might have played in his death. Her parents would never be honest with her if she was even remotely responsible, but she needed to know.

"Bella -" Renee began, but Bella cut her off.

"I know I'm not really 17, which means neither of you have custody of me," she said bluntly.

Charlie and Renee glanced at each other, and her father reached back, rubbing his neck in irritation. "Just... Be careful, Bells. If you push yourself too hard..."

Bella laughed bitterly. "Like anything he has to say would be harder to deal with than what you've already told me," she muttered under her breath.

A sad look crossed over both her parents' faces and inexplicably, Edward looked down at the floor, his expression rife with... guilt? She shook her head, feeling bad because it wasn't any of their faults anymore than it was hers. "Look, whatever. I promise I'm not going to freak out."

She wasn't entirely sure she could promise that when she didn't know. There was an eight year gap in her knowledge.

In eight years, so much could change... too much.

For a moment, that overwhelming maw that loomed whenever her thoughts strayed to the time she was missing threatened. Since she'd awaken, she'd felt like she was running, running, running, but only a fraction of a step in front of a boulder that was going to bowl her over and crush her flat. She breathed in deep, feeling panic tug at her.

"Are you okay?"

The words were spoken softly and just to her. Bella looked up, finding Edward's concerned eyes, soft and so soothing green, on her.

Somehow, she felt calmer instantly. "I'm fine," she said, meaning it for the first time that day. She looked to her parents. "Please, guys?"

They were both reluctant but Charlie touched a hand to Renee's shoulder. "Come on, Renee. I'll treat you to a late lunch." He looked at Edward. "Remember what we talked about."

Edward nodded, his expression serious.

When they were finally alone, Bella breathed a little easier. Her natural instinct was to take care of both her parents. Right now, being so aware of their worries was making her exhausted.

She had enough to deal with.

There was a rustle as Edward lowered himself into the chair Renee had recently vacated. He seemed somewhat nervous as he looked at her. "You had questions, Miss Swan?"

She grimaced. "Please don't call me that," she said with a sigh. She looked up at him, the nervousness she saw in his eyes making her feel a little edgy as well. "You were here last night."

He nodded slowly.

"I mean... I guess, I understand that... Jacob or I must have been involved with something if the FBI is involved." She looked down, fiddling with the edge of the blanket. "Were you on...bodyguard duty or something?"

He huffed, and when she looked up again, he seemed surprised. "No, it was nothing like that. What Jacob was involved in..." He ran his hands through his hair, looking momentarily like the young boy he'd been the first time they met. He blew out a breath and looked at her sheepishly. "I really don't know where to start with this story."

Looking at her earnestly, he tried again. "You're not in any danger, so please don't be scared. I was here last night because I couldn't sleep and because..." He seemed uncertain, as if he were picking and choosing his words carefully. "You and I... we've gotten to be really good... friends recently."

When he said the last words, he was looking down, anywhere but at her face. She found that curious and tucked it away for further examination later. There were more pressing matters on her mind. "We're friends?"

His smile was small and wistful as he looked at her again. "Yeah. We were... hanging out a lot recently."

The schoolgirl in her was ecstatic. "Oh," she said softly, trying to ignore the bubble of pleasure that made her want to giggle. "Well, then you really have to call me Bella."

His smile was a lot more broad then. "Okay, Bella."

She smiled briefly before heavier thoughts and questions encroached on her. As she prepared to ask the next question, her throat got tight and her heart twisted painfully in her chest. She didn't want to say the words. If she said the words, she would have to accept they were real. And if she had to accept these words were real, then she would have to acknowledge... everything.

Briefly, Bella toyed with the idea of feigning tiredness. Maybe her parents were right - she was pushing herself far too soon.

But she needed to know.

"Edward..." It felt both right and odd to address an adult as a friend. "If I'm not in any danger... I mean..." She huffed, trying to find the words she needed. When she looked up at him again, her vision was blurred with the tears that welled in her eyes. "How?"

Luckily, he seemed to understand her question.

He told her about Jacob discovering that there was something a little off about the way Imprint Inc did business. Eventually, he took his suspicions to the FBI and they asked him to wear a wire.

"Bella, I promise you... If we'd had any inkling at all this endeavor would be dangerous for either of you, things would have been very different," he said, his tone reeking of sincerity.

He went on to tell her that her friendship with Emily Uley facilitated get togethers, and that Jacob was slowly gaining Sam's trust.

"I don't believe Uley meant to kill Jacob," Edward said, his voice hard and his eyes fierce with anger. He took a long, slow breath, as if even thinking of the man made him furious. "From Mrs. Uley's testimony, when he discovered the wire, he and Jacob got into a shouting match. I don't believe he meant to push Jacob through the door, but that's what happened."

Bella's head was spinning. Even as straightforward a story as he told, she had so many questions.

How had Jacob ended up as a businessman? A job with hours and walls?

How horrible it must have been for him... Like most everyone in the tribe, Jacob looked up to Sam and, to a lesser degree, the Wolfe brothers. He didn't think they walked on water like some others did, but they'd all managed to have bigger lives than most residents of La Push dared to dream of. It must have been crushing - knowing what they'd become, not just for him but for his tribe.

 _Emily_ Uley? The last Bella had known, Sam Uley was dating Leah Clearwater. She and Leah had never been great friends, but she knew Leah's brother, Seth. If there was a break-up, she wondered how she'd ended up friends with Leah's ex-boyfriend's wife?

How much had Jacob suffered? If he'd been thrown through glass, she could presume he'd died of blood loss. How long had that taken?

"Bella..." Edward's voice was soft and helpless. Bella realized belatedly that there were tears streaking down her cheeks. Her breath was coming in little gasps, quickly building to sobs. Her whole body was beginning to quake, and though she tried to get a handle on herself, she was too far gone to stop it.

"Oh, God..." she whimpered. "He's dead... he's really dead." All she could see was Jacob's face, 16 years old and grinning at her with mischief in his dark eyes. Her friend who could make her laugh even when she felt like crying. Her friend so full of life and promise.

And it was all over for him.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I'm so sorry," she babbled the words in her heart, hoping and praying that he would hear, that he would know.

 _It's not fair. It's not right, and it's not fair_ , her mind screamed, so angry that the world had lost such a beautiful, wonderful boy... man. And why? Because Sam Uley and the others needed more money? It was maddening. It was infuriating. She screamed her livid fury out, but in her current, weakened state it was more of a pathetic growl than the terrible roar in her head.

"Bella..." Edward said again, and she felt his hand warm on her shoulder. Instinctively, she turned toward him, her arms winding around his neck. The hug was awkward because he was leaning over her bed, but he didn't let go. Instead, he moved gently until he could wind his arms around her, running his fingers through her hair to soothe her.

Though grief and utter anguish weighed heavily on her heart, making her chest ache with a pain so incredible, Bella wasn't entirely sure how her body withstood it, Bella was so glad Edward was there. Why she felt so safe with this man who was also a stranger to her, she didn't know, but she was glad it was him who was there when she broke down. Her parents would have been completely useless, as scared of tears as they were.

With Edward's arms around her, Bella felt like at the very least, that this would pass, and soon, she would be able to breathe again.

_**~0~** _

Edward did his best not to think until he got home again.

The crying jag had drained Bella of all her energy. She'd sobbed in his arms for minutes before she slumped, and when he laid her carefully back down again, she could barely keep her eyes open. He'd dried her tears with the back of his hand, shushing her attempt to apologize and encouraging her to sleep.

He didn't think she realized that she'd wrapped her hand around his arm, her fingers skimming the inside of his elbow, the movement automatic and ingrained. She'd done it all the time when they were together.

Some part of her remembered him, he was sure of it.

He was trying hard to not let that kernel of hope take over, knowing there was a long journey ahead and he couldn't get frustrated or try to push her to remember with her thoughts what her body obviously knew.

Once he was inside, Edward managed to get as far as the kitchen table for he had to sit. He slipped out of his glasses – his little attempt to elicit a memory from her as she loved when he wore his glasses - and rested his arms on the table with his head cradled in his arms, breathing through his nose to keep his emotions in check.

He was concentrating so much on keeping his thoughts absolutely clear, he didn't hear his mother approach until she was pulling up a chair next to him. Her gentle hands rubbed his shoulders for a few moments before she spoke. "Are you okay, Edward?"

Edward held his breath, not sure how to answer that question.

How could he explain what the visit had been like for him? How it was simultaneously heaven and hell.

Heaven because, my god... She was awake and feisty. Oh, he could see the difference. The Bella he knew wasn't as shy as the woman in the hospital room, though her bashfulness seemed to fade when her parents spiked her irritation. Still, she had a million nervous ticks that hadn't been present, to the best of his knowledge, before. She bit her lip and twirled her hair around her finger anxiously. But she was still Bella, alive and awake.

Though he wished with everything in him that he could take away her pain and ensure that nothing the world could conjure would ever hurt her again, it had been heaven to hold her in his arms. The feel of her body ensconced by his, the way she clung to him - so trusting - had healed a huge part of the wound on his overtaxed heart. He'd been so scared he would never get to hold her again.

At the same time, it was hell. Hellfire and damnation.

The way she'd looked at him, with a small, bashful smile, was not the way he was used to Bella looking at him. It was not the familiar look of a lover but of a girl being faced with a stranger who was only vaguely recognizable as someone she shouldn't be frightened of.

"She really doesn't remember me, Mom," he said dully. He lifted his head and huffed lightly. "I mean... she doesn't remember... what we were."

It hurt so much, referring to them in the past tense, that Edward couldn't speak. He put his hands over his eyes just trying to breathe through the pain. It had taken all his control, when she looked at him as if he was a stranger, not to fall right to his knees.

It was hell, telling her that they were friends when he wanted to tell her the truth. She was his world, and he wanted her back. They were going to have a baby, and he wanted them to be a family.

Edward struggled to steady is breath, squeezing his eyes tightly shut.

Right, because all of that wouldn't have overwhelmed her at all.

Esme's soft fingers wrapped around his, gently prying them away from his face.

"I'm sorry," Edward mumbled softly.

"For what?" his mother asked, perplexed.

He paused and gave a chuff of wry laughter. "I don't know," he admitted. "I feel like... I shouldn't be anything but thankful. She could have died, or never woken up. The baby could have died." His breath stuttered as he momentarily grappled with impossible what ifs. "So many people haven't been as lucky as I am."

She squeezed his hands tightly. "Edward, just because things could have been worse doesn't mean that they aren't difficult now. Count your blessings, yes, but give yourself the space to acknowledge everything you have lost, even if it's only temporary. We're here for you - your father and I. You don't have to be strong with us, so you can be strong for Bella."

Edward let her guide him down, laying his head on her shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him. "I miss her, Mom," he said in a whisper. "I miss her so much." He didn't think it was possible to miss her more than he had when she was unconscious. Seeing her today made the ache all but unbearable.

How could she be right in front of him but so out of reach?

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you to barburella and jadedandboring. I love you.
> 
> Well, what are we thinking now?


	12. Puzzle Pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I didn't get to all the reviews this time around, and I'm sorry about that. I love you all and read each review. It means the world to me that you're coming along on this little journey.

When she woke up after her visit with Edward, Bella was again lost to the silence.

She obeyed her various doctors' orders, walking with the physical therapist when it was required and sat through their various tests without complaint. Her body was healing; she was getting stronger. It would only be two days, possibly three, before she was released from the hospital.

 _Then_ _what_? she wondered. No matter how much time passed, she couldn't figure how this was supposed to work out.

Change had never been an easy thing for Bella. She agonized over every major life decision before she made a choice. Having so many decisions made for her was disorienting. Her life was completely unrecognizable.

It was a strange, surreal experience: being told who she was.

Her parents said she lived in Seattle, in a two bedroom apartment she shared with Jacob. She was a counselor at one of Seattle's local high schools. Her mother chuckled and said she must have inherited just a touch of her flightiness. She'd been so indecisive about what she wanted to do for a living, she ended up in a position where she helped high school kids figure out what they wanted for their future.

Not that any of it mattered. That past was over. Jacob was dead, and she didn't remember her education. A high school Senior couldn't be a guidance counselor.

And, as people kept trying to remind her, her life was just going to change dramatically again shortly.

The rest of the afternoon passed, bleeding into evening. Bella answered her parents' and the doctors' questions with as few words as possible. When they asked her to perform some task, she was obedient, proving that she was a real, live, functioning girl. For the life of her she couldn't figure out what came next - how being able to walk, talk, and reason logically would help her figure out what she was supposed to do with this strange life she'd been handed. She spent the rest of the time just staring out the window at the outside world she now felt so separated from.

Night became a new day, and Bella woke again when she heard a familiar, rumbling voice.

"How is she?" Billy asked, and Bella closed her eyes tighter, not knowing if she could face Jake's father.

Charlie sighed. "She's getting stronger but..." He paused, and when he spoke again, his voice was heavy with worry. "I don't know, Billy. She's so quiet. I don't know how to help her." He scoffed. "I don't even know if she needs help or she just needs time."

"Keep on as you have, I suppose," Billy said softly. "Day by day. That's all any of us can do right now."

Wise words, Bella reflected. She tried to remind herself that she didn't have to deal with everything all at once. The only way she was going to get through this was to take it one step at a time.

Right then, the next step she had to take was facing Billy. All things considered, it probably was going to be one of the easier things she would have to face in coming months.

Reminding herself that Billy had lost his son and just wanted to see she was doing well, Bella moved, pretending to stir. Under the guise of stretching, she stalled, breathing in deep and out again slowly before she turned.

"Hey, Bells," Charlie said, putting on a smile. He didn't hide his worry well, and Bella felt a brief pang. She wished she could smile back, let him believe she was fine, but she wasn't.

She hadn't yet found the strength to pretend, but she wanted to get there. She saw no reason her mother and father should suffer with her. "Hi, Dad," she greeted quietly.

Charlie nodded to the side and Bella looked up to find that Billy was there with a familiar looking young woman pushing his chair. "Rachel?" she guessed, knowing it was one of Jacob's sisters and guessing, as Rebecca was in Hawaii, it had to be Rachel.

The young woman smiled. "No. Rebecca."

Of course. Her brother's death would have been a good reason to leave Hawaii, even if the plane tickets were often pricey.

Billy smiled at her genuinely. "Hey, Bella. It's good to see you awake."

"I decided to stop being lazy," she tried to joke, but her tone fell too flat to impart much humor.

Billy and Rebecca smiled back at her anyway. Charlie hovered against the wall as they talked, his eyes ever watchful. For once, Bella was glad he was being so clingy. It meant he saw when she got too exhausted, noticed when her concentration wavered and she began to stumble over her words. He saved her the awkwardness of having to hint that she was tired. It was okay for Charlie to bluntly shoo his friend away.

The visit wasn't too bad, even better than she expected, until the very end. Just before they left, Billy rested his hand over her belly, oblivious to to her sudden discomfort and the way her body went rigid. "Take care of yourself, and your and Jacob's little package," he said, squeezing her hand briefly before Rebecca wheeled him away.

"Bella?" Charlie asked, his voice slightly panicked. "Are you okay?"

Bella realized she was gripping her blankets with fists so tight, her skin was taught and white around her knuckles. She was also biting her lip so hard she was very near to drawing blood. "I'm fine," she managed, but her voice was so strained, even the biggest sucker in the world would have called her on her bullshit.

Charlie sat in the chair beside her, stroking her arm a little too roughly to soothe. "What is it?" He asked, though his tone was distinctly nervous. "You can tell me. We can figure it out, whatever it is."

"It's ..." How could she put words to the panic that threatened to overwhelm her whenever she thought of the pregnancy? That word still seemed so impossible. She'd put so much of her energy to pretending it didn't exist. She couldn't handle the thought - not with everything else. But they wouldn't let her forget. Her mother tried to sympathize about her nausea. The doctors talked about the importance of vitamin D, folic acid, and keeping active once she was released from the hospital. Bella did her best to imagine her mind had an impenetrable shield. Any words she didn't want to hear became meaningless noise.

"It's just... I miss Jacob," she blurted, desperate to think of something else to escape the encroaching hysteria. It wasn't a complete lie, anyway. Seeing Billy and Rebecca made her ache for her friend. They'd spoken briefly about his service when she asked, and she'd been able to tell them how sorry she was she couldn't be there.

Charlie calmed considerably, and he patted her shoulder. "I know. It's been hard."

Bella tried to focus on Jacob. Even thinking about her friend, as heartbroken as it left her, was preferable to how she felt when she even began to think about the pregnancy. Simply dealing with waking up as she had, with eight years of her life missing and the world gone on without her, Bella felt like she was barely keeping her head above water. She knew she would have to deal with the reality that she was pregnant soon, but the prospect was petrifying. It loomed on her horizon like a hurricane gathering force, and she felt when it hit, she would surely be torn to pieces, left completely devastated and shattered.

Today, though, even Jacob's profound loss seemed small in her mind, and she couldn't hang on to it. She was being drawn closer and closer to the storm she wasn't even remotely ready to deal with. Her throat closed and her heart sped. Her lungs felt tight, pricked with pain because she'd begun to breathe too quickly. She scrambled for purchase, something to hold on to that would keep her world from spinning too crazily. "Can I... Can I borrow your phone?" she asked quickly. It was still strange to her. Cell phones were, obviously, not unheard of, but the fact they were so prevalent that her father - who still owned a VCR (though that might have changed as well) - carried one around was slightly mind boggling.

Then again, so was everything else.

Charlie looked confused. "Who do you need to call?"

Annoyance helped temper her rising panic. She was sure Charlie hadn't been this nosy when she was actually 17. "I just need to talk to Edward."

"Edward? You mean, Agent Cullen?" Charlie asked looking even more perplexed.

"We're friends. He told me that," she said defensively, feeling like she was being called out for being rude to one of her elders.

"I know that, Bella," Charlie said, his voice placating. "What do you need from him?"

That was a good question. Now that she thought of it, she couldn't quite understand why Edward's name had been the one she pulled out. Perhaps it was because she knew he was an FBI Agent that she felt somehow safer in his presence. All she knew is that she wanted to see him again. "Um. I didn't get to ask him all the questions I needed to." This wasn't a lie either. There was more she wanted to know, and Edward was the only person, besides his partner Jasper whom she could not remember at all, who could answer them.

Charlie frowned. "I don't know. He upset you yesterday."

"He didn't upset me," she argued. "I was upset because of Jake. That wasn't his fault." She said the last words firmly, just in case her father harbored any doubt about that fact. She didn't hold anyone responsible for her current condition or Jacob's death. She wasn't even sure she blamed Sam.

"I just don't want you to push yourself when-"

"Dad," she cut him off, her voice angry and more than a little bitter. "Don't you get it? Every time I wake up, it's already too much. That's not going to change any time soon."

~0~

Edward put on his suit and fixed his tie as if he was in a trance.

As seemed to be his standard for the last nearly three weeks of his life, he was at a total loss for what to do.

In just a few hours, the team in Seattle would arrest Sam Uley on several corporate fraud charges. SAC Banner and the rest of the team in Forks were currently getting ready to move back to the Seattle field office to continue the case against the Wolfe brothers. Of course, Edward suspected Uley's lawyers would have him out of jail by the time they all got back into town.

Again, the situation had changed for Edward. A few days previous, he was resolved to let his secret be known so he would not have to leave Bella's side. It was difficult for him to be away from her, especially now that she was awake. A big part of Edward thought that the more he could be in her presence, the more likely she would begin to remember.

Then again, since she was awake and her reality was skewed, he had no idea how she would react if he continued to skulk around her hospital room. What if she felt threatened, or felt that he was creepy? Getting banished from her side completely wouldn't be conducive either to his cause nor to his sanity. Either way, he didn't want to bring her more stress.

What then? Did he follow the investigation to Seattle to give her space?

That just didn't feel right at all.

Sighing, Edward headed out of his room, down the stairs.

In his distraction, it took Edward almost fifteen minutes of Jasper's snippy comments for him to realize his partner was in a very bad mood. "What's with you?" he asked.

Jasper blew out a long breath. "I shouldn't complain. Not to you."

"I asked, Jasper," Edward pressed.

Taking a long sip of his coffee, Jasper was silent for a few moments, staring off into space. "It's already been difficult to see Alice. This will make things even more complicated."

For a moment, Edward could only stare at his partner, then he gave a bark of acerbic laughter.

"I told you," Jasper said softly. "I know it's not so insurmountable-"

"No, it isn't," Edward snapped. "She'll be at most a four hour drive away at any time. You have options. If things are going all that well, she can find a job easily in one of the hospitals in Seattle."

"Edward-"

Edward pushed up from the table, thoroughly aggravated. "At least she remembers you - remembers your first kiss, all the little moments. All the little things that you thought would always be yours and hers alone, you still have."

He sat back down again, abruptly crushed.

"I'm sorry, Edward," Jasper said after a moment, his tone completely sincere.

Closing his eyes, Edward breathed in and out slowly. "No, I'm sorry," he said finally. "I did ask. Just because my life is what it is doesn't give me an excuse to be so unsympathetic, especially not to you. You have every right to feel frustrated." He laughed humorlessly.

"What's so funny?"

"I was just remembering," Edward mumbled. "Before all this happened... I used to get frustrated that most of our day to day relationship happened over the phone." His sigh was longing. "Now, I'd give anything just to have her call me again."

Just as the words left his mouth, Edward's phone rang. Grumbling, he dug it out of his pocket, pressing it to his ear without looking at who was calling. "Cullen."

"Edward?" Bella's voice asked uncertainly.

~0~

Before Edward could escape to Bella's hospital room, he had to do his part for the investigation, tying up loose ends before the team moved back to Seattle.

When everyone besides Jasper and the SAC had departed, Banner took him aside.

"Cullen, I'm going to ask you to stay here through the weekend in case I need someone on point in La Push," his SAC barked gruffly.

Edward looked at him, blinking. "Sir?" he asked, baffled.

Banner huffed. "Don't argue, Cullen. I swear to God, if we weren't ass deep in this case, I'd be bringing you in for an official review. Take this time, get your act together, and get back in the game, do I make myself clear?"

Edward's jaw tightened, caught halfway between being pissed off at Banner's assertion that he hadn't been giving his all and being ridiculously grateful for the reprieve. He jerked his head, nodding that he understood. "Yes, sir."

He breathed a little lighter when Banner was safely on his way, his head spinning as he tried to figure out how he'd gotten off so easily for the time being.

"You talked to him, didn't you?" Edward asked a moment later, saying goodbye to Jasper.

His friend shook his hand, holding for a moment as he grinned. "Not everything is as insurmountable as you think either, Edward."

~0~

It was afternoon before Edward could finally get to Bella's room. He peered in carefully, wary of who he would run into. He was pleasantly surprised to find that Bella was alone. Her head was faced away, toward the window. He thought for a moment she was asleep, but then he saw she was playing with her blanket, her fingers winding in and out of the fabric.

He knocked on the wall to get her attention. When she rolled her head in his direction, her lips turning up at the corners in a small but beautiful smile. Edward couldn't help but smile back. "Hey," he greeted softly.

"Hi," she said shyly.

Crossing the room, he dropped into the chair by her side, hoping it was okay for a friend to reach out and touch her hand briefly. "How have you been today?"

"You know, it's all very exciting. People watch me walk." Her eyebrows furrowed. "Did you know that some people who um... who get amnesia... they can forget things like that?" She scoffed, shaking her head. "Can you imagine? Forgetting how to walk?"

"No, I can't imagine that," he said honestly. "I suppose that's something to be thankful for, right?"

Bella nodded. "The doctors say I might find there are things like that... random things... holes in my automatic memory." She sighed. "Something to look forward to, I guess."

"It's very possible nothing like that will happen," Edward said quietly.

"Maybe." She cleared her throat, ready to move on to other topics. "So, I'm really sorry about yesterday."

He was confused. "Sorry? What on earth are you sorry for?"

She seemed sheepish. "It's kind of rude, isn't it? I didn't mean to lose it like that."

Edward had to laugh, he was so startled. "Bella... you are remarkably composed for someone in your position. You deserve a good cry. You deserve to be able to grieve, not just for Jacob, but for... well... everything."

Bella looked down at her hands. He could see she was biting her lip, trying not to cry. Taking a chance, he brushed the tips of his fingers against her cheek briefly. "It's okay."

She clutched his hand suddenly, tightly, and he could feel her trembling. He ran his thumb over her knuckles, just being there as her breath shuddered. She closed her eyes tight and after five long beats she opened them again, looking slightly calmer. "Thank you," she whispered.

Releasing her reluctantly, he sat back. "So, you have more questions?" he asked carefully.

She didn't speak right away, instead going back to her game of playing with the edge of her balanket. "Did he suffer?" she asked finally.

Edward didn't have to ask who she was talking about. For a moment he was silent, searching for the best words to explain. "It was very quick. It took me less than a minute to run from the car to the house. He was already dead when I saw him."

Again, her eyes fluttered closed. "Is it wrong to think that's good?"

"I don't think so. Jacob was a good man. It's horrible that he died, and the way he died - so violently... he didn't deserve that. The most any of us can ask for is a quick, painless death," he said earnestly.

She finally raised her head, looking at him with sad, curious eyes. "How well did you know him? You said we're friends; were you friends with Jacob?" When Edward hesitated, she gave him an encouraging smile. "It's okay. I want you to tell me the truth."

His lips quirked up and down as he considered her words. The truth. He wished he could tell her all the truth.

But now wasn't the time.

"It's not that I didn't like him," he said truthfully. "We just never really had the opportunity to talk more than business."

She seemed to sink further back into her pillows. "So you didn't really see us... together. I mean, you didn't see how we were as a couple," she surmised, not asking but putting bits of information together.

How difficult it must be, piecing together your own life.

He tilted his head, studying her carefully. His eyes widened. "Are you asking because you don't remember?" he guessed, trying to keep his voice even. Of course, he knew that she and Jacob knew each other since they were young kids. They got together at some point when they were both still in high school. When that had happened, he was never entirely clear.

"Jacob's always been my friend. We were just getting to be really good friends," she said a little tearfully. "But I can't... I've never seen him that way. I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it."

"That's..." Good, he wanted to say, but she seemed so overwrought, he couldn't bring himself to think it was a positive thing. "Interesting," he amended.

She growled in frustration, putting her hands over her eyes. "You know, maybe it's better, in the scheme of things. I don't remember falling in love with him. If this had to happen to me, maybe it's better."

Looking up at him, her expression was heartsick. "Can you imagine what that would be like? If he was here right now and still in love with me, I couldn't be in love with him. I couldn't make myself see him that way. He doesn't deserve that. No one deserves that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Gee, what does Edward know about that?
> 
> Endless thanks to jfka06 for looking this over for me and barburella for stalking my docs.


	13. Tempest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm sorry for not responding to reviews. Barburella is here and she's awfully distracting. I love you all! Truly.

"It's not..." Edward took a deep breath, not looking at her. "It's not your fault, the way you feel," he said finally. "I understand this has to be so confusing for you."

Bella looked at him, feeling like she was missing something. The sadness etched on his features made her already taxed heart ache even more. She was momentarily distracted from her guilt - it felt rude in a way that the idea of being in a relationship with her best friend was mildly revolting to her - by the hurt she thought she saw flash through Edward's eyes.

"Hey, did you get contacts?" she asked suddenly.

He looked up. "What?"

Briefly, Bella cursed the fact that her brain was so scattered. She couldn't seem to concentrate on one thought for more than a few seconds. "I thought... Well, I know you used to wear glasses, and I thought you were wearing glasses when I saw you yesterday." She frowned. "I could have been..." She chuffed. "Well, we all know my brain is messed up so..."

"No!" Edward said quickly. Then he laughed lightly.

When he laughed, Bella smiled. She couldn't seem to help it.

"I usually wear contacts," Edward explained. "I was just wearing glasses yesterday, is all."

"I miss your glasses," she said wistfully.

The way he looked at her then seemed oddly... hopeful? "It's just... the last time I remember seeing you was last... well, I guess it would have been eight summers ago." She grimaced. Getting used to the new date was like finding yourself in a new time zone amplified by about a billion. Everything was off.

Shaking that thought away, Bella smiled at him. "You probably don't remember. You came into Newton's Outfitters with your brother. You were going to the Goat Rocks Wilderness, and I was so worried that you would run into a bear. Emmett said he wanted to wrestle with one." Tilting her head at him, her smile was more genuine then. "I guess you made it out okay."

"We did," Edward confirmed. "Though now that I think about it, we did see a bear. It was from a distance though." He grinned, leaning toward her conspiratorially. "Emmett didn't try to wrestle with it. In fact, he got so scared, I was surprised he didn't wet his pants."

Bella laughed at that image, trying to imagine anything that would scare big, broad Emmett Cullen. "How is your brother, anyway?"

"Oh, he's good. Really good, actually. His wife, Rosalie, is due to give birth in the next two weeks, I think." He furrowed his eyebrows. He shook his head. "I think it's two weeks. I don't know. I suppose I lost track of time."

"Ha," Bella scoffed. "Well, I guess that makes two of us."

Edward reached up, tapping her chin lightly with one finger before he dropped his hand back to his lap. He did that a lot, she noticed - tiny touches - affectionate - almost intimate in their nature.

What had their friendship been like? Was this just how he was used to interacting with her?

Either way, it made her a little giddy, however ridiculous that was. She sighed inwardlly, hoping her school girl's crush hadn't still been in effect when they became friends. And if it was, she hoped she'd never accidentally revealed it.

"So Emmett with a kid is a little... frightening." Of course, everything about kids frightened her right then. "Do you have any kids?" she asked, honestly curious and not wanting to think about why talking of children made her so anxious.

His eyes crinkled at the corners, that same, strange, pained looked crossing his features. "I, um... No. I don't have kids."

"Am I -"

Before she could ask if she was bothering him, there was a knock at the door. They both looked up to find Angela leaning into the room.

"Oh, Bella," Angela breathed, her eyes filling with tears. She rushed across the room, throwing her arms around her friend. "It's so, so good to see you awake."

"Hey," Bella said, knocked a little breathless. She hugged her friend tightly. "Ange."

Chuckling, Edward stepped back. "I'll give you two some space." He looked back at Bella. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to call again."

"Are you sure I'm not being a bother? You must be busy," she hedged.

He smiled, looking up at her from underneath his eyelashes in a move that made her stomach tighten. "Anytime, Bella. Really."

He squeezed her hand again before he left.

"So," Angela began. Bella abruptly realized she'd been watching Edward as he left the room, and her eyes snapped to her friend guiltily. "What's going on between you and Edward?"

Bella narrowed her eyes, confused. "Wouldn't you know better than me?"

"You didn't tell me anything about this, Bella. You didn't even tell me you'd run into Edward Cullen, let alone that you knew him," Angela said softly, her voice unassuming.

"Oh." For whatever reason, Bella felt somewhat guilty. "It was probably the case or something. Maybe I couldn't. I'll ask him..." She shook her head. "Anyway, I'm sorry. We're... friends, apparently."

Bella was happy to find that Angela was still as easy to get along with as always. She wasn't as overly concerned as her parents, and so Bella felt more at ease asking questions. She knew Angela well enough that she wouldn't pry if her questions got ... complicated.

"Angela," she began hesitantly. "I was hoping you could tell me what it was like - what I was like - with Jacob."

"Oh..." Angela got a strange look on her face, almost embarrassed. "Well, Jacob was always fun to be around. He made you smile. He made everyone smile."

"It's good to know that didn't change," Bella murmured, her heart aching. She took a deep breath, not wanting to cry again today. She'd cried enough for a lifetime in the past two days. "But that's not quite what I meant. I wanted to know what we were like as a couple."

Angela studied her carefully, her eyes cautious.

"You can tell me," Bella prodded.

"I'm not sure I know how to answer that," Angela said softly. "I don't know that I ever knew, really. You've always just been really great friends. You never really got demonstrative."

Bella frowned, staring down at her hands.

"Oh, Bella. Please don't think that's a bad thing." Angela patted her arm. "You and Jake... you were always so cool. Easy."

"Easy," Bella repeated, not sure if she liked how that sounded.

~0~

Since he was already at the hospital, Edward decided to take his father out for lunch. They were just getting back when he happened to see Angela in the parking lot looking troubled. Edward's ran the last few paces to her. "Miss Weber? Angela?"

When she looked up at him, her smile was genuine. "Hey, Edward. Or Agent Cullen, I'm sorry."

Edward waved his hand. "Edward is fine," he murmured. "Is Bella okay? You look concerned. Did something happen?" he asked anxiously.

"Oh. No, nothing happened," Angela said. Edward's practiced eye saw that way the skin around her eyes crinkled and how she turned her body slightly away from him. Her body language was defensive. She was lying.

Edward was momentarily distracted when his father touched his arm. "Thank you for lunch," he said softly, searching his son's eyes. His smile was tight, a silent reminder that he had people to support him. "I'll see you tonight."

Nodding at his father, Edward turned back to Angela feeling just slightly calmer. "You can tell me," he assured. "I just want to help her."

Angela studied him curiously. She sighed. "It's nothing, really. Nothing with her, anyway. It's hard to see her so confused."

"Yeah," Edward agreed, a lump rising to his throat. Seeing her struggle just to come to grips with the reality she found herself in was heartbreaking.

"I hate lying to her, but she's obviously struggling as it is. I don't want to make it worse," Angela said distractedly.

Edward narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean? Why did you lie to her?" He was sure to keep his voice even.

Angela's expression darkened, though not at him. She was obviously warring with herself. "You can talk to me," Edward encouraged, gesturing toward a bench where they could sit.

"Bella was asking me about her relationship with Jacob," Angela began, her voice soft. "I thought... Well, she seems so guilty about not remembering him. I didn't want to add to that when there's no point."

"I don't understand," Edward said, careful to keep the frustration out of his voice. His nerves were a little too frazzled for Angela to be talking in riddles.

"Well, it's just that the last I heard from her, she'd been unhappy in her relationship. She told me they'd both been unhappy for a while, and she didn't know what to do about it," Angela finally admitted.

"Oh. I knew that," Edward murmured, feeling a measure of relief.

"You did?"

Edward nodded slowly, trying to decide how much to tell her. "Because of the nature of the investigation... Well, there were things she couldn't tell anyone. Since I knew what she and Jacob were doing, and we were friends, she talked to me about them."

Angela straightened up, nodding. "That explains a lot. It was just that she vented to me one month and then suddenly, when I asked, she said everything was fine." She smiled fondly. "But I can usually tell when Bella's lying. If it was something to do with the case, that makes so much sense."

Edward's lips quirked. It was a rare person indeed who wouldn't be peppering him with questions. No wonder she and Bella were best friends.

"Well, I don't blame you for not telling her," he said after a moment. "Bella would feel needlessly guilty, thinking that Jacob spent the last few months of his life unhappy." He frowned. He had more than one regret on that front himself.

"There's something else," Angela hedged, her voice smaller and uncertain.

Edward shifted so he could look at her.

"I don't know. It could be nothing. It could be that she and Jacob figured out their problems - maybe you'd know better than me. But... recently, in the last month or so before ... well, all this," she gestured to the hospital, "she was all of a sudden really happy. More than happy, she was... glowing, really. Which, I guess that makes sense since she's pregnant. But I fell like it was more than that."

"Oh," Edward said, leaning back and trying not to smile. It was like a ray of sunshine through the clouds - the idea that he'd made her so noticeably happy.

Angela nodded, oblivious to the tiny smile that had begun to tug at Edward's lips. "I'm not sure how to explain it - maybe it's a girl thing - but she finally looked like she was in love." Edward's breath caught, and Angela continued, thankfully not looking at him for that moment. "The thing is, she never looked that way with Jacob, for Jacob. I kept waiting for her to tell me, and sometimes it seemed like she would - I didn't want to press her."

They were both silent for a moment, Angela looking like she was struggling to find the right words and Edward not knowing what he should say in this situation.

"Edward, do you think that..." She trailed off, and Edward held his breath."Do you think that it's possible that there's someone else? That maybe this baby isn't Jake's?"

Before he could even think about answering, Angela huffed and shook her head. "I don't... It doesn't matter," she said firmly, as if convincing herself. "I'm not going to put that on her - not now. If there was someone else, it's not like he's here for her, right? There's no sense in upsetting her even more than she already is. She has enough to deal with. Although..."

Angela tapped her chin, looking curious. "She told me someone anonymously paid to upgrade her room to the private suite. I wonder if..." She shook her head, looking abruptly abashed. "Don't mind me. Sometimes my sense of romance runs away with me."

"Don't be sorry," Edward said, not looking at her. "If there's one thing that life's taught me, it's that anything's possible."

~0~

Two days passed in a blur of sleep, visits, and doctors.

Bella enjoyed talking with Embry and Quil. With them, she could remember the old Jacob. They didn't differentiate between the Jake that had been her best friend and the man who had, apparently, been her boyfriend.

The visits she dreaded most were from Billy. It wasn't that he was unpleasant to be around, but she couldn't help her feelings of guilt when she saw him.

And she thought that if he touched her stomach one more time, it was possible she would stab his hand.

Though she had no love of hospitals, Bella was apprehensive about joining the outside world. Everything about her life was unrecognizable, she half expected even the sleepy city of Forks would be just as changed as everything else.

Besides that fear, there was also the overwhelming prospect of the decisions that had to be made. There were so many questions to be answered. Where would she live? Her parents were both encouraging her to stay with one of them. Renee thought a change of scenery and the sun of Florida would do her good. Charlie thought it was a bad idea to move her so far from her old life, but he didn't want her as far away as Seattle either.

Honestly, trying to keep them happy and unworried was so tiring, it was Bella's first instinct to say she wanted to return to her apartment. A little silence would be welcome, and perhaps, among her own things, she would finally be able to figure her new self out. But she didn't know how she felt about facing the reality of the life she'd shared with her best friend.

More than a little part of her wondered if she would even recognize her 25 year old incarnation. Everything else had changed, how much had she changed in those eight missing years?

"Bella, did you hear what I said?"

Bella turned, too nervous to feel embarrassed that she'd completely spaced out while the doctor was talking to her. That happened a lot with this particular doctor. He was her ob/gyn while she was in the hospital, and when he tried to talk to her about the baby, her thoughts tended to stray.

"I'm sorry, what?" she asked, forcing herself not to turn away back to the window.

The doctor smiled patiently. "I said, before you go, while we still have you this nifty medical gown, we're going to do one more ultrasound. We're going to want you to come in more often than the usual once a month until we're positive there aren't any complications we should be worried about. The nurse will help you set up an appointment if you're going to stay in Forks, but if you go back to Seattle, you'll want to get in touch with your regular OB very quickly."

Bella nodded, unable to speak. The idea of an ultrasound made her exceedingly apprehensive. If she opened her mouth, she knew she would try to refuse it, and that would bring on more questions than she was ready to face just then. She was glad that her parents were at Charlie's house, getting her old room ready.

The doctor left, but a nurse came in only a few minutes later with a wheelchair. "Good afternoon, Miss Bella," she said cheerfully.

"Hey, Alice," she greeted. Alice was her favorite nurse, but even her perpetual cheeriness wasn't enough to cheer her.

"Are you feeling okay, hon?" Alice asked softly as Bella transferred herself from the bed to the wheelchair. "You're looking a little pale."

"Tests and procedures aren't my favorite thing," Bella mumbled noncommittally.

"I can understand that. This one is okay, though. Completely painless, I promise."

Bella wasn't worried about the pain. What she was worried about she didn't have the words for. Besides, as friendly as Alice was, she was still a nurse. Bella knew from experience that protests would only get her lectures about why these things were necessary.

She fell silent, not really hearing Alice's friendly chatter as they walked through the hospital. The lump in her throat got bigger, tighter, harder to breathe around as they got to the lab and Bella got settled in the chair, a blanket about her legs and her gown open around her stomach. She bit her lip hard, looking at the little screen, and quickly turned away from it.

"Do you want me to hold your hand?" Alice offered.

Bella nodded, clutching Alice's hand like it was a lifeline. She was only barely keeping her complete, unreasonable terror at bay. Again, she felt as if she'd been watching a tempest, a horrible hurricane, building and growing on her horizon. Her nerves were shot to hell, as if she was sitting on the shoreline, listening and watching as the water became more choppy, the waves slapping against the rocks with more force, and she was stuck just sitting, sitting, waiting.

The ultrasound technician had a soothing voice, but Bella still gave a little start when he pressed the gel-covered wand to her stomach. "It's okay, Bella," Alice said softly.

Somehow, Bella didn't believe her. She squeezed her eyes tightly closed, trying to pretend she was somewhere else, anywhere else.

"There we go," the technician said a moment before a loud, fast whirring filled the room. Bella felt her body go rigid, and she couldn't breathe. Her mind didn't want to wrap around what she knew the sound was, but the technician was completely unaware of her distress. "That's your baby's heartbeat," he informed her, a smile in his voice.

For long moments, Bella's lungs burned.

"Bella?" Alice's voice sounded concerned. "Bella, honey, you have to breathe."

Bella was only vaguely aware that her body was beginning to tremble with fantastic shudders she couldn't control. She gasped, dragging air into her lungs, the sound raw and desperate. Mercifully, the technician took the wand away from her skin and the horribly loud sound of the baby's heartbeat stopped, but it was too late. Bella couldn't unhear it.

Tangentially, Bella was aware that Alice was in front of her, cupping her face and trying to get her to calm down. She was aware that the room was filling with other people, people who probably had more needles and other things she didn't typically want anywhere near her. She could feel the clamminess of her skin and wetness on her cheeks as she sobbed and hyperventilated.

None of that mattered, though. Her mind was black with the chaos of the storm she found herself in the middle of. What she'd been trying to ignore for all these days was no longer something she could deny. There was something living inside of her, something so entirely foreign that she felt pushed to the edge of sanity just by having to acknowledge its very presence.

~0~

Walking through the halls of the hospital, hoping Bella was up for a visit before she could go home, Edward's step faltered when he saw Alice. She was pacing the small waiting room just around the corner from Bella's room, running her hands through her hair restlessly.

"Alice?" Edward asked, jogging the remaining steps to her. "Are you okay?"

She paused and looked up at him, her eyes guilty. "Ah... yeah. I'm fine. I'm just... I'm just stupid."

Edward was silent, waiting for her to continue. Sighing, Alice sat in one of the chairs, hanging her head. "I thought... Well, sometimes when women have trouble grasping the idea that they're pregnant, everything changes when they hear the heartbeat."

Edward felt a knot form instantly in the pit of his stomach. "Alice, what happened?" he demanded, a feeling of dread coming over him.

Again, Alice sighed. "I suggested that the OB give Bella another ultrasound before she was discharged. She had a pretty bad panic attack."

"Jesus... Alice..."

"I know," Alice said quickly. "I'm sorry. She's calmed down now, but she's back to not talking." Her lips quirked. "Except she made me promise not to call her parents yet." She looked up at Edward. "But she needs to talk to someone."

Edward scrubbed his hands over his eyes, not knowing what to feel. Of course, he knew he had to try to talk to her. He didn't want it to be anyone else, but he was terrified that she would reject him, or that his presence would somehow make it worse.

He stood, walking away from Alice without another word. Taking a deep breath, searching for calm he didn't necessarily feel, he walked into Bella's room.

She was facing away from the door, staring out the window again. Even from across the room he could see her color was more pale than usual, sallow even. As he got closer, he watched a tear fall down the curve of her cheek. "Bella?" he said gently as he sat in the chair by her bed.

She didn't turn, didn't speak, but her hand turned palm up. Hesitantly, unsure if that was what she wanted, Edward threaded their fingers together. She still didn't talk but her grip on his hand was tight.

"Talk to me, Bella," he urged, his heart twisting in his chest. It killed him to see her in so much pain. "I promise, you can tell me anything. No one's going to be mad or think less of you."

She sniffled. "Yes, you will..." she whispered, her voice so light he thought he almost imagined it.

"Never," he vowed vehemently. He raised his other hand to stroke her hair, careful of the still healing gash at her temple.

She gasped once, beginning to weep. Edward wished with everything in him he could cradle her in his arms and keep her safe from anything that could ever harm her. Instead, he simply sat, trying to be patient, holding her hand.

It seemed like hours passed before she began to speak in a halting, trembling voice. "I feel..." She sniffled and tried again. "Something...someone put this... thing inside of me." Her voice broke and she began to cry through her words. "I don't want it. I didn't ask for this, and I don't want it. But it's there. And it's growing, and I can't stop it." She lost her voice, turning her head into her pillow for a moment as she just cried.

Helpless to do anything else, on the verge of tears himself, Edward just rubbed her shoulders, searching for words.

"I just... Everyone keeps talking like it's some miracle," Bella began again, her words getting faster, more upset. "It's part of Jake, and I should love it because it's a piece of him. But I don't." She gasped again, her tears getting the better of her for another long moment. Her body trembled beneath his hands. "I can't see it as his because I don't... we didn't..." She shook her head hard. "I don't want it," she spat, her voice hard. "I don't want it, and I fucking hate it. I hate that it's inside of me. I just want it out!"

As she spoke, her free hand went to her belly, beginning to rub it... hard... as if the pregnancy was a spot she could clean away if only she put enough elbow grease into it.

Quickly, Edward caught her other hand in his, squeezing tight. "Bella...sweetheart, I..."

What could he say? She was frighteningly upset as it was.

Bella dragged in a deep breath, her struggling hands stilling in his. "I told you," she whispered, her voice again broken and drained. "I'm a horrible person, right? For feeling like this? For hating my... my..."

She couldn't say it, he realized. She couldn't call this thing that had invaded her body without her permission a baby. It was, to her, a violation.

"You're not a horrible person, Bella," he said firmly, because that was the truth no matter what the situation was. He swallowed hard, hating the words that filled his mouth then, not wanting to let them out. He was utterly torn, completely in love with his child, but aware that something like this could destroy the already overburdened psyche of the woman he loved. His mouth was dry when he spoke again. "There are... options, you know."

Bella's breath caught. "I can't... I wouldn't do that to Billy..."

"You don't have to make any decisions so quickly. Above all, you need to take care of yourself," he said gently.

"I don't... I don't think I could do that," she whispered after a long, heavy moment.

The relief Edward felt was palpable. As much as he hated it, he'd needed her to be aware that she had options.

With a sigh, he tucked her hair behind her ear. She still hadn't turned to look at him, which, given what he was about to say, was probably better. "I can't imagine what you're going through right now, how disconcerting it must be," he began, speaking slowly. "You are so much stronger than I could ever be."

She chuffed, still crying but not as hard now. "I don't feel strong."

"You are," he said sincerely. "You're so strong."

He was silent for a moment, trying to find the right words. "You aren't so very different from the person you remember being, Bella," he said softly. "You still know who you are.

"Forget about Jacob for a minute, okay? Just think about the things you want for yourself, for your future. The kind of man you would have chosen to be with." He paused, hoping against hope that his next words wouldn't upset her. "For some people, sex can be a casual thing, but I think, for you... could you ever see yourself having sex with someone you didn't love."

Bella gasped, this time not because she was crying but because she was startled. Her grip on his hands loosened and her cheeks burned bright red.

"What I'm trying to say," Edward continued quickly, "is that I know you. Regardless of whom it was with, this child was conceived in love, was a part of a love you shared with another person."

She said nothing, but at least she didn't seem to be more upset.

"Because you know yourself, you can trust that you had that kind of love," he concluded, wondering if she could hear the fervor in his voice. He wanted so badly to kiss her, to hold her, to tell her that he loved her and their baby more than he knew how to deal with.

Instead, he leaned his head on the rail of her bed, closing his eyes as he whispered both a comfort and a wish. "You will find that love again, Bella. You'll see."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you to jfka06, jadedandboring... I won't thank barburella cuz she's giving me the evil eye as we speak. *squinty eyes*


	14. Life Goes On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I am so sorry about the review reply situation. With the holidays and visits from barburella and tellingmelies, I'm behind on all my updates, let alone review replies. Please know that I love you all and all your anxiety for my poor kids. :)

Bella's conversation with Edward the night before she was released from the hospital did much to quell the anxiety that plagued her every waking moment. Bella had always agonized over major decisions, but once her mind was made up, she found peace with her path.

The day before, when Bella was presented with irrefutable proof of the life that grew within her, she felt backed into a corner - completely, utterly helpless against this situation that had been inflicted on her without her knowledge or consent. As far as Bella remembered, she'd reached the summer of her seventeenth year a virgin, yet here was evidence that someone had seen her naked body, had, in fact, been inside of her. There was no one, in her memory, that she would have shared her body with in that way, so it all seemed as though she'd been horribly wronged. It made her feel ugly and exposed - the feeling of violation making her sick to her stomach and heart. If that wasn't bad enough, someday soon she would be forced to give birth to a thing that would forever be a reminder of that violation.

When Edward, with his gentle, compassionate tone, brought to the forefront what options she had, the choice was almost easy. Of course abortion had occurred to her, but each time it had, she'd pushed it away to the furthest recesses of her mind, out of reach. His putting words to her errant thoughts forced her to deal with them. They weren't easy options, but she did have a choice in whether or not she would bring this child to term. She had that much control over her situation and her body.

Regardless of whether she wanted it or not, she was pregnant; there was no escaping that much. It was true that she wished with everything she had that she could simply will the pregnancy away, but it was fact. Not only that, but though she felt a frightening bitterness that bordered on hate for the thing that had hijacked her body, she also knew that it was well loved by many of the people around her - Billy and Rebecca, certainly, and though they had been careful to step around the subject, it was difficult not to see the spark in her mother's eye when she talked about anything pregnancy related. Bella knew that her father's main concern was her health and well-being, but she also knew that he would love any child of hers.

While she could not yet fathom the possibility of being someone's mother, she could protect an innocent life for its loved ones. Though the prospect was staggering- the idea of watching her belly grow heavier and feeling the thing moving inside of her, not to speak of the the horror that was birth - Bella knew she would do all the right things to ensure a healthy pregnancy. She would follow the doctor's orders and restrictions, take all her vitamins, get lots of exercise, drink lots of water, and anything else she was instructed to do.

After that...

Bella tried to comfort herself with the idea that she had time before she had to make anymore decisions about the baby.

Anyway, more immediate decisions required her attention.

"Ouch. Mom," Bella protested.

"Sorry, honey," Renee apologized, patting Bella's tender scalp.

To give Renee something to do for her, Bella had agreed to let her brush out her hair. It was an oddly motherly thing for her to do. Odder still was that Bella found herself soothed by the stroking motions of the brush rather than annoyed or impatient. She'd hit a snarl though, and Bella's scalp was still sore where her hair was starting grow back along the lines of her healing wound.

Renee sighed. "I really wish you would reconsider, Bella. I've always thought you would just love Florida. Why you stayed here in dreary Washington I never understood. I suppose there was Jacob but..."

Bella frowned, not liking the idea that she would make her decisions based on where Jacob was. "Washington has been my home for a long time, Mom."

"I know that," Renee said, patting her arm in a placating motion. "It's just that now is a good time to change things up, if that's what you want." She grinned, looking almost excited. "It's like you get a do-over, honey."

Standing, Bella paced a short distance away, rummaging through her bag though she had nothing left to pack. "I don't want a do-over. I want my life back." She frowned. "No matter what life I get."

"At least stay with your father then -"

"Mom," Bella interrupted, exasperated. "I need to get back to my real life. To my home. Maybe the familiar settings will do me some good."

It was so unusual to see Renee so worried - looking so much like a mother. "Just the thought of you out there all alone..."

Bella didn't say anything. That morning, she'd informed her protesting parents that she would only spend one night in her father's house. She'd spent most of the previous night pondering the right course of action and decided that she needed to get back to what was left of her old life. She'd lived mostly independent of her parents at 17, she was certain she was completely autonomous at 25, even if the thought of living alone did make her slightly nervous.

"Hello?"

Automatically, Bella's lips quirked up at the corners and her cheeks felt warmer. She turned to the doorway to find Edward leaning on the jamb. When he saw her, he smiled back and the warmth that coursed through her veins seemed to increase in temperature. "Hey," she greeted, feeling at once shy and emboldened. Though she felt utterly ridiculous around this man - it felt odd to still carry a torch for someone who could never be interested in a school girl like her - she still found that in his presence, she was braver.

Edward's smile broadened before his eyes flicked over to Renee. "Good morning, Renee," he greeted. He sobered slightly as he entered the room, and Bella wondered why her mother was eyeing him almost harshly.

Edward raised his hand, and for a moment, Bella held her breath, thinking he might brush his fingers against her cheek. Instead, he touched her arm lightly. "So, I hear they're springing you today."

"Yeah, I guess they're sick of waiting on me."

He pursed his lips, seeming amused. "What's next?" he asked softly, his expression open and concerned.

Bella felt her throat grow tight. "We're going to the cemetery first." Somehow, she wished he could go with her and hold her hand.

His eyes tightened, and he nodded. "Understandable."

"Tonight, I'll stay with my dad, but tomorrow..." She took a deep breath. The future seemed so insurmountable. "Tomorrow, I'm going to try to go home."

"I keep telling her she doesn't have to push herself so quickly," Renee inserted.

"It's not like I'm doing anything strenuous," Bella said, slightly annoyed. Her store of patience was quickly depleting.

"Bella should be okay," Edward said evenly. "If she gets overwhelmed, neither you nor Charlie will be far." He looked at Bella. "And you have friends nearby, too."

"See? I'll be fine," Bella said firmly. And with Edward's backing, she actually felt she could put some conviction behind that claim.

~0~

As Edward exited Bella's hospital room, he was not at all surprised to hear Renee call after him. "One moment, Agent Cullen."

"Mom, don't … do whatever you're going to do," Bella warned.

"It's fine, honey," Renee dismissed, stepping out into the hallway and gesturing for Edward to follow.

Once they were out of Bella's range of hearing, Renee leaned up against a wall, her arms crossed. "Look, I'm not one to get parental often. But I am still Bella's mother, and I can be every bit as mother bear as those insane parents at the kindergarten where I teach."

"Mrs. Dwyer, I'm not sure what you're concerned about -"

"I told you before. I'm not blind. I see the way you look at her. And she is an adult, I'm not unaware of that. But at the same time, she's very vulnerable right now. I don't think it's fair of you to take advantage of that."

Edward looked down at his feet, both aghast and ashamed. He couldn't claim complete innocence. He could tell that Bella at least liked him. He would be lying if he didn't admit that he tried to make her smile; he loved her smile so much. It could be considered flirtatious, he supposed, though that truly hadn't been his intention.

"Charlie thinks they it was Sam Uley who paid for Bella's room, but I don't think that's the case. Tell me the truth," Renee said softly. "You do care for my daughter."

For a moment, Edward considered lying right out, but that seemed wrong. He chose his words carefully. "Bella... Well, it's hard not to admire her, I'll admit that. She's very brave and so smart." He knew he was smiling - he just couldn't help it.

"She was also attached," Renee persisted.

Edward's lips hardened into a tight line. "Look, Mrs. Dwyer -"

"Oh, I've told you already to call me Renee. There's no reason to be so formal, for goodness sakes."

Edward's lips twitched upward. "Renee, maybe you're right that my … attachment to your daughter was borne of the situation we found ourselves in. That being said, I genuinely enjoy Bella's company. She is, first and foremost, my friend, and I only want what's best for her. Believe me, I'm not oblivious to how difficult this situation must be for Bella. I can't even imagine how she hasn't had a nervous breakdown with all that's gone on. She's so strong. I would never do anything to jeopardize her mental health or recovery.

"While I completely understand your concern, if you're asking me to stay away, I simply cannot and will not do that. In my opinion, Bella needs all her friends and family to support her right now," Edward said resolutely. "Please forgive my rudeness, but I'm not leaving until or unless she orders me away."

Renee stared at him hard for several tense moments, and Edward forced himself to keep a steady expression. There was nothing quite like staring down a protective mother.

But then, Renee's lips quirked upward, and she burst out laughing. "Oh, I do like you, Edward." She smiled at him, patting his arm. "Relax. I had to know your intentions." She put her hands to her cheeks, laughing again. "Oh, dear. Listen to me. It sounds like we've regressed to the 1800's."

She sighed, sitting in a chair, looking stressed and sad. "You know, I've trusted Bella to make better decisions than most adults - hell, better decisions than I do - since she actually  _was_ a teenager. I can't tell you how strange it is to be so worried about her now. She's struggling to come to grips with the reality she's found herself in, and I have no idea how to help her." She laughed wryly, looking up at the ceiling as if searching for answers there. "I never thought I knew what I was doing as a parent. I never understood how to tell what was better for Bella. I suppose," she said slowly, pursing her lips, "nothing much has changed on that front."

Tentatively, Edward sat beside her. "I don't blame you for being wary about me," he said quietly. "Not that my opinion should matter, but I think you're being a very good mother right now."

Renee chuffed, but she smiled. "Well, thank you for your vote of support," she said lightly.

"You were right, you know," Edward admitted after a moment. "As I said, I would never do anything to confuse or manipulate her given the circumstances. But I do... care for her."

**~0~**

"So tell me honestly, how are things?"

Edward sighed, resisting the urge to bang his head on the dash in front of him. He'd been leery of the prospect of letting Alice drive him back to Seattle, knowing she would likely pepper the conversation with questions he either didn't know how to answer or didn't want to answer. The trouble was, his car was back home. He had to get there somehow.

"Going as well as they can, I suppose. We were able to keep Uley in jail, so that's a plus, but the Wolfe brothers continue to elude us," he answered flatly.

"You know that's not what I meant," Alice chided lightly.

Turning his head to stare sightlessly out the window, Edward answered in a toneless voice. "I essentially told her mother I'm in love with her."

Obviously not expecting that, it took Alice a few moments to compose an answer. "I've been wondering why you don't tell her parents the situation. They might want to help."

Edward forced himself to count to ten before answering. This was the exact question he'd hoped to avoid. "Alice, the way I see it, her parents will react one of two ways. Either they'll be pissed off and want me to get the hell away from their daughter, or they'll want to tell her."

"And telling her is a bad thing?"

Crossing his arms over his chest, Edward hunkered down in his seat, sadness tempering his irritation. "If I tell her that we were together, that we've kissed and made love...and that the baby is mine..." He shook his head. "It's not right, Alice. It's not fair. She'll either feel more trapped than she's already feeling, or she'll try to fit the role she's been given. How would that be fair to either of us? If she can love me again, I want it to be her choice, not her obligation."

"So it's better to let her try to fit the role of Jacob's pregnant widow, so to speak?"

He flinched, folding his arms tighter around himself.

"I'm sorry. That was uncalled for," Alice said quickly. "I was just thinking out loud. I see your point. You want her love for you to be genuine, not manufactured."

"Yes," Edward said on a breath, struck by the power of that thought.

"But what about the baby?" Alice asked gently after another few moments of silence. "It's still true, what I told you. If decisions need to be made, that will happen very quickly."

Edward's heart twisted, torn between the woman he loved and his child. "Now that she's alert, wouldn't she have 100% say over decisions for the baby?"

"Of course, but she might take your wishes into consideration."

"I'm going to have to cross that bridge when I get to it," Edward said softly. He scrubbed a hand over his eyes. "This feels so much like I'm navigating a minefield with a blindfold." He frowned. "There are too many ways this could all blow up in my face, and I have no idea if I'm doing the right thing." Pausing, Edward took a deep breath, trying to expel all his fears. "I just don't want her to end up hating me."

Alice turned to him long enough to pat his arm. "Honey, I don't think anyone could hate someone who obviously loves them so much."

**~0~**

Bella's rules to her parents were very specific. They were allowed to come with her to Seattle. That much was a necessity as she wouldn't be cleared to drive until she proved she hadn't lost those memories. They could walk her to the door. However, they were not permitted inside her home until Bella specifically asked them to come.

It wasn't that Bella didn't appreciate the position they found themselves in. She could hardly blame them for being worried. That was part of her problem. Bella felt so bad for what she was putting her parents through that she found it hard to concentrate on her own problems. As she figured her home would hold the most clues about the woman she'd grown up to be, she really just wanted the chance to take it all in alone - where she could have any reaction she pleased.

Grudgingly, Charlie and Renee agreed to her terms. Bella spent an uneventful, if a little awkward, drive up to Seattle riding shotgun in her father's cruiser with her mother and Phil in the back. It was even somewhat amusing the way Charlie kept on throwing smirks at the rear view mirror at the sight of his ex-wife and her new - well, not so new anymore - husband in the back of the squad car.

"What happened to my truck?" Bella wondered out loud, the thought suddenly occurring to her as they drove.

Charlie actually snickered. "Bella, that thing broke down for good years ago."

Frowning, Bella crossed her arms over her chest, feeling unreasonably grumpy about that fact. It would have been nice if there was something familiar about her life. Sighing, Bella leaned her head against the window, closing her eyes.

The next thing she knew, her father was gently calling her name. Bella lifted her head, blinking and looking around. "What happened?" she asked blearily.

Bella jumped slightly, startled when her door opened. She looked up to find her mother looking sheepish. "Sorry, hon. We're here." She chuckled. "I remember those days. When I was pregnant with you, I could fall asleep standing up."

Letting her mother help her out of the car, Bella looked around. The apartment complex was a nice one with well manicured lawns and modern looking units. Nothing about it looked familiar, but at least she didn't feel uncomfortable here.

"Are you sure you want to do this alone, Bells?" Charlie asked. "You don't have to."

"I know I don't," she assured, clutching the keys she'd been holding for the majority of the trip. She took a deep, steadying breath. "I'll be fine," she said as much to herself as them.

"We'll be back. Just call when you're ready for dinner. Or for anything you need."

"I got this, Dad. I'll be okay."

Her parents and Phil got back in the squad car but didn't drive away until she had the door open. Bella waved at them, watching until the car had pulled away completely. Trying to quell the feeling like she was moments away from hyperventilating, Bella pushed the door to her apartment open.

Billy had admitted that he hadn't been able to bring himself to enter the apartment after Jake's death. As far as she knew, no one had been here for the nearly three weeks since the accident. At least that explained why the house looked so lived in. There were dishes in the sink of the small kitchen that sat to the right of the entryway, and magazines - mostly Jacob's by the look of them - scattered across the coffee table in the living room. Shelves full of books dotted the apartment at random. The tower of DVDs housed a myriad of movies, most of which Bella had never heard of, but of those she did remember, they seemed to reflect both her and Jake's tastes.

They'd definitely lived here together.

Bella swallowed around the painful lump in her throat, willing herself not to cry. Jacob's presence permeated this place. She even recognized a few of the wall hangings as being from his old room in La Push.

Not for the first time, she felt horrible that she didn't remember them.

Feeling a little more desperate for some sort of confirmation, Bella continued exploring the cozy space. She opened drawers and doors, hoping to find something concrete - perhaps a picture. There were no pictures of them lying around.

Frowning, Bella located the master bedroom. Surely there had to be at least one picture in there? The room she remembered back home - in Charlie's house - had been littered with pictures of her friends, Jacob included. It seemed odd that they wouldn't have accumulated more together.

In the master bedroom, Bella found herself distracted - and quite a bit happier. This was definitely her space. There were books on both nightstands and the pictures she was missing throughout the rest of the place were stuck around the edges of the dresser mirror. There was one of her at graduation between her proud parents - Bella had to admit it was nice to know high school was over. Another photo showed her posing with a few kids her own age, or the age she remembered being. There was another with Angela.

Of all the pictures, there was only one of Jacob. They were sitting around a bonfire in La Push, surrounded by friends. The only indication she could see that there were a couple was that their fingers were interlaced, but that wasn't so telling. That was just Jacob. He was a very affectionate person.

Tapping her chin as she looked at the photo, at the way Jacob was looking at her, Bella wondered if she'd mistaken his innocent touches as being just a part of who he was when really, he may have carried a secret torch for her. Was that what happened? Had he finally admitted to his crush at some point?

Bella sighed and the movement in the mirror caught her eye. She'd been avoiding mirrors for good reason. Everything else had changed, she was terrified that she wouldn't recognize herself.

There was a marked difference in the image reflected back at her. It was at once startling and not as bad as she expected. Her face was more defined, her better features accentuated. Before she might have called herself plain. Now, though she was unquestionably sickly looking from her recent hospitalization, she could pass as pretty.

Well, there was that at least. Who would have thought her mother was right? That she would grow into her beauty.

Running her hands down her sides, Bella admired the curves of her new body. The person in the mirror was most definitely a woman. It was amazing what a confidence booster it was. Jarring, but not unwelcome.

Bella's hands came to rest on her belly. Turning sideways in the mirror, she tried to imagine her stomach protruding, round over the little alien unit she carried. Shame and embarrassment made her throat close and her cheeks burn. The thing had already stolen her ability to drink caffeinated beverages. Soon enough it would rob her of her new body as well.

Closing her eyes, Bella searched for some measure of calm to stave off the panic attack she felt pricking at the edge of her consciousness. She pushed herself away from the mirror and out the door. Just down the hallway, she found another room - the guest room her mother hinted she wanted to use.

Entering, Bella immediately forgot her previous anxiety when she saw that the bed of the guestroom was well rumpled. Someone had slept here. Recently. Automatically she looked around, the hairs of her arms raising as she considered that she might not be alone in the apartment. Several scenarios presented themselves, each slightly more terrifying than the last.

Rolling her eyes at her overactive imagination, Bella reminded herself that she'd actually asked to be alone here. There was obviously a more reasonable explanation as to why the guestroom was used. She looked around, taking in the whole scene.

Auto and bike magazines on the nightstand, a left behind can of Coke, and very masculine, very Jake-like clothes strewn haphazardly on the floor.

It reminded her of Jake's tiny room in Billy's house.

Bella frowned, tapping her lips, feeling as if there was something strange happening.

The master bedroom felt distinctly hers where as the guest bedroom screamed Jacob. Wasn't that odd?

What was she missing?

Rubbing her temples, Bella tried to push away the automatic frustration. Everything these days seemed to go right over her head. Remembering the Doctors' advice, Bella forced herself to relax, hoping that they were right: she would get her memories back in good time.

**~0~**

The rest of the day was surprisingly peaceful. Bella grabbed a stack of books from one of the many shelves that were scattered around the apartment and settled down on the comfortable bed, surrounded by pillows. She was somewhat captivated to find her writing in each of the books. She'd always had the habit of underlining passages and scrawling thoughts in the margins. Since she didn't remember reading a good many of these books, she felt like her future self was talking to her. It helped bridge the gap she felt between the person she remembered being and the person she'd forgotten she was.

Toward evening she wandered into the kitchen, taking in the deplorable state of the refrigerator. Much had gone bad. It took her a good hour to clean and organize the thing. Once she was done with that, for lack of anything better to do, she started to throw together dinner. There was spaghetti and sauce in the pantry and Pillsbury biscuits in the freezer. It was a little unusual, but with some butter, Parmesan, and Italian seasoning, she made garlic bread of the biscuits while the spaghetti cooked.

Bella was halfway through the preparation of the meal when she froze right in the middle of the kitchen.

How had she known where all the dishes were?

Thinking back, Bella realized she'd been moving around the kitchen, the entirely unfamiliar kitchen, with confidence, reaching for things she needed without having to search.

She sucked in a sharp breath, testing herself.

_Where are the glasses?_

Bella gritted her teeth a minute later when she realized she had no idea.

It had to be automatic memory. The doctors had talked about that. They'd said that some things she learned in the last eight years would be stored - not readily accessible at a thought, but programmed into her body. Other amnesia victims could play the piano or speak different languages though they didn't remember learning. Their bodies still remembered the movements or how to turn the sounds they heard into words.

Bella couldn't tell if she should be happy or more frustrated. It was one thing to know that her memories were gone, quite another to understand that they were stored somewhere, locked deep within her brain, and she couldn't access them.

"Chinese water torture," she muttered to herself, going back to cooking before the bread burned.

That evening she hosted an impromptu dinner party for her parents and Phil. They all made careful comments about how good it was to see her so active after she'd been so distraught in the hospital.

Afterward, she kicked them right back out, determined to find peace on her own in her home. Almost as soon as they were gone, Bella felt the nagging discomfort of loneliness settle over her. The more time crept passed, the more she felt out of place in the space around her. Perhaps the people who lived here would be nice to visit, but it didn't feel like her home.

She was homeless - out of place and probably overstaying her welcome. And because she was hyper-aware she was alone in this semi-strange apartment, she very suddenly began to feel uneasy. The comfortable atmosphere seemed to fade along with the setting sun.

She tried to ignore it, but each noise grew steadily louder and a thousand times more creepy. The paranoia she'd merely brushed earlier that day came back full force.

Grasping for the new phone her parents had gifted her with, Bella fumbled with the keys for a few minutes. _Whoever decided cell phones should be ridiculously convoluted and touch screen should be shot_ , she reflected. They'd said it was a replica of the phone that had been ruined when she fell in the water. Frankly, Bella was disappointed with herself. The idea that phones now seemed to used for everything but phone calls made no sense to her.

Her hands were shaking slightly by the time she finally figured out how to dial a number. She paused, realizing her phone only held five numbers. Her parents and Phil were not an option; she still didn't want to be smothered. She didn't really want to bug Angela. There was only one other number. Edward.

Just thinking his name made her feel safer.

When he'd programmed his number into her phone earlier that morning, he'd repeated several times that she could call anytime for anything.

She still couldn't quite believe that he would have any real interest in hanging out with her at all.

_You aren't actually thinking of bugging that poor man, are you?_

It seemed childish. Surely she could survive on her own one night. Besides, did she really want to show Edward just how much of a little kid she was? She'd cried on his shoulder so often the last few days. He must have been sick of her sniveling by then.

Then again, he was an FBI Agent. Surely he was used to keeping people safe.

It was her first night. Maybe she should, as everyone had been advising her, give herself a break. If ever she could be forgiven for a little bit of neediness, surely now was the time.

And she did want to see him. There was no use denying it. Her crush was alive and kicking... and about a thousand times worse now that he wasn't just a college boy but a full on bad ass with a badge. She was endlessly curious what her 25 year old self had in common with the man whose words comforted her more than anyone else had been able to. He seemed so genuine in his offer; perhaps he wouldn't be unwilling to telling her more about how they'd come to be friends.

Still, she should be braver. He was an FBI Agent. Surely he was too busy to babysit a scardy cat girl.

A scratching noise against her window made Bella yelp. It took a moment before she realized it was just the wind blowing the trees against the screen.

Growling to herself, Bella gave in. If Edward thought she was a pesky kid, so be it. She just needed a little bit of company until her overactive imagination was muzzled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Jeez, Bella. Inviting a guy over to your place. A little forward, don't you think?
> 
> Heh. I hope you all had a merry holiday. I know I did! Thank you to my lovely barburella and jadedandboring, both of whom spoil me rotten. I love you.


	15. The Whole Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Once again, I'm sorry about the review reply situation. I think I've got my flow back so I'll be responding to reviews this next chapter. Thank you so much for all your love and support! If you have a moment to pop over to the Lemonade Stand blog, this fic was nominated for fic of the week. Vote for your favorites, even if it isn't mine!

Edward was trying to concentrate on the case, wanting some justice to come out of this whole mess, but was really sitting at home, staring blankly at the files in front of him and feeling very sorry for himself.

He wanted to be with Bella. He missed her terribly. The ache he felt, the need to hold her in his arms again, was prevalent that there were times he had to hold himself absolutely still until the worst of the pain passed. But that wasn't the only reason he wanted to be with her or wanted her here with him. He was also so worried about her.

After she'd awaken without a huge chunk of her memories, Edward had spent every spare moment he could tearing through the medical journals in his father's study. There hadn't been much - Carlisle had warned him her condition was more of an issue of psychology than traditional medicine - but he'd read a number of case studies and articles speaking of the dangers people could run into.

What if Bella was like the man he'd read about who couldn't retain certain learned behaviors? Most people, if they touched a hot stove for instance, would retain the memory of that pain - cause and effect - and learn not to do things like that. The man in the article had lost that ability, making him quite a bit more vulnerable to injury.

It wasn't so much that he was worried she would do something completely death defying. He was just too aware now of what the mind could do. He didn't like that there was so much stored in the mind that could go haywire with a brain injury such as the one Bella had suffered. Especially with his limited knowledge, it was impossible to predict the extents of which it could effect Bella.

How could he protect her, help her, if he didn't know all that could go wrong?

The mind was a beautiful and terrible place. It was such a complex machine that even the most brilliant minds couldn't quite figure out how to replicate it. People took for granted the automatic synapses that kept them functioning, reasoning, and thinking on a day to day basis.

The doctors had kept Bella in the hospital for observation longer than physically necessary with the reasoning that only time would tell whether the lapses in her knowledge were limited to an eight year chunk of her memories. Still, there was only so much they could tell while she wasn't out there trying to function in the world.

So Edward was understandably nervous that she hadn't at least allowed her parents to stay with her. Rather than being able to concentrate on his case files - catching up with the few days investigation he'd missed - his thoughts kept straying to Bella. He tried to think of a reasonable excuse to drop by, but nothing came to mind.

As he pondered, his phone rang, and he was surprised to see Bella's name on the display. He'd told her repeatedly that it was okay to call him anytime, but he didn't think she would. Bella was nothing if not stubbornly independent. Instantly, Edward was worried. "Hello?" he answered anxiously.

Obviously embarrassed, Bella managed to ask him if he wanted to come over.

"Please tell me... I mean, I know you must be busy," she stumbled.

"Bella," he called her name quietly to get her rambling to stop. "It's okay. I told you already, it's no bother."

She sighed heavily. "Just for a little while," she qualified. "I'm sorry to be such a pest."

"You're not a pest," he said firmly.

"You would tell me, right?" she asked uncertainly. "If you needed to be somewhere else?"

"Yes," he lied without hesitation. He didn't care if his boss was breathing down his neck, Edward would have dropped everything if Bella needed him. "I'll be right there."

~0~

On the drive to Bella's apartment, Edward allowed himself the cautious hope that maybe, just maybe, things were taking a turn for the better. Obviously, Bella's innate trust in him was still strong, and that was something.

It was a strange and confusing thing to consider that, if she didn't regain her memories, at least there might be the possibility she could fall in love with him again.

Shaking his head, Edward reminded himself not to think that far ahead. It wasn't fair, first of all. She had so much to deal with, it would be completely unconscionable to pursue her. Edward was well aware that her mind was in a malleable place, and she, for whatever reason, seemed to trust him. He wasn't going to take advantage of that trust even though he'd already earned her love once before.

Besides, he didn't have the slightest clue how to go about making someone fall in love with him. With Bella, the ride had been effortless. She appeared in his life and something had sparked in him without his knowledge and grown without tending until it became a permanent part of him, until he couldn't fathom the thought that their lives weren't meant to be entwined.

Bella had felt the same way, and the thought that an essential part of his being could be turned off was frightening to him.

He held onto the hope that, together, they would find it again. Any other thought was simply unacceptable.

Carefully pushing all of that away so he could concentrate on being the friend she needed most right then, Edward knocked on her door.

"Hey," she greeted. "Thank you for coming."

Edward's eyes narrowed instantly. Her voice had a nasal quality to it, like her nose was stuffy, and she didn't look at him, but kept her eyes cast down and away as she stepped to the side to let him in. He paused in front of her, and when she still didn't raise her head, he lightly brushed the underside of her chin with two fingers, gently urging her to look at him.

Hesitantly, her eyes flicked to his. It was easy to see she'd been crying, that she was, in fact, trying not to cry that very moment. "Bella..." he murmured her name softly, resisting the urge to pull her into his arms. "What is it? What's wrong?"

She took a deep breath, the noise shaky. "Nothing's wrong," she tried, but her voice wavered. "Nothing's wrong," she said again, but this time her voice cracked, and she turned away just before she started crying again.

"Ugh," she growled into her hands, angrily wiping away tears as she stepped hurriedly inside the apartment. "I'm sorry. I'm just very frustrated."

"Don't apologize," he said for what had to be the millionth time. "What happened?" He wanted so much to go to her, but thought it was better to give her space.

"I was … I loaded the dishwasher but..." Again her tears seem to hit her stronger, and she sat on the edge of the couch, leaning forward, looking absolutely miserable.

Though it took much effort on his part, Edward managed to restrict himself to simply sit beside her on the couch, a couple of feet of space between them. He rested his hand on her shoulder. "You loaded the dishwasher, and then what happened?" he prompted.

Sniffling, she straightened somewhat, looking forward sightlessly. "I don't know how to turn it on," she admitted finally. "There are too many settings, and I don't... I don't even know how to explain this, but I just don't know."

Edward let out a long breath, trying to comprehend what she was saying. "Oh," he said helpfully.

"This is so stupid," Bella growled again. "I know I had to have learned how to work a stupid dishwasher before I was 17! But when I look at the buttons, they don't make any sense!"

"It's okay," Edward said quickly, rubbing soothing circles against her back as he tried to reason through the situation.

In one of his earliest memories, Edward recalled being in the backseat of his parents' car. It had to have been before he could read, because he could distinctly remember looking at the signs on the buildings as they rolled down the street and not knowing what the words meant. Back then, letters were no more than symbols that didn't yet hold enough meaning when they were arranged in certain ways.

It made sense in an odd sort of way. The eight year gap of time was the biggest hole in her memories, but as they'd talked about before, there were bound to be others. This was a relatively small rift - a break in her retained knowledge that kept her from understanding the different settings and what she was supposed to do to make the machine work.

"I know it's frustrating, but it's not such a big deal, right?" he said gently, allowing his fingers to brush through her soft hair. "Remember, it's not like you forgot how to walk. It'll take just a minute for you to learn how to do it, and that will be that."

She breathed in deeply and out again, straightening further. Reluctantly, Edward let his hand drop.

"You're right," she murmured softly, sounding infinitely calmer. Sniffling again, she wiped at her cheeks. "I just got frustrated for a minute."

"I'm sure the hormones don't help either," Edward sympathized. "I've always heard the first trimester of pregnancy is especially trying."

She stiffened slightly, and Edward could have kicked himself. She was upset enough as it was, bringing up the pregnancy he knew for a fact she was uncomfortable with had to be one of the dumber things he could have done.

But after a tense second Bella chuffed and rolled her eyes. "Right. Mood swings. Well, hey, there's a plus, right? If I get cranky, I can just blame it on the..." She faltered, visibly struggling with the word.

Though he understood, it still broke Edward's heart that she couldn't even say the word 'baby'.

"How about a movie?" he suggested to change the subject.

She nodded, looking up and smiling a small but genuine smile. "That'd be nice. Why don't you choose? I really don't care what we watch right now."

"Okay," he agreed readily.

He began to peruse the DVDs, idly wondering which movies spoke more of Jacob's tastes and which were hers. Some were obvious, though he was curious to see if her tastes had changed - or reverted back, he supposed - to whatever they'd been when she was a teenager.

Not for the first time, he wondered if love could be as transient or circumstantial as entertainment preferences could be. Was it all a matter of luck? If he'd met Bella in a different situation, would their love have existed at all?

Obviously, when they'd originally known of each other in high school, Edward hadn't given the Freshman girl more than a passing thought. What had changed in him, in her, to spark that connection?

And was it a one time thing?

Edward almost laughed out loud when his eyes landed on a movie at that particular moment. It was a movie he'd skipped in theaters but that Bella had brought over to watch with him. In fact, it was her favorite movie.

Decided, Edward grabbed it up, thinking the message of the movie would be appropriate anyway, even if the irony was lost on Bella.

" _Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind_ ," Bella read aloud when he handed her the empty DVD case. She frowned. "That's a really long, weird title."

"You don't remember this movie?" he asked with a small frown.

She shook her head, and Edward pulled the case out of her hand, flipping it over to look at the release date. 2004. Of course. To Bella, it was the summer of 2003. "Should I remember?" she asked.

He shrugged more to ease her mind than anything else. It really wasn't a big deal. "We've watched this movie before, and you liked it then," he said easily, not wanting to give her too much. It was important that she shaped her own opinions, even if they were different from the ones she'd originally formed.

"Hmmm," Bella murmured. She didn't speak again, though he could see lines across her forehead as she frowned slightly in consternation.

They sat in silence for minutes. Edward barely heard the movie, lost in thought and trying to resist the automatic urge to scoot closer to her. They were sitting on opposite sides of the couch now.

"You know, it doesn't seem fair," she said suddenly.

 _Nothing about this situation is fair_ , he mused inwardly, but only said, "What's that?" out loud.

"You know a lot about me, but I don't really know anything about you."

He looked over at her, unable to resist a cheeky grin. "Edward Cullen is a Gemini who enjoys fast cars, Elvis Costello songs, and long walks on the beach." He laughed when she rolled her eyes at him. "And my favorite movie is  _Fight Club_."

" _Fight Club_?" She made a face. "What a boy answer."

"It's a smart movie. I don't like it because of the fighting," he defended.

"Sure," she teased, drawing the word out. "Whatever you say, Edward."

They lapsed into silence again, Bella seeming to pay attention to the movie. A few minutes later, she snorted. "Can you imagine? Doing this to yourself on purpose?" she muttered a little bitterly.

Edward frowned, wondering if he'd made the wrong choice. In the movie, Kate Winslet's character had the memories of Jim Carrey's character, of their relationship, erased. In retaliation, he did the same. "They regretted it," he pointed out.

"I could never do that no matter how angry I was," Bella muttered. "Erase a whole relationship? Why? Why would you want to let go of that time, especially if it was good once?"

Edward's heart ached and for a moment his throat felt too dry to speak. "We can turn it off if you don't like it."

"No, I like it," she said quickly. "I mean, it's clever, so far. I like that it's so real, that they both have all these faults, but even though he's so hurt, he's desperate to keep these memories."

Idly, Edward wondered if she had any inkling, when she was in her coma world, that the memories of their relationship was being taken away and put out of her reach. Had she fought to keep them, done everything in her power to protect those precious thoughts? It was a similar situation to the one Jim Carrey's character found himself in, though it hadn't been her choice the way it had been his. The character was in deep sleep, completely helpless and unable to stop the men he'd hired from wiping his mind clean of this girl who'd hurt him so badly.

He wondered if there was a part of her psyche - his Bella - that was watching him, wanting nothing more than to return to him, but locked inside this vessel with no way to get out.

That was an uncharitable thought, and he was angry he'd even considered it. This Bella was his Bella. His love for her was unconditional, even if she'd changed to the point where she couldn't love him again.

It was an impossible situation to ache for someone who was right in front of him.

Edward's eyes strayed to Bella, and he was distracted from his saddened thoughts by how weary she looked. "Do you want me to sit on the floor so you can lay down?" he offered.

She looked at him and smiled. "No, that's okay. I'm fine."

"Really, Bella, it's no trouble. Or if you want to put your feet up," he said, patting his lap welcomingly.

She tilted her head. "You wouldn't mind?"

"Not at all."

Somewhat adorably shy, Bella laid down with her head on the couch's pillow and stretched her feet out over his lap. Edward said nothing, but tugged the blanket off the back of the couch and draped it over her. "Thanks," she said softly. "And thanks for staying. I should be okay when the movie's over, I think."

"It's not a problem," he repeated.

Once she laid down, Bella was asleep in minutes. It was almost a relief because Edward could watch her without making her self conscious or appearing rude. For minutes, he felt the weight that kept his heart in a vice grip ease, and he smiled.

She was beautiful, and it was nothing short of a gift that he got to be with her like this. Her head injury had brought no shortage of misery to both of them, but as he'd reminded her, it could have been so much worse.

Taking his eyes off her for a moment, Edward took the time to glance around the little apartment. He'd been endlessly curious, but it was a space he'd never seen. Whenever they were together before, Bella had gone to him out of respect for Jacob.

Somehow, he had to get Bella back to his place. They'd spent so much time there, perhaps it would spark a memory.

He could hope. He had to hope.

On screen the movie ended, the two main characters deciding to begin again despite their challenges.

Edward wanted so very much to believe that his and Bella's love was strong enough to survive being forgotten. The movie was open ended, and originally, he'd liked that. The on screen couple had very real problems, but they were giving it a go. Of course, the movie didn't say whether or not they succeeded the second time around.

Sighing, he stood, careful to jostle Bella as little as possible. Her eyes came open slightly as he lifted her into his arms, but when he whispered at her to go back to sleep, she obligingly snuggled up against him and, for once, did as she was told. With her slight weight in his arms, Edward felt more whole than he had in weeks.

It wasn't difficult to find the master bedroom. Though he didn't want to let her go, Edward tucked her into bed, laughing lightly when she grumbled in her sleep.

She'd mentioned once that she thought it was funny. When she was with Jacob, she'd automatically taken up the right side of the bed. When they'd broken up, she'd taken to sleeping right down the middle, just because she could. When she'd had occasion to fall asleep in Edward's bed, she always ended up on the left side.

Almost the moment he got her situated, she rolled onto the left side of the bed, facing the space where he'd normally be.

"You remember me, Bella," he whispered on a breath. "I know you do."

Bella only sighed in her sleep in response, and though he wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed beside her, Edward forced himself to turn away.

He spent some time looking around the room, taking in the decor and the pictures around the mirror. Wandering out to the main part of the apartment, he started the dishwasher for her.

He toyed with the idea of leaving. She'd said she would be okay, obviously she didn't expect him to stay.

Then again, Bella rarely asked for things she wanted when she felt it was an inconvenience.

It was right, he decided, for him to stay. What if she got scared again? What if she needed someone? He was already here, after all.

It was a tenuous excuse at best, but thinking about leaving made his stomach twist. Eventually, Edward laid down on the couch in her living room, and fell into beautiful dreams where the world was right side up again.

~0~

Bella stretched as she woke up, blinking slowly. The light coming in from the windows was strong, suggesting that the morning wasn't new. Yawning, she tried to remember what it was she was supposed to be doing today.

As the fog of sleep drifted away, Bella sat up, looking around in confusion. It took a minute for her to remember her surroundings and all that had happened the night before.

The last thing she remembered was falling asleep with her feet on Edward's lap.

How had she gotten into bed? She was still in her clothes from the day before.

Sighing, Bella wondered if Edward had carried her there. It sounded like something he would do. She blushed. Of course he'd done it. She'd fallen asleep on him.

Awesome, she'd probably drooled on him too.

Annoyed with herself, Bella got up and out of bed.

Out in the living room, she nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw feet dangling over the arm of the couch. Cautiously, she crept closer, peering over the back to find Edward fast asleep.

Her lips quirked up into a smile before she could help it.

His lips were slightly pouted, one of his arms thrown behind his head and the other resting on his stomach. Adorable. Even though he'd graduated several years before, Edward's name still came up when girls talked about Forks' most eligible bachelors. Many of the girls in her class would have killed to be in her place - alone in an apartment with Edward Cullen.

And it wasn't as if her parents were going to come home and catch them.

Bella tilted her head, watching as his chest rose and fell with his soft breaths. It was Monday morning, she realized. Surely he had somewhere to be? Most adults were out working.

What if Edward was supposed to be at work but had fallen asleep on her couch accidentally? She frowned, torn because she didn't want to wake him if she didn't have to, but she also didn't want him to get in trouble just because she'd been a chicken.

"Edward?" she called softly - no more than a whisper. He didn't stir. "Edward," she tried again, a little louder. Uncertainly, she reached over the back of the couch, her hands hovering above his shoulder.

Would it be rude to touch him?

But, if anything, Edward seemed very comfortable touching her, not that she minded.

Besides, she'd already grabbed him several times when she was freaking out. Bella figured she had nothing to lose, especially since she was waking him for his own good.

Hand on his shoulder, shaking lightly, she called his name again.

This time, he grumbled in his sleep and his eyelashes fluttered. Though she knew she should have backed away from him, Bella found herself caught by his drowsy, deep green eyes. As he focused on her his lips spread in a slow smile, so alluring that it made Bella's breath catch and her heart begin to stutter.

She opened her mouth to explain her presence but her words were stolen away when he reached up, running his fingers down her cheek in a gesture so tender, her solid heart seemed to melt like ice cream on a sun-heated sidewalk, filing her chest with warmth. "Hey, baby," he mumbled, the words barely intelligible.

The look in his eyes was so utterly adoring that Bella absolutely couldn't breathe.

Awareness flooded his features, and adoration faded into guilt and surprise. Edward sat up quickly, and Bella stumbled backward, just as confused and startled as he looked.

"I'm sorry," they said together.

Edward rubbed his eyes, sighing. "No, I'm sorry. I wasn't... I wasn't all the way awake just then."

"Oh," Bella murmured lamely, looking anywhere but at him. She didn't want him to see the ridiculous disappointment. Of course he hadn't meant to look at her like that, touch her like that.

Bella frowned, a thought occurring to her. "Edward, do you have a girlfriend?" she asked, suddenly horrified.

"I, uh.." he stumbled, looking quite out of sorts. He blew out a breath of air. "No. No, I don't."

It seemed oddly like he might be telling a half truth. "You just... were you expecting someone else?"

"No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have... I don't mean to... Well, I was asleep, like I said," he started, waving his hand as if to indicate she should fill in the blanks.

Before she could think of what to say, his phone rang. Still looking tired, he dragged the thing out of his pocket and put it to his ear. "Cullen," he answered, rubbing his temple with his free hand.

Edward's head snapped up. "Uh, no, sir. I'm... Well, I guess I'm running late," he said, glancing at his watch with a grimace. "I know, sir, I-"

Bella winced. Obviously, he was in trouble.

"What?" Edward exclaimed, his expression suddenly flipping from abashed to livid. "How did that happen?" His free hand was a fist.

Bella's heart began to pound with anxiety as Edward began to pace.

"Yes, sir. I understand," he said before hanging up the phone.

For a handful of moments, he stood absolutely still, then he slammed the phone down hard on the couch. "Dammit!" he snarled.

"What is it?" Bella asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Uley has been released on bail. Again," he admitted as he stood. "Which means, unless we find something new to pin on him, he's free until the manslaughter trial." He chuffed. "If he doesn't run, that is."

He must have noticed the trepidation on her face because he visibly forced himself to relax and smiled lightly at her. "Don't worry, Bella. Despite everything, I don't think he's dangerous. Still..." He tapped his lips, deep in thought. "What were you thinking of doing today?"

"Um. I have to see a bunch of doctors here. You know, set up a long term care plan," she said with a grimace. The words sounded so odd to her, like she had some disease. She wasn't looking forward to all the time she would have to spend in hospitals or doctor's offices.

Edward reached over, giving her hand a brief squeeze. "Are your parents going with you."

She rolled her eyes but nodded fondly.

"Good," he said, and blew out a long breath. "Well, listen. My boss is already going to have my ass, so I've got to get going. I'll fill you in on the situation with Uley more later?"

Bella nodded, following him to the door. "Thank you for staying last night," she murmured as he stepped outside.

Edward's smile wasn't forced as he looked at her, and Bella held her breath, wondering if he was going to touch her again. "It's never a problem, Bella. Really. Call me. Text me. Whatever you need. Any time."

When he was gone, Bella retreated back into her apartment in something of a daze.

Maybe she should have been more nervous about Sam, curious about the case, or focused on her upcoming doctors' visits, but all she could think about was the look in Edward's eyes as he'd awakened that morning. Though she tried to push the thoughts away, they rolled back to her as effortlessly and insistently as the tides.

Where his fingers had brushed her skin, she still felt a curious tingle - heat like fire but without the agonizing sting. The memory of his easy grin and sleepy, adoring eyes made her cheeks flush with warmth and her heart pitter-patter in her chest. She couldn't stop smiling. Even though she tried to tell herself it was her imagination, or that even if he really had looked at her that way, it wasn't meant for her, but her lips weren't listening to reason.

And her idle thoughts seemed to be working overtime, turning an innocent touch into visions of something more.

The fantasies that traipsed through her mind without forethought were so far from the school girl daydreaming she was used to. A few weeks ago at Newton Outfitters - well, a few weeks ago to her internal clock - it thrilled her when Edward looked her right in the eyes and grinned. She thought of little things: what his hand would feel like twined with hers, if she really could, as she suspected, fit just right tucked underneath his chin... maybe she allowed herself to briefly imagine his lips brushing with hers.

The images that came upon her now were so much more vivid, they were shocking.

And explicit...

Completely unbidden, Bella found herself imagining Edward hovering above her. The mental image was so real, she could swear she knew how it felt to have his weight pressing down on her, his hot skin against hers. He was obviously nude, propped up on his hands and grinning down at her. Bella had no explanation for the look in his eyes. How she could have conjured such an expression - at once ravenous and tender - and, oh, the things it made her feel...

Bella felt sure her cheeks were about to burn straight off. She squirmed, caught off guard completely by the sudden restlessness she felt at her core. Her entire body seemed to be alert and electric, and she felt needy for...

Shaking her head, Bella tried to dispel the notion, feeling the oddest prickling of paranoia along the back of her spine. She wasn't supposed to be thinking about such things, was she? She wasn't exactly oblivious about the fact that many of her classmates in school were having sex, but absolutely no one was so blase about it. It all felt so taboo and strange, yet not unpleasant at all.

Struck then by a wave of nausea, Bella clapped a hand to her mouth, swaying with the sudden urge to vomit.

Well, even though she didn't remember, couldn't imagine herself voicing her sudden need to be touched and... filled, she obviously knew something of sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Huge thanks to GinnyW for beta work. Thank you to barburella and jfka06.
> 
> What are we thinking now?


	16. Daydreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Ugh. I'm so sorry. I'm still sucking it up at review replying. I love you all! I promise. Thanks for sticking with me so far!

"Bella? Are you okay?"

"Hmm?" Bella murmured distractedly.

"You're a million miles away," Renee commented, her voice both concerned and amused.

With a sigh, Bella drew her legs up on the waiting room chair, resting her chin on her knees. "I hate hospitals," she muttered. "I just left a hospital. I don't want to be back here."

"I know, sweetheart," Renee said soothingly, rubbing Bella's arm. "Let's just get through today, and then you don't have to see any of these people for a little while."

Scoffing, Bella looked away, not really seeing anything in front of her. She wanted to grumble that 'a little while' wasn't long enough when it meant she would just be back here in a week or two. It took so many doctors to keep her up and running it seemed.

That assessment was mostly unfair, though. The doctors in Seattle were better equipped to deal with Bella's particular situation. They had more knowledge and experience. The series of tests Bella was subject to that morning had little to do with blood work or MRIs. They were more along the lines of simple games designed to identify holes in her cognitive thinking.

She didn't have a disease but an impairment.

The doctors explained that what she would be coming in for was not unlike physical therapy for her brain. This was, they reiterated, just a precaution. She had proved she was capable of making and keeping new memories - her short term memories - so even pieces of information she'd forgotten, like the dishwasher, could be relearned easily enough. There was no reason she wouldn't be able to function normally, to work and drive again.

Short to long term disability. Bella wasn't comfortable with the label, but she couldn't argue. Much of the time, her brain felt addled. She felt like a child thrown into a college class...taught in ancient Greek. The long list of doctors and specialist who wanted her attention, however briefly, only added to her consternation.

There was so much to consider, so many more complications being an adult than there had been being a teenager, that it made her head spin.

Bella didn't need to attend her upcoming appointment with the psychologist that had been recommended to understand the escapism of her daydreams. She found her thoughts had become a lot more scattered than she would have liked. Before her mother called her, Bella's mind had wandered to much more pleasant things.

Like how it felt when Edward touched her cheek, sleepily murmuring 'baby' as he grinned at her.

And how thinking of his gravely voice brought so many strange images - flashes of pictures - to her mind.

It was insane how absolutely sensory some of these fantasies were. She felt soft sheets against her bare skin, the weight of a strong arm across her waist, lips against her hair, and long, broad legs pushing hers open wide. There was the scent of something heady in the air, something musky and not at all unpleasant. In fact, the smell made her want... though what, she had no words for.

She heard him rumble, "Baby," before the image swirled and disappeared, popping like a bubble as she jumped in surprise.

Her mother had poked her side gently, and the contact was startling. Bella looked around, confused until she saw a bemused looking nurse with a clipboard staring at her. "Isabella Swan?" he asked.

**~0~**

Bella was utterly exhausted by the time her mother finally dropped her off at home. Bone weary, she made her way through the apartment, into the master bedroom where she slumped down, laying on top of the covers.

She laid there for a moment, blinking tiredly.

As frustrating as her current condition was, she had to admit that there was a small part of her that felt relieved. At least the appointments that dotted her calendar were filled in points amidst the vast blank space that was her life. At least, for those periods, she knew what she was going to be doing and why.

Now to fill in the rest - the bits of information that her life should consist of.

Seventeen year old Bella had work four days a week and free time usually spent on the reservation. She knew she was supposed to be narrowing down her choices for colleges, deciding whether she wanted to return to the sunshine that marked her early childhood or if it was wiser to stay closer to home. Her father had mentioned that maybe she wanted to narrow down the field she wanted to go into and choose schools based on programs rather than location. Of course, that meant she would have to know what she wanted to do with the rest of her life.

Bella remembered thinking what a huge responsibility that was - choosing a path that was supposed to make you happy throughout all adulthood.

Now she knew the answers to those questions she'd had when she was 17, but not all of those answers sat well. In fact, not many of them sat well. She'd forgone sunshine and enrolled at the University of Washington. She'd completed masters coursework and started working as a school counselor only the semester before the accident.

How had she gotten from where she was as a teenager to where she'd been as an adult? She couldn't reconcile her past with her present.

Bella rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling, still tired but too awake to nap.

It bothered her a lot to realize that, along with the long list of things that had changed in her life, the Quileute reservation was no longer a safe haven for her. She would never again enjoy Jake's warm presence, laughing with her as they walked along the beach, pebbles crunching under their feet. Even if he'd lived, he wondered how welcome they would be after all this drama with Sam, Paul, and Jared.

Thinking about Sam made Bella remember Edward's irritation that morning, finding he'd been released on bail. She felt a small burst of energy as she remembered he wanted to talk to her about the manslaughter case.

Bella rolled her eyes, realizing she was unquestionably eager to see Edward again. It would make more sense to be nervous about Sam, she would think, but it seemed the smitten school girl in her was more concerned with the handsome FBI Agent.

Still, she wondered if he'd called her.

Bella's automatic impulse was to get up and check the answering machine. It took her a moment of wondering where it could be to remember she had no answering machine.

Actually, she had no home phone at all.

Frowning, Bella dragged her purse over so she could rummage through it. Her phone always seemed to fall under everything, she'd noticed. Sure enough, she found it under her wallet. The little green light was blinking, indicating she had some sort of message.

Renee and Phil had been highly amused that morning at breakfast as they taught her how to get a text messages and make calls. They seemed to think it was funny because Bella had spent countless hours one visit patiently teaching her mother how to text.

That morning, Bella could find the humor in the situation. As she tried to remember which icon meant she had a text message and which meant she'd missed a call, she just felt frustrated again. Blowing out a long breath, Bella forced herself to calm down and reminding herself that patience was a virtue.

Right. Missed calls were in red, text messages looked like envelopes. That made sense.

Bella couldn't help her grin when she saw that of the three text messages she'd received, two of them were from Edward. She pulled his message up first.

**Hope everything's going well. Remember, you can call or text me if you want.**

For a moment, Bella pondered, again wondering if Edward's kindness was just borne of duty. Maybe he was just trying to be nice.

Then again, he'd told her before he left that she could call any time. The fact that he was reaching out to her when it wasn't necessary was telling, or so she wanted to think.

There was no reason to believe that he didn't' mean what he said. He seemed to care about her a great deal.

Which was normal for a friend, she told herself firmly.

Shaking her head at her ridiculous train of thought, Bella tapped the reply button. It took her a few minutes to acclimate herself to the Swype feature on her phone, and she tried not to think for the millionth time since she'd gotten the thing that touch screens were obviously evil.

_**I met more doctors than I can remember. You didn't get in trouble at work, did you?** _

**Nothing major. Don't worry about me.**

Bella realized she was smiling because he'd responded so quickly. Before she could think of anything to say - debating whether she should reply at all - her phone buzzed in her hand again.

**Can I interest you in dinner tonight? At my place, if you're comfortable? We should talk about Uley.**

Bella felt a rush of pleasure, her heart speeding before she realized that he was inviting her over to his place because he probably couldn't talk about Sam in public. Frowning at herself, Bella sent back a reply.

 _ **That's fine**_.

**I'll pick you up as soon as I'm out of work in about an hour. Is that okay?**

Before Bella could reply, the doorbell rang.

~0~

Edward tapped his phone restlessly, checking the signal.

He had to admit to himself that he'd been hoping Bella would call or text. It was hard, being back at work, to not hear from her consistently.

Before the accident, they'd texted each other often while they were both at work. Little musings, mostly, though sometimes they were more explicit.

Edward closed his eyes, scrambling for a line of thought that would stop the automatic flow of memories, but it was too late. He remembered sitting here at his desk, receiving a text from Bella about how she was tired, and it was his fault.

He'd responded that it wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault that she shifted in her sleep, rubbing up against him. It wasn't his fault that she was naked (she'd protested that that was most certainly his fault because he was the one who had removed her clothes the night before - removed being code for ripped off in great haste). It wasn't his fault that his hand had drifted as he slept, and that the tips of his fingers brushed the soft curls above that sweet, slick, hot little slit.

It was definitely her that moaned as his fingers twitched against her, giving him all sorts of ideas.

He loved the sound of her, the taste and smell of her.

That wasn't his fault. That was all her.

Edward breathed in and out slowly.

He missed her so much, missed their easy rapport, and missed the flirting.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Edward struggled with what he should hope for. Yes, of course, he held on to the hope that her memories would return, but there was always the chance they wouldn't.

Even if her memories did return -  _when_ they did return - Bella would be forever changed by her experiences, he realized. There was no going back.

He wondered briefly if replacing memories would bring back emotion. The emotion she felt toward him currently wasn't what it had been before the accident. Who was to say, if she remembered what they were to each other, that the feeling would return along with the memories?

The thought made him want to scream in protest, and again he rankled at his absolute helplessness. He would say he would fight for them - fight for the love they shared and the life together they deserved - but he didn't know how to in this case.

What could he do except be there for her?

Edward jumped when a hand slapped what looked like a cup of coffee down on the table in front of him. He looked up to find Jasper standing beside him.

"Chai tea latte," the other man said gruffly. "Don't give me that look. It's not my fault I'm observant, and I know your go-to comfort beverage... you know, without alcohol that is."  
"Why -" Edward started to ask, but Jasper cut him off with a snort.

"After that ass reaming you got this morning, I should be bringing you some Preparation H," Jasper said, sitting at his desk.

Edward grimaced. "Classy," he muttered. He took a sip, letting the sweet, hot liquid soothe his frazzled nerves. "Thank you," he said sincerely.

"Yep. What's wrong? Besides Banner riding your ass, that is."

"It's... Well, it's nothing really." He sighed, running his hands through his hair restlessly. "Nothing out of the norm, anyway. I just feel anxious, and I don't quite know why."

"Hmm," Jasper hummed. "Bella still hasn't texted?"

"Actually, I gave in and texted her hours ago. She did reply back, but she hasn't answered my last question," Edward said with a frown, dragging his phone out to stare at it again.

"Well, maybe she's just struggling with it. Poor girl. Can you imagine having eight years of technology to catch up on?" Jasper shook his head.

That was the kick in the ass Edward needed. Here he'd been feeling sorry for himself because he couldn't sext the woman he loved when she was struggling with missing time. He needed to stop being so selfish.

Still, he couldn't help but glance at the phone one more time.

He was startled when Bella's picture appeared, accompanied a moment later by the default ringtone. Scrambling, Edward hit the accept button. "Bella?"

"Hey, Edward?"

Instantly, Edward was on alert. He heard the tremor in her voice. She was upset. "What's wrong, sweet... What's wrong, Bella?" he amended quickly.

"I um..." she hedged, speaking softer, almost in a whisper. She chuffed. "Maybe I'm overreacting..."

"Bella," he groaned. "Please, just tell me what's going on."

"Sam is here."

Edward stood, his body chilling to the bone at the same time his blood boiled with rage. "What? I'm on my way right now. Hang up and call the police. Stay on the line with them, and I will be right there," he instructed as he grabbed his jacket, searching for his keys.

"You think that's necessary?" Bella asked, and he hated that she sounded more frightened than she had a minute before.

"Yes," he said firmly. "He should not be anywhere near you. Call the police."

"Oh, shit. That was the door..." He heard a door open and was about to yell at her not to go out into the living room, but she was already speaking. "He's gone..."

Edward was both relieved and disappointed. He wanted Sam as far away as possible from Bella, but at the same time, the incident had the potential to land him back in jail, which was, ultimately, where Edward wanted him.

"Call the police, anyway," he said gently, hitting the button for the elevator several times in succession. "They need to make a report of this, and I'd feel better if there was someone with you in case he comes back."

"Okay. I'll call them." She hesitated a moment before she hung up. "You don't have to come..." she hedged, but he could hear the reluctance in her voice. She was so concerned that she was bothering him.

Edward wanted to laugh at the idea. As it was, he was upset that he couldn't wiggle his nose and just appear at her side. "I'll be right there," he said instead and hung up the phone so she could call the police.

"Is everything okay?" Jasper asked, having followed Edward into the elevator.

"Uley showed up at her place," Edward growled, fury ringing in his tone.

"For what?"

Edward shook his head. "I don't know. He left when he realized she called someone."

"But he didn't try to do anything?" Jasper asked.

"If he did, I'm going to kill him," Edward muttered.

"Keep your cool, Edward," Jasper said, grabbing his shoulders and making him stay still for a moment. "You're skating on thin ice. You know all it takes is a technicality and he's off our hook for good."

"I got it," Edward said bluntly, and then he sprinted for his car.

~0~

Edward barely had the presence of mind to throw his car into park before he got out, running up the pathway and through her open door, flashing his badge to get by the cop who tried to stop him. He breathed a lot easier when he could see her again.

She was sitting on the couch, hands folded pensively on her lap while an officer stood over her writing in a little notebook.

"Bella?" Edward asked to get her attention. She looked as relieved as he felt when she saw him.

"Detective?" the cop who'd tried to stop Edward addressed the man standing by Bella. "This one's FBI."

The Detective looked at Edward. "You Agent Cullen?"

"Yes," Edward answered, taking the woman's proffered hand and shaking firmly. "But I'm here in an unofficial capacity. You must be?"

"Detective Charlotte Hunter. I'm in charge of the manslaughter investigation against Sam Uley," Charlotte filled in.

"Right, I apologize," Edward said with a nod. He'd seen her name so many times, but his mind was being pulled in too many directions of late. "Can we send Uley back for this?"

Charlotte grimaced. "There are no restraining orders on file," she said, sounding frustrated. "And he was invited in."

"And he didn't threaten you in any way, right, Bella?" Edward asked.

Bella shook her head. "He said he wanted to apologize. I only let him in the door, and I said I needed to use the bathroom." She looked sheepish. "I'm sorry if I wasted anyone's time -" she began.

"No, Miss Swan," Charlotte said firmly. "It was my oversight. He should have been under orders not to contact you at all. As soon as I get back to the station, I'll have him served with a restraining order that prohibits him even calling you."

"That should have been done automatically, I'd have thought," Edward said, his voice a little gruff. "Given the nature of the case. And Uley tried to see her once before."

"You're right," Charlotte said with a grimace. "At the time, Uley struck a bargain swearing not to so much as glance at her room if we didn't try to keep him away from his wife. As I said, it was an oversight, and my fault. I should have revisited those terms once Miss Swan was released from the hospital." She turned to Bella. "I'm sorry, Miss Swan. I'll make sure you don't have to see him until the trial."

Bella's eyebrows furrowed. "You mean, if I go to the trial?"

Charlotte paused, and Edward sucked in a breath. "I'm afraid your attendance is mandatory, Miss Swan, at least on the day you're called to the stand," Charlotte explained.

"Wait... what?" Bella shook her head. "I don't... What do you mean? No one told me I'd have to … do that." She looked distressed and confused. "What would I say? I can't remember anything."

"Oh, my... I'm so sorry." Charlotte huffed. "Today is not my day, it seems. I forgot that no one's had a chance to go over that with you, yet."

"Detective, if you don't need anything else, why don't you let me take it from here? " Edward interjected, hoping his tone communicated that it was not a suggestion. "I'm sure one of your people will call Bella soon to fill her in on what can be expected at the trial?"

Charlotte looked curiously between the two of them, but nodded. She looked to Bella, her expression contrite. "Again, I apologize. That was fairly tactless of me. We'll be in touch."

When the officers were gone, Edward turned his attention back to Bella. She was curled into one corner of her couch, her legs drawn up as she stared off, looking nervous. She looked up at him with slightly widened eyes. "I don't understand. What could they ask me that I could possibly answer?" she asked. "I'm useless as a witness."

Edward sat down carefully beside her. "They can ask you about what's happened since the accident." He curled his fingers lightly around hers on her knee, squeezing comfortingly. Even without her memories, she was a huge part of their case, he knew well enough. He figured the D.A. would use her as a sympathy card, as Banner would have said. "Everything that's happened to you, everything you're struggling with, is a direct result of his actions that day. That's what they're trying to find him responsible for."

Bella winced. "But... I just can't believe he would do any of that on purpose," she said, her voice shaking.

"That's why he's not being tried for murder," Edward pointed out quietly, brushing her hair away from her face with his free hand. "It wasn't planned, that's obvious. That doesn't mean he's not culpable for everything. For Jacob, and for what's happened to you."

Bella closed her eyes, resting her head on her knees and breathing deeply. Edward's heart twisted, hating that he couldn't protect her from all she had to deal with. It was so much. Too much.

"I'm tired," she mumbled after a moment.

"Why don't you take a nap, and I'll find some dinner for later?" he suggested lightly.

She rolled her head so she could look at him. "You don't have to protect me, you know. You have your own life, I'm sure."

"I can stay. It's not a problem."

"Edward," Bella began with a sigh.

"If you don't want me here, I understand, but I hope you'll humor me, tonight at least. If I could justify it, I'd have a guard posted here in a heartbeat," he admitted. "I don't think Uley is a threat, but it would give me peace of mind to be here in case he comes back, at least until the restraining order is filed."

Bella screwed up her face, and Edward had to laugh. He'd seen that exasperated expression before, and the familiarity brought with it a rush of warmth.

But before she could argue, whatever Bella was about to say was interrupted by a yawn. "You're sure it's not a bother?" she asked hesitantly.

"Not at all, Miss Swan." He grinned at her. "I'm fairly boring. If I wasn't here, I'd just be at home, cleaning my gun or something about as interesting."

She gave a soft snort, her eyelids obviously getting heavier. "Just a nap," she mumbled. "And don't get dinner. I'll cook for us."

He laughed softly. "Yes, Bella. If that's what you want."

"That's what I want," she said, nodding decidedly.

Edward smiled, reaching out to stroke her cheek because he couldn't help it. "You should go to bed, Bella. You look like you're going to pass out."

She yawned again as she stood. "Yeah. Just an hour," she said, ambling in the direction of her bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sneaky boy.
> 
> Thank you to jadedandboring (who is just so proud that she's finally drilling Oxford commas into my head) and barburella. Jadedandboring has a nice new Roseward fic she's posting. I know... Roseward...but Edward is sweet, and it's a fun, short read. Three Months to a Lifetime is what it's called.
> 
> I'm also excited to announce I am helping run a contest. The Age of Jasper contest. Check it out under the Favorite Authors list in my profile.
> 
> Lastly, I'd really like to thank Cesjmom for the very sweet review over on the Lemonade Stand. And thanks to all of you who voted. Really. Y'all make my days very bright!


	17. Pregnant Pause

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedication: To ForeverLiz. I have neglected Tomorrow is Another Day for you, my dear ;)

Edward watched with bemusement as Bella stumbled, her hair askew and her eyes hooded, into the living room. She blinked blearily, looking around in confusion until she saw him sitting on her couch. Edward was slightly taken aback when she glared at him.

"I told you I only wanted to sleep for an hour," she grumbled, sitting next to him on the couch.

He chuckled, suddenly understanding what her bad mood was about. "You didn't tell me to wake you up," he pointed out.

She pouted, looking toward the window. "It's dark now."

"That is what happens at night," he teased her lightly, chuckling when she turned to roll her eyes at him.

"I really didn't mean to sleep for this long," she mumbled, waking up a little more as she rubbed at her eyes and yawned. "I don't know why I'm so exhausted. I haven't been doing anything."

Edward didn't respond that gestating was supposed to be tiring business. He didn't want to ruin the levity of the moment.

"Well," he said instead, looking over at her with a grin, "since you're already disappointed in me, I don't mind telling you, I disobeyed your wishes."

She looked at him blearily. "What?"

"I ordered pizza for us."

He almost laughed again when she scrunched up her nose, glaring at him with all the fervor of a mewing kitten. "I'm sorry. Anyway, do you really feel like cooking?"

"No," she admitted, yawning again. "But I should. I'm sick of being so useless."

That sounded like his Bella, always wanting to contribute when she had every reason and excuse to be lazy.

This was his Bella, he reminded himself firmly.

His Bella, just a little more fragile.

She was fighting it, though. She was trying to stand on her own two feet, trying to find her strength.

Gently, he reached out, tilting her chin up with two fingers. "I don't think I've told you... but I think what you're doing here is amazing."

She blinked, her cheeks flushing red, and bit her lip as she stared at him, her eyes slightly wider than they'd been just a minute before. "I'm not doing anything," she protested. Her voice was thready, her eyes hooded as she looked on him.

Suddenly, the longing to kiss her, touch her, became powerful need. The look in her eyes was too familiar, so hard to resist.

If there was any truth to the fairy tales of his childhood, true love's kiss would break the spell she was under.

When they watched Peter Pan, Edward and his brother had always clapped really hard for Tinker Bell, knowing with little boys' certainty that they could save her simply because they believed enough.

Edward tilted his head, intent on her lips.

The doorbell rang, and they both sprang backward.

Quickly, Edward stood, looking toward her. "I..." he began, intending to apologize, but he couldn't make himself say the words. He wasn't sorry that he wanted to kiss her. He wasn't ashamed that, for a moment, he let himself believe in magic and miracles.

Still, he knew he couldn't depend on fairy tales. She looked bewildered, her lips parted and her skin was flushed pink.

With a sigh, he ducked his head, going to answer the door.

He came back with a large pizza, putting on a smile, hoping they could brush the incident off.

It turned out to be a non-issue because the moment he stepped in the room, Bella's face turned ashen. She clapped a hand over her mouth and bolted in the direction of the bathroom.

"Bella?" he called out after her, concerned. He heard the distant sound of retching. Grimacing, he cursed his own stupidity.

He and Bella both loved garlic chicken pizza, but he also knew that pungent odors and pregnant women didn't make pleasant bedfellows.

For a lack of anything else to do, he took the pizza and set it outside on the stoop. As he rushed back inside, he heard the toiled flushing and the sound of water running. Carefully, he peered around the corner of the door.

Bella was leaning heavily on the sink. Her skin, flushed a pleasing pink before, was a drained, sickly looking white. She breathed in through her nose slowly, as if she was still nauseated.

"I'm sorry," Edward murmured with a quiet sigh, stepping to her side and placing his hand on her back. He rubbed soothingly, pulling sticky strands of hair away from her neck.

"It's not your fault," Bella grumbled, sounding irritated. "It's this stupid thing." She gestured vaguely toward her stomach. "It has no survival instinct. It won't let me feed it."

Edward pursed his lips because it was much more his fault than she realized.

"Come on," he said, wrapping an arm around her waist. "Why don't you lay down for a minute? What do you think you can stomach? I can go get something."

"You don't have to do that," she mumbled, sitting on the edge of the bed, sagging like she was about to fall asleep again sitting up.

"Bella, it's really no pr-"

"No, I mean, I don't feel like eating at all," she interrupted. She sighed, laying down. It was a testament to how crappy she was feeling that she didn't protest the way he pulled the blankets around her, tucking her in up to her chin.

"Agh, I'm such a bad hostess," she said tiredly. "I'm sure this is really fun for you."

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be," he answered mildly, sitting on the edge of the bed, running his fingers through her hair.

"If you're really going to stay, you shouldn't stay on the couch. There's a guestroom, you know." She grimaced. "Although, it's really messy. I think someone must have stayed over recently."

"Oh?" Edward asked carefully.

"Yeah. Must have been one of Jake's friends or something. I'll have to ask Quil and Embry when I see them again, maybe they know." Her eyes closed, and she rolled to the left side of the bed again, facing him. Edward smiled. "I should get up and get you some clean sheets or something, but I don't know where they are anyway."

"I'll manage," he promised.

She hummed, and it was only a minute before her breathing evened out.

Edward stayed for a moment, watching over her as she fell back to sleep. He laughed lightly to himself, realizing he'd gotten what he wanted, to an extent. Hadn't he spent so many nights while she was comatose wishing he could comfort her during her queasiness and cater to her cravings. So far, she was letting him take care of her to an extent, which assuaged a deep seeded need in him.

Carefully, Edward stroked her cheek, wondering if she realized it was rare to be so comfortable with a virtual stranger as she was with him.

He grimaced, remembering when she'd told him of her friendship with Jacob. He was warm, she'd said. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world to hold his hand. Everyone assumed it meant they were intimate, but it didn't, not to them.

Until it did.

Frowning, Edward ran a tired hand over his eyes.

He didn't want to compare himself to Jacob. He didn't want to end up in the same relationship that Bella and Jacob shared. Obviously, that hadn't worked out long term.

She trusted him, and that was enough for now.

Everything else he was going to have to take as it came.

**~0~**

Bella's first week and a half alone in her house had been interesting to say the least.

She'd had her doubts, but the doctors hadn't been lying. It got easier. Each day was a little better.

The doctors had warned her not to push herself, to try not to get frustrated with the holes in her memories. Slowly, Bella was beginning to accept what had happened to her, accept the reality of her situation. The past was gone, and no amount of her lamenting was going to bring it back.

She was 25.

Eight years had gone by - eight years of technological advances, relationships found and lost, life choices made.

Jacob was dead.

Every day, these facts got easier to fathom, easier to breathe through.

Her psychologist, whom she'd finally had a full session with a few days before, had suggested that rather than look at the whole picture, which was indeed overwhelming, Bella should concentrate on answering one question mark at a time.

Taking that advice to heart, Bella began setting her life in order, one piece at a time.

First, she cleaned her apartment. She spent a significant amount of time in the guest room, trying to put pieces of the puzzle together. It would help, she thought more than once, if she knew what the puzzle was supposed to look like.

She'd hypothesized that perhaps they'd had a guest recently, but if that was true, would their guest have left all his clothes behind?

Unlikely, though under the circumstances, with Jacob dead and her in a coma, perhaps things like a few changes of clothes had been forgotten.

Or maybe she and Jacob had gotten in a fight, she hypothesized.

Couples fought, she understood that, but what if they'd been fighting when he died?

That was something she hadn't considered. When someone died suddenly, there was always talk about last conversations, regrets about things said or left unsaid.

The last fight Bella could remember having with Jake was just a month or so before, to her reckoning. They'd been driving around in her truck, headed toward the reservation when they happened to see two bikes abandoned in front of the Marks' lawn.

Jacob thought it would be fun to restore and ride them. Bella had balked because Charlie would definitely murder her.

Their bickering had been good natured then, but if he was sleeping in the guestroom, Bella had to assume their problems went a little deeper in the present time. Even during their worst fights, which hadn't been bad at all, Bella's anger hadn't lasted more than overnight before he called again and teased her until she laughed.

There was more than one change of clothes scattered across the floor of the guestroom. If they'd fought, it hadn't been just a one night thing.

That was the low point of her week, wondering if everything was as happy as it seemed between her and Jacob.

At least it spoke to the fact that she was still a very private person. Angela, one of her closest friends, claimed that she'd never really spoken much about her relationship with Jacob - which sounded like her. It stood to reason that if they were having problems, Bella would likely have kept that fact to herself, and while that was frustrating, because she wanted to know what had happened between them, it was also somewhat comforting.

Even if she hadn't kept their fight to herself, there was that whole issue that no one spoke ill of the dead.

Whatever problems they were having were a moot point, as frustrating as that thought was. Jacob was gone. He wasn't there to expect a relationship with her.

So the guestroom bed was stripped, the sheets washed, and the bed made. The wayward clothes were washed and folded until she figured out what to do with them. The magazines and stray Coke cans were sent to the recycle bin.

When she moved on to the master bedroom, Bella discovered a laptop hidden under a woman's jacket - presumably her jacket. Curious, she turned it on only to be met by a password prompt. She tried her old e-mail password. It didn't work. She tried a number of other things. Nothing worked.

Angela, who had visited several times that week, offered to have her long time boyfriend Ben take a look at it. She thought Ben would be able to get into her system without having to destroy her files.

He was a busy guy, so getting into her laptop, and whatever that might tell her, would have to wait.

This was taking self discovery to whole new levels.

Angela, her parents, and Edward had coordinated, making sure she always had a ride when she needed one. Her appointments were all kept and her fridge restocked. But she felt like a burden. That was why she had decided the first part of her life she would restore would be her ability to drive. Phil had been kind enough, and brave enough, to take her out to the stadium parking lot to test her driving skills, which seemed to be still intact.

Four days ago, she'd finally be able to encourage her mother and father to return to their lives. They were hovering, and hovering made her nervous. The longer things were so out of the norm, the longer it would take for her to find a routine. They all needed to get back to routine, and she'd proved that she could function on her own.

So Charlie had gone back to Forks and Renee and Phil back to Florida. As much as she loved her parents, Bella breathed a little easier when she didn't have to worry about putting on a happy face for their sake.

With Edward, Bella had noticed that she felt more in control of her life. She felt like she could breathe, and that she might be able to keep her head above water in the churning, rushing river that was her life at the moment.

He made her truly feel like she didn't have to navigate alone.

Of course, Renee and Charlie were trying to be there for her, but it was difficult shaking off the way she'd always seen them. Both of her parents took a certain amount of looking after. Or maybe it was just her left over teenage attitude that bristled when they pried into her business.

Either way, she put on a happy face and pretended to be fine for their benefit. With Edward, she was learning it was okay to lean.

She had to trust someone, the psychologist had reiterated several times. It was too much to bear on her own.

Bella hadn't chosen Edward as her someone consciously. It was just that he was so focused on her. That had to be the case, she suspected. Yes, she was a friend, but he was concentrated on her as part of both the manslaughter case and his own case.

She wasn't arguing with the why. Spending time with Edward was the highlight of her often trying day. She'd stopped questioning why he wanted to spend time with her, the fact was, he did, and she honestly didn't know how she would have coped with everything without his help.

Which was probably why she was humming as she studied for her written driver's test one afternoon.

Edward was supposed to come over again tonight. Actually, to be more accurate, he was going to pick her up to bring her to his place.

It still sounded oddly risque, though Bella told herself to grow up already. She'd never been the squealing little schoolgirl. She wasn't about to become one at her age.

Just because a hot guy invited her over to his place, didn't mean anything was going to happen.

Although-

Over the last week and a half, there were so many times Bella felt certain that something was about to happen between them. She wasn't even looking for it, so she couldn't say she was trying to find it. In fact, each time, the moment would creep up on her unawares, apropos of nothing in particular. They'd be talking or even just sitting together and she would suddenly realize how close they were. The air around them seemed to get heavy, and words died on their lips.

A pregnant pause, she believed it was called, which she found somewhat ironic.

The way he searched her face, ran his fingertips so lightly over her skin, Bella's body would tense, waiting, because she somehow innately knew he was going to kiss her.

Or was it that she wanted him to kiss her?

For a long, breathless moment, she was certain he would.

Then the moment would pass. He would look away, and Bella felt disappointed and disconcerted. And foolish. She felt very foolish to hope, like a little girl who couldn't read adult body language, she wasn't fooling anyone.

Frowning, Bella put the drivers' manual aside.

Luckily, before she started to dwell, her cell phone rang. Her grin returned when she saw Edward's name.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Hey, Bella. Listen, I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to cancel tonight," he murmured apologetically.

Bella's heart fell, and she hoped he couldn't hear the disappointment in her voice when she spoke. "That's okay. Did something happen?"

"Yeah, actually. I have to head back to Forks as soon as I get off work today. Rosalie went into labor."

"Oh," Bella responded, feeling quite a bit better. "Well, that's a good reason. It will probably be good for you to get a break. Between your case and carting me around, you don't get any rest."

He chuckled. "Keeping my brother from climbing the walls won't exactly be restful." His voice was softer, making Bella feel warm from the inside out, when he said the next words. "And being with you is never a chore, Bella," he said sincerely.

"Well, if it's really no trouble..." she began, an idea formulating in her head.

"Yes?"

"Really, I won't be insulted if you say no, but if you're going to Forks anyway, do you think I can get a ride?" she asked quickly.

"A ride? Where?" he asked, his voice curious but not reluctant.

Bella sighed. "Well, if you can drop me off at my dad's, that would be fine. I just... Billy has been bugging me. He wants to settle Jacob's estate," she admitted, a painful lump rising to her throat.

"Oh, that's... Well, I can't imagine that will be easy," he said softly.

For a moment, Bella said nothing, biting her lip hard as tears automatically welled in her eyes. The idea that any of Jacob's money should go to her was ludicrous, and she'd tried to tell Billy that. He was having none of it.

As a teenager, she'd kept books for her father, making sure bills got paid on time and the like. She'd taken over that duty not out of necessity, but because she wanted to relieve that burden - Charlie had always hated handling numbers.

It was just surreal. If she had to deal with whatever Jacob had left her, she had to accept that she was an adult with more responsibilities than she had as a teenager. The bills getting paid were her bills, her obligations.

She'd lost the last vestiges of her childhood.

Of course, there was that other thing.

Billy would probably put his hands on her stomach again. He would want to know about the baby. He would probably want to make plans for the thing, make sure she used Jacob's money for it.

As much as she kept trying to put it out of her mind, not think of it as much as possible, she couldn't seem to escape having to acknowledge the pregnancy.

"I have to get it over with," Bella blurted, as much to herself as to Edward. "It's gotta be done."

"I'd be more than happy to take you, as long as you're alright with Jasper going as well," Edward said, his voice automatically soothing her nerves.

"Jasper? You mean I'll finally get to meet him?"

"Meet him?" Edward echoed. Then she heard what she thought might be a palm slapping a forehead. "Oh! Of course you wouldn't remember..." He laughed wryly. "I'm sorry, Bella. I should have introduced you a lot sooner."

"It's been a busy couple of weeks for all of us," she murmured. "Anyway, what's he going for? Are you going to have to do work while you're visiting your family?"

"Yes and no," Edward responded. "Yes, we'll probably keep in touch with the office, but he's actually just hitching a ride to see Alice. Being green, you know."

"Alice? Like the nurse at the hospital, Alice?"

"Yes, they seem to have sparked quite the romance, or at least I'm fairly sure that's what the goofy grinning when she calls, or texts, or when he even thinks about her means," he said with a chuckle.

Bella had to laugh, thinking of a serious FBI Agent grinning like a loon at his phone. "That makes me feel better."

"What?"

"That something beautiful could come of this whole situation," she said with a sigh.

On the other end of the line, Edward was quiet for a time, and she wondered if she'd said something wrong. "It's nice for him," he said finally, his tone even. "In any event, I'm probably going to be staying the weekend. Is that alright?"

"Yeah," Bella answered with a sigh. "Anyway, I'm sure my dad won't mind. He still thinks I should be at home with him."

"But what would I do without you to entertain me?" he asked with mock horror.

Bella blushed, putting the palm of her hand to one cheek as she smiled broadly, suddenly glad that he couldn't see her. "Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your life," she answered softly.

He sighed. "You make that sound so easy."

**~0~**

The trip to Forks was actually some of the most lighthearted time Edward had spent in quite a while. Jasper and Bella were really two of his favorite people in the world, and they got along famously. Of course, Edward shouldn't have worried. Jasper was always the best at putting people at ease. Though she was initially shy, he drew her out of her shell easily enough.

For three hours, it was almost easy to pretend that everything was normal.

His girl was beside him in the passenger seat, looking over her shoulder as she joked with his best friend.

This was what he'd wanted, what he'd imagined when he and Bella spoke about coming out as a couple. Maybe it was just because Jasper knew that it was easy to pretend that things were normal.

He kept his hands gripped tight on the steering wheel, lest he give in to the urge to reach over and twine their fingers together.

Wishing like hell that she was coming to the hospital with him, and that she would climb into bed with him under his parents' roof that evening, Edward's wave goodbye, when they pulled up to her father's little house, was wistful.

Getting in the passenger seat, Jasper was quiet for a few minutes as they pulled away. Just as they drove into the hospital parking lot, though, he spoke slowly, his words thoughtful. "You know, that girl - that woman - adores you."

"What?" Edward asked, startled by the words. "What do you mean?"

"The way she looks at you," he mused. "Especially when she thinks you're not looking. She smiles more when you smile at her." He laughed. "It makes me want to get to Alice quicker."

Edward faced forward, blinking and turning that over in his mind. He wanted to deny and embrace it at the same time, both wanting desperately to hope and not wanting to have his dreams sparked just so they could be crushed.

"This is all going to work out, Edward. I can feel it," Jasper said, clapping him on the arm before he got out of the car.

Edward lingered for a moment after his partner disappeared into the hospital, allowing himself a line of cautious optimism.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Everlasting thanks to GinnyW. I appreciate everything. Truly. ANd thanks to barburella.
> 
> Thanks to all of you for bearing with me. I'm so sorry about the review reply situation. I'm working on it.


	18. Fathers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I don't usually do this, but I felt the need because of the nature of this fic. I think, since fanfic is so update based, it's easy to forget timeline. It's only been a little over two weeks since Bella woke up. Not a whole lot of time to process. She's confused about so much in her life right now. The truth will come out - you know it has to - but give the girl some space to figure a few things out before we go and tell her that she had a relationship with this man whom she only knew in passing 2 weeks ago (to her recollection), who is a virtual stranger and and that is currently knocked up with his kid even though NO ONE ELSE in her life can back that up. ;)

Bella was not in a good mood.

To say she'd woken up on the wrong side of the bed would be like saying the docks, on the days when the fishing boats came in, tainted the air with a mild stink. That morning, everything seemed to go wrong.

In the last two weeks, she'd consumed more eggs than she had in her entire life. It seemed fortuitous since Charlie seemed unnaturally eager to wait on her, and eggs were among the handful of items he could cook without disaster striking. Of course, when he set the plate in front of her, her gag reflex kicked in, and she didn't make it to the single second story bathroom.

At least Charlie had all wooden floors.

The incident had reduced her to uncontrollable tears.

"I'm sorry, Dad," she said when she was finally able to calm down. "I have no idea what that was all about."

He'd smiled wryly, getting her some water to sip. "When your mother was pregnant with you, she cried all the time. Wasn't a single thing I could do, right or wrong, that didn't make her burst into tears. Once, she went into a Baskin Robbins asking for some flavor that she swore was vanilla ice cream mixed with red hots and a ribbon of cinnamon. Her exact description."

"Ugh," Bella said, holding her stomach because the thought of that combination made her nauseous. "Do they really make that?"

"No!" Charlie chuckled. "Poor kid behind the counter near about started crying himself. Then, I thought I would try to create this mystery flavor for her."

"That's sweet."

"I thought so."

"Mom didn't?"

"She was so pissed, I thought she was going to pop a vein in her forehead. She told me I was stupid for thinking I could just mix them in like a sundae." Charlie shook his head.

Bella giggled and sniffled at the same time, feeling considerably better.

"Come on, kid," he said, helping her up. "What about pancakes at the diner?"

~0~

Bella's bad day only got worse after they got to La Push.

She was already anxious about the whole situation, but her anxiety increased in triplicate when she stepped in Billy's house to find him there with both of his daughters. Rebecca was nice, but Rachel glared the moment Bella walked in the door.

The subject matter was already uncomfortable. Jacob hadn't had a will prepared, so all of his assets defaulted to his father. Billy wanted to give everything to Bella save for the money it took to pay for Jacob's funeral. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Bella wasn't the only one who protested that move.

"Are you crazy? Don't give her anything, Dad!" Rachel yelled, speaking for the first time.

Rebecca groaned looking to Bella quickly. "I'm sorry for this."

"It's for the baby," Billy said, looking at his daughter with obvious displeasure. "You think Jacob wouldn't want to care for his child?"

"I'm saying I don't think it's his kid," Rachel declared bluntly.

"Rachel, that's enough," Billy said loudly.

"What exactly are you trying to say?" Charlie demanded. "You think Bella would cheat on him?"

"I think my brother was very unhappy," she snapped. She pointed at Bella, her face an ugly sneer. "He was never good enough for you. His dreams weren't good enough. You were the reason he went to a college he didn't want, got a job he hated, and moved away from his family, from his tribe. He gave up so much, but it was never enough."

"I don't know -" Bella began in a shaky voice, but Rachel cut her off.

"Right, of course. How convenient of you to come down with amnesia." She scoffed.

"Convenient?" Bella said, incredulous. Fury quickly replaced whatever else she was feeling at the other woman's verbal onslaught. "You think it's convenient that I have no idea what to tell you? I don't remember being with Jake. I don't remember what our relationship was like or if he was happy."

"Bella, you're not a cheater," Charlie said firmly.

"I don't know who I am," Bella snapped, frustrated and overwhelmed. She turned on her heel and strode quickly out the door.

"Bella!" her father cried from the doorway, following after her.

"Dad, please," she begged, not turning around. "I need a minute."

Without waiting to see if he'd abide by her wishes, Bella continued on down the block at a rapid pace. When she was out of view of the little house, she wrapped her arms around her middle, sitting on the curb. Once she stopped moving, all the anger drained away and she rocked slightly back and forth, trying to stave off tears.

It was no use. Bowing her head, Bella let the tears slip down her cheeks.

The warmth she'd once felt in this place, in La Push and more specifically in Billy's house, was gone. Here especially, she missed Jacob's sunny presence more than she had in the last two weeks since she'd woken to this surreal world. If he were here, he would hold her hand and tell her jokes until she was laughing through her tears.

But Jacob was gone and now Bella was more confused than ever as to how they'd gone from the teenagers she remembered to the adults whose lives she didn't understand.

Bella closed her eyes tightly, trying to grab hold of her emotions before she fell over the edge into complete hysteria. Her mind automatically went to a more comforting place, and she imagined herself tucked under Edward's arm, her cheek resting against his shoulder, and his lips pressed against her crown.

It was such a totally visceral thought, Bella could almost believe it was real.

Sighing, Bella rested her head on her knees.

She and Edward had texted last night before she fell asleep. He said he would gladly come with her to La Push, except that there was a chance Paul would be there, and it wouldn't be a good idea to see him in an unofficial capacity.

She'd reminded him that he also should be with his family.

The last she heard, when she'd fallen asleep, Edward's sister-in-law was still in labor. Bella grimaced, trying not to think of how soon she would be going through all of that. She was still mentally scarred from the birth video she'd seen in sex ed - just last year, to her recollection. She remembered thinking at the time that if they were trying to convince her not to get pregnant while she was still in high school, they'd gone overboard and succeeded in convincing her she never wanted to get pregnant, period.

Shaking that thought away, Bella dug her phone out of her pocket and texted Edward, asking him for news about his nephew.

Bella was surprised when the response she received was an image. It was Edward, grinning softly, holding a swaddled baby in a blue knit cap.

Warmth automatically flooded her body, heating her cheeks and spreading straight down to her toes. Bella was so caught by the image that she breathed a soft, "oh."

The sight of Edward with a baby in his arms tugged at some ill used place inside of her. Bella had never been one of those girls who'd cuddled baby dolls in her childhood or stopped to coo at children in strollers. However, the image reflected on the relatively small screen of her phone sparked an odd yearning in her.

She wanted this, she realized abruptly. She wanted this to be hers. It was a random, ridiculous thought, but for a moment, it was so strong she could scarcely breathe.

Her phone buzzed again with a new text.

**Dean Samuel Cullen, born 2 A.M. this morning.**

Hesitantly, Bella scrolled back up to the picture again, forcing herself to look away from Edward's beautiful, joyful grin to consider the infant in his arms. She ran the pad of her finger over the baby's face, trying to breathe through the panic that pricked at her lungs, making her throat close painfully.

It was difficult to think about the thing inside of her as anything but another disorienting stress that had been inflicted upon her. Beyond the physical effect of the pregnancy, the thought of a baby had been more an idea - a completely terrifying, overwhelming idea. Every time her thoughts went down that road, she'd stopped them as quickly as she could, completely unable to cope with such a staggering life change.

The baby on the screen was so tiny - little and frail in Edward's arms.

The baby baby inside her was smaller still.

For the first time, Bella felt a spike of curiosity mixed in with the usual helping of fear and bewilderment. She knew enough of pregnancy to understand that at nearly eleven weeks, the thing didn't look like a baby yet. The things she remembered in sex-ed, the models of fetuses during early pregnancy more resembled teeny aliens. Suddenly, she wished she'd taken the doctor's advice to get one of those pregnancy books, or look up one of the many sites online where she could track her pregnancy week by week.

A small tendril of warmth curled like a vine winding around the stone cold solidness that had taken residence at the center of her chest, where her heart used to be.

Edward's nephew was, as all babies, the product of two families coming together. She recognized Edward in the shape of little Dean's nose.

No matter that she couldn't remember how it was conceived, the child she carried was part of her, would share her blood and her features.

Her baby.

The words were infinitesimally easier to deal with, not quite as impossible or intimidating as they had been to date.

"Bella?"

Bella's head snapped up in surprise. She hadn't even heard anyone approaching. "Oh. Hi, Quil," she greeted, wiping the remnants of tears from her cheeks.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked, sounding concerned as he sat next to her on the curb.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just... hormones, you know?"

He studied her carefully for a moment, and it struck Bella as odd. The Quil of her memories wasn't so contemplative. The boy she remembered was impulsive and flirty. This Quil seemed more reserved.

It was both comforting and disquieting that she wasn't the only one that had changed in the last eight years.

"Are you sure that's all?" Quil asked gently.

Bella sighed, looking away. "Can I ask you a question about Jake?"

"Okay," Quil said easily.

Bella hesitated a moment, turning the words over in her head. "Rachel said he went to college and took a job he didn't want because of me. Is that... is there any truth to that?"

Quil scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Man, don't listen to Rachel, Bella," he said, anger seeping into his tone. "Rachel is being a bitch about everything lately. She's defensive, that's all. Rachel was always that way. She's just pissed because of the three of them, everyone thinks Paul is the most guilty." He shook his head. "Maybe that's true, maybe it isn't. Paul is definitely the biggest asshole."

"What do you mean?" Bella asked, perplexed and curious.

"Well, Sam's like a big brother to all of us. He can be a pain in the ass, but ultimately, right or wrong, you can believe that he was looking out for the good of everyone. I mean, if it's true that he did all those things they're accusing him of, his heart was in the right place." Quil rolled his eyes. "Agh, that's cheesy. But if you knew what he'd done for the community since he made it so big, you'd get what I was saying. A lot of his money has come back to us.

"Paul, on the other hand, is a big prick. He uses his money to show off, show us all how much better he is than the rest of us." Quil scowled. "I don't think the tribe would be so torn about everything if it was Paul in Sam's place. Rachel knows all that, and it makes her angry. She shouldn't take it out on you, though."

Bella paused, considering this. "Still..." she hedged. "I remember that Jake didn't even know if he wanted to go on to college. He talked about maybe starting some car place with you and Embry."

"Yeah," Quil said with a snort. "Well, look, life, uh... Life gets in the way of all your plans, you know?" he said, laughing. "I mean, none of us ended up doing that, though Embry and me are working on it now. We all went a different way at first. That's no one's fault but our own. Life just happens sometimes."

"Yeah," Bella chuffed, understanding that all too well.

"Jake deciding to do the college thing was his own choice. Maybe you had something to do with it, but that's kind of what happens when you're in a relationship. You can't think about just you 'cause your choices effect the other person." He shrugged. "You always told him that he was smart enough to do well in college. So there was that, but Sam was also putting pressure on him. Sam told him even before he graduated that he had a place at Imprint, Inc."

Considering this, Bella rolled her head so she was looking at him. "She also said he was unhappy lately."

"Well, sure," Quil said with a shrug. "That's understandable, though, isn't it? I mean, all this stuff with Sam had to have been stressing him out. When we hung out, he'd be bitching about his job, and I didn't understand why he didn't quit. I mean, I know you guys liked living in Seattle, but you know. I didn't understand why he wouldn't at least talk to you about coming back here. We had a good thing starting up out here." He smiled wistfully. "Guess now I know. He couldn't up and quit."

**~0~**

Rosalie's hospital room was, for once, empty save for Edward, Esme, and the newborn baby resting in her arms. Rosalie had gone to take a shower, and Emmett had gone to 'help', whatever that entailed.

Sitting next to his mother, Edward brushed his finger against his nephew's tiny palm and grinned when the infant gripped tightly.

He knew it was instinctual, an automatic response. Still, the baby's miniature hand wrapped around his finger was just one of those magical moments in life.

Edward was silent as he stared at his nephew, his thoughts tangled up between hope and fear, wondering what his life would look like when it came time to hold his own child. There were so many questions, so much up in the air.

One way or another, Bella would know the baby was his before he or she was born. Edward couldn't see another way around that fact.

"I haven't had a chance to ask you how you're doing with all this," Esme said softly, cutting into his thoughts. "Emmett isn't the only new father, after all."

Edward's heart pounded in hard in his chest, seeming to grow larger and ache worse at the thought. He was going to be someone's father...

"Did you tell Emmett?" he asked rather than answering his mother's question. In all honesty, he didn't know how to answer.

"It's not my story to tell," his mother said gently. The baby in her arms squalled, and she looked down with a smile, rocking him gently. "And Emmett has had other things on his mind."

"Yeah," Edward muttered, lapsing back into silence as his thoughts spun.

"Edward?" Esme began quietly. "Do you think... Well, your father and I would really love to meet Bella."

Edward stiffened, stifling a groan. The reason he hadn't told them about Bella and the whole mess immediately was because he was trying to avoid situations like these. So far, his parents' support had been mostly silent, but he knew they had to have their own opinions about what he was doing.

He exhaled slowly, and his mother rushed to further her thought. "I know you haven't told her about you yet. We wouldn't step on your toes there."

"Well, what excuse would I give her for dragging her to my parents? Mom, she's just beginning to trust me, really trust me. I don't want to overwhelm her."

"We're not overwhelming," Esme protested.

Edward laughed wryly. "According to whom?" He smiled at her so she knew he was kidding...mostly. "Anyway, not this weekend. This weekend should be all about  _this_ baby."

"What about my baby?" Emmett asked, coming into the room. He flopped down on the bed, his hand thrown over his eyes.

"Are you okay, Emmett?" Edward asked, holding back a laugh at his brother's dramatics.

"Eh, I'm fine. Apparently -" he looked at his watch, "14 hours into fatherhood, I'm already a failure."

"Oh, Emmett. What did you do?" Esme demanded, but she was smiling.

Emmett sat up on the bed, making a face at his mother. Rather than answer her, he turned to Edward. "If ever you and your life-partner, Jasper, should pop out a youngster, let me impart some daddy-wisdom on you. A pregnant woman is always right. Always. It doesn't matter how ridiculous she is, she is right. You are wrong. Everything you do is wrong. Even when you're trying to do something nice, it was the wrong thing to do. And for the love of God, do not... I repeat... do not try to touch a woman who has just given birth, even if you were only trying to help her out of her robe."

As Edward and Esme laughed at him, Emmett just shook his head, taking his son from his mother. "Between you and me, Dean, your mother is a little bit crazy." His expression softened as he curled the baby closer to him, and his grin became the wide, goofy thing he'd been wearing the last 14 hours. "But I guess we love her anyway, don't we buddy?"

**~0~**

Sunday afternoon, Edward pulled up in front of the Swan house, ready to head home. He was alone as Jasper was traveling back to Seattle with Alice - she had Monday and Tuesday off that week.

Looking up at the house Bella had spent her childhood in, Edward sighed softly. He remembered talking the weeks before the accident, about spending the weekend with her father and his parents.

He wondered idly if they would ever get to realize the plans they'd had - sleeping in the same bed under her father's roof. He snorted to himself, shaking his head. Back then, the biggest worry he'd had about their future was whether or not her father would shoot a federal agent.

Edward pushed himself away from his car, heading up the walk just as Charlie appeared at the front door.

"Agent Cullen," Charlie greeted, nodding gruffly.

"I think just Edward is fine under the circumstances," Edward said, shaking his hand in greeting. "I'm here as a friend today."

"Today," Charlie echoed, nodding. "Alright, Edward. I'm heading in to the station. Bella's about ready, so you can go inside."

"Thanks," Edward said. He was about to head up the steps when Charlie stopped him.

"Hey, uh... Edward?"

"Yes?"

Charlie looked down, an odd expression coming over his face. "I wanted to say … thank you."

Edward's brow crinkled in confusion. "For what?"

The older man sighed, and Edward could tell this wasn't easy for him. "Bella's a difficult person to look after," he muttered finally. "She won't let me take care of her, so... I'm glad you've been there for her. I appreciate that."

Charlie looked up and their eyes met briefly. Edward could see the utter sincerity there and nodded. Nodding back, Charlie cleared his throat. "In any event, drive safe."

When Charlie was gone, Edward stepped inside the Swan house. "Bella?" he called.

"I'm up here," she responded, and he was immediately set on edge by the thready nature of her voice. He bounded up the steps without a second thought, finding her in the smaller of the two bedrooms at the top of the stairs.

She was sitting on the edge of the bed, her face drained of color and her teeth biting hard into her bottom lip.

"What's wrong?" he asked urgently, going to her side.

She didn't answer right away, and it dawned on him that her hands were resting, palms flat, on her belly, under her shirt. His heart skipped a beat as he sat gingerly next to her. He'd never seen her touch her stomach like that and wished like hell he could know what she was thinking.

"Nothing's wrong," she said shakily. "It's just... I can feel it."

"Feel what? Feel the..." He bit his lip, hoping like hell he wasn't about to upset her. "Did you feel the baby move?" He was fairly sure it was far too early for that, but he didn't know what else she was talking about.

Her eyes darted to his, widening slightly. "No. Nothing like that. I can feel the... the... bump."

"Oh," Edward said on a breath. "Are you okay?" he asked carefully. She didn't look upset. She seemed a little startled, but she wasn't upset.

"Yeah," she answered uncertainly. "I think so. I don't... I don't really know."

"That's okay," he said soothingly. "It's okay not to know." He was just glad that she didn't feel bad, that she was acknowledging the baby, feeling the pregnancy through her skin, without freaking out.

He was also outrageously jealous.

His fingers, at his sides, twitched, and he had to ball them into fists to keep from reaching for her. He wanted to feel it too.

Knowing he was pressing his luck, Edward couldn't help but ask. "Bella..." he began, speaking slowly and gently. "Can I feel?"

Again her wide eyes darted to his. "You really want to?" she asked, sounding startled and a little incredulous.

"Only if you're comfortable."

She looked away, and he was about to tell her not to worry about it when she ducked her head and nodded shyly. "You can if you want to."

Trying to keep the excitement from his face, not wanting to let on how thrilled he was both that he might be able to feel their baby beneath his palm and that she was giving him permission to touch her, Edward scooted a little closer to her on the bed and reached his hand out. At first, he splayed it ever so lightly over her shirt. Then he pressed a little harder, his lips twitching downward into a slight pout when he could feel nothing.

"I, um, I think you need to..." Bella trailed off, but tentatively wrapped her fingers around his wrist. She moved his hand under her shirt, low on her belly, and pressed her hand over his. "Like this."

Edward almost couldn't breathe, the moment was so full of too many emotions. It was incredible to feel her soft skin full against his palm again, remembering how often he'd touched her. The warmth of her skin below his palm and her hand against his brought him a measure of happiness he'd been without for too many long weeks.

But beyond that was an overwhelming awe that was quickly spreading over his chest.

Below his fingers, barely perceptible but definitely tactile, he felt the slight swell, the skin silky but hard where the rest of her was soft. He knew he was smiling like an idiot, but he couldn't stop. His baby; their baby.

"You really don't think this is weird or gross? " Bella asked, her voice so soft.

"No," he said quietly, and even he could hear the fervent edge to his voice. Swallowing hard against the lump in his throat, he looked up at her, so grateful that he could share this moment. "Bella, this is amazing."

It was the hardest thing in the world not to kiss her right then. He didn't know how to express what he felt. He loved her so much and was awed about what she was doing for him, carrying his child. She looked pleased and bashful at his attention, her cheeks flushed pink and her lips hinting at a smile. In her eyes he could see she was still scared, but there was a spark there, a small fire.

Reluctantly, he dropped his hand before the moment could be tainted with awkwardness. "I know this has been hard for you," he murmured gently. "I know it can't be easy dealing with this on top of everything else. It is incredible what you're doing here, though. Creating a life."

She looked down, her cheeks turning red, but again, she didn't seem upset. "It's just so much," she whispered.

"I know," he murmured gently, and brushed the back of his knuckles tenderly down her cheek, hoping she understood that no matter what, she wasn't alone in all of this.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I wanted to get us here before I took a little bit of a break. I have a couple of deadlines, and I don't know if I'm going to be able to update next week. We'll see.
> 
> Thank you to GinnyW for letting me steal her pregnancy craving story. Thank you to barburella and jadedandboring.
> 
> So... what's the most ridiculous thing you cried at when you were pregnant?


	19. Baby Stepping It Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: FAQ - how long is this fic gonna be. The answer? I don't know for sure, but from the storyline I have in my head, I'm thinking it's still gonna be under 30. We'll see. These kids change things on me fairly frequently.  
> A/N: This chapter made possible by the lovely ladies jadedandboring, barburella, and GinnyW! Much heart to you all.
> 
> So did you want a girl or a boy when you found out you were pregnant?

"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked, glancing over to find Bella staring sightlessly out the window. She'd been fairly quiet since they left Forks, and he worried that she was lapsing back into a depression about the baby.

"It's nothing," she tried, but sighed when she glanced at him, finding he was looking at her sternly. "I've been trying to deal with one thing at a time," she explained. "Small things... but there aren't a lot of small things left."

Edward nodded. "What are you thinking about specifically?" he asked carefully.

She gave a little huff. "Among other things? I want to be a contributing member of society. This being on disability thing doesn't sit well with me. My parents raised me to work hard."

"You are working hard," he said gently. "Working at getting better is difficult, and many people in your place wouldn't be making the progress that you are." He paused, letting that set in before he continued. "Will the school take you back?"

"I spoke to them on the phone the other day. Right now, I'm on disability through them, so they're not kicking me to the curb yet. We didn't get into it, really, but they said there would be at least a few core classes they would want me to retake," she murmured. "Angela thinks I should go in, see if the fit is right."

"But? "

She smirked slightly, rolling her eyes. "Teenagers drive me insane now. I mean. When I was in high school," she frowned. "What could have made me decide to put up with them for a career?"

"I asked you that once," Edward said quietly. He tilted his head, looking at her curiously. "You said you didn't know. It's just where you ended up."

Bella grimaced, obviously dissatisfied with the imprecision of his answer.

"But you're not limited. A lot of people end up taking jobs just to work. My brother is like that. He ended up doing accounting," he laughed because it was still hilarious to him that his brother had a desk job. "That's just what he stumbled into."

He looked thoughtful. "People change careers all the time. If you're going to end up going back to school anyway, you may as well do something that pleases you now."

She appeared to contemplate that and sighed. "I guess that leaves me right back where I was before then," she mused. "I just don't know where I want to be."

"You have time," he comforted.

"Do I?" She turned to stare out the window, and though her tone was flat and even, he could read her disquiet in the way her fingers twisted in the fabric of the sweater she wore. He watched as her hand hesitantly strayed down to her stomach, and she pressed against the place he knew the slight swell of her baby bump would be.

Edward was silent as he tried to imagine what she was thinking.

At 17, she would have only been beginning to think of the future, starting perhaps at what college she would apply to. In her first life, she'd had the time that those lucky enough to go to college had, living with the limited responsibility of a student. Quasi-adulthood, he supposed, before homes, bills, and other responsibilities kicked in.

At 25, she was already late to the game, having been thrust into the middle rather than the beginning of adulthood. Normally, commitments gathered slowly - weights being added one or two at a time, as life progressed. Bella was handed the responsibility of a life that carried seven years of being a grown up with it - a crushing weight when you weren't accustomed to that pressure.

Acknowledging her pregnancy meant Bella had to be thinking that soon enough, she would have to provide not only for herself but for a child.

No, he could understand why it felt like she had no time to dilly dally over important decisions like how she was going to support herself and the baby.

For long minutes, Edward debated his choices. He wanted so much to tell her that he could and would take care of her. She didn't need to worry about making hard and fast decisions.

If only life were so simple that he only had to consider one facet of the complicated situation they found themselves in.

If he told her about them and about his responsibility toward her and the baby, it would likely do more harm than good at that point. She was still struggling to come to terms with the fact she'd had a relationship with Jacob. Would adding the knowledge of a second relationship help her confusion? He sincerely doubted it.

Bella was struggling with the definitions she'd been given as it was. Adult. High school counselor. Renter. Jacob's girlfriend. The last tie Billy Black had to his son. Would it be better or worse to add more labels? His girlfriend. Jacob's ex.

She was trying to walk the line between being a person she could comprehend and falling into roles she was merely told about.

Edward didn't want their relationship to be reborn out of perceived responsibility. It wasn't fair to either of them. If he told her that they were lovers, he could not imagine that she would fall into his arms, instantly restoring the relationship they'd lost. It might confuse her even more. Definitely, it would add another obligation; she would have to at least consider being the person he wanted her to be rather than having only her own perception to think about.

She might resent him for the added complication.

"You have time," he said again finally, his voice quiet and firm. "Like I said, people decide to change careers at all points of their life. It's not easy - it's never easy - but I think you have a support system of people who care about you. They'll be there for you no matter what you choose." He took a moment to glance at her. "I'll be there for you."

**~0~**

A few days after her trip to Forks, Bella left the Seattle DMV with a huge, genuine grin on her face.

She was officially a licensed driver again.

That autonomy and freedom was a fantastic load off her mind. She'd hated having to rely on other people to get from place to place. Though she'd protested that she could take a bus or even a taxi, her father had driven up from Forks to take her to the DMV.

Besides not having to deal with public transportation or being a pain in the ass to her father and friends, there were other benefits to getting her car back.

Since she'd grudgingly begun to accept the little alien unit growing inside her, Bella found herself getting more and more curious. She was grateful that her curiosity had been sparked more recently, now that her parents weren't hovering and she could drive her car again.

Since pregnancy was a byproduct of sex, it made her irrationally uncomfortable that her parents knew she was pregnant. She felt like she would be chastised or looked down on because sex was not something she was supposed to be doing in high school. There was no way she could have bought some of the books she was buying in her parents' presence. As it was, her cheeks were flaming as the checker rang up her purchases.

"These for you?" the woman asked, grinning widely.

Bella cleared her throat and nodded, feeling shy and stupid.

"Congratulations, sweetie. How thrilling. Is this your first?"

"Um. Yeah. Yes," Bella stumbled, trying to resist the urge to squirm. This line of conversation was anything but comfortable.

"Oh, I remember that. It's an interesting ride," the woman said ruefully, bagging her books. "How far along?"

"Almost 12 weeks."

The woman clucked. "Ah, you don't look it at all, but that will change soon. Good luck, honey."

Bella mumbled her thanks and escaped quickly to her car, feeling like she was fleeing with stolen goods rather than a bag of legally purchased pregnancy books.

She reminded herself that she wasn't a stupid teenage kid. This pregnancy was the result of a loving, consensual, adult relationship, regardless of whether she remembered or not.

Certainly, the woman hadn't looked on her with condescension or disappointment. Babies were a good thing, a happy thing.

She remembered the look on Edward's face, the awe plainly written there, when he touched her slightly swollen belly. Amazing, he'd said, that she was creating life.

With his hand against her skin and some deep, unnamed look in his eye, Bella had felt a primal sort of pride well in her. There was an innate beauty, a natural rightness, in what was happening beneath their fingers. This was what her body was designed to do, and for a few heartbeats, it felt not terrifying, but as if the world was as it should be. She felt so startlingly feminine in that moment - that she could do this where he would never be capable.

She'd felt not tainted or wronged, but beautiful and divine.

The idea of a baby was so much to deal with. Too much. But she wanted to find that sense of magic she'd seen on Edward's face. She couldn't completely cast aside the negative feelings she had, but couldn't she have the positive feelings too?

Back home, Bella quickly dug into the first one, the old standby whose title she'd heard in movies and on television, What to Expect When You're Expecting.

Glancing at the table of contents was a mistake; there was a lot of information there. Bella closed the book, closed her eyes, counted to ten, and opened the book again, this time to the middle. She flipped until she found what she was looking for, taking in the pregnancy at a week by week glance rather than trying to deal with everything at once.

Her baby was growing toe and fingernails this week, apparently. Its eyes and nose were moving to more human-like placement, and it was learning how to swallow - which was a little gross given its current location. It was about the size of Vienna Sausage and weighed half an ounce.

For once, Bella was overwhelmed in a positive way. She set the book down, lying back on her sofa as the miracle of new life struck her. Tiny fingernails on tiny fingers on tiny, tiny hands. A perfect and complex being sparked where, not so many weeks ago, it had not existed. It was a miracle as old as the world, and yet so new to her.

Careful not to let her thoughts stray out of the lightness she felt, Bella slipped her hands under her shirt, cupping her little bump.

For as many moments as she could, Bella reveled.

~0~

"Cullen, my office. Now."

Edward and Jasper both looked up from where they'd been going over their notes on the Wolfe brothers. Banner strode by without looking at them but retreated to his office .

"What did you do now?" Jasper hissed under his breath.

"What? Nothing," Edward said, standing. He wracked his brain. Yes, it was true, he'd been a little distracted, but his work was still getting done. There hadn't been any new leads on the case with the Wolfe brothers or with Sam, but that was as much anyone else's fault on the team as his.

Possibly.

Frowning, Edward stepped into his A.D.'s office.

"Shut the door," Banner said shortly.

Trepidation twisting his gut, Edward did as he was told.

"Have a seat, Agent."

Edward complied and tried not to squirm as the silence stretched on between them for minutes on end. Finally, Banner sighed, looking up at him. "Okay, I'm going to be blunt about this. You are aware, I'm sure, that the D.A. is going to be calling you to the witness stand on Uley's manslaughter trial, correct?"

"Yes, sir," Edward answered.

"Look, you know as well as I do that our case against Uley is weak in some places - weak enough that it's very possible he could get off. We need a conviction in the manslaughter trial because it gives us room to negotiate," Banner said, steepling his fingers as he rocked back and forth in his chair.

He sat up and looked at Edward, his stare cold and fierce. "Agent Cullen, did you have a relationship of a sexual nature with Miss Swan prior to that day?"

All the breath left Edward's lungs in a whoosh. His mouth opened, but no sound came out. He closed his mouth again, swallowed hard, counted to ten in his head, and then tried to speak. "I'm not sure what relevance -"

"Answer me, Cullen."

Edward breathed in through his nose slowly. "Yes, sir."

Banner sat back in his chair, scrubbing a hand over his eyes. "Is she aware of that fact at the present time?"

"No, sir."

"Was anyone else aware of the affair?"

Bristling, hating that Banner was asking him such personal questions, Edward had to pause again, swallowing several times to choke back the part of him that wanted to snap at his A.D. "At the time? Only Black knew."

That got Banner's attention, and he looked up. "Black knew?" Edward opened his mouth to explain, but Banner held up a hand. "Forget about it. That doesn't matter now. You didn't tell anyone else? I mean anyone, Agent Cullen. If you hinted to your grocer, I want to know about it."

"No, sir. No one else knew."

"And Swan? Did she tell anyone?"

"Not to the best of my knowledge."

Again, Banner lapsed into silence. Edward was tense, though he was trying desperately not to show it. He shifted in his seat, at a loss for what to say because he honestly didn't know what kind of trouble he was in. Technically, he'd broken no rules in being with Bella.

"The baby," Banner said, not looking at him. "What's the likelihood that it's your child?"

Edward bit down hard on the inside of his cheek letting the sting ground him before he tried to speak. "There is no doubt that the child is mine," he said lowly.

Though he knew how it must have looked, Edward found he couldn't say the words with anything but pride in his tone.

Banner sighed. "Is Swan aware of this fact?"

At that, Edward ducked his head. He felt ashamed, and wanted to defend himself, his choices. "No, sir. She -"

Again, Banner held up a hand, forestalling his explanation. "Need to know, Cullen. And I don't need." He rocked in his chair a few moments. "If my understanding of her condition is correct, her memories may yet return, right?"

"Yes, sir."

"But they also may not," he mused.

Another uncomfortable minute passed as Banner rocked and Edward tried not to go out of his skin.

"Okay, Agent," Banner said finally. "Here's the way things are. Swan is the linchpin in the D.A.'s case against Uley. You know how these trials go. It's going to come down to a character debate. Right now, all the eggs are in our basket. Swan is a real sympathetic figure being sick, alone, and pregnant with Black's baby. The last thing we need is anyone calling that into question, do you understand?"

"It feels like you're giving me an order," Edward said tightly.

"I can't order you to do anything personally. That would be illegal." The way Banner's cheek twitched when he said it made Edward believe he would make it an order if he could. "What I'm telling you is that it would be most unfortunate if anyone were to enlighten Miss Swan on the true nature of your previous relationship. I'm sure you have your reasons for not being forthright to her to date. I'm simply pointing out that if she were to remain in the dark for another three weeks, until after the trial, things might be a little less complicated."

For a few moments, Edward sat completely still, running his A.D.'s words over and over in his head, trying to make sense of them.

"I'm sure you agree, Agent," Banner continued. "We all want to see Uley behind bars. We might be able to get a plea bargain out of him if he were under a manslaughter sentence. Perhaps he would give us the link we need to arrest the Wolfe brothers."

Edward turned those words over in his head, trying to look past his indignation. There was something to what Banner was saying. Their case was, indeed, thin. After everything that he'd been through, everything Bella had, he wanted to see justice done. He needed to know this hadn't happened to Bella - to Jacob - for nothing.

And it wasn't as though he had any immediate plans to tell Bella the truth. As much as he didn't like the idea of this decision being taken out of his hands, arguing the principle of the matter wasn't going to help anything in the long run.

He took a deep breath, calming his anger. "If she remembers on her own?"

Banner huffed. "Nothing I can do about that, can I?" He sat forward in his chair again, pointing at Edward. "I know we've had this conversation before, Agent. You haven't stepped out of line since the incident with Uley at the hospital, but you also haven't had your head all the way in the game."

"Sir, I -" Edward began to protest.

"I don't want to hear it," Banner snapped. He sighed. "I have no idea what's going on with you, but you're on thin ice." Sitting back, he tapped his fingers against his desk. "Who else knows about you and Swan?"

"My family and Agent Whitlock," Edward said grudgingly.

"You're positive?"

"Yes, sir."

"I'm sure your little scuffle with Uley is going to come up, though in what context, I don't know," Banner said. "That's why we're having this conversation now. I can't afford to replace you on this case at this late point. Even distracted, you're too vital. Keep your nose clean. If shit hits the fan, I'm not gonna be able to keep your ass out of a sling."

**~0~**

"Edward, if you grind your teeth any harder, you'll wear them straight down."

Sighing, Edward pinched the bridge of his nose. "You sound like my mother," he grumbled at his partner.

"What's up with you? Besides the ass reaming, I mean. It seems like you've gotten more upset in the past hour," Jasper pushed gently.

Edward frowned. "I was supposed to see Bella tonight. She got her license yesterday, and I wanted to celebrate then but her dad took her out. I told her I'd take her out tonight instead, but I can't seem to get through these cross-checks." He pushed his keyboard away, frustrated, and rubbed his eyes. "I can't concentrate."

Furious over Banner's accusations, Edward had spent most of the afternoon going over his job performance in his head. The more he thought about it, the more he came to realize that Banner was right.

He was distracted. Very distracted. Usually, Edward was the type to put in fourteen hour days until the case was resolved. Lately, he was lucky if he made the requisite eight hours. He'd been putting Bella's needs first, making sure she always had a car or that he was just being there for her.

Normally, Edward's powers of deduction were impressive. But rather than spending his energy going over the case, finding what holes they might have missed, Edward found himself instead analyzing interactions with Bella. The time and effort he spent connecting dots, formulating a cohesive picture all went to the situation with Bella rather than to the job.

"Get out of here," Jasper said, closing Edward's laptop with an air of finality.

Edward looked up. "That is not a good idea," he muttered.

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Edward, really. You're stretched way too thin right now. You go on and on about how much Bella has to deal with? Well, you have almost as much. I know things are bad for you at work, but they're bad for you in your personal life too. It's a lot of stress to handle. Something's gotta give somewhere."

"Tell me about it," Edward muttered. He blew out a long breath.

"What's gonna happen with this case is gonna happen regardless of whether you're here to see it all go down," Jasper continued gently. "Look, about now, your nights with Bella are what's keeping you sane."

A small smile quirked at the corner of Edward's mouth. Even in her current state, Bella was still his happiness. He seeped up as much time with her as possible. "But Banner -" he began.

"Fuck Banner," Jasper said, his voice strong but low. "I understand that he's your boss, and you should do your job, but this is an extenuating circumstance. You're no good to anyone if you drive yourself crazy. Get out of here. I'll finish the cross-checks."

At that, Edward smiled, feeling like he could breathe again. "Thanks, Jasper."

**~0~**

Edward tapped his foot, a little restless to see Bella, especially after the day he'd had.

Though he had yet to get Bella to his place, Edward had decided that tonight wasn't the night for that. He'd thought of cooking for her, since he knew all her favorite things, but celebrating her taking even a fraction of her life back called for a night out on the town.

Besides, however warped the situation was, this was their first night out together, and that gave him no small amount of pleasure.

She must have been eager to celebrate too, because she'd only argued a little when he informed her he had every intention of taking her out. Under the circumstances, Bella wanting to flaunt her newly restored driving skills, it made sense for them to meet at The Melting Pot rather than having him pick her up as usual.

So, Edward was waiting, having miraculously gotten there early despite the hold up at work.

Bella was worth the wait.

Edward's breath caught in his throat when he saw her walking up. She'd obviously been digging through her closet as she was wearing a simple dress rather than her standby uniform of a shirt and jeans. The difference was amazing. Bella had told him she didn't have much of a fashion sense when she was younger, but over the years, she'd learned how to dress to accentuate her features. This dress was proof of that. Though modest, it hugged her curves, making her look rather sophisticated - like the woman she was rather than the girl she felt like.

And my God, how difficult it was not to wrap his arm around her waist, pulling her to his side as he so very much wanted to. A great deal of pride welled in his chest because part of him still felt like this woman was his, and that she'd chosen him, and he would be lying if he said he didn't want to show off to the world.

He did take her hands, holding her at arms length as he looked her over. "You're very pretty tonight, Bella," he murmured softly, sincerely.

She blushed and ducked her head, but smiled. "I thought I should look nice since I knew you were going to show up in your suit from work," she explained.

"You always look nice," he said, squeezing her fingers briefly before letting her go.

"You know what I mean," she mumbled, biting her lip.

Turning to the side, Edward gestured up the steps. "You're sure this is okay? I'll take you anywhere."

Bella gifted him with a small smile. "I don't know any places up here," she reminded him. "Anything would be better than The Lodge in Forks, so I'm game."

"I think you'll like this place," he said, opening the door for her.

"Oh, wow," Bella murmured, sounding startled.

"What is it?"

"Just the smell is...very strong," she said, stepping inside.

Edward frowned. She'd been feeling better the last few days, not as nauseated. That was one of the reasons he'd chosen The Melting Pot, which offered a four course meal. "We can leav -"

"No!" Bella protested. "It smells delicious. Cheese and chocolate." Her eyes seemed to sparkle with excitement as she looked at him.

Edward grinned broadly. "Yes, exactly. Cheese and chocolate. This is a fondue restaurant."

As they were seated, Bella eagerly reached for the menu, beginning to pour over the choices. "Edward," she hissed, leaning across the table. "This is too much!"

"It's not," Edward responded mildly. "Don't worry about it."

She looked displeased, but was quickly distracted by the starting choices of cheese fondues. The Melting Pot was all about choices. "This is a nice change," Bella mused a few minutes later as they discussed the pros and cons of various sauces and dips. "I don't think there's a wrong decision here."

Snorting lightly, Edward nodded. "I know what you mean."

After they'd ordered, Bella further surprised him by bringing up the baby of her own volition. "I was doing some reading today," she began, and it was impossible not to notice that her voice was several shades brighter. "Did you know the baby has fingernails now?"

"I've seen Juno, yes," he said quietly, trying to keep the broad smile that threatened tapered down.

Bella looked up at him, confused. "What does Alaska have to do with anything?"

Edward furrowed his eyebrows until he saw his folly. "I'm sorry. Juno is a movie. It's about a teenage girl's pregnancy, starring Ellen Page."

"Who?"

Chuckling, Edward shook his head. "It's actually quite amusing." Worrying his napkin between his fingers, he hesitated a moment before he continued. "You brought it over once, but I don't think we got around to watching it," he said carefully, trying his hardest not to think of what distracted them. "I think I still have it at my apartment, if you want to drive over one night."

She looked up at him from under her eyelashes and smiled. "Sure, okay. It'll be nice to see your place."

~0~

"I'm so full," Bella groaned as they left the restaurant.

Edward grinned quietly. Looking back over the evening, he couldn't regret his decision to skip out on work. Tonight had been a night he needed. It had been so long since he'd seen Bella smile the way she had tonight. Watching her savor her food, looking so pretty and grown-up in her dress, and the general lightness in the air between them gave him another reason to hope.

He realized with a start that he was enraptured by her.

It was an odd and interesting thought. Since the accident, he'd missed Bella terribly even though she was right in front of him. Somehow, over the last week or so, the ache of loss had eased considerably. Yes, he still missed touching her, kissing her, but he didn't ache so much for the facets of her personality that had been lost - or gone missing - since she'd awoken.

He was falling for this new version of his Bella just as surely and completely as he'd fallen for her the first time. He was endlessly amazed by her strength and charmed by the touch of naivety she tried hard to work around. She was slightly more blunt about some things, and less blunt about others than she had been.

It was possible, he mused, to fall in love with someone many different times in many different ways.

And he had to admit, loving this Bella, memory holes and all, whole and complete for who she was - not who he wished she would be - was easier on his heart.

Though he wondered if his new adoration was completely unrequited.

Bella's sigh pulled him out of his thoughts. "Thank you for tonight," she said, coming to a stop in front of her car. "It was... really nice."

"Nice," Edward echoed, thinking it was a great deal more than nice. Aside from enjoying her company so thoroughly, it still warmed him that she was beginning to talk about the baby, think about the baby, without panicking. It was a positive step. He'd hated that the beautiful thing they'd created together was so traumatizing to her.

It was an odd place to be, finding this new kind of love for the person Bella had become while still wishing they could savor the old romance that had sparked a life.

Because he couldn't help it, couldn't stop himself from physically expressing some part of the adoration he felt for her, Edward reached out, cupping her cheek. This wasn't a date, he knew. As far as she was concerned, they were friends out to celebrate. Still, he couldn't help but feel the change in the atmosphere. If this really was a first date, now was the perfect time for a kiss goodnight.

She looked back at him with wide, but not frightened, eyes, searching him with what might have been anticipation.

Edward wavered, his body swaying slightly, wanting badly to give in to the pull that would bring their lips together.

He closed his eyes, reminding himself that she was still so vulnerable and impressionable. Relationships were unquestionably complicated, and she had enough to deal with, trying to find herself without having to deal with defining herself as part of a couple.

So many complications.

He kissed her cheek instead, dropping his hand to squeeze hers for a moment before he stepped back. He couldn't be the one to push her, he realized. Maybe she would allow him to kiss her, but he needed to let her concentrate on the bigger picture, the longer game. He needed to give her enough space, to be her friend while she pieced together her life.

He could be patient.


	20. Visceral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I am sorry about not replying to reviews. I wasn't expecting to finish tonight!

"Hey, hon. Where'd you go?"

Bella looked over at Angela, smiling sheepishly. "Sorry. I was just... thinking."

"Anything in particular?"

Unconsciously, Bella put a hand to her cheek, running her fingers along the spot where Edward's lips had brushed her skin.

What she really wanted was to tell Angela every tiny detail of the evening she spent with Edward a few days before. Wasn't that what girls were supposed to do? She'd been caught in the middle of all the squealing and over-analyzing before, at the lunch table where she'd sat with her high school friends. Now more than ever, she wanted know what all of it meant.

Did it mean anything that sometimes Edward stopped talking and just stared at her? She didn't think he realized he was doing it, but his eyes sometimes studied her face so intently that it jarred her from whatever line of conversation they were in the middle of. He smiled often. Was there something to the way he ducked his head and looked at her from underneath his eyelashes?

Was it normal for a man to touch a woman as much as he touched her? They were little, innocent brushes, as when their arms bumped because he walked so close to her, or when he reached out to squeeze her fingers briefly.

Why, when he looked at her, did she automatically feel like he was about to kiss her? So many times now, her body had tensed, her head tilted up and lips slightly parted. It was as if she was programmed; something about his presence changed the way she reacted, even the way she held herself.

Was she imagining things, or was she just being a silly, stupid girl with a crush amplified by confusion and pregnancy hormones?

But Bella didn't know how to articulate these things to Angela. Her distraction felt so childish. Angela was an adult woman with adult worries.

Besides, there were many things more important than Edward Cullen on Bella's mind.

"I was thinking that I don't want to be a high school counselor," Bella said with a sigh, finally answering Angela's question.

That day, she'd gone to her old workplace to spend a few hours. It had been more than a little awkward. It was clear that many of her former coworkers didn't know how to treat her. Some of them could hardly look her in the eye. Others were overly 'helpful'.

Sometimes, Bella got frustrated when her family and friends didn't fill in the details of her previous life. However, a woman who introduced herself as Lauren Mallory telling her about how they were the best of friends made her realize that it was, perhaps, the lesser of two evils. When Lauren hugged her, gushing over little moments of their friendship, Bella felt uncomfortable. How easy it would be for someone to lie to her, she'd mused. How easy to invent a past that didn't exist.

After all, being told a story didn't make Bella feel a connection.

Besides, if any of these people were really her friends, where had they been these last weeks? The only friends who visited her in the hospital and afterward were Angela, Edward, Quil, and Embry.

Beyond that, though, Bella had hoped for at least a sense of familiarity or purpose when she visited the high school. She'd hoped that she could check another thing off her list, especially such a big worry.

How she wanted to make a living, support herself... and the baby, was still a mystery to her.

Angela smiled encouragingly. "You'll figure it out, Bella."

Bella might have argued except that just then Ben, who had been hunched over her laptop, his eyebrows furrowed, sat up straight. "I got it!"

Instantly, all other thoughts dissipated. Bella leaped up, her heart pounding in anticipation. She crossed to Ben's side of the table, looking over his shoulder. "You got in?"

"Sure did," Ben said, turning the laptop toward her. "You're all set. I left the password protect off for now, but we could always turn it back on."

"Not right now," Bella said distractedly, studying her background intently. "It's a little paranoid, isn't it? I mean, how important did I think I was that someone would want to break into my laptop?"

"It's a pretty standard security precaution, B," Ben replied. He tilted his head, looking thoughtful. "I guess after so many years of hearing about this or that database being hacked and the rising identity theft problem, we're all a little more cautious than we absolutely need to be, but why not?"

 _In case you fall off a cliff and forget all your passwords_ , Bella thought but didn't say.

She wondered if dealing with her identity being stolen would be as disorienting and frustrating as her identity being erased from her own head.

"Well, thank you," Bella said sincerely. She closed the laptop.

"Bella... aren't you going to look?" Angela asked, seeming incredulous.

Truth be told, Bella was both intensely curious and somewhat frightened to peruse the contents of her laptop. What if she found something on there that only cast more questions on the person she'd become? There was already so much she didn't understand about herself. What if there were things about herself that she wouldn't like at all?

"I want to look, but I can wait," she told her friend.

Angela quirked an eyebrow.

"Ange," Bella groaned. "I can't open it while you're here. What if I have a secret porn stash or something?"

"What's wrong with porn?" Angela laughed when Bella's eyebrows shot up. "Well, I don't know your personal thoughts on the matter, but porn is not a bad thing to everyone." She looked over at Ben with a small smile. "It can be kind of hot when you share it."

Bella's cheeks heated, and she ducked her head, again not used to the idea that she could be so blase about sex.

"Well, I can understand if you want to be left alone, hon," Angela said, patting her hand. "Come on, Ben. Let's go."

"Oh, I didn't mean it like that. You don't have to leave. I can wait."

Angela shook her head. "No. You've waited long enough. Don't worry about it, Bella. Really."

A few minutes later, Bella sat at her table staring at her still closed laptop.

If anything, after Angela's lighthearted comments, Bella was all the more scared at what she would find.

What if there were pictures of her and Jacob... like that?

What if there was a video?

The idea made her feel a little ill.

_Don't be a coward._

Taking a deep breath, Bella opened the laptop.

At first, she was struck by her background. It seemed a rather odd choice, though she didn't know what she expected. In her past, she couldn't be bothered to change the background of her computer from the default of the rolling green hills and bright blue sky that Microsoft started everyone out with.

Her background was of the Golden Gate Bridge looking like it was being eaten by fog.

She wondered idly if she'd ever been to San Francisco. In high school she definitely hadn't, which she actually found quite funny. In all the time she'd spent shuttling between parents who lived in different states, she'd never quite made it to one of California's landmarks.

It didn't seem likely, though. If she ended up with Jacob after high school, she probably hadn't done a lot of traveling. Once, when she came back from her mother's with a quilt of all the t-shirts they'd collected on their various adventures out of state, Jacob had remarked he'd never been further than Canada.

"Don't you want to see the world?" Bella remembered asking him.

"Nah," he'd said, waving a hand nonchalantly. "You know what gets me? Most the people I know have lived in this tiny town all their lives, and yet they still don't know some of these secret little spots I've discovered. They haven't been everywhere there is to go just right here. I'm never gonna see all the world - it's just not possible - so why would I want to branch out when I'm not done seeing what there is to see right here?"

Shaking that memory away, Bella turned back to her computer, looking for the familiar blue E of the Internet Explorer browser.

It wasn't there.

Frowning, Bella furrowed her eyebrows, wondering how she was supposed to get to the Internet without Explorer.

Frustrated, she clicked on the first icon labeled Google Chrome.

Apparently, Google had its own browser now. That was interesting.

It took her a moment to figure out where her history and favorite pages were stored.

She clicked around for hours, discovering websites she'd never heard of.

She was a fan of some television show called Dexter, as she apparently visited forums. Her e-mail, which was thankfully still in tact, seemed to be full of messages from an online book club, automatic offers from something called Groupon and various other pieces of spam. There were forwarded messages from colleagues - e-mails with a bunch of funny pictures in them.

An e-mail from the morning of the accident caught her eye.

Bella's eyes widened as she read the contents.

Apparently, she'd purchased a pair of tickets to see some group called Kings of Leon on the nineteenth of June, which was four weeks from now. This was curious for many reasons, not the least of which was that she never planned that far ahead for things like concerts, and she'd never heard of the band.

Well, at least she knew she had plans that day, though she wondered who she intended to go with. Jacob, probably.

Curious, she did a search for Jacob's name, coming up with a short series of e-mails. Obviously, they didn't communicate this way very often. The last was part of a back and forth conversation that was dated three weeks before the accident.

She frowned, confused at the tenor of the conversation. It was cold, almost annoyed in places. Apparently, Quil and Embry wanted them to go camping. She'd been resistant at first, but then it looked like Jacob had started complaining that she wasn't around very much and people were starting to notice. She'd relented.

It was strange. Quil and Embry talked about the weekend they spent camping two weeks before the accident. It was the last time they'd seen Jacob. According to them, the weekend had been pleasant.

One part of the e-mail in particular disturbed her.

_Look, you and I both know where you'd rather be, but would it kill you to make things a little easier on me?_

Bella's heart twisted with a sort of guilt. Though she still had trouble imagining them as a couple, she still felt like Jacob's friend. Even the residual anger she read on the page, could hear leaking into his normally carefree tone, stung.

What had happened between them?

It was looking more and more like their relationship may have been in trouble. There was the guestroom, for one thing - maybe it had been Jacob in that room. Maybe Rachel's accusations that he'd been unhappy weren't that far off.

 _You and I both know where you'd rather be_...

Where, Bella wondered, was that?

**~0~**

Edward rubbed a hand over his eyes, trying to concentrate on some information District Attorney Peter Damon had sent over to him. They were going to be getting together soon, going over what might come up at the trial.

Life, he reflected, was continuing on much quicker than he wanted it to. It was somewhat ironic, given that it was the thing that had brought them together in the first place, but Edward wished he could put Sam and the Wolfe brothers in a box to deal with at a later time. He wanted to concentrate on Bella.

Bella.

A glance at the computer's clock told him she should be getting out of her doctor's appointment. Maybe he could catch her before she drove all the way home.

Getting to his feet, he walked out into the hallway and to the stairwell, not wanting anyone to overhear his conversation. He dialed and waited.

"Um, hello?" Bella answered distractedly after a few rings.

Edward frowned, hearing the sounds of traffic in the background. "Bella, are you driving?"

"Yes?"

"And is your cell phone in your hand?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Put the phone down. It's illegal, not to mention unsafe, to drive with your cell phone to your ear. Didn't they cover that in your driver's manual?"

He hung up without giving her a chance to answer, though he felt bad about that. He pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling an irrational sense of panic wash over him. He was suddenly completely aware that she was out there in a world she wasn't used to, where anything could happen to her.

What if something else happened? What if something happened to her or the baby? What if he wasn't there to pull her from the water this time?

The thought was dizzying, and he wanted to go to her, wherever she was, and bring her back so he could protect her and their child.

His cell phone chimed, and he panicked again when he saw it was Bella calling back. "Bella?" he said, his tone raw with worry. "Please tell me you found your Bluetooth."

"No, but I pulled over," she said quickly. "I'm sorry. I didn't think about it. I remember reading that rule in the manual, but there were a lot of rules. This thing just rang, and I grabbed it, and-"

"Bella," he said again, his voice more gentle. "It's okay. I'm sorry for being short with you. I just don't want you to get pulled over or hurt."

She sighed. "So weird. These things are everywhere, you know? And that took some getting used to, but I get the convenience. Everyone expects me to pick this thing up when it rings, but there are laws about when and where I can?"

"Well, they had to make laws like that. You should read up on the accidents that happen while texting or driving," he said, keeping his voice light.

"Ha," she snorted. "It makes sense. Society adapting to change."

Not unlike herself, he noted. "Anyway. I just called to see if you were still close by. If you're hungry, maybe we can have lunch, and you can tell me about your doctor's appointment."

"Uhhh, yeah. Of course. Lunch sounds... really good actually." There was a pause. "But we don't have to talk about the doctor's appointment. You can't possibly be interested in that stuff."

Edward's heart panged. Not only was he interested, he wished he could be there with her. "Well, if you're not uncomfortable, I'm interested."

"Okay," she said softly.

**~0~**

It was a week after their impromptu lunch date, and Bella was heading for Edward's apartment.

She couldn't for the life of her figure out why she was nervous.

"Oh, my lord. You're hanging out with a boy," she muttered to herself, her tone scathingly sarcastic.

Even when she was a teenager, hanging out with a boy wasn't exactly a taboo thing. She'd rolled her eyes when Charlie had questioned her not so covertly when she got back from study groups with male classmates.

Funnily enough, he'd never had a problem with Jacob.

Why was this so different?

Maybe it was because her fantasies were getting a touch out of control. And all of them starred Edward.

She supposed it was understandable.

Because of the baby, many of her more frustrating thoughts revolved around sex and the fact that she didn't remember her first kiss, let alone losing her virginity. Obviously, the memories of sex and love, kisses and touches, were locked somewhere in her mind. Perhaps her dreams translated them, putting Edward in place of Jacob, seeing as the thought of being with her best friend like that made her vaguely ill, and Edward was the only guy paying her the least bit of attention.

There was that, and the subject had been on her mind because a more thorough exploration of her computer revealed the existence of two folders. One was labeled J and had pictures and information about things she knew pertained to Jacob. There were possible birthday gifts, a schedule of events relating to Jacob's work, co-worker and very important persons lists including birthdays, likes and dislikes.

The last made her feel slightly better. After spending the week wondering if her relationship with Jacob was as good as she'd been told, she could rest assured that at least she'd been a moderately good girlfriend if she was keeping track of information that would help him in his career.

But then was the mystery of the second folder, labeled E.

Like the first, it seemed to be full of ideas for birthday gifts. Beyond that, there was a sub-folder labeled trips where she'd stored information about places to visit. They were places that, to the best of her knowledge, Jacob had no interest in.

Was she planning on going somewhere with this 'E' person?

Obviously, 'E' had to be someone. Someone she'd cared enough about to plan for a birthday, among other things.

Putting that together with the the cold tone of Jacob's e-mail, and the fact he'd been sleeping in the guestroom...

Had she been having an affair?

Pulled up to a stoplight, Bella put her hand against her belly, feeling a sense of panic begin to pull at her. She was just coming to terms with the baby being hers, but was it possible that the other half of it wasn't Jacob's?

No.

Because if that was true, who could it be? And why wouldn't they have stepped forward?

It opened the lid on so many terrible possibilities.

What if it was Embry? It would be understandable that he didn't tell her then. What would he have said? 'Hey, Bella. You know my dead best friend, your boyfriend? Well, we were totally stepping behind his back.'

Yeah, awkward. Horrible and awkward.

Bella shook her head, trying to clear it as the light turned green, and she continued on.

Edward was an E.

Bella growled to herself. "Stop being an idiot."

This was insane, and her imagination was working overtime. All that was happening was that she was seeing bits and pieces of her life and trying to make them into a coherent picture.

An affair with Embry? Insane.

And Edward?

Well... that was just wishful thinking.

 _Wishful of what_? she wondered.

Again, she shook her head, pulling up to the address Edward had given her. She located his unit and, taking a steadying breath to calm her ridiculous nerves, she knocked on the door.

Edward answered the door, his hair wet from a shower, and Bella was caught off guard by a powerful smell that triggered an equally powerful vision.

It was the smell of clean skin and lightly scented soap - that much she recognized. The vision that came on her, rocking her like a wave crashing into the surf, was completely new to her. She was in a shower she didn't recognize, her hands splayed flat against the cold tile - a stark contrast to the heat of the water that flowed from her crown down her back. Strong hands held her waist, and she felt what could only be lips - wet from the water that pounded down on them - at her shoulder.

"Bella?" Edward said, touching her shoulder. Bella jumped. "Are you okay?"

"Um. Yeah. I'm fine. Just... spacey," she murmured, rubbing the back of her neck self consciously. She felt suddenly paranoid, like he could read her thoughts clearly on her skin.

"Come in," he said quietly, not looking like he believed her but thankfully not pushing either.

Brushing by him, Bella looked around the space in curiosity.

Maybe it was the odd vision that had struck her, but her head felt heavy with something... like a thick fog had rolled over all her mind, or perhaps something akin to molasses, making her thoughts slow.

It was almost as if there was a presence here, the feeling was so physical.

"Bella?"

Bella's head snapped up, and she looked at Edward with questioning eyes.

His eyebrows were furrowed in concern. "That's the third time I've called you," he said softly. "Really, are you okay?"

"Fine," she said, but her voice was just a whisper.

He looked at her, and his eyes seemed to be screaming with something she might have labeled hope. Then he shook his head, as if he'd just remembered something. "Oh. Let me turn this off. I know you don't like this band."

Bella was confused at first until it struck her that there was music in the background. She hadn't even noticed.

"I don't like them?" she echoed. "Who are they?"

"Kings of Leon," Edward answered, picking up a small remote from the end table and switching the music.

Something about that sounded familiar, but she couldn't remember why. "I don't like them?"

"Well, you said that they have a few good songs." He smirked. "However, you once went on a ten minute rant about how much you hated the song  _Sex on Fire._ "

She made a face. "You like a band who wrote a song about crabs?"

Edward's answering grin was wide. "That's almost exactly what you said before," he said softly. "I'll put on something else."

Still distracted, Bella wandered to his couch, sitting down. There was a pressure in her head, almost like she had a headache but without the pain. She tried to think around it. "Your place is-"

Whatever she was about to say fell away as the next song came on.

It wasn't a vision that assaulted her then. What she felt was on her skin, inside her - like a memory of a feeling, except a thousand times more intense.

She felt the thrill of an intimate touch - fingers skimming across her bare skin. There was a want like fire in the pit of her belly, a yearning unlike she'd ever known.

At the center of her chest was a deep emotion she didn't know how to name. It left her entirely breathless.

A hand on her cheek made her start. She looked up, and finding Edward's eyes on her made her feel all the more muddled.

But it didn't seem so out of sync with what she was feeling.

"What's going on?" Edward asked urgently. "Sweetheart, you're shaking."

Bella shook her head. "I don't know," she whispered. Something was grabbing hold of her, something powerful. It felt not unlike a panic attack, but instead of her chest tightening, it was as though her heart were expanding. It was the opposite of a bad feeling.

Edward sat beside her, his hands on her shoulders, rubbing. "Are you okay? Do you need..."

Again, she shook her head, hard. "Yeah," she gasped. "I'm... I'm fine."

He took her face in his hands, tilting her face up to look at him.

And looking into his eyes, it was utterly and completely impossible for her not to do exactly what her heart told her to do. It didn't matter what was logical, and what was fantasy. It didn't matter her situation or the people they were. It was the most natural thing in the world to tilt her head up, pressing her lips to his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Immeasurable thanks to GinnyW for all her help. I am leaning on her.
> 
> Will y'all do me a favor and send positive thoughts toward barburella? Thanks. I sincerely appreciate it.
> 
> Also, if you're interested, I have contributed the first chapter of a Jasper/Bella story to the fandom against juvenile diabetes compilation. You can find out more here: fandomajuvdiabetes . blogspot . com


	21. Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Again, I'd like to apologize for the lack of review replies. You guys are amazing, truly, and I want to reply to each and every one of you. Right now, life is hectic, so the choice is between review replies and not getting my chapters out as quickly as I do. Hope you know that means I love ya!

Edward had heard the term 'stuck on stupid' before, but never had his mind felt quite so slow and dumb as it did then.

One moment, he was feeling guilty and panicking because she was shaking, obviously disoriented. But when he'd tilted her head up, trying to look into her eyes to gauge if something was really wrong, the look he'd seen there had driven the breath from his body.

For a second, just one second, she was looking at him the way she used to: with love and adoration.

And then, she was kissing him.

And Edward was stuck on stupid, completely frozen except that his lips knew to respond to hers and did so, kissing her back softly.

Slowly, his brain began to churn again.

When she'd walked in the door, Edward had held his breath, watching as she closed her eyes, breathing deeply, her step faltering. That part of him, still hoping for a bit of magic that might break this curse, wanted to scream. Somehow, he felt she was on some precipice.

Feeling frenzied with the possibility that she might remember this place if nothing else, he'd purposefully tried to push her buttons.

The song he put on the stereo was the same Elvis Costello song they'd first made love to.

When she started to shake, his stomach had twisted. This wasn't fair, he realized. Real life wasn't like the movies. It wasn't as though, with the snap of his fingers, her memories would return, whole and intact.

If they were returning at all, he imagined it had to be bewildering.

But  _had_ she remembered?

Was that why she was kissing him like this? Because he was increasingly aware that she was the one who'd kissed him. He wanted it - had missed her kisses so much he sometimes didn't know how to breathe around the thought - but he'd been so careful to that point not to act on his wishes.

Part of him was screaming at his over-thinking nature, telling him to shut the fuck up and just put his arms around her, pull her close and never let go. His analytical mind was quickly gaining ground, though. He had intentionally manipulated her, after all. That couldn't be fair.

He needed to know if she was kissing him because she remembered.

His hands dropped from her face to her shoulders, and though it was physically painful to do so, he pushed her back gently.

"Bella, I -" he began, but could not continue as she pressed forward, again claiming his lips.

And whatever vestiges of willpower he had faded away. With a groan that vibrated against her skin, he wound his arms around her, pulling her close against him. Thought faded away, and he felt the gashes in his heart begin to knit together.

For the first time since the accident, he felt like he could breathe... which was somewhat ironic given that, as he kissed her, he wasn't breathing at all.

Then, she stiffened in his arms, her hands - resting as they had been against his chest - suddenly pushed at him. Quickly, Edward pulled back, breaking their kiss.

Her mouth was hanging open, her brows knitted together. She seemed dazed, and shook her head quickly as if to clear it. "Oh, God..." she whispered.

She jerked in his arms, and he put his hands back on her shoulders, irrationally feeling like she was about to bolt. "Bella, what -"

"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry," she said quickly, her eyes flooding with tears. "Oh, God, I don't know why I did that. You didn't want me to do that!"

For a second, he felt, again, too dumb to speak. he blinked at her.

"You were trying to stop me!" she muttered, breaking free of his hold and standing. Thankfully, she didn't go far, but ran her hands through her hair, looking increasingly distressed. She began to pace. "I don't know... I just... I didn't even think..."

"Bella," he said a little louder, standing, not knowing if he should touch her again. She seemed jumpy and nervous. Skittish. "It's okay," he tried, and again she cut him off.

"No it isn't!" she said, her voice firm and a little hard. "This is not okay. I didn't mean to do it, but that's no excuse. The first time Jacob kissed me, he did it after I told him I didn't feel that way about him. He did just what I did - kissed me and wouldn't let me pull back, and I punched him right in his..."

The moment of silence that followed was tense. Worse than not being able to breathe, Edward felt like someone had reached inside him, and pulled his lungs straight out of his body. He was asphyxiating in the most painful way possible.

Bella's face was a mask of shock, her eyes wide and unseeing as she processed the words that had tumbled out of her mouth.

"Wh..." she tried to form words and failed. She closed her mouth, swallowed hard, and tried again. "Why do I know that?" she asked, not really asking him but just speaking the words out loud. "I don't... I don't remember. I just  _know_ that."

She sat heavily on the couch, dropping her head between her knees, threading her hands into her hair as she rocked slightly.

The sight of her so distressed hit him like a punch to the gut, but it had the effect of knocking the breath back into him. He gasped, the sound raw as he pulled air in again. Getting a hold of himself, he breathed deeply, catching his breath as he sat down carefully beside her.

Not really knowing what to say, Edward rested his hand first on her shoulder. Then, when she didn't move to brush him away and didn't seem to get more upset, he began to rub her back under her hair.

After a moment she sniffled, and he realized she'd been weeping quietly. She raised her head, straightening slightly, though she was still slumped over in her seat. "I'm sorry," she said again, though there was a little more volume to her voice.

"Shhh," he murmured soothingly. "Talk it out, Bella. Tell me what's going on."

She shook her head and laughed, the sound rife with desperation. "I have no idea. I... I... It's just too much right now," she muttered. "I don't remember, but I remember. God, that makes no sense," she groaned, furiously wiping away tears. "Did he... I mean, did he have feelings for me all that time, and I just didn't notice?"

Edward felt a bitter taste creep into his mouth. Of course she would remember Jacob first. That just figured, didn't it?

But he immediately felt guilty for his uncharitable thought. She was obviously disoriented. It must have been terrible to feel so out of control of your own emotions.

Before he could figure what to say to her, she shook her head again. "That... that doesn't matter right now," she said, nodding resolutely. "I've just been thinking that maybe... maybe I wasn't as good a girlfriend as I could have been."

His insides twisted at the shame he saw spark in her eyes, and he furrowed his eyebrows. "What makes you say that?"

For a second, she hesitated, as if she was about to tell him something, but then she sighed. "I just feel bad because I don't remember feeling … like that for him. That feels really crappy given the circumstances," she murmured, brushing her hand lightly against her stomach.

Ignoring the possessive urge in him that made him want to growl that the baby she carried had absolutely nothing to do with Jacob, Edward turned her words over in his mind. She was leaving something out; he could tell.

"But that's all beside the point," she said more firmly. As he watched, her cheeks turned from the blotchy mess that was inevitable after a crying jag to a deeper, more scarlet color. "I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you like that. I don't know what came over me."

Edward bit the inside of his cheek, scrambling for the right thing to do.

Should he just accept her apology and leave it at that?

But no, that thought wasn't right no matter which way he looked at things. All things being equal, it was only fair that she knew... whatever had possessed her to kiss him, it most definitely hadn't been against his will.

"I, um..." He stumbled, because the whole truth here wasn't the right thing.

How would she ever be able to understand... Even then, his heart was still racing with elation. Her kisses made him feel, for those too few seconds, that the world was exactly as it should be again. Right. Wonderful.

"It wasn't unwelcome, Bella," he finally said, his voice soft.

At that, she finally looked at him, her eyes befuddled and surprised.

He shrugged, forcing a small smile, needing to lighten the atmosphere. "A kiss from a pretty girl..."He stopped, admonishing himself because he needed to be as honest as possible. "A kiss from you," he corrected "No, it's not unwelcome at all."

Because he couldn't help it, he brushed his fingertips against her cheeks and over the line of her lips. She didn't say anything, but he thought she seemed just a little bit pleased - still overwhelmed and turned around, but pleased at his words. The edges of her lips crept slightly upward, and Edward reminded himself again that he could be patient.

After all, if she'd had some shadow of a memory of Jacob, there was still hope for him.

Besides, perhaps this was better. He was torn, remembering Banner's words, about what he should want more. Just another week or so and Sam could be behind bars for a considerable length of time.

He wanted justice for what had happened to them almost as much as he wanted Bella back in his arms.

Giving her the space she needed to put things together, Edward cleared his throat and reluctantly moved back on the couch. "Do you want to watch the movie, or would you rather do something else?"

She tilted her head, blinking as if she wasn't quite keeping up with the conversation. "Oh, right. Juno, right?" she asked slowly.

"That was the plan."

"Okay, sure."

As the movie progressed, the somewhat awkward, somewhat heated atmosphere between them was diluted, and eventually, they fell into a more comfortable zone. Peeking at him shyly, Bella propped her feet on his lap again, smiling when he didn't protest.

For his part, Edward tried to pretend that he was paying attention. In actuality, he was deriving much more entertainment from watching Bella surreptitiously. He enjoyed watching her lips turn up and hearing her warm chuckling.

"Oh, God," Bella groaned, giggling behind her hands as Juno, on screen, told her parents she was pregnant. "I know this is stupid, but I'm really kind of glad that I didn't have to tell my dad I was pregnant," she muttered.

She sighed, and Edward's heart warmed slightly as her hand slid down to cup her little bump. The move was almost tender. "I guess, if I can't remember this, at least I'm glad so many people think it's a good thing, right? I mean, no one is angry at me. If I was really her age," she nodded at the screen, "things would be a lot different."

Edward hummed a general acknowledgment. Really, he was thinking about the deja vu he was feeling that moment. Of course, the first time they tried to watch this movie, her head was on his lap instead of her feet, and he'd begun tracing the line of her lips, stroking her cheek, pulling his finger down the bridge of her nose, until she looked up at him, her eyes happy. She'd raised her hand to brush his cheek.

"Hey, Edward?"

Swallowing hard, struggling to push the memory away, Edward put on an easy smile, raising an eyebrow questioningly at Bella.

She seemed sheepish. "Is there a Taco Bell near here?"

Perplexed, he nodded slowly. "Sure, right down the street."

"Oh, good," she said, sighing in relief. "Can we maybe pause the movie? This scene just made me like... I really want a chicken burrito," she admitted. "Like I... really want one. Just tell me where it is, and I'll go get one."

His lips quirked up. "Stay. Enjoy the movie. I'll make a Taco Bell run." He was surprisingly eager, actually. The idea of being able to fulfil one of her pregnancy cravings made him unreasonably happy.

She got vertical. "Are you sure you don't mind? We should both go, though. I don't think I should be in your house alone. It seems... weird."

He was about to argue but realized he would be a fool to turn down what little he got of her company. "Come on. Taco Bell it is."

**~0~**

Bella was unquestionably flustered.

Weeks had passed by too quickly, and now she stood in the bathroom at her apartment, trying not to feel nauseated at the prospect of what she had to do today.

Today was the second day of the trial against Sam Uley who had been charged with manslaughter and reckless endangerment.

She wondered briefly how she should feel. After all, it was her - and in turn, her child - who had been recklessly endangered. If nothing else, her best friend was dead because of this man. Shouldn't she feel some anger?

But she was too overwhelmed with feeling anything else to try to find some anger for a man she barely remembered knowing.

Staring at the mirror, she turned slightly to the side, her hands going to stomach.

The D.A. and his team had been working with her for about a week, going over all parts of her testimony from the questions they would ask her, to what the defense might ask. Bella understood the game they were playing. She knew she was a sympathetic card, and they were using her to manipulate the jury against Sam.

It made her uncomfortable, but at the same time, she wasn't sure why. After all, nothing they were alleging was untrue. No one disputed that Sam had gotten angry, and better or worse, it was the ensuing shoving fight that had sent Jacob flying through pane of glass. She knew she'd fallen from the cliff because she was running from him.

The debate was whether or not he was responsible for Jacob's death and for her condition.

The D.A.s team was very thorough. They'd gone as far to offer her wardrobe advice. To that end, an outfit had been purchased for her that included a shirt with an empire waist.

She was not as pregnant as the shirt made her look. In her normal clothes, no one could tell she was pregnant at all, though she was very aware of the growing bump along her abdomen.

Bella sighed, closing her eyes and breathing in through her nose to calm her nerves.

It was going to be a long, trying day.

**~0~**

"You ready for this, kid?"

Standing still for a moment at her father's side, Bella almost laughed.

No, she was certainly not ready for this, but she doubted she was ever going to be. Rather than try to communicate that she just looked at her father, nodding with a short jerk of her head.

He put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "It'll be fine. Just do your part, and you don't have to stay for the rest if you don't want to."

As they took a seat on one of the benches outsides the courtroom, Bella let out a long breath. She kept her head down, mostly ignoring the people who entered - especially Rachel Black and the Wolfe Brothers. Jared tried to get her attention, but he was quickly pushed forward by a woman in a smart looking suit.

When she heard a familiar voice, she did look up, finding Edward entering the waiting area outside the courtroom. He was with Jasper and an older, severe looking man, all of them dressed in their finest suits.

When he entered and saw her, the serious, determined expression on his face faded and he grinned at her. Breaking away from Jasper and the other man, he went to her side, squeezing her hand briefly in greeting. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly, bending down so his mouth was near her ear.

She closed her eyes. "I'll be fine," she assured softly

"Agent Cullen." The man Edward had entered with called his name in a sharp tone, and when Bella looked, she thought he seemed displeased.

Edward grimaced as he straightened, and Bella noticed that he took a significant step away from her. "Um, Bella. I don't believe you've met my boss before. This is Assistant Director Robert Banner," he introduced. "Sir, this is Bella Swan."

"Miss Swan," Banner greeted, shaking her hand. He seemed a great deal more friendly when he wasn't glaring at Edward, but still, Bella felt inclined not to like the man. "Allow me to express once again that you have the Bureau's deepest sympathies. I'm sorry for what happened, truly sorry."

"Thank you," she murmured.

Jasper touched her arm, offering up a smile before the three of them went to sit on a bench on the opposite side of the door. Edward spared another smile.

When Edward smiled at her, Bella couldn't help but smile back. It was an automatic reaction.

At least, it had been of late.

Since the day she visited, nearly two weeks before, something had changed between them. There was a perceptible shift in her mood when she thought of him, which happened with more frequency than she wanted to admit.

How, she'd wondered more than once, could she feel more timid around him and more relaxed at the same was a measure of acceptance with him that she hadn't been able to find anywhere else. No matter how ridiculous she felt - and some of her spiraling emotions were indeed completely idiotic - he never lost patience with her. More than that, where her friends often seemed to watch her, as if waiting for the Bella they remembered to return, he seemed to be truly with her and seemed to enjoy her company to boot.

But the shyness...

Since that day, she saw new meaning in the way he looked on her. It was somewhat confusing, because since she'd opened her eyes to this world that was so different than the one she remembered, he'd always looked at her that way - so intense.

He'd said that a kiss from her specifically wasn't unwelcome.

It made her think she may not have been so foolish, thinking back on all those times when it felt like he might kiss her.

Of course, it did add to her confusion. What was she supposed to do about it, if anything? What did it mean? Maybe he was one of those people who kissed girls - among other things - frequently, without thought or expectation.

It hadn't escaped her notice that kisses, like sex, seemed to have a great deal less significance in the real world. In high school, every kiss - really, every encounter - with the opposite sex was something to revel over, pick apart, and examine from every angle.

Was it really as big a deal as it felt to her?

It was all so boggling.

"Bella," a deep voice startled her out of her thoughts, and Bella looked over to find Billy being wheeled in by Sue Clearwater.

Ducking her head, Bella felt her cheeks heat. "Hey," she greeted, glad when they continued  
on into the courtroom.

That was the other muddling problem with her thoughts about Edward. She just felt bad. Here she was, moony eyed over Edward when Jacob was dead. Regardless of what she felt or didn't feel for him, it seemed almost disrespectful to be caught up in some fantasy life before she figured out her real life.

What did she think was going to happen? If she got involved with Edward - if that was even an option - it wasn't like it would solve the tangled gnarls that made up a vague picture of a life. It wasn't as though she could start completely fresh with him. Jacob, one way or another, had still been her first boyfriend. She was still pregnant with his kid. And to top it all off, her life more closely resembled a Picasso painting... or someone trying to be Picasso and failing.

Maybe she was younger than she felt, but she was smart enough to understand that relationships had to be somewhat equal to work in the long run.

She had to be able to stand on her own two feet.

Sighing, Bella thought wryly that it would be nice if problems would occur one at a time so that she might solve one issue before having to move on to another. That, however, didn't seem to be the way life worked.

Bella's attention shifted as A.D. Banner went into the courtroom and the session began.

To occupy her thoughts as they waited, Bella went over all that the D.A. had told her in the last week or so about the proceedings. It was all very fascinating, really - the tactics.

Typically, he'd explained, he would call Bella to the stand last, leave a lasting impact. Damon was taking a different direction. Given the gap in what she could tell the jury, he left her after Jasper but before Edward to testify. Then, he would end on Emily Uley, allowing the jury to get a lasting impression that Sam's actions had permanently maimed even his wife.

"In a trial like this, it all comes down to witness credibility and character," the D.A. had told her. "In your case, you have very little to worry about when it comes to the defense. Anything they could ask you, you won't remember. These trials often fall to a character debate, but, and I hope you won't take offense to this, you're a schoolgirl. There's very little to debate - unless they've uncovered something from your past that we don't have."

She'd almost told him about her suspicions that maybe she hadn't been the best girlfriend in the world, but...

How would the defense know that?

All the evidence she had was a rumpled bed and a chain of e-mails, neither of which they could have, if she understood the law correctly.

Still, how could she help being nervous?

The door to the courtroom opened. "Miss Swan, they're ready for you," the bailiff said.

For a moment, Bella was frozen. Her heart skipped a beat before it started pounding overtime. Her father touched her arm, and Bella sucked in a deep breath as she stood.

When she got to the door, Edward reached out, taking her hand and squeezing it. At his touch, Bella felt a little less lightheaded, and she nodded her thanks.

Entering the courtroom, Bella was careful to keep her eyes directly ahead of her. In her peripheral vision, she could see Sam, see the pleading look he was giving her, but she tried to ignore it. She tried not to think about Sam at all, glad that most of her testimony wouldn't revolve around him.

Taking her seat, Bella took a deep breath, ready to have this part of her life over and behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Mucho thanks to barburella and jadedandboring. Mwah.
> 
> Stick with me, folks. It's best to assume nothing at this point. ;)


	22. Testimony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: For the record, I am not an attorney.

Bella's testimony was relatively straight forward.

District Attorney Damon asked her how life had been since she'd awoken. He led her along, allowing her to describe the confusion, how she could not work, and could not remember her old life.

They spoke of the Jacob she remembered - the boy who always had a sunny disposition and a want to make her smile

"You're pregnant, is that right, Miss Swan?" Damon asked.

Bella ducked her head. "Yes."

"You were pregnant when you fell off the cliff?"

"Yes."

"Mmm," Damon hummed, pacing as if in deep thought. "After a fall like yours, have you had any complications? Were there any ill effects on the baby?"

Bella closed her eyes, a surge of fear traveling up her spine. She was coming to terms with being a mother. The idea of being a mother to a special needs child was daunting. "I, um," she stumbled, breathing shallowly. "Everything so far seems normal, but the doctors have warned me that there may be complications down the line."

"That must be quite a lot to deal with on your own," Damon remarked gently. "Do you worry for your child, that he or she will grow up without his daddy?"

"Yes," Bella said honestly.

They briefly went over the incident when Sam had dropped by her apartment before Damon smiled encouragingly at her. "Your witness, Ms. James."

Breathing in deeply, Bella turned her attention to the defense attorney, Victoria James. The woman unnerved her a great deal. There was something intensely predatory about her.

"From your testimony, I am to understand that, when you woke, you believed you were seventeen. Is that correct?" James began in a sharp tone that made Bella automatically feel like she was in trouble.

"That's right," Bella answered, making an effort to sit up straighter.

"Were you and Mr. Black together at that time? Romantically, I mean."

Feeling an odd lurch at the center of her chest, like a premonition that the attorney was setting some kind of trap, Bella cleared her throat. "No, we weren't."

"Did you have a sexual relationship at that time?" James asked.

"No," Bella returned flatly, feeling her cheeks heat.

"Had you ever?"

"No."

"So it's safe to assume you don't remember being with Mr. Black physically?" James surmised.

"That's right," Bella said, now more curious than anything else. She couldn't figure out where the woman was going with this. Wouldn't it make her look more sympathetic, incite more anger against Sam, to make it so obvious that she didn't remember having sex with the man whose baby she carried?

"I'm wondering, Miss Swan, can you say with certainty that your baby is indeed Jacob Black's child?"

Loud murmurs broke out in the courtroom. D.A. Damon rose to his feet. "Objection! Relevance!"

"I withdraw the question," James said, waving her hand as she turned to walk back to her seat beside Sam. "Nothing further, your honor."

"Cross examination?" the judge asked. When Damon shook his head, he turned and gave Bella a small smile. "You may step down, Miss Swan."

Stricken with shock by the last question, Bella trembled as she stood. Noticing, the bailiff steadied her as he helped her down from the stand.

**~0~**

Edward felt like he was going out of his skin. He wished he could be in the courtroom while Bella was giving her testimony, if only because he knew she had to be nervous.

Concentrating on her, Edward was pushing aside his own feelings of nervousness. The defense attorney Uley had hired was one of the best and most utterly ruthless women in the justice system.

After what may have been forever, the bailiff opened the door and gestured to him. Taking a steadying breath, Edward followed.

He immediately noticed that Banner was glaring at him, looking extremely displeased with his arms crossed over his chest. Edward frowned, wondering what had happened during Bella's testimony. Quickly, his eyes scanned the rest of the crowd as he walked.

Bella was still there, sitting beside her father. She looked a little pale, and Edward had to stop himself from going to her to ask if she was alright.

Once he was sworn in and seated, Damon got right to the point. Jasper had given testimony about the case to date, so he skipped over that part, getting down to the point everything went wrong.

Under Damon's direction, Edward described the scene when he ran into the house. Jacob was already dead, Emily was injured, and he could see Sam chasing after Bella. Edward was careful not to look at Sam lest the anger simmering under his skin surface. He told of how he'd almost gotten to them when Bella stumbled and fell. He described what little he remembered of being in the water, and how his consciousness faded in and out from that point.

When Damon turned him over to James, Edward breathed in deeply, looking at the woman steadily, waiting.

The way smiled at him unnerved him.

"You stated, Agent Cullen, that when you entered the Uley home, Mr. Black was already dead. What was Mrs. Uley's condition?"

"She had sustained several injuries to her face," Edward said, not quite understanding what she was playing at. It was nothing the jury hadn't heard before.

"I'm no doctor, but I'd imagine the wounds that have been described bled heavily. Very gruesome, I should think."

"Yes."

"So, I'm trying to paint a picture here. You raced into the house, saw that Mr. Black was beyond help, but Mrs. Uley was injured, perhaps dying... and you raced out the door?" Her tone was one of apparently honest perplexity.

Edward's cheek twitched. "Ms. James, part of my job is analyzing where I can be of the most use. Mr. Uley was still at large, chasing Miss Swan. He was the biggest threat, and I knew my partner was following behind me. I heard him calling for back up and an ambulance. All parties were best served by me going after Mr. Uley, hopefully before any harm came to Miss Swan, though we know how that turned out."

James nodded, clasping her hands behind her back as she paced a distance away from him. "I see. Well, perhaps you can explain this to me, Agent Cullen. At the time you caught up with Mr. Uley and Miss Swan, you emerged from the woods closest to Mr. Uley, correct?"

"That's right."

"We've already heard testimony that the height Miss Swan tumbled from... well, it was a miracle she survived. As you said, it is part of your job to analyze the situation, and yet, from your own testimony, you ignored the perpetrator who, to your perception, had just killed Mr. Black, accidentally maimed his own wife, and chased Miss Swan off a cliff. You had to know it was unlikely she'd survived the fall, as it was unlikely you would survive. Is that correct?" She looked at him with a cocked eyebrow.

Edward had to breathe in through his nose for a moment before he was able to answer calmly. "I believed Miss Swan could survive the fall. Obviously, I was not incorrect in that assumption."

James grinned. "That's quite heroic, Agent Cullen." She paced a little closer to the jury. "Tell me, what is the nature of your current relationship with Miss Swan?"

"Objection!" Damon said, standing. "Relevance? Neither Agent Cullen nor Miss Swan are on trial here."

"My line of questioning speaks to the credibility of the witness," James returned coolly.

"Overruled," the judge said. "You may answer the question, Agent Cullen."

Without forethought, Edward eyes darted to where Bella sat. She looked as perplexed as he felt. "We're friends," Edward answered carefully.

"Friends," James repeated. "Agent Cullen, I had occasion to talk to several night nurses on staff at the hospital."

Edward's spine went absolutely stiff, his breath catching in his throat.

"Nurse Mallory said she came to check on the patient in the middle of the night over the course of the weeks Miss Swan was comatose. Several times, she backed out of the room when she saw you with her. According to what she told me, you were touching Miss Swan in a rather intimate nature. The way a lover might - her words." James, turning toward him. "Is there any truth to that, Agent Cullen?"

Thinking carefully, Edward breathed in and out before he answered. "I can't speak to other people's perception, Ms. James. People see what they want to see."

She smirked. "That's very true, Agent Cullen. The night time security guard is willing to testify that you flashed your badge to get by him after visiting hours. Is that true?"

Seeing no way else to answer, Edward swallowed hard. "Yes."

"I can't imagine Miss Swan had anything to add to your case at that time," James said slowly, letting every word sink in with the jury. "What type of official business had you in Miss Swan's room after visiting hours?"

"None," Edward admitted. "As I said, we're friends. We were friends before her fall. I was concerned for her."

"That's understandable," James said, waving her hand dismissively. She tilted her head, looking at him. "You know, Miss Mallory also said that often, she found you with your hand resting, in her perception, possessively over Miss Swan's stomach."

Edward felt ill, knowing what was about to happen but being totally unable to stop it.

"Remember, Agent Cullen. You are under oath," James said, and Edward could see the grin threatening the corners of her mouth. "If we were to request a genetic test, what are the odds we would find out that the baby Miss Swan carries is not the child of Jacob Black?"

"Objection! Agent Cullen is not qualified to answer that question," Damon cried.

"Allow me to rephrase. Is there a chance that the baby is yours, Agent Cullen?" James asked.

There was a loud buzz in the courtroom, but Edward hardly heard it. His eyes went briefly to D.A. Damon who looked furious and betrayed. Obviously, there'd be no further objection to save him from answering. Edward's shoulder's slumped, and he forced himself to find Bella's eyes before he answered. "I would say the odds are high," he admitted, his voice heavy with defeat.

The noise in the courtroom surged, but Edward's eyes were glued on Bella. She wasn't looking at him, but was looking down, her shoulders rising and falling quickly, her mouth open with her shock, and her face drained of color. He watched, feeling utterly helpless, as she stood and made her way quickly toward the door, her father sparing a glare at Edward before he followed after.

"Bella!" he called, standing automatically, wanting desperately to go to her.

"Agent Cullen, you are not excused. Sit down," the judge ordered.

Biting back the urge to tell the judge to go straight to hell, Edward sat, watching as Bella disappeared. He felt sick to his core, knowing she must feel betrayed and confused and... well, who knew what else.

"It seems like you neglected to inform Miss Swan of that fact, am I right, Agent Cullen?" James asked, and Edward had never wanted to punch a woman in her smug face until that very moment.

"No, I -" he started, but James held her hand up.

"As D.A. Damon said, you are not on trial here," she said, her voice kind. "I have no further questions, your honor."

"Mr. Damon?" the judge asked.

"I would like a recess," Damon said flatly.

"Yes, I think that's for the best. It's getting late, so, let us adjourn for the day."

The moment the judge's gavel banged, Edward was out of his seat. Of course, there were several people clamoring for his attention. Bella was his priority, though, so he did his best to dodge everyone, not the least of whom were Damon and Billy Black.

He actually managed to get out of the courtroom before a rough hand clamped around his arm, and he found himself being dragged into a hallway around the corner of the courtroom where he was shoved hard against the wall by Charlie Swan.

"You have about five seconds to tell me what the hell is going on," the man growled.

Edward's heart was pounding fast and his throat felt so dry, it was difficult to speak. He could barely think past his absolute need to get to Bella. "With respect, Sir, I think it's best if I talk to Bella first."

"Like hell. If you think you're getting near my daughter -"

"Chief Swan," another voice interrupted them.

At the sound of Banner's voice, Edward didn't know whether to be relieved or dismayed. Charlie and Banner were equally terrifying to him at that point.

"I know you have questions, Sir," Banner began, "but I need to speak with my agent right away."

Reluctantly, Charlie pushed Edward away. He stuck a finger in his face. "You stay away from Bella," he warned before walking away quickly.

"Agent, follow me," Banner said brusquely.

"Sir, I -"

"I think you know better than to argue with me right now," Banner snapped, turning and heading back out to the main area. "Agent Whitlock," he said, jerking his head so Jasper knew to follow.

Edward rather felt like he was being dragged to his execution.

"Where's your gun, Agent Cullen?"

That question both surprised him and made his stomach twist sickeningly. "In my car."

"Okay, that's where we're headed."

They walked to the parking garage in silence. Edward kept his head down except to acknowledge Jasper when his partner touched his arm briefly.

When they reached Edward's car, Banner let out a long breath. "Agent Cullen, you are hereby suspended until further review," he said shortly.

Edward balked. "What? Why? Sir, as we discussed, I never broke any rules."

Banner shook his head. "I assume Ms. James's allegation was true? About using your badge to get to Miss Swan after hours?"

Edward frowned, unable to refute that.

"Cullen, I told you that I couldn't help you if shit hit the fan. You didn't tell me about your late night visits. I told you to tell me if there was any chance anyone knew about you and Swan," Banner said harshly. "I have no choice. The director will be breathing down my throat any time now. We don't know what this will do to this case, let alone our case against Uley. And as we've spoken about, your work has been extremely compromised since this all began."

Shaking his head, Banner looked to him. "I need your badge and your gun, Agent."

Biting the inside of his cheek, Edward opened his car, retrieving his gun from the glove compartment where he'd stashed it before he entered the courthouse for the day. He took that and his badge from his inside pocket and handed them to his A.D.

"This is a suspension with pay until the matter can come under official review," Banner said perfunctorily. "That's the most I can do for you, Cullen." He cleared his throat. "Given the circumstances with the case, it's best if no one besides the three of us knows that Agent Whitlock or I were aware of your affair. You understand?"

"Yes, Sir," Edward said grudgingly. It wouldn't do him any good to drag Banner and Jasper down with him.

"I'll be in touch, obviously," Banner said with a sigh. "Right now, I have to go answer questions for the D.A., see what this cost his case. You better answer your phone, Cullen. No matter what. If we have questions, we're gonna want answers."

When Banner was out of sight, Edward let out the breath he'd been holding. He bent at the waist, his hands on his knees as he tried to get a handle on what he was supposed to be feeling. He was furious, and guilty, and ashamed... too many things all at once. It felt terrible to know absolutely that he'd earned his suspension.

And then, of course, there was the whole mess with Bella.

What if she hated him, now?

"Are you okay, Edward?" Jasper asked, patting him on the back.

Edward barked out a laugh. "No. How the hell would I be okay?" he muttered. Everything had gone to hell in the blink of an eye, and he was reeling. He shook his head hard. "It doesn't matter. Who cares how I am? I need to get to Bella."

He moved to get in his car, but Jasper stopped him. "Are you sure that's a good idea? You don't know who's with her. The chief might kill you."

"Whoever's with her, she needs to know the truth. Everything." Edward blew out a breath. "It wasn't supposed to happen like this," he said in a whisper. "We were... I don't know. It felt like we were getting somewhere. I thought it was the right thing to do - not to confuse her, but now..."

Jasper shook his head, putting his hands on Edward's shoulders. "It wasn't an easy choice. There's no black and white here, Edward. You never tried to mislead her. She'll see that."

"Will she?" Edward asked, and he could hear the fear in his voice.

"She will," Jasper said firmly. "Do you want me to go with you? The Chief's less likely to shoot you with witnesses."

Edward groaned, slumping against his car. "Fuck. How did this get so out of hand?" He sighed. "No, I'll go alone. Whoever is with her... Well, it doesn't matter. She needs to know."

"Good luck," Jasper said dubiously. "Just remember, you really didn't do anything wrong."

As he drove away, Edward wasn't so certain about that.

**~0~**

The silence of the apartment was making Bella's skin crawl.

First, it had been way too noisy.

In the courtroom, her thoughts had gone stark white at Edward's admission. There was so much noise all around her, she couldn't think at all. She was out the door before she even remembered standing. Then her father was there, asking questions she couldn't answer. And Rebecca... and...

Billy was in her way, his eyes frantic, asking, "Is it true, Bella? Is what he said true? Answer me!"

And she couldn't.

At that point, Bella couldn't even remember how to work her mouth. Luckily, Charlie switched tactics, railing at his friend with a livid expression on his face.

Too much shouting. Too many people calling her name. It was all chaos in her head.

She'd told them all to leave her the hell alone. She was pretty sure she'd yelled. She was desperate to get away because the commotion from the courtroom told her that Edward might be coming through that door any moment, and she wasn't ready to face him. Not until she could think.

Her father tried to follow her, but she'd asked him not to. She was barely holding it together. The torrent of thoughts she didn't want to face was threatening to break. Somehow, she managed to get his promise that he would leave her alone before she escaped to her car.

For the entirety of the drive home, she'd clung to the numbness that had overtaken her mind. The noise of traffic - honking horns and roaring engines - grated on her nerves. She needed to be still. She needed the quiet.

She needed her life to fucking make sense for once.

How she managed to get her apartment door open with her hands shaking the way they were, she didn't know. Once she was inside, though, the dam broke, and she was assaulted by a million different questions and emotions.

Completely overwhelmed, she'd crumpled to her knees, resting her head against the front door as she sobbed in frustration and confusion. There were too many questions and not enough answers.

Now she sat still on her couch, curled in on herself. She didn't even know how to begin to put her thoughts in order. Forefront in her mind was the text message she'd received fifteen minutes before.

_**Can I come over?** _

Bella had stared at Edward's text for nearly ten minutes before the words sank in at all. Then, she didn't know what to feel. She was angry, but she couldn't quite hold on to exactly why that was. She was also scared, but again, there was no concrete idea behind that emotion. She was a myriad of other things toward Edward, and she couldn't tell if she wanted him there or not.

Certainly, he must have had answers to some of the questions that were making her dizzy as they circled around and around in her head.

But what would his answers reveal? As confused and overwhelmed as she felt, could she handle whatever he had to say?

A soft knock at the door made her start.

"Bella?" she heard him call through the door. Obviously he'd decided to act despite her lack of answer.

Her heart pounded furiously and her stomach churned. He knocked again before she even moved, unwinding herself slowly.

As she walked to the door, she had no idea whether she was about to shout at him to get away or if she was going to let him in.

She paused, her hand on the knob.

"Bella, please let me in. Please," he begged, his voice completely wrought.

Closing her eyes, Bella counted to ten before she opened the door.

He looked like hell. His jacket and tie, pristine in the courtroom, were rumpled. His hair was an absolute mess, and his eyes...

He looked so entirely guilty and utterly terrified.

For long moments, neither of them said anything. Bella's mind had gone blank again. For a moment, she wasn't even sure her voice worked anymore.

"Can I -" Edward started, shifting his feet and looking nervously over her shoulder.

Her raised hand stopped his words cold.

Edward fell silent, and they returned to staring at each other.

After what may have been an eon, Bella stepped backward into the apartment, leaving the door open as she turned to head to the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay. Okay. Before you kill me, just know that I plan to update again before Saturday is over. Soooooo. Just breathe!
> 
> Immeasurable thanks to jfka06, barburella, jadedandboring, and GinnyW. I am so spoiled!
> 
> So, um... how we feeling out there, dear readers?


	23. Trial and Error

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for any confusion. I had trouble posting this soooo you might have gotten it twice.
> 
> Dedication: To Kim Rathbone! I hope it's still your birthday mon ami

Bella was absolutely uncertain about her decision to let Edward in. She had an urge to clamp her hands over her ears and not listen to anything until the world decided to make sense again. She was just so tired of everything being so shocking and confusing.

At what point would she be able to find normal again?

How easy it would be to just curl up in a ball and try not to deal with anything.

However lost she was, though, Bella wasn't stupid. The world was not going to wait for her to be ready to handle the reality she'd been thrown into.

Besides. Edward looked so pathetic, not unlike a wounded puppy whimpering in the rain. She knew she probably didn't look much different. Her eyes were sore from her crying jag, and she was sure she must have looked just as disheveled, if not more so.

She sat on the couch, keeping her eyes down, watching his feet as he closed the door and approached her slowly.

"Bella -" he began.

"Shut up," she snapped.

Carefully, she looked up, finding that he was standing before her with his head bowed, biting his lip pensively. He looked so like a child being scolded that her heart softened, and she reminded herself that he was the same man who'd been so patient and caring these last few weeks.

Sighing, she spoke softly, her voice scratchy. "I want you to answer me. Yes or no. Nothing else." Smaller bits of information were better. It was a tactic she'd learned in therapy: don't try to look at the whole picture all at once, but bits and pieces at a time. The world felt so out of her control that she needed to be able to exert dominion over something.

He owed her that much, at least, that she could have say over how much she wanted to know.

Looking up, he opened his mouth. She tilted her head, her expression a warning, and he shut it again, nodding once.

So many questions... For a long minute, she didn't know where to begin. She thought back to the e-mail she'd found, the hint that Jacob knew she didn't want to be where he was. "Were we... Did Jacob know about us?" she asked, unable to look at him.

Edward's answer was soft. "Yes."

She swallowed down the lump in her throat, remembering clearly James's implication. "I guess I did cheat on him," she mumbled, not knowing how to feel anything but numb.

"No! Y -"

She still didn't want to hear details. Not yet. "Shut. Up," she commanded, her voice stronger. His mouth immediately snapped closed.

Breathing in deeply, she thought her words over carefully before she spoke. It felt like a pathetic question to ask, but she needed to know. "Do you love me?"

"God, yes," he answered instantly.

The fervent tone of his voice startled her, and Bella found herself holding her breath as she let those words permeate her mind. She analyzed this little factoid, comparing it with what she knew for certain.

All the glances, the way he looked at her sometimes like she was precious. All the little touches - his fingers caressing her cheek, brushing her arm... the way he never hesitated to squeeze her hand. When he slipped and called her sweetheart. All the times she tilted her head up, wondering why she expected a kiss... her body knew what she couldn't remember.

He loved her.

She couldn't doubt it.

Her breath stuttered, and a broken piece of her mind fell into place with a satisfying click.

"And I love you?" she whispered, her breath stuttering.

His lips pressed together, and she thought she glimpsed a deep pain in his eyes before he looked away. "You did, yes," he said quietly.

Biting her lip, Bella felt her throat get tight, her heart twisting.

Hadn't she thought once that maybe it was good that Jacob wasn't around, still in love with her when she had no memory of loving him?

She closed her eyes, wondering how often she'd hurt Edward without knowing. No matter how betrayed she felt, how out of sorts, she didn't want to think of him in that kind of pain.

Tears eked out from under her eyelids, and she didn't try to wipe them away. "The b-baby?" she stumbled. She needed to hear him say it.

"Yes," he answered.

"You know for sure?"

"I have no doubts," he answered carefully.

Bella let out a long breath, opening her eyes. Edward was watching her with concern and... love etched on his features. Seeming uncertain, he took a step toward her.

Quickly, Bella moved backward, pressing herself into the corner of the couch and holding her hand out to stop his forward motion.

"Bella," he murmured, the word coming out as a plea.

She shook her head, sniffling, trying to sort her chaotic emotions. It was amazing how intensely she wanted his arms around her. For these long weeks, he'd been her anchor, and she badly wanted to lean on him to get through this.

She couldn't - not when it was him she was confused about.

He loved her, she couldn't deny that fact. She saw it in the way he was looking at her now. She could no longer dismiss her thoughts as idle schoolgirl fantasies. It wasn't her imagination; he really did look on her with longing and adoration.

But so much still didn't make sense.

Fearing the answer, Bella had to close her eyes again as she asked the next question. "Did you... not tell me because of the baby?"

His breath left him in a huff. "No!" he cried, the word strangled. "No, I would never do that. Bella, please. Let me -"

"No," she interrupted. "I don't want to hear any explanations right now." Her system was skirting dangerously close to overload. It was a lot to process, almost more than she could believe.

"What do you want?" Edward asked, and she could hear the edge of frustration in his voice. She knew she wasn't being entirely fair to him, not letting him explain how things had gotten so out of hand; how the truth of their relationship had gotten lost amidst the shambles of her life only to reappear at the worst possible moment.

But none of this had been fair to her. Nothing for had been easy since she'd awaken.

How much she wanted to give in to the romantic idea that swam tantalizingly before her eyes. It would take nothing at all to stand and go to him, or let him come to her, as it was so obvious he'd wanted to since she opened the door. If she threw herself at him right then, he would wrap his arms around her, and she might feel safe for once.

It was a nice dream, but it wasn't reality. Just because he loved her and now she knew that, didn't mean they were free to ride happily into the sunset.

She tried to reason through what she was feeling, searching for an honest answer to his question.

What did she want? She wanted to know what her world would have looked like right then if all this had never happened. She wanted for Jacob to not be dead and for the complications of her world to be the mundane sort that anyone might face. She wanted to know how she - and Edward - might have dealt with a clearly unplanned pregnancy if they were just two people in love. Wasn't that enough drama for anyone?

Mentally, she amended her bitter thoughts.

What did she want that she could reasonably have?

Dropping her hand to her stomach, Bella tentatively allowed herself to truly consider what he'd confirmed.

From the very beginning, finding herself pregnant had been, far and away, the most jarring, utterly terrifying experience. She may have been able to handle the staggering truth that eight years of her life had gone missing. She could come to terms with her best friend's death. But the pregnancy at first had been more than she could withstand.

She could not remember sharing her body with anyone.

Since then, she'd had time to accept that she lived by different rules as an adult than she had as a teenager. She was coming to understand the differences between the two parts of her, and that had helped, she thought, in accepting that the woman she'd become was about to be a mother.

Still, it was startling to be told she'd been part of a relationship the way toddlers are informed of the realities of their world, how they should speak, dress, and act.

Now she'd been told - a great deal less gently than she would have preferred - that she'd had not one but two relationships.

Try as she might these last few weeks, Bella could not bring herself to accept the picture of the reality she'd been presented. She'd grudgingly begun to understand the baby was hers, but couldn't make her mind fully grasp the concept that it was part Jacob as well.

Carefully, she tried again, aligning her thoughts to consider Edward as the other half of the child.

Her heartbeat picked up, the pressure around her chest lightening considerably. Automatically, her mind went to the picture Edward had forwarded to her when his nephew was born. How beatific and wonderfully wide his grin had been as he looked at the tiny baby whose features bore a strong similarity to his own.

She'd wanted that picture to be hers.

With a start, Bella realized that it wasn't so far-fetched a wish. The baby was Edward's, and someday soon, she would get to see him hold their child in his arms, grinning foolishly at the tiny being they'd created together.

It didn't feel so out of place.

Still, it was not a perfect fit, not such a snug connection as realizing that he loved her. She had proof of his love - had seen it in action and not known what to call it until he said the words. That he was the father of her child was a puzzle missing just enough pieces that it wasn't quite a cohesive image yet, not something solid enough for her to be at peace with the knowledge.

There was a missing link, she realized.

She understood the beginning of relationships. She wasn't so completely clueless that she couldn't see what was happening between them. She'd felt the spark of attraction, even given in to it long enough to kiss him. After she'd calmed down that day, she realized that he'd kissed her back.

And obviously, she was well aware of the end result of that kind of attraction. She'd heard her baby's heartbeat and knew that there was a life rapidly developing beneath her skin.

It was the bridge between those two points that she was missing.

What did she want?

"I want you to show me how this baby was conceived."

She hadn't meant to speak the words out loud, but her lips moved as the thought struck her. She clapped a hand over her mouth, realizing what she'd just asked for. Her cheeks flushed a furious red, and her heart flew into a gallop. Automatically, she opened her mouth to take back the words.

Then she shut it again, realizing that, better or worse, it was true.

Hesitantly, she looked at Edward, seeing his mouth had dropped open in surprise. He was blinking rapidly, his heavy brows furrowed and the look on his face suggesting he found the words she'd spoken nonsensical.

"I..." he began, but couldn't seem to continue. "You... Well... What?"

She smiled. She couldn't help it. Edward's bewilderment was endearing.

Looking back down at her lap, Bella sighed heavily, searching for the right thing to say. She hated how utterly embarrassed she felt.

But that had been one of the frustrations of her life, as silly as it was. How often had she felt both shy and foolish for being shocked at the casual way adults spoke of sex? It was ridiculous. She was pregnant! She found she wanted the first hand experience that was indicative of her condition.

Beyond that, though...

Seeming to recover from his shock, Edward slowly shuffled forward, one step at a time, as if he was waiting for her to stop him again. She didn't, though she felt a thousand times more jumpy the closer he got. She resisted the urge to squirm and fidget as he sat gingerly at the other end of the couch.

"Bella..." he began and swallowed hard before he could continue. "I don't know if I understand. You... Just a minute ago, you seemed repulsed by the thought of me even being near you."

She blew out a sharp breath. "I'm not repulsed," she said quickly. "It's not disgust. It's just... all of this... it's so hard to think, and when you touch me, when you're near me you..." She huffed, feeling frustrated, as if she were trying to communicate in a language she only had rudimentary knowledge of at best. "You have an effect on me. You always have."

He tilted his head, his expression confused. "What do you mean?"

She groaned, covering her face with her hands. "Oh, God. This is so embarrassing," she muttered. "Look... I've kind of had a crush on you pretty much since I saw you in high school," she blurted, feeling utterly juvenile.

Surprisingly, his lips quirked. "Um... Yeah, I knew that. You told me that before."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Of course," she huffed, a little disgruntled. "Anyway, I thought that was why..." She swallowed, reminding herself not to be such a coward. Logically, it didn't make sense. This man had seen her naked, for heaven's sake. "I thought that was why I was having these... thoughts."

"Thoughts?"

Why couldn't he read her mind?

"I guess you could call them fantasies," she mumbled, looking down at her lap again. "They're glimpses - flashes of moments. They're so completely sensory, but..." Again she chuffed, searching for the right way to explain the inexplicable things she felt.

"When I think back to last week when we... when I k-kissed you," she tripped over her words, "that is a very concrete memory. I know it happened. It's real.

"These glimpses... they're more like an impression. They aren't solid at all, but very fleeting," she explained.

"What I want more than anything is for some part of my life to make sense - real, stable sense," she said, and she could hear the ache in her own voice. She didn't often let herself think about things that seemed impossible to grasp.

Cupping her little bump, she found the courage to look up at him again. "I want to know how this happened. I want the things I'm missing that brought us here." She let that hang between them for a moment before she sighed. "Am I making any sense?"

"Well... yes and no," Edward said, his voice gentle. "I understand your logic. You've been trying to rewrite things you knew before. But this... this isn't like relearning how to use the dishwasher, Bella. When you have sex, it should be for the right reasons."

"What's right to you, or what's right to me? We're going to have a baby, Edward. I'm going to be someone's mother whether I'm ready for it or not. I'd like the experience to at least feel like, I don't know, this was my choice?"

He blew out a long breath, scrubbing his hands over his face, obviously deep in thought. She watched as his hands tangled in his hair, and he tugged.

A thought occurred to her that felt like a punch to the gut. "Unless... I mean, if you don't want me now..." she said, her voice losing what volume it had.

Edward's head snapped up, and he barked a laugh. "Oh, Bella. It's not that. It's not that at all."

"I know I'm different," she hedged.

His chest rose and fell slowly for a few beats before he moved, scooting closer to her on the couch. So carefully, he reached for her, giving her the chance to protest before he cupped her face in his hands. "You are still Bella," he said, his voice as soft as the look in his eyes. He sighed, his breath hot against her face, and rested his forehead against hers.

For long moments that felt like eons, there was only the sound of their breathing. When he didn't let her go, Bella tentatively rested her hands against his waist.. She closed her eyes, letting her nerves fade into the background so she could concentrate on the way it felt for him to touch her like this.

She was revelling, she realized.

It wasn't confusing or wrong.

And she wanted more.

Wrapping her mind around his words - that he loved her, that he wanted her - she found the courage to tilt her head forward, pressing a tiny kiss - just a brush of her lips against his - to this mouth. "Tell me," she whispered.

He swallowed audibly, and his hands drifted down to her neck and rested on her shoulders. "We... We were at my place. We were always at my place."

She kissed him once more, a little firmer this time. "Tell me," she prompted again.

"We were on the couch. We'd been together... technically... for four weeks," he said, and this time, he kissed her, the movement minute.

The word technically distracted her, but only for a second. "We were on the couch?"

His hand slipped down to her waist, his palm coming to the small of her back. His kiss then was much more firm and lingering.

Anything Bella might have been thinking melted away. Again, like when she'd kissed him the week before, her body instinctively took over. She knew the way she fit, tucked up against him. There was no awkwardness in their movements as they shifted, tangling as little kisses began to give way to something more heated.

Maybe it was comfortable, amazing even, because her body still remembered what it was like for him to touch her like this, kiss her like this. It didn't really matter if it was a memory. What was happening was real and wonderful.

Replacing fantasy with reality.

Her arms around his neck, Bella shifted again, realizing with a start that she was almost horizontal on the couch, and Edward's weight was bearing down on her, consuming her.

He seemed to realize what they were doing in that same instant and broke their kiss with a startled gasp. Breathing hard, he held himself above her on one arm, his eyes squeezed shut tight. "Bella... I... we..."

She ran her hands through the hair at the back of his neck. "This is what I want," she said in a whisper. It was completely astounding to her how calm she felt. She was absolutely sanguine in her decision.

He straightened up some, pulling her with him, and cupped her face again, looking into her eyes. His thumbs stroked her cheek. She put her hands over his, matching her smaller fingers along his longer ones. Her heart sped at the look in his eyes. The green was darker, his expression more wild with what could only be lust - want - but also tender with the emotion she now knew to call love.

She saw it when the last semblance of his logical thought left him, and he gave in with a groan.

He kissed her again, and Bella found the atmosphere had shifted. What she felt against her skin and in her bloodstream burned with the intensity of fire but rather than pain, all she felt was a thrill.

Standing, he swept her up into his arms before she could protest. She gave a startled squeal, clinging to his neck as she laughed breathlessly. His smile was gentle as he leaned in to kiss her and carried her to the master bedroom.

"Was that completely necessary?" she asked, matching his smile as he set her down on her rumpled bed.

He drew the pad of his finger down the bridge of her nose. "You wanted to know."

She blushed, feeling pleased and... well, it was impossible not to feel beautiful the way he was looking at her just then. "You're a romantic, aren't you?"

Chuckling lightly, he sat beside her on the bed. "I suppose you could say that," he murmured, though he seemed distracted as he caressed her cheek, trailing his fingers along her neck and shoulders.

Bella's breath stuttered as her heart sped, and her throat got tight.

Was this really happening?

Drawing back slightly, Edward shrugged out of his jacket, his eyes never leaving her.

Shyly, Bella reached forward, tugging his already loosened tie so that it came undone. The slide of the silky fabric against his shirt seemed loud in the room.

He cupped his hand around her neck, nuzzling her nose with the tip of his. "Bella," he whispered, "You're sure you want this with me? After today -"

"I'm sure," she said quickly, before other thoughts about everything that had happened today could permeate the honest goodness of the space they were currently existing in. She was vaguely aware that there was so much more than this hanging over them, but she didn't want to acknowledge it. Not yet.

Resting her hands on his chest, she looked into his eyes as steadily as she could with her heart beating so hard. "I trust you."

Right then, that was what she needed to have this particular experience, to fill in an uncolored facet of the the picture of her life. Whatever else happened after this, she wanted to know this connection between them, wanted to know how their child had been sparked into existence, and she trusted him enough, after all she'd been through with him at her side, to accept him into her body.

He was already part of her.

As if he was on the same wavelength, his hands skirted along the hemline of her shirt, his fingers brushing skin as he dipped beneath the cloth. It tickled, and Bella gasped a little.

When he pressed his palm flat against her belly, she watched as the same gorgeous grin spread across his face as it had the first time - so full of joy and wonder. It was breathtaking, especially considering the new context.

She rested her hand over his. The world had completely dwindled. There was nothing besides this man. It was odd, the sense of belonging. All other things being equal, she was his as she sensed innately that he was hers.

He tilted his head, kissing her with an intense sort of seriousness, a reverence. When he pulled back, his lips did not leave her skin, but peppered her cheek in a line up to her ear before he spoke. "You'll tell me if...?"

With his hand against her belly, she understood what he was asking. "Yes."

"And if you want to stop, for any reason..."

"Yes," she said again.

That was all he needed to hear.

Edward pressed her back gently so she was lying on the bed and he hovering over her. He went slowly, savoring, as if he too were experiencing each new touch and caress, each exposed inch of her skin and his, for the first time.

Again.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he whispered when they were both shirtless. "You're shaking."

"I know," she said with a breathy sigh. "Can't help it."

His smile was gentle, and he traced the line of her lips. "You did then, too, you know," he informed her. "Bella, you're so beautiful."

She knew she must have turned scarlet just then, but a slow grin stretched across her face, almost painful with its width.

When he slid her skirt down her legs, she began to shake in earnest and closed her eyes, willing her trembling to stop. But when his hands came in contact with her cloth covered center, she moaned before she could stop herself, nerves quickly forgotten when emotion hit her in a rush.

Need.

Want.

Restless, hot desire.

As if her every nerve ending weren't already entirely aware of him, her body seemed to buzz with anticipation, expectation.

Part of her wondered if she should be a more active participant, if that was what was expected. Most of her couldn't care. The sensations he was causing were so sharp to her senses. New experiences were always so vivid, but this... this was a whole other level of awareness. She couldn't have guessed her body was capable of this kind of response. All she could do was experience it.

If he minded, Edward didn't let on. The look on his face wasn't disappointed. Quite the contrary, he looked...

Well, he looked as awed as she felt.

With everything else, she didn't have the room to worry about why.

When he'd discarded her panties he leaned down to kiss her. Bella's hands wandered along the line of his strong back, reveling in his kiss, the feel of his muscles beneath her fingertips, and...

"Oh!" she cried breathlessly when his fingers pushed inside of her.

Maybe it was the heightened sensitivity inherent during pregnancy, maybe he was talented as all the high school boys used to claim they were with their fingers, but what he was doing was... phenomenal.

She didn't even feel ridiculous about the noises he was drawing from her.

And anyway, he was far from quiet. As he kissed her, his voice whined at the back of his throat. "You have no idea what you do to me," he said against her ear.

"More," she whimpered.

Rolling them onto their sides, Edward pulled her body right along his. She found she had no words as he held her close, stroking his hands along her bare back.

Shy, but curious, she reached between them, finding his length. She marveled slightly at the hard-soft, wonderfully warm feel of it in her palms, and she was pleased when Edward gave a little groan.

His legs tangled with hers, spreading her open, and Bella bit her lip.

He reached one hand between them, moving her hand on him, guiding himself to her entrance.

Her heart sped, and Bella rocked her hips, a neediness she didn't know how to name guiding her actions.

She kept her hand around him, feeling as he slid into her since her eyes were closed. She tensed for a moment before she remembered she wasn't really a virgin, she had no hymen to break.

It did hurt - a very little. It was a slight burn as he stretched her - curious, but not too distressing, especially as he distracted her with kisses long her neck and the underside of her chin, titillating her skin with his lips.

When they were joined, he stilled, and they both simply breathed for a moment.

For Bella, it was exactly what she'd been searching for - another snug snick sounded as a broken piece of her mind found its rightful place again. This was the intimacy she didn't know she was craving, the missing connection.

Opening her eyes again, she smiled tenderly, knowing with a rare certainty that this moment, this emotion, could only belong to the man who held her in his arms. She kissed him, rocking her hips, needing to feel him moving inside her.

He rolled again, his whole weight on her as he thrust deep. Bella felt her head tilt back on the pillow, the groans and whimpers he drew from her answered by his own little noises.

He said her name, and she felt claimed.

Perhaps it was that he already knew her body, but the way they moved together, the way he touched her just where she needed, knowing before she did what she wanted, was almost musical in nature. It was like a dance, their bodies lithe and inexplicably graceful together.

The orgasm he educed was much more powerful than any she'd managed to bring herself. The emotion behind it was somehow amplified because she could feel him pulse in her, hear the cry of his pleasure near her ear.

And for those moments, joined and tangled with this man who had somehow become the most important figure in her life, Bella finally felt that she was, for once, on firm, stable ground, and all was right with the world, if only for that very little period of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Again...it would be wise not to assume.
> 
> So many thanks to jadedandboring, barburella, mycrookedsmile, and GinnyW who held my hand this chapter. Much, much heart.


	24. A Very Long Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: GinnyW is a bad influence... or a good influence, depending on your viewpoint.

Edward dozed, knowing there was a lot he should be doing but not wanting to break the happy little bubble he was existing in at the moment.

It wasn't a perfect bubble by any means.

There was a niggling voice at the back of his mind that wouldn't quite let him slip into the bliss. All he really wanted was to enjoy the moment. Bella could have pushed him away, but instead, she'd pulled him closer.

Shockingly close.

While it was all he wanted - to hold her in his arms again, to make love to her again - he knew better than to fool himself into thinking that everything was fine between them.

His phone ringing jarred Edward into full wakefulness. His first instinct was to throw the damn thing as far away from him as possible, but then he remembered that in the clusterfuck of this day, he'd been suspended from his job.

The likelihood he'd be fired if he didn't answer the phone on the next ring was remarkably high.

He reached for his jacket, pulling it toward him as he sat up on the edge of the bed. "Hello?"

"Cullen," Banner barked.

Edward's back tensed as he listened to what Banner had to say.

When a soft hand splayed against his rigid shoulder blades, he jumped. He shifted, seeing Bella was awake. When he looked back at her, her cheeks flushed, and her expression was bashful.

Even with his boss yelling at him, Edward could help the gentle smile that spread across his face. It was bewildering and humbling. Her eyes followed the same path of her fingers down the lines of his back. The look on her face was curious and shy. To the best of her knowledge, she'd never touched a man like this before.

It was amazing after the day they'd had, after the life she'd lived this last month and then some, that she trusted him with her body in that way.

As much as he wanted her to regain her memories, he was pleased at the idle thought - the hope - that she would never know another man's touch; he might be her first and only lover.

"Agent Cullen, are you listening to me?" Banner snarled.

"Yes, sir. There's not much for me to say. I'm sure we'll discuss it all at my official review," Edward said, his voice tight.

"You're damn right. You'd better hope Damon is as brilliant as he seems or there won't be much I can do to save your job."

"Yes, sir."

He hung up the phone, his head bowing.

"You're in trouble, aren't you?" Bella asked, her voice scratchy.

Putting on an easy smile, he shifted so he was facing her, pulling the blanket up over his lap so she wouldn't be uncomfortable. "You don't need to be concerned about that."

Keeping the sheet wrapped around her chest, Bella sat up, her expression cool as she looked at him. "I'm concerned."

A tiny flicker of frustration kindled at the center of his chest as he remembered the scene just a couple of hours before. She asked him questions but only allowed the barest of answers. "It's a long story," he said slowly, looking her in the eye to make sure she understood. "More than a yes or a no."

She blinked in confusion for a moment before he saw the light click on. Her skin seemed to get a little pale, but she rallied and nodded. "I'm ready to listen." Her eyes flicked down his chest before she looked back up at him, her cheeks flushing again. "Although... maybe we should, you know, put a shirt on or something."

He grinned, chuckling softly at that. "Fair enough," he said, bending to retrieve her shirt. He took the moment to let his calm facade fade, swallowing hard against a surge of panic.

Would it quash the small glimmer of hope he'd found?

What if she couldn't understand the choices he'd made?

He straightened, handing her shirt over and slipping his on.

When they were both semi clothed, they sat facing each other, cross legged.

Starting from the beginning, Edward filled in the timeline, stopping to answer her questions. Mostly, she just listened.

He stopped short in his tale when she looked away, biting her lip.

"What is it?" he prompted, trying not to assume the worst.

She looked down at her hands as if she were ashamed of something. "I knew that what I asked for was selfish. What we did... it wasn't fair to you," she admitted to her lap.

"Why is that?" Edward prompted, fearing the answer. When she'd proposed the idea of them sleeping together, his greatest fear was that it would be just like her old job - it wouldn't fit the person she was now.

For a moment, she hesitated. "Because I can't promise you anything," she said quietly.

Edward was silent, taking in her words for a moment. A sick feeling of dread was pooling like lead in the pit of his stomach.

She could end them forever right then - he was only too aware of that fact. "You can't promise me anything... or you don't want anything with me?" he forced himself to ask, keeping his voice carefully even though every cell in his body wanted to scream at the idea.

When she didn't answer right away, Edward nearly panicked, but then he saw the pink tint of her cheeks.

"I feel..." she began, then huffed as she blushed harder. "I feel something for you," she said slowly. "What that is, though, I don't know yet."

It wasn't no, and that was good enough for Edward. "I knew that going in, Bella," he murmured. "I knew what you were asking for, and I understand why. Did it help?"

"Let's not go there yet. We're getting off subject." She tilted her head, obviously processing the information he'd given her so far. "What kind of trouble are you in?"

Edward ducked his head, feeling his cheeks warm with shame. "Well... I haven't exactly been a model employee since the accident. I was already on Banner's radar." At her confused expression, he sighed. "You have to understand, we weren't ready for Uley and the Wolfe brothers to know we were after them. The case is far from airtight. Those first few days were critical - being able to gather what evidence we could before they buried it - but my thoughts, my energy, were concentrated elsewhere."

"On me," Bella filled in.

He nodded. "Banner suspected, but didn't ask point blank until just before the trial. See, Damon built his case around you as a sympathetic figure. It was a good tactic - leaving the lasting image in their head that Uley's actions left you injured and alone, pregnant with a child who would never know his father. The jury was likely to convict on that emotion alone."

"But James knew enough to suspect about us," Bella surmised.

"And I didn't tell Banner everything - I didn't know James spoke to the nurses - so Damon wasn't prepared for the allegation to come up."

Bella grimaced. "So I don't look so sympathetic. I look like a cheating whore."

Edward winced. "It's not true."

"I know," she said with a sigh. "I believe you. But the jury wouldn't - not on your word."

"Yes," Edward agreed. "So rather than let me try to prove that we weren't sneaking around behind Jacob's back, Damon has chosen not to cross examine. The waters are already muddy, and he wants to redirect the jury's attention back where it should be - on Sam, not on us." He ran a hand through his hair restlessly. "We've been asked not to come back to the courtroom. You'll probably find a message on your phone."

For a long moment, Bella looked down at her lap, worrying the hem of her shirt between her fingers.

"Bella," Edward said slowly, tentatively reaching across the bed to take her hand. He was relieved when she let him. "Are you angry with me?"

She didn't look up, but turned his hand over, tracing the pads of his fingers. Edward closed his eyes briefly, reveling in her touch. "I'm not sure, really. It doesn't feel good - knowing that there was this huge chunk of my life that no one told me about. But, I think I understand why you did it."

"You do?" he asked, feeling hopeful again.

"Yeah. If you had told me when I woke up - when you were a stranger to me, and everything was so..." she waved her hand, and he nodded, showing he understood, "I'm sure it would have just freaked me out."

Looking up at him, she gave a small smile. "It's only been in these last couple of weeks that I was starting to put together a more complete picture of what my life with Jacob might have looked like. There were a lot of clues that I didn't understand that now I do. I'm a little frustrated because I've been stressing over things that didn't quite add up, but you couldn't have known that, because I didn't tell you."

"What did you find?"

She told him about finding the spare room well lived in, the e-mail chain from Jacob, and the two folders on her computer.

Edward grinned when he told her about the Kings of Leon tickets. "That concert is the day before my birthday."

"Oh, uh... surprise?" she said sheepishly.

"Well, they're your tickets," he said, smiling gently. "Go with whomever you wish."

"No, I want to go with you. Especially if it was supposed to be your birthday present," she said, her voice shy.

Whatever he was about to say was cut off by a loud, insistent knocking. They both looked up, starting in surprise.

"Ah, heck," Bella muttered. "That's gotta be Charlie." She paled considerably. "Or Billy..."

The knock sounded again. Edward felt a twist of anxiety in the pit of his stomach. "We should probably be more dressed."

"Yeah..."

_**~0~** _

An hour or so later, they were following Charlie's cruiser to Billy's hotel. Bella's heart was pounding hard, her stomach twisting uncomfortably.

"Bella, calm down," Edward murmured. "Just remember, you did nothing wrong."

"Neither did you," she muttered back.

Edward sighed, looking sad as he looked out at the road. "Yes I did," he said quietly. "I lied to him."

Bella frowned. "But you had a good reason."

"Is anything a good reason when it robs you of the only link you had left to your dead son?"

They were both silent after that.

Charlie had not been pleased, but hadn't been surprised, to find Edward at Bella's apartment. He'd had many questions, most of which he growled out through gritted teeth, but in the end, he'd grudgingly accepted that Edward's decisions to remain silent had been made with Bella's best interests in mind rather than a desire to shirk his responsibilities toward the baby.

"Nothing could be further from the truth," Edward had said, his voice fervent with sincerity.

Maybe a lot of things were up in the air, and certainly their upcoming confrontation wouldn't be pretty, but at least she didn't feel so alone in the pregnancy.

"Looks like we're here," Edward said, his voice tight.

Charlie, not pleased that Bella had chosen to drive with Edward over him in the first place, stepped to Bella's door as soon as they'd pulled into a parking space. Bella rolled her eyes but allowed her father to lead her to Billy's door.

Inside, they found Billy with both his daughters. They were hardly in the door before he spoke, his voice gruff. "I want a genetic test to confirm what Agent Cullen," he said Edward's name with a slight hiss, "claimed."

Bella's body gave a sharp jolt, and Rebecca yelled out, "Dad!" in admonition.

"I told you from minute one, she's a slut," Rachel said scathingly.

"Hey," Charlie snapped. "Don't you talk about my daughter that way."

"Rach," Rebecca said with a sigh. "Obviously there's a lot to say, but being rude isn't going to make things better."

"This bitch was going behind Jacob's back, took his money, and you want to be polite?"

"I didn't want the money," Bella interjected, frustrated. "I tried not to take it, remember? I never cashed the check. You can have it back. I don't care."

"Miss Black, you yell all you want - at me," Edward said, his voice hard as he glared at the other woman. "But leave Bella alone. She doesn't deserve this."

"Let's all calm down," Charlie said, holding his hands up. "I know you're all upset, but why don't you listen to what Edward has to say first?"

Taking a deep breath, Edward began his story for the third time that day.

He didn't get as far with the Blacks as he had with Bella and Charlie.

"How very convenient," Rachel jeered. "So Jacob was fine with you two getting your jollies while he was pretending to all of us that things were great with you."

"The situation wasn't ideal for any of us," Edward interjected. "It's true that Jacob got the shorter end of that stick, but he was also doing what he thought was right. No one said it wasn't a sacrifice on his part. It was."

"You're lying. He would have confided in us - his family - if he knew."

"Think about it, Rachel," Bella said, trying to keep the irritation out of her voice. "The timeline fits. You started dating Paul around the time Edward's claiming Jake and I broke up. He couldn't confide in you because then he would have to tell you why we were pretending to be a couple still."

"But you only have his word that's how it happened," Billy spoke quietly, his eyes hard on Edward. "With all respect," he said grudgingly, "it's not enough. I still want to know for sure, scientifically, I mean. The sooner the better."

"Dad, that's not a good idea," Rebecca said, her voice gentle but a little impatient. "The only way to get that information now is an amniocentesis, which is just not necessary."

"Yeah, I'm not doing that," Bella said flatly.

"I'm sorry, truly sorry, that I lied to you," Edward said, his tone completely apologetic.

"It got you what you wanted, didn't it?" Billy asked bitterly. "My cooperation with your investigation, among other things."

Edward shook his head. "That's not why I did it."

"No," Rachel scoffed. "It must have been nice, dumping the responsibility for your kid on my brother."

"No," Edward snapped, his voice turning hard.

Bella's heart went out to him. It would be the third time that day someone accused him of wanting to shirk his responsibility.

"I don't think it's anyone's business but mine if I believe Edward's reasons for not being upfront about the baby," Bella said firmly.

"Like hell," Rachel snapped. "It was cruel to let Dad believe the baby was Jake's."

"I think we can all see the situation was complicated," Charlie said, raising his voice to catch everyone's attention.

Edward let out a long breath. "Look, again, I can't tell you how sorry I am. When the accident first happened, I didn't want to speak for Bella when she couldn't defend herself. Then things spiraled out of hand, and I will admit I was thinking of Bella first when I made my choices. I am not unsympathetic to your grief - I wish like hell that another solution had presented itself - but Bella's condition continues to warrant a fair amount of delicacy." He held his hands out, as if imploring Billy to understand.

Billy looked like he wanted to argue, but in the end, he set his mouth in a grim line and nodded brusquely. "I've heard enough. I'd like you to leave now."

**~0~**

"Are you okay?" Bella asked when there had been too much silence on the car ride back to her apartment.

"I'm a little frustrated, but mostly with myself," Edward said quietly.

"Why?"

"Hmmm. I probably shouldn't be telling you this," he murmured. "But I know you won't say anything. It's just that when we were interviewing people after the accident, for our case against Uley and the Wolfe brothers, I had this feeling about Rachel."

Bella tilted her head. "What kind of feeling?"

"That's hard to explain," he said, pursing his lips. "That's why I'm frustrated though. Under normal circumstances, I'm good at my job. There's something we're missing about Rachel. I knew it then, and I feel it again now. It's just a hunch but, usually, by now, I'd have at least figured out what it was all about."

"You think she's involved?" Bella asked, horrified and curious at the same time.

"Not with what we suspected Uley and the others of," Edward said quickly. "I think she knows something. Every interaction we've had, she's been extremely defensive. Today, I would say it was warranted, but before, she was searching." He shook his head. "Banner was right. I've been so checked out these last weeks."

"You had a lot on your mind," Bella said gently.

"I did, but all the more reason I should have been more focused. Justice is what I want - one way or another." He glanced at her. "What I don't want is for all of this - Jacob's death and everything that's happened to you - to have happened in vain. I think it's likely they'll get a conviction, but what about Paul and Jared? It's not right that they should get off free and clear, and right now, that's exactly what's happening."

"You're only one man, Edward," Bella said, hesitantly reaching over the console to touch his arm. "I understand, believe me. You have no idea how many times I've wished I could put everything on pause so I could just deal with one thing at a time."

He lifted one hand off the steering wheel, wrapping his fingers around hers briefly.

When they pulled into the parking lot of her apartment, Edward paused, not getting out of the car right away. "Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"We can talk more later, if you want, but..." Raising his hand, Edward cupped her cheek tentatively. "Tell me what you're thinking, Bella. Where do we go from here?"

Considering the drama with Billy and his daughters, Bella had actually thought about that considerably. She bit her lip, looking somewhere over his shoulder. "Like I said before, I don't want to promise you anything. I'm a mess right now. I know I'm no prize."

"Bella," he started but fell silent when she held a hand up.

"Here's what I can promise you. You said you want to be a part of the whole pregnancy thing?" she asked.

"Yes," he confirmed.

"I think that's fair. Whatever happens between us..." She took a deep breath. "I believe absolutely that you're this baby's father, so I want to let you be."

She paused again, taking another deep breath. "As for us... is it stupid, after... you know, before," she blushed, ducking her head shyly, "to ask to take it slow?"

His smile was gentle and genuine. "It's not stupid at all," he assured.

For a moment, it looked as if he wanted to kiss her, and she might have let him, but out of the corner of her eye, she saw Charlie pull up and leaned back a little reluctantly.

"Bella," Edward caught her attention again before they had to get out of the car and talk to her father. "Thank you for hearing me."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay. That's IT. The longest day in the history of fanfiction is done. I am going to update Notes on the Fridge and Tomorrow Is Another Day before I touch this again. This time I mean it! I MEAN IT.
> 
> Ahem
> 
> Thank you to barburella, jadedandboring, and all of you. I'm pretty sure we're gonna break 2k reviews today. I love you. Really. Love your responses and your fervor.


	25. Meet The Parents Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Weeee

The day after one of the longest day of his life, Edward slept the sleep of the truly exhausted. He was completely spent physically and emotionally.

So when his phone blared at a little past noon, Edward was jarred from a dead sleep.

"Hello?" he rumbled, sitting up on his bed, rubbing his eyes.

"Are you just getting up?" Jasper scoffed. "Taking advantage of the PTO, eh?"

"I haven't slept like this in ages, Jasper," Edward grumbled, his voice gravelly.

"I know," his partner said, his voice sincere. "It went well yesterday, then?"

Edward rubbed the back of his neck. "Yes and no. She doesn't hate me; that's the important thing."

"That's a start if ever I heard one." There was a commotion in the background, and Jasper dropped his voice. "Listen, I gotta get back in the courtroom. Can I come over after work?"

"Yeah. I've got nothing better to do," Edward said with a sigh.

**~0~**

Edward was restless.

After so many weeks of far too much weighing on his shoulders, he suddenly didn't have enough.

It was a blessing and a curse.

On the one hand, his mind was jumping, going over and over the case against the Wolfe brothers, particularly Paul, as he knew it from memory. It was maddening that now, when his mind was finally clear, he had no access to the files he needed.

Why on earth hadn't he thought to have the Black residence, where Rachel stayed with her father, searched?

It was frustrating, but on the other hand, there was a reason why he was suddenly calm enough to sit still and reason through the case.

Better or worse, everything being out in the open was a huge relief. There was no more wondering when and how he would tell Bella. There was no worrying that his word would be meaningless if decisions had to be made about the baby.

At some point during the long afternoon, it hit Edward that he was going to be a father.

As awed as he had been, knowing that he and Bella had sparked a life together, he hadn't realized just how high a wall he'd built around his heart, not truly letting his impending fatherhood sink in. For so long he'd existed in painful uncertainty, not knowing how long he had with Bella and what form their relationship would take. How could he stand to think about whether or not she would make it easy for him to be a father to their child? It was too much to try to cope with.

Now, though his relationship with Bella was still in the air, he had hope.

If nothing else, the baby was now a fixed point on his horizon. Next week, Bella had an ultrasound appointment. The doctor had told her they might be able to tell the sex since she'd be about 19 weeks along. This time, Edward would be at her side.

He was going to be somebody's daddy.

The thought made him giddy and desperately frightened all at once. It was startling to realize they were rapidly approaching the halfway point of the pregnancy. Twenty-odd more weeks seemed at once too far away - he so very much wanted to meet his baby - and far too close.

Shouldn't he be putting together cribs? Buying car seats? Figuring out what he had to do to add the baby to his insurance?

Edward grimaced realizing he might not have insurance very soon.

But even though his career hung in the balance, the more he thought about the baby - his son or daughter nestled snug inside the woman he loved - the more it didn't matter. The space at the center of his chest that had been so cold these many long weeks was suddenly pleasantly warm, alive with fire even, and expanding. His smile, for once, was not tempered by the too heavy thoughts of what might or might not be, and it threatened to crack his face right in two.

When Jasper knocked on his door, Edward was still grinning. His partner lifted one eyebrow. "You're happy."

"I'm having a baby," Edward exclaimed, clapping him on the shoulder, leading him inside.

Jasper snorted. "No shit? Well, this little tale of yours just keeps getting stranger."

Still buoyed, Edward shoved the other man before sitting back on his couch.

Crossing his arms, Jasper eyed him carefully. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you'd gotten laid."

Edward smile faltered.

Jasper's eyes nearly bulged out of his head. "What? Really?"

Waving a hand, Edward quickly changed the subject. "Tell me what happened today. What was the mood in the courtroom?"

"Damon didn't waste any time," Jasper said, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch. "He got Mrs. Uley on the stand. You know, her scars are gruesome. That was a powerful image right there, because not even she is denying it was Uley who pushed her." He frowned slightly. "I felt a little sorry for her, you know? She sounded like a battered housewife making excuses for her husband."

After they discussed the trial, Edward brought up his theories about Rachel.

"That's a tough sell now," Jasper grumbled, running his hands through his hair in deep thought. "Maybe during the height of the investigation we could have found something to get a search warrant."

"I know," Edward sighed. "It was stupid to let the chance slip through our fingers. Beyond stupid."

"Well, we'll have to figure out a way to fix it," Jasper said with a wave of his hand.

Bowing his head, Edward scrubbed his hand over the back of his neck. "I'm kind of torn right now," he muttered. "Just when I get a kick in the ass to get back to work, I can't anymore. But on the other hand, it does give me more time to spend with Bella."

"I told you from the get go, it was too much to deal with," Jasper said, wagging a finger at him. "Something somewhere was gonna give. All things considered, it could be a lot worse. Damon is gonna win this case, Banner will take you back..." He raised a questioning eyebrow. "And it sounds like things are going well with Bella?"

"Yes and no," Edward repeated his answer from earlier that afternoon. "I mean, nothing's certain, but she said she believed that the baby's mine." He couldn't help his smile.

"Well, that alleviates some complications," Jasper said decidedly.

"It does." His cheek twitched. "It is a relief - because they all know, now. Of course, that means I am obligated to see Charlie this weekend, and I'm not at all sure if he's decided against shooting me yet."

His partner arched a questioning eyebrow.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Charlie didn't give me much of a choice. He says he wants us to visit so he can get to know me better."

Jasper whistled lowly. "Yeah. A meet the parents when he knows you knocked up his little girl and didn't admit to it? That could get awkward."

"Yeah," Edward agreed. "But if I could get through yesterday, I can get through that." Again a smile tugged at his lips. "One way or another, I'll find a way to have a decent relationship with him. He's my baby's grandfather."

"Man," Jasper chuckled. "You're a goner." He stood up. "Well, you concentrate on your family. I was going to go see Alice this weekend, but all things considered, I think I'll try to figure out this Rachel angle."

"You shouldn't change your plans-" Edward began, but his partner cut him off.

"Hey, Pot, how's about we don't go there. It's the job. You know it. Alice knows it. Right now, enforced vacation or not, your family comes first. But I can give up a little weekend nookie to chase a possible lead." He shook his head. "Do me a favor, though. If you have a minute, say hi to my girl. She asks about you and Bella all the time."

When Jasper was gone, Edward sat in his quiet apartment in silence. In his head, he kept turning the other man's words over and over, letting them settle around his heart, finding the fit comforted and suited him well.

Slightly skewed as the vision was, he had a family.

**~0~**

Bella blinked awake, momentarily confused as to where she was.

A few weeks ago, when she'd come to speak with Billy about Jacob's estate, she'd woken up in her old room and thought for a handful of moments that she'd finally shaken off the nightmare she'd been living.

What a difference those few weeks made.

When she opened her eyes and found herself staring at the green paint of her childhood room, her hands flew to her belly, suddenly panicked that everything had been a dream, and she was 17 again. When her palms rested on the hard roundness of her protruding stomach, Bella felt a measure of relief.

As she woke more fully, Bella found her automatic actions enlightening.

It appeared she'd reached some kind of midpoint. She still didn't feel completely comfortable in her life, like she hadn't been paying attention in class and suddenly everyone was moving, doing their assigned tasks while she tried to figure out what project she was supposed to be working on. But given the way her heart started to pound erratically, the idea of being back in the life she'd had at 17 didn't fit either.

Interesting.

A soft sigh from beside her startled Bella out of her thoughts, and she turned her head, surprised to see Edward in the rocking chair that had occupied the corner of her room since she was a baby. His head was lolled on his shoulder, his eyes closed in sleep.

The rest of the day came back to Bella. She remembered that they'd had pizza for lunch while she tried to stop her father from asking Edward a billion embarrassing questions. Edward had repeatedly assured her it was fine, and had answered Charlie steadily. Bella had to admit she was secretly pleased. She'd been curious, but it felt rude to ask Edward about the intimate details of a relationship she didn't remember.

As luck would have it, Charlie got called to the station. The minute the cruiser had rolled down the driveway, Edward had collapsed backward on the couch.

"I don't blame him, but I can't believe he asked what my intentions were," Edward said wryly. "I mean, this isn't some alternate universe, I wasn't born in 1901, right?" He'd sighed, looking up at her with a small smile. "I'm actually very surprised he left us alone. How scandalous."

"Well," she'd smiled back at him, "I'm already pregnant, what other shenanigans could I be getting into?"

His answering chuckle made her whole body feel warm.

They'd ended up in her room - her on the bed, him in the rocking chair - while she told him stories about the things that Charlie had never cleared off the bulletin board. She remembered she'd been yawning a lot. Obviously, she'd fallen asleep.

Bella sat up carefully, keeping her eyes on Edward's still sleeping form, trying to decide what she felt for him.

She understood, too, why her father was wary. It was easy to wonder at Edward's intentions, wonder why he kept his love for her such a closely guarded secret. Bella had yet to ask what he wanted, ultimately, and he had yet to push.

It was the latter observation that had strengthened Bella's innate trust. A couple of days previous, he'd pleaded with her to believe him that he'd only lied to her with good intentions. How could she doubt his words? Hadn't he been there for her day after day, in love with her all the while but never trying to manipulate her?

Bella wasn't stupid. It didn't take an idiot to see she'd been very vulnerable, especially toward the beginning of this whole mess. Somehow, he'd become the one she turned to, the one she trusted enough to let her guard down, and he easily could have taken advantage of that.

But he hadn't.

He'd been her rock and her shelter, her constant in an unsteady world.

And here he was, subjecting himself to the Charlie Swan rendition of the Spanish Inquisition, proving again that he cared for her and wanted to be there for their baby.

He was a good man.

In his sleep, his lips pursed, the expression somehow making him look more boyish. He would turn 29 in a few days, a number that jarred her slightly even though she knew they were only 4 years apart.

He really was a beautiful man, body and soul.

Feeling shy and somewhat curious, Bella stood and crept closer to him.

The desire to touch his face had been particularly strong today. She'd been somewhat fixated over lunch, staring at the sharp line of his jaw and wondering what the light scruff on his chin would feel like beneath her fingers. Physical intimacy was such a new concept to her, and she found herself eager to touch him all the time.

She wondered a lot about them - the couple they'd been - that she knew her father would never ask.

Which of them had made the first move and when? Were they the type of couple who didn't mind PDA's?

How different was she, and how could he still be in love with a person who didn't exist anymore?

Her hand wavered just above his cheek, and Bella wondered what she thought she was doing. Did she have a right to touch him like this, invading his privacy as he slept? That he would let her do as she wished was not something she questioned. He'd made it very obvious that he would do anything that helped her be comfortable - with herself, her life... with him.

But who was looking out for what he needed, she wondered.

Was it even possible to be fair to him in any kind of relationship?

His even breathing stuttered, and his eyes opened slowly. She almost pulled back except that he was too quick, his long fingers wrapping around her wrist.

For a beat, they stared at each other, Edward looking uncertain as to whether he should let her go, and Bella hoping he wouldn't and wondering if she should feel bad about that. But the moment was broken as he lifted his head and winced. "Ouch!" he exclaimed lightly, letting go of her wrist as he carefully twisted his head back and forth.

Bella hardly realized what she was doing before she'd reached for him and begun to rub the back of his neck, knowing he must have a crick from sleeping with his head bowed. She caught the surprise in his eyes and almost stopped, but pushed through, reasoning that the least she could do, after all he'd done for her, was massage a knot out for him.

Keeping his eyes on her, he reached out, wrapping an arm around her waist, and drew her toward him. Biting her lip, Bella sat gingerly on his lap, still working her fingers along his neck.

"Is this okay?" he asked, his voice a scratchy whisper, still thick with sleep.

She nodded slowly, uncertain as to what she was doing but sure that she liked whatever was happening between them.

Not unwelcome... wasn't that the way he'd put it before, when she kissed him?

As they both relaxed, Edward's tense smile broadened and he laughed under his breath.

"What?" she asked curiously, letting her kneading fingers work a little higher into his hairline.

"The day before the accident, I told you I wanted to take you away for the weekend - anywhere you wanted," Edward murmured, his voice low and soft as he rocked them gently. "I promised you we could go anywhere, do anything, the first weekend we were allowed to be together publicly. Do you know what you wanted?"

Bella thought of the folder full of daytrip information and wondered if she'd made it with that purpose in mind. There were a lot of places on there she wanted to go. "What did I say?" she asked, not wanting to guess.

He lifted a hand from her waist, splaying it against her back lightly. The slight weight was a pleasurable warmth against her. "You said you wanted to come to Forks and scandalize your father by sharing this room with me."

Her cheeks heated with embarrassment, and she dropped her gaze to their laps.

"I'm sorry," he said, squeezing her briefly. "Maybe I shouldn't have said that."

"No, it's okay," she said quickly. "I just... I can't imagine talking about my dad that way." She screwed her lips up at the corner of her mouth. "I guess I was a little bit bolder before." She tilted her head, looking up at him again. "What else did we talk about doing?"

"Well..." he began slowly. "You said you wanted to traumatize my parents and my brother next."

"Ah," she murmured, looking away. "Apparently, I was a real brat."

He put two fingers to the side of her chin, tilting her face back to him. "It wasn't like that, Bella. You were joking." He hesitated, searching her eyes. "My parents do want to meet you, you know."

For some reason, she was a little startled. "Do they know about..." she looked down between them.

"They know," he said quietly. "They know everything."

She continued looking down, not knowing how to feel about that. She felt inexplicably nervous because whether she knew it or not, she'd hurt their son. They had to have an opinion about that.

Edward rubbed her back soothingly. "Please don't feel pressured, Bella. They can wait. They just want to know you." He looked a little nervous, keeping his eyes on hers as he moved one hand to her belly. Bella relaxed slightly, her heart tugging when she saw his adoring smile as he cupped her increasingly larger bump. "You're the mother of their grandchild, that's all. They want permission to be excited."

Bella was silent, but she laid her head on Edward's shoulder, hoping he understood her need to think for a minute.

For a moment, it felt like too much. She had accepted that Edward was part of the pregnancy, that he could touch her bump and come with her to doctors appointments, but she didn't know how she felt about anyone else.

Still, it was unreasonable to not want to deal with the people Edward brought into her life. He was right; they were her baby's family. She was going to have to learn to deal with them one way or another.

Besides, hadn't he put up with her father's not so gentle questioning not once but twice already?

"I think your dad was the doctor in the ER when I fell last year," she said thoughtfully. She frowned, realizing her mistake. "I mean... the last time I remember, anyway. I think he was the one who stitched me up. Blond hair, very handsome?"

He laughed, and Bella liked the way his chest felt rising and falling beneath her. "You think my father is handsome?"

She hid her head against his neck. "Agh. What. Ever."

Again, he chuckled, and brushed her hair away from her face. "Yes, that was probably him. And yes, thank you for making me recall high school, when every girl in my class felt the need to inform me that my dad was 'oh my god, so hot.'"

Knowing she was being teased, Bella raised her head, giving him a calm look. "Well, I guess you're lucky that blonds aren't my type."

The look on his face was priceless, well worth the moment of embarrassment and insecurity she felt saying something like that to him. He threw his head back, laughing, and she laughed with him, enjoying the lighthearted moment.

"Fine," she said with a small sigh. "Can we go now?"

He seemed startled. "Bella, there's no rush. You don't have to push yourself-"

"No, it's fine," she said quickly, before she could change her mind. "My dad got his time, your parents deserve theirs." She took a steadying breath, swallowing down her nerves. "If they're not busy, now is as good a time as any. We're here, after all."

He studied her intently. "You're sure?"

She nodded, and then squirmed. "They aren't mad?"

"At you?" Edward looked genuinely perplexed. "Why on earth would they be mad at you? They ask about you all the time, every time we talk." He smiled gently. "As I told you before, the first time we talked about this, they are very honest people. It's highly likely that they will not understand what a woman like you ever saw in a guy like me."

She sighed, shaking her head and pursing her lips as she thought that over. "For what it's worth," she said shyly. "I think the old me had very good taste in men."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Mucho gracias to my darling GinnyW. She looked this over for me while jadedandboring was lounging around in California in my house. HUMPH. I mean.
> 
> I love you jadedandboring. :D
> 
> Also. I love y'all!
> 
> Oh, so this story is up for Fic of the Month at the Lemonade Stand. Weeee! So if you're so inclined, go vote. If not for me, for someone.
> 
> : / / kwiksurveys online-survey .  
> php?surveyID=LKJENK_eb770f0d


	26. Meet The Parents Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Apparently, I can't say no to GinnyW - so if any of you are waiting for Notes on the Fridge or Tomorrow is Another Day, yell at her. ;)

There was a definite bounce in his step as Edward headed down the stairs. He felt rather silly, grinning like an idiot because Bella thought the old her had good taste in men.

It was a small victory, as these things went, but he'd take what he could get.

Just as he got to the landing, the front door opened, and Charlie Swan walked in. The two men regarded each other cautiously, Edward finding himself slightly tongue-tied by nervousness.

"Where's Bella?" Charlie asked. His tone was suspicious, but that hardly surprised Edward at that point.

"She's upstairs getting dressed."

Charlie's eyes narrowed, and reviewing his words, Edward realized his mistake. "Oh, no," he said quickly. "We're going to see my parents, and Bella insisted on changing," he explained.

Another handful of tense moments passed as Charlie considered this. Finally, he gave a short nod, apparently accepting Edward's explanation as fact.

He sighed, the sound grudging, and looked up with his hands on his hips. "Look - I haven't forgotten all you've done for my daughter. I guess now I know why you did it. And Bella... she was more sensible at seventeen than most people are their whole lives. Obviously, she trusts you, so I'm going to respect her opinion."

The older man looked up at him with Bella's expressive, brown eyes. "I'm going to trust you to do the right thing," Charlie said slowly.

"I wouldn't ever hurt her on purpose," Edward said softly but fervently.

Grudgingly, Charlie nodded. "I can see that," he said gruffly.

"Dad?" Bella's voice drifted down from the top of the stairs. "Stop giving Edward a hard time."

Both men looked up, watching as Bella descended the stairs, her look stern on her father.

Charlie's face gentled considerably. "What makes you think I'm giving him a hard time?"

Bella raised an eyebrow, and Charlie rolled his eyes. "Anyway, kid. I hear you're visiting the Cullens tonight."

Edward didn't miss the way Bella's eyes tightened, and she crossed her arms lightly, defensively.

"Seems fair," she said, and Edward knew her well enough to tell that she was working at keeping her voice steady.

Apparently, Charlie could read her just as well. "You don't have to-" he began, but Bella's exasperated little growl cut him off.

"I already had this argument with Edward," she said with a touch of impatience. Looking over at him, she smiled slightly. "What are you not telling me? Are your parents cannibals or something?"

Charlie chuckled, answering for him. "Actually, Carlisle and Esme Cullen are some of the nicest people I've ever met. I have a great deal of respect for both of them." His smile tightened. "It's just been a long week for you, Bella. Maybe it's best to take it easy for another week or so."

"They can wait another week," Edward agreed.

Bella's eyes narrowed, a flicker of annoyance passing over her features. Obviously, she didn't like being ganged up on. "No. As long as it's okay with them, now is fine," she said stubbornly.

Edward looked down, hiding a smile. Once she'd decided something, Bella was hard to shake.

**~0~**

"Don't be so nervous," Edward murmured, looking over as Bella tried not to squirm in her seat and failed rather miserably. Pulling up to a red light, he took a moment to lean across the console, smiling gently at her. "Don't worry. I'll protect you from them."

That brought her little smile back.

She was silent the rest of the drive, staring out the window with her hands twisting occasionally on her lap. At first, Edward tried to think of what to say to her to make her feel better, but then, shortly after he'd turned down the long, private path that would lead to his parents' house, he glimpsed another car in the rear view mirror. "Oh, hell," he muttered under his breath.

Bella glanced first at him, then over her shoulder at the other car. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Edward said quickly. "Nothing really, it's just that I wasn't expecting my brother to be here." He ran a hand through his hair, a twinge of anxiety twisting his stomach. "He doesn't know about us. He and his wife were having a baby when everything happened, and I haven't had the chance to talk to him about it."

Bella seemed to shrink slightly. "Is he going to be..."

"Oh, Bella, no. It's fine," Edward assured, kicking himself for making her more nervous. "Emmett is one of the most easy going guys you'll ever meet. It's just that he has personal space issues." He shook his head ruefully. "Well, you'll see. I'm sure he'll love you. I haven't met a person Emmett couldn't get along with. But he likes to make fun of me, so..."

"Ah," Bella said, suddenly understanding. "And you're about to show up at your parents' house with a pregnant girl."

Parking in front of the garage, Edward shook his head. "It'll be fine," he repeated.

Emmett was out of his car and tapping on Bella's window with a giddy expression on his face almost before Edward got the engine turned off. His face turned to one of complete surprise when he got a better look at the woman in the passenger seat.

"You're Bella Swan," Emmett said, opening the door for her.

"Don't worry, Emmett," Rosalie called, getting out of their car on her own. "Your wife and child don't need your help." She glared at her husband ,but spared a smile for Edward. "I apologize in advance for him."

"Not your fault. He was like this before you married him," Edward said, waving a hand as he hurried over to the passenger side of the car.

"I'm Emmett. I don't know if you remember me. I know I used to see you around Forks." He offered his hand.

Looking somewhat bemused, Bella shook his hand.

"Sorry if I startled you. I just thought Edward here was cheating on his boyfriend," Emmett continued jovially.

Bella's eyes darted to Edward's uncertainly. He sighed. "He means Jasper. Sorry, my brother thinks he's hilarious."

"Yeah, but looks aren't everything," his older brother said with a shrug and a grin. "Hold up." He sprinted back to his car, batting Rosalie's hands away as he picked up baby Dean, car seat and all.

"Bella, this beautiful, charming, amazing woman is my wife, Rosalie, and this is my boy, Dean," Emmett introduced.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Thank you for the kiss ass introduction," she said wryly before shaking Bella's hand and offering her a wane smile. "Hi."

"Hello," Bella greeted. She peered in the car seat. "Your son is very beautiful."

"We do make a good looking baby!" Emmett said, throwing his free arm around his wife. "Babe, remember that case Edward's been involved in? This is the chick he threw himself off a cliff for." He looked at Bella curiously. "I bet you have a killer scar."

"Your tact is amazing, Em," Edward said, shaking his head.

Ever a good sport, Bella merely bent her head forward, pulling up a section of her hair to reveal the jagged scar beneath.

Emmett whistled. "That's wicked."

"So, Edward's bringing work home with him?" Emmett continued, keeping up conversation enough for the four of them as they started to walk toward the house. "What happened? This isn't something cool, like some witness protection stuff, is it? 'Cause, you know, I tried to tell Mom and Dad that they should have like these metal shutters that can seal up the windows with the push of a button." He turned around, walking backward toward the house as he looked at Bella. "See, if you haven't been here before, almost the entire wall facing the river is pure glass - because my mom is crazy and apparently loves that we have to pay a window cleaner once a month - so I keep telling her she needs to install security measures... you know, in case of zombie Apocalypse."

Bella looked at Emmett as if she wasn't sure whether to laugh her ass off or run away from the crazy man as fast as she could.

"We aren't here because of work, Emmett," Edward said with a sigh, amused in spite of himself. Instinctively, he reached out, clasping Bella's hand and squeezing reassuringly.

Of course, Emmett caught the movement before Edward realized what he was doing and dropped Bella's hand. Again, his eyebrows shot up, but this time he stumbled.

"Jesus, Emmett. Give me our child before you drop him on his head and he ends up exactly like you," Rosalie grumbled, pushing forward and yanking the car seat out of his hand.

Dean, disrupted from his nap by all the jostling, gave a whimper of protest that quickly turned into a disgruntled yowl. Just a few seconds after he started crying, the door opened and Edward's parents appeared. This time, it was Bella who squeezed his arm though only briefly.

Esme surveyed the scene looking surprised to find her eldest son and his family there with Edward and Bella. "What on earth is going on out here?"

"Rose thinks you dropped me on the head as a baby," Emmett explained as if that was the more important thing happening.

"Not I!" Esme protested, reaching into the car seat to retrieve her sobbing grandchild. "That was your father."

Carlisle started, his eyes going wide. "Hey!"

"This is a bus," Emmett said, holding up one hand. "This is you." He pointed to his father with his other hand. Making a loud honking sound, he proceeded to run over 'Carlisle' with the 'bus'.

"We were out and about and thought we'd drop by and surprise you," Emmett explained to his mother. "Looks like it's a good thing we did." He threw one arm around Edward, the other around Bella, and steered them inside. "Come on, kids. Apparently you have a story to tell."

_**~0~** _

"Wow. Do you realize what this means? You have eight years worth of Super Bowls to catch up on."

Edward balked at his brother. "That's what you got out of all this?"

"Gimmie a second, bro. That's a lot of info to digest in a short amount of time," Emmett said, shaking his head. "I mean, you're throwing quite a wrench in my plans here. I was going to tell Rosie we had to start trying for another baby as soon as the six weeks is up because I know Mom wants a passel of grandkids and you and Jasper weren't going to help any time soon."

Rosalie snorted. "Good luck on ever touching me again, thanks," she muttered, folding her arms over her chest.

Emmett shook his head. "See, I knew this would happen," he mock whispered, leaning in close to Bella. "This kid? He's always been the biggest copycat. He's gotta do everything his big brother does." He put a consoling hand on her shoulder. "Sorry. I bet it makes you wonder what you were thinking, getting involved with a guy like him."

"Emmett, you are entirely too old for me to have to tell you not to antagonize your brother," Carlisle chastised lightly.

"The truth hurts, Dad," Emmett replied with a shrug.

Quirking her lips slightly, Bella looked down. "You don't give Edward enough credit," she said lightly. "Not a lot of people would have been so patient." She looked up at Edward, her smile shy but serious.

"Ah," Emmett said, reaching out to ruffle Edward's hair playfully. "He's a good guy, my brother. Plus, you gotta admit, the Cullen genes are a force to be reckoned with." He gestured to his face. "Right?" He leaned back, considering Edward and Bella as he tapped his finger against his chin. "What do you think, babe? Is Dean gonna have some competition?"

"If their baby is a girl? No. If it's a boy..." She pretended to think about it then shrugged, smiling at Bella. "Sorry. I might be biased, but hands down, Dean is the most handsome little man ever born."

~0~

The Cullen clan was a little overwhelming, though it was clear they were trying not to be.

Well, that wasn't entirely true. Esme was trying hard not to show how... enthusiastic she was for everything to work out. Her questions were innocent but leading, and her attempts to gauge how Bella felt both about her son and their child were none too subtle.

Emmett, on the other hand didn't even attempt to cover up the fact that teasing his new sister - his words - was quickly becoming a favorite past time. Of course, it didn't help that Edward was very protective, and it was immediately obvious that, in true big brother fashion, Emmett relished pushing his buttons.

"Makes you hope for a girl, doesn't it?" Rosalie had mumbled, shaking her head when their bickering devolved into a wrestling match.

It was nice in many ways, though. Watching Edward with his family, Bella felt another weight lift from around her heart. Though she hadn't know how to verbalize it, when Edward had been outed as the father of her baby, a part of her had recognized that he or she had lost a loving grandfather and aunt at the very least. Billy would have cherished the child.

It was obvious, watching the Cullens, that her baby would not be lacking for love. Bella wondered if little Dean had ever been set down in his grandparents' house. Carlisle and Esme were obviously doting parents and grandparents. They openly adored their sons and more than that, went out of their way to be kind to Bella, something which, as Rachel proved, was not prerequisite.

Though she could see how the family functioned together, how they fit as they doubtlessly had for years, yet they reached out, seemingly effortlessly, to include her. For minutes at a time, she forgot that she was an outsider.

Still, at times, their enthusiasm made her nervous. Letting these people in meant she was allowing them to have some say in her life and some opinion about how she chose to live it.

To that point, it had been enough just to keep stepping forward, figuring out her life; figuring out how to want to be a mother at all. Bella had to admit she was intimidated both by Esme and Rosalie. Bella quickly lost patience with Dean who squalled restlessly for no good reason for the first hour of his visit. Rosalie never seemed to lose her composure. Both of Esme's boys quite obviously adored her.

How could Bella, woefully behind on life in general, ever hope to be as good a mother as either of them were?

Rather than taint the atmosphere with her suddenly crippling uncertainty, Bella quietly slipped away while Edward was caught up in conversation with his brother.

On the second floor, she wandered aimlessly, deep in thought, until she came to what looked like a little office. She paused, distracted by the myriad of paintings and photos that decorated the walls.

It was as good a place to take refuge as any. Bella slipped into the room, sliding down along a small piece of wall just to the left of the doorway. Drawing her legs up, she let her eyes wander, taking in the pictures. It seemed that the family's history hung on the wall, parsed out between pretty paintings.

At one end, Carlisle and Esme appeared as a young couple, their faces smooth and hair lacking even a hint of the white and gray that streaked them now. As the wall progressed, pictures picked out main events. There was a wedding photo, Carlisle and Esme looking into each others eyes, obviously very much in love and endlessly happy. A grinning Esme stood profile, her belly huge with Emmett, if Bella had to guess. Another photo showed a little boy with Emmett's devilish grin and mischievous eyes, his hand on Esme's once again rounded belly. There were graduations, Emmett's wedding... even baby Dean's birth announcement was tucked into the corner of one of the frames.

Resting her head on her knees, Bella wondered how this would all end, how she and the baby fit on this wall. Would there some day be pictures where she stood with the rest of the family, tucked under Edward's arm with their son or daughter at her hip? Or would it be just Edward and their baby - a broken family amidst two perfect nuclear families.

"Bella?"

The voice, soft and gentle as it was, startled her. Bella jumped, climbing to her feet unsteadily as she found Carlisle leaning in the doorway.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I didn't mean to be nosy."

He held a hand up, stopping her apology short. "You being in here is fine," he assured. "You just seemed sad. Are you alright? If Emmett is disturbing you-"

"No!" she interrupted. "No, not at all."

Carlisle's smile was kind. "My family... I know they can all be very intense in their own ways." He gestured at the comfortable looking armchair. "Please, sit. Do you mind if I sit with you, or would you like to be alone?"

"This is your house," Bella responded, sitting in the chair she hadn't even noticed before. "But I don't mind the company."

They exchanged idle pleasantries, speaking for a few minutes about some of the pictures. Carlisle indulged her with a few anecdotes about Edward and Emmett, making her smile as she thought about the teenager she'd known nothing about when he first caught her eye.

"You look pensive," Carlisle observed when they'd lapsed into silence for a moment.

Bella bit her lip. "I was just thinking about how uneven we are... Edward and I, that is," she admitted quietly. It was probably rude to talk about this with Edward's father, but she knew he would never admit it himself. "It's just not fair that he should be stuck with me."

Carlisle tilted his head and Bella recognized the way his eyebrows furrowed. He looked so much like Edward at that moment. "Stuck with you?" he echoed.

"It isn't fair," she repeated. "I know I had this whole life before - these plans and dreams, and that he was a part of all that. But I don't remember what my plans were. I'm different. I'm changing. I cant go back to being a person I know nothing about. The problem is, that was the person he fell in love with. He had plans with her. Now he's stuck with me, and I have nothing to offer. I'm a mess."

She honestly didn't know why she was babbling like this to Edward's father. Part of her hoped he would talk some sense into Edward, because it had occurred to Bella that she was too selfish to walk away herself. She needed Edward, needed his steady presence, but how could that be fair when she couldn't be the woman he'd fallen in love with?

Someone had to look out for his best interests. Since she could not, the very least she could do was be honest with his parents so they could succeed where she'd failed.

When she chanced a look up, she could see Carlisle was staring off, his lips pursed and his eyes heavy with thought. "May I ask you something?" He waited for her short nod before continuing. "Do you care for my son at all?"

All the breath left Bella then, and she slumped, not knowing how to answer at first.

The past couple days, since everything had been brought to light, Bella had given the word 'love' a great deal of thought. She knew she was attracted to Edward, that the even looking at him sent pleasurable chills down her spine and made her body tingle with need to touch and be touched. She liked his company, and her thoughts strayed to him often when he wasn't around. She admired him.

Where she got confused was when she stopped to consider the depth of what she felt for Edward. From the moment she'd woken to find him in her hospital room, he'd been steadfast and affectionate. She knew now that more than just being her friend, his every action was painted with adoration.

She'd briefly entertained the notion that she was falling in love with him before the trial. But it was difficult to tell. It wasn't difficult to enjoy his attentiveness. She couldn't imagine trying to get through her chaotic life without him to lean on. Was she mistaking comfort for love?

"I do care," she said to her hands, finally answering Carlisle's question. "I'm just worried that I'm wasting his time when I don't know who I'm going to be, who I want to be, a year from now."

Carlisle tapped his finger against his lips, his expression contemplative. "You know, Esme and I lost our first child just a few days after he was born," he said softly.

"Oh, my God. I'm sorry," Bella murmured, startled at the turn in conversation.

"Thank you," he nodded. He took a deep breath. "As you might imagine, that was a very difficult time. Both Esme and I were profoundly changed by the loss. We were not the same people we had been before in many ways, and for a time, we were strangers to each other."

He shook his head and looked at her, smiling softly again. "It's been my experience that every person changes as time goes on. The man I was when I met Esme was not the same man I became after our fist son died, and he is not the man I am now. Esme and I managed to find our way back to each other, and our relationship grew stronger because of it - different because we were different people then - but stronger.

"I think that relationships are not stationary things, but should grow and evolve with time and circumstance." He hesitated. "As much as I would love to subscribe to the beautiful idea of permanence, we are very malleable creatures. Through all our life, all the changes we went through as people and as a couple, my relationship with my wife changed for the better, but I recognize just how easy it would have been for that not to be the case."

He let out a long breath and looked at her carefully. "Forgive me. I know I'm babbling. It's just that I've been concerned, for both you and my son, since he told us everything that was going on."

His smile then was more genuine, fatherly. "I know you didn't ask for my advice, but let me say this: don't let any perceived responsibility be the reason you leave or stay. I spoke to Edward this afternoon, and I think that you are being honest, both with yourselves and with each other. He understands that you aren't the same person you were before the accident, and you likely never will be.

"Please know, though, that if it turns out you and Edward are not meant to be together, what won't change is that we are here for you. Regardless, you and the baby will always have a place here."

_**~0~** _

As evening began to descend into night, Edward took Bella back to her father's house.

"I really like them," she murmured, breaking the silence about midway through their trip.

Edward had to admit he felt a great deal of relief at her admission. "I'm glad," he said earnestly. He grinned at her. "They like you too, you know. Emmett made me promise to call him the next time you came over."

"Emmett just thinks it's funny how easily he can make me blush," Bella grumbled, but she was smiling.

"Yes, well. That's Emmett for you. Dean is probably already more mature than he is," Edward said, shaking his head fondly.

They pulled up in front of Charlie's house, and Edward tried not to sigh, disappointed that he would have to leave Bella at the stoop. It had been a good day, he thought. It had been hard not to imagine that this could be part of their future: visiting their parents on some weekends, being a part of a big extended family.

Before he could get out, Bella reached across the console, her hand wrapping around his arm. "Hold on a second," she implored.

When he looked over, Edward was surprised to find she was blushing furiously. She looked indecisive about something, and her eyes were slow to flick up to his. "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try."

Perplexed, Edward waited, curious as to what she wanted. Then, when she reached out to cup his face between her hands, he thought he understood, and his heart began to race. When her hands pulled him forward, he followed her direction, leaning in.

"Please be still," she whispered, and he froze instantly. She smiled at him, the expression nervous but wanting, and when she closed her eyes, he did, too.

For long moments they were both still. She was so close that their breath mingled in the slight bit of space between them. It was all Edward could do to resist his instinct to reach out, wrapping his arms around her and bringing her all the way forward. It seemed like his very skin ached, longing to feel her up against his body again.

An eon seemed to pass before he felt the brush of her lips against his. It was only a faint brush and then she pulled back, but she didn't pull away, still holding his face in her hands. Edward could feel the light tremble of her fingers against his cheek.

What was she doing, he wondered.

Could she feel this pull?

With her so close, it was impossible not to act, not to express physically the things he felt. Carefully and tenderly, with the slightest of movements, he leaned forward, taking her upper lip between both of his. He kissed her sweetly and she kissed back.

Bella pulled away completely then, but when Edward opened his eyes, she was smiling, her cheeks pink and her eyes, even in the dim light from the garage, looked happy. She bit her lip, brushing his cheek with the pads of her fingers. "Thank you," she said in a whisper.

It might have been strange, maybe even a little insulting, to be thanked for a kiss - or rather, for letting Bella kiss him. Edward understood, though.

They weren't on the same page yet and they both knew it, but they were flipping, trying to find each other.

Smiling at her, Edward got out of the car and walked around to her side. He kept his hands to himself, shoving them deep in his pockets, as he walked her to the door.

"So I'll see you tomorrow," she said a little awkwardly, looking at his lips like she wanted to kiss him again and didn't know if it was okay.

Leaning forward, Edward kissed her softly, sighing happily against her lips. "Yeah. Tomorrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Many thanks to GinnyW, barburella, and jfka06. jadedandboring is home now, but I'm leaving for Yosemite in a couple days. Weeeee.
> 
> Much love to you all. I'll see ya soon.


	27. Happy Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Mwah. I love youz guyz. Just you know

Edward drove back toward Seattle on Sunday afternoon with a smile on his face.

Part of him had been slightly miffed when Alice horned in on what had promised to be a few interrupted hours with Bella by asking if she could catch a ride to Jasper. Much as he wanted to, he couldn't say no. Not only was it rude, but it was the least he could do seeing as his partner had forgone a weekend of downtime to pick up Edward's loose ends.

Besides, he found it pleased him to listen to Alice talk with Bella.

Listening to Alice speak, Edward realized just how well suited she was for Jasper. In all the drama since the accident, he hadn't had time to truly appreciate the relationship his partner and friend had found. They had the same sense of humor – rough around the edges when they were with friends. Just like Jasper, she made Bella feel comfortable enough that the conversation was easy.

Unless one of them asked him a direct question, Edward stayed silent. He worried for Bella. She had such a limited support system under the circumstances – just him, Angela, and her parents who truly took the time to understand what she was going through. Her other friends had been kind, but it was obvious they didn't know how to deal with the person she'd become and chose not to.

Besides, Alice was deftly broaching subjects Edward had been too afraid to.

When Bella shifted uncomfortably, Alice caught that it was because her jeans were too tight. They were the largest jeans she owned, Edward knew.

To the naked eye, it still looked like Bella had only had a large lunch or two. She was definitely thick around the middle, but not in that pleasingly round way that made her pregnancy obvious.

"Have you shopped for maternity clothes yet?" Alice asked, her tone friendly.

Bella made a face. "No. I guess I'm going to have to soon," she mumbled with a frown.

"Well, if you want some company, let me know. I can help, if you want."

"I don't even know where to start."

"Hmmm," Alice pondered for a moment. "Well, I can't imagine you want to go with the pink ribbon and ruffles." She laughed when Bella screwed up nose in obvious distaste. "And I don't peg you as one of those funny shirt people…"

"Funny shirt people?" Bella echoed.

"You know. The shirts that call specific attention to your bump? Work in progress. Coming soon, November 2012? Say hello to my little friend?"

"Yeah, no."

"I like a good challenge. I can find something tasteful, I bet. If you want," Alice offered.

Edward watched Bella out of the corner of his eye. She wanted to say no, he could tell, but he assumed that was just because she hated imposing on people. On the other hand, it was something she needed.

Bella let out a slow breath. "Okay. But nothing really spendy."

"Deal," Alice said, grinning. She clapped her hands together. "This is great!"

"Are you really excited about helping me find maternity clothes?" Bella asked dubiously.

Alice shrugged. "It's something new to shop for. Call it a hobby. Price comparison… quality… selection. This is important stuff that not enough people have patience for."

"Yeah. I don't have that kind of patience."

The last leg of the trip, both women succumbed to the lull of the car and fell asleep. Edward was alone with his thoughts until he felt a soft hand over his on the shifter.

Glancing out of the corner of his eye, he saw Bella blinking at him sleepily. She smiled, looking like a contented puppy, before she leaned back against the window, falling asleep again, her hand slipping back to her side.

"She's doing a lot better since I last saw her in the hospital," Alice said, her voice soft in the backseat. Apparently, she hadn't been sleeping as soundly as Edward assumed.

Edward nodded. "It's so much, Alice. If it was me, I'd have fallen apart a long time ago."

She hummed noncommittally. "If it was me in  _your_  place, I'd have fallen apart a long time ago," she pointed out. "You make her happy, you know."

"Well, I have no idea what I'm doing, here. Mostly, I'm just letting her lead," he responded, but he smiled at the idea that he could make a difference.

"After that whole thing with the trial…" Alice shook her head. "Not only does she not hate you, but that girl might just be falling in love with you." She grinned at him in the mirror. "I think you're doing something right."

"I really hope that's true."

**~0~**

"I brought her in for additional questioning," Jasper told Edward of Rachel when they found a moment alone that evening.

"Questioning about what?"

"Bullshit, really." Jasper snorted. "You're right, though. She knows something. I dropped a suggestion that we were close to figuring out where Paul siphoned the money. Rather than realize it's Sam we arrested, she started defending Paul."

"So we add some pressure," Edward began eagerly.

"I add some pressure," Jasper corrected.

Edward frowned. "Right. But how?"

Jasper rubbed the back of his neck. "The emotion that comes off her is guilt," he murmured.  
"She kept on pushing that she held us responsible for Jacob's death and said several times that she thought we must have coerced him to go against his tribe."

"You think it's displacement."

"That's my gut instinct, yes," Jasper confirmed.

Edward stroked his chin, thinking. "It may behoove us - you - to remind her that Jacob was standing up for what he believed was right. He died trying to bring these guys to justice, and she's helping them cover up their crimes."

Both men were silent for a moment. "Put pressure on her first, I think," Edward mused aloud. "You'd have to get Banner's help because this will work best if the director is involved."

Jasper studied him a moment. "You mean we get the director to thank Billy Black personally for all Jacob's work?"

Edward grinned. There was a reason he and Jasper worked so well together. "Exactly. Make sure they lay it on thick that Jacob knew all three of them - Uley and The Wolfe Brothers - were guilty of defrauding their investors. Play up the whole honor bit."

"Yes," Jasper nodded. "And drop a hint that anyone who steps forward can do so anonymously. Just in case."

"Can't hurt," Edward agreed.

"We need a step two," his partner said after a moment's contemplation.

"I know," Edward grimaced. "Unfortunately, I don't know what step two should be."

The other man sighed and wiped a hand over his face. "I hate this shit - flying by the skin of our teeth."

Edward chuffed. "Yeah. Tell me about it."

**~0~**

Every passing day, the reality that she was going to be someone's mother became a little more solid. Though Bella still felt woefully unprepared and ill equipped, the situation was far from hopeless as it had originally seemed.

What helped more than anything was knowing she had a partner in all this. It had only been about a week and a half since Edward had been outed as the true father of her baby, but what a difference. Now that he was allowed to be, he was an active participant in the pregnancy, the epitome of a dutiful father-to-be. He'd begun prying gently, and at his prompting, Bella admitted to the various aches and pains her books assured her just came with the territory of being pregnant. Triple checking to make sure she was comfortable, he'd rubbed her feet and shoulders. Once she realized what it meant to him – that by taking care of her, he was doing his part to take care of their baby, Bella began to feel more comfortable with the idea of letting him pamper her.

More than just physical comfort though, Edward took a huge weight off her shoulders.

Intimidated by the list of things she needed to think about and decide before the baby was born, Bella had been employing a tactic of avoidance. Her belly was becoming more outwardly obvious; she'd known she wouldn't be able to put off decisions for as long as she might have liked. The baby came with a definite timeline.

Edward had obviously put a lot of thought into the things Bella couldn't quite think about. In just the last week, he'd bashfully admitted to having done plenty of research on car seats, cribs, strollers.

For once, Bella was overwhelmed in a positive way. Maybe it was just the hormones, but the fact that he'd obviously gone through such lengths when he wasn't even sure how involved he was ever going to get to be with the pregnancy touched her so much, she'd started crying. Rather than look at her like she was crazy - he'd taken her face in his hands and tenderly wiped her tears away.

Now he was sitting beside her, holding her hand as they waited for the ultrasound technician to arrive.

She was nervous; they both were. Especially after having to hear it at the trial, Bella was acutely aware that she'd stopped breathing for a few minutes on the beach. The doctors had warned repeatedly that there was a possibility the baby would suffer developmentally. Each ultrasound came with a certain amount of terror that they would find something wrong.

That was one of the more nerve wracking realities to deal with. The baby had been developing normally physically, and it wasn't likely that they would find something major wrong at that point. However, it was possible they wouldn't know until well after the birth if there was something wrong with the baby mentally.

Edward ran a thumb over her knuckles. "How are you doing?"

Bella grimaced and tried to smile at him. "I realize that doctors and all doctor related people enjoy keeping patients waiting, but I think that ultrasound technicians need to be prompt. It's just mean! I already need to pee a million times a day, they make me drink extra water, and then they keep me waiting? That's cruelty to pregnant people."

She knew she was rambling and pressed her lips together quickly to stem the flow of words from her mouth.

Obviously sensing her true discomfort, Edward raised her hand to his lips, kissing gently. "It's going to be fine, Bella," he said, his voice fierce as if the could make those words true by will alone. His expression gentled. "Have you thought about whether you're hoping for a boy or girl?"

"No," she replied softly, shaking her head. "I haven't thought about it at all, actually." Suddenly curious, she looked at him. "Have you?"

"Yes," he admitted.

"And?"

"I'm not partial." He raised his free hand, brushing her cheek tentatively. "But I do think a little girl who looks exactly like you would be great."

An entirely different kind of tingle went down her back, and Bella felt her lips tug up at the ends. Imagining Edward with a tiny, brown-haired girl in his arms made her undeniably happy.

More than just a precious moment that would have made anyone smile, Bella was slowly realizing that the image belonged to her - that it was her own future she was seeing. Whatever happened between them, she would get to see Edward be a father to their child.

Bella's thoughts were interrupted by the door finally opening.

The technician was warm and welcoming, calming Bella's nerves considerably. She hummed lightly as she moved the wand over her stomach. When the fast whirring sound of the baby's heartbeat filled the room, Bella looked over at Edward instinctively, watching the smile that lit his face.

The technician chuckled. "Well, this one isn't shy at all. What's the verdict, kids? Do we want to know the sex?"

"Yes," Edward and Bella said in unison and grinned at each other.

The technician smiled at them indulgently. She pointed at the screen. "You can see an arm sticking out right here, these are legs, and this," she pointed at a tiny little nub, "is a penis."

"It's a boy?" Bella asked, her voice breathy with shock. Honestly, she would have been startled either way. With a gender, the picture of her future became that much clearer.

"It's a boy," the technician confirmed with a nod.

She was going to have a son.

Turning to Edward instinctively, she found him staring at her with joyous eyes and a grin so wide it threatened to stretch right off his face.

The sight of his happiness pushed her out of her shock, and Bella suddenly recognized the feeling that shot through her bloodstream.

Not only was she cautiously happy, but she was beginning to get a little excited as well.

**~0~**

A few days after the ultrasound, Edward was still walking on air.

It was a tremendous relief that his former relationship with Bella was no longer a secret. He was free to shout from the rooftops that he was having a son, and he did. He'd told everyone who was interested - and quite a few people that weren't.

Certainly, there were many pressing matter still hanging over him. Life was still very shaky, especially as his job still hung in the balance.

But closing arguments were set for tomorrow - his birthday - and Edward was determined not to think about it until he absolutely had to.

It wasn't a difficult prospect given that he was spending the evening with Bella. It occurred to him that the world was a funny place. Bella had obviously bought those tickets, despite the fact Kings of Leon wasn't among her favorite bands, for his birthday. She couldn't have known just how much of a gift she was giving him.

A few weeks ago, it seemed like an impossible prospect that they'd be going out together. While things between them had been progressing slowly, the point he lingered on was that they were definitely progressing. Their little outing, which could have been just a good time between friends, carried a date-like atmosphere.

It started when they were walking to the restaurant for dinner before the show. Walking beside him, Bella had brushed his side and shyly twisted their fingers together.

It was difficult sometimes. What he felt for her was so overwhelming that he had to fight the urge to pull her into his arms or push her up against a wall to kiss her senseless.

Understanding that she was, for all intents and purposes, as innocent as a schoolgirl when it came to physical relationships, Edward was content to go at her pace. There was a big difference between being in a relationship in high school, where even the most serious of couples didn't have much in the way of responsibility, and being in an adult relationship with a baby on the way.

She was figuring it out slowly but surely. The most important thing was that, so far, she was shuffling toward him rather than away.

Not for the first time, Edward grinned, thinking that she looked amazing. The way she was dressed gave definite credence to the date theory. She'd been a little self conscious wearing a simple gray criss-cross tee that dipped low at her back. Not only did it show off one of Edward's favorite stretches of skin, but it was undoubtedly delicious to feel her warm flesh under his hand when he led her through doorways. Her jeans showed off her shapely legs while accommodating the light swell of her belly, and her hair was up in a high ponytail, leaving her neck exposed, begging for his kisses.

Hyper aware of the crowd, Edward stepped behind her, wrapping her in the safety of his arms. He hoped it wouldn't make her uncomfortable, but he felt a lot less worried that anyone would jostle her that way.

Bella craned her neck, looking up to give him a pleased smile before leaning back against him.

Breathing in at her hairline as the band took the stage, Edward reflected that despite the uncertainties that hung in the balance, this was far and away the best birthday gift he could have received.

Very soon, he was wrapped up in the music, swaying them both as he bounced along, humming against her ear. His eyes strayed to her face more often than not, and she seemed to be enjoying the music. Maybe it was because all bands were different live, or maybe it was just another example of how her tastes had changed. It didn't matter. What mattered was that she was there with him, and they were both quite obviously enjoying the music and the time together.

Just as the somewhat surreal, pulsing introduction of Closer began, Edward felt Bella go stiff in his arms and heard her gasp of, "Oh!"

Concerned, he shifted so he could look down on her, checking to make sure she was alright. He couldn't see anything immediately wrong, but her eyes were wide, staring sightlessly, and her mouth was open as if in shock. "Bella?" he said urgently. "What is it?"

Her eyes found his, and her lips moved, but over the din of the music and the noisy crowd, he couldn't hear what she was saying. "What?" he asked loudly.

She tried again, and again he didn't hear her.

Dipping his head, he asked, "What?" again.

"The baby. I felt the baby move," she said with her lips against his ear, her voice breathless.

Edward's head snapped up, his eyes widening.

Bella grinned at him, her expression one of happiness and wonder. She put her hands over his on her belly and pushed up onto her tiptoes so her lips were near his ear again. "He must like the music!" she said loudly.

Laughing incredulously, Edward held her tighter, pressing his hands against her belly even though he knew it would be weeks before he could feel their son kicking through her skin. He closed his eyes, leaning his head against her hair. Then, because he just couldn't help himself, he tilted his head to kiss her neck as he'd wanted to all evening. She tilted her head away first, giving him better access to her neck and reaching up to thread her fingers through his hair. After a moment, she turned toward him, and he raised his lips to hers, kissing her deeply as Kings of Leon sang on about vampires and lost love.

_**~0~** _

Edward woke the next morning a little disoriented. He began to reach for his cell phone, as it was his automatic reaction to wake and check the time, but found his arms weighted down.

Bella, still fully clothed from the concert the night before, was fast asleep in his arms.

All at once, the night before came rushing back.

When the concert let out, they couldn't keep their hands off each other.

He couldn't speak for her, but as they'd left the venue, he'd never felt so connected with another person. There was the attraction, of course, the pull he always felt for her. She was beautiful - stunning, and, he thought, glowing. But more, every aspect of that night spoke to something deeper. From the way she held his hand as they walked, to the easy conversation at dinner, to swaying to the music, they seemed to be in sync. It seemed all the more perfect because their son, the tiny being they'd created in the love they shared, made his presence known right then.

His body still humming with the adrenaline from the music, his blood seeming to turn into this overwhelming love he had for the amazing woman at his side, he'd pushed her gently back against the door of the car, caging her between his arms and kissing her voraciously. He might have been concerned that he'd scare her except that she'd wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back.

And as they drove home, she held his hand over the shifter.

And when he dropped her off, stopping to kiss her again more sweetly at her door, she'd tugged him inside.

They made out on the couch like teenagers for what could have been hours, interrupted only by a trip or two to the bathroom, both of which Bella cursed out loud, scowling at him when he'd laughed at her.

They kissed until they fell asleep, and when Edward woke up, he only did so long enough to carry her to bed. Mostly asleep, she'd held onto his shirt until he laid down with her, and he'd kissed her - a sleepy, open mouthed kiss - before following her into the Land of Nod.

Out her window, Edward could see the sun was strong in the sky. If it wasn't noon, it was close. Content as he was, he knew he had to check his phone. If Banner had tried to call, there'd be hell to pay if he didn't answer.

Carefully, Edward extracted one arm out from under hers, trying not to jostle her. She gave a soft sigh in her sleep but didn't wake, and he couldn't help the adoring grin that spread over his face.

Happy Birthday indeed.

Just as he closed his hand around his cell phone, it buzzed, thankfully still on vibrate from the concert. He pulled the thing out and stared at the screen.

All his breath left him at once and he leaned back against the pillow, profound relief spreading through him.

Jasper had sent just four words.

_**Guilty on both counts.** _

_**  
** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Many thanks to GinnyW and baburella on this one! And thanks to all of you for your lovely response.
> 
> I believe we're still on track to be about 30 chapters, for those of you asking.
> 
> For those of you asking that OTHER frequently asked question, I will only wink mysteriously. ;)


	28. Oh The Things You Will Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedication: To Shug. Happy birthday, dear girl! I totally ditched Tomorrow Is Another Day mid chapter for you. Mwah. Have a good day.

Though Edward had been dressing in suits for the majority of his adult life, he suddenly felt out of place, as though he were dressed in his father's clothes. His hair had been tamed and styled into something that might have been labeled neat and professional, and he sat ramrod still outside Banner's office, trying not to tug on his collar, slouch, or otherwise look like he was a little kid who had been sent to the principals office.

Except he'd never been in trouble at school. In fact, he'd never been in trouble outside his childhood transgressions. His parents were the only ones who had ever had to dole out punishment. He had no experience with this: sitting, waiting for a verdict to be handed down that might - no,  _definitely_ \- would effect the rest of his life, and not in that teenage 'my life is over' way.

It felt awful. As the other agents passed in the hallway, Edward could swear they were staring at his big, bold Visitor badge.

When he was little, his mother would ask him if he was truly sorry about what he'd done or if he was just sorry he'd been caught. Most of the time, looking at her frown of disappointment, Edward felt regret. If Banner were to sit him down right then and ask him if he was sorry for the choices he'd made, Edward honestly couldn't say he was.

Last night, he'd fallen asleep on Bella's couch again and woken up with her still pressed against his side, her head tucked between his chin and his shoulder. He'd carefully unwound himself from her arms, needing to return home to get ready for his meeting.

She'd caught his hand and pulled him back for a moment. "Kiss for luck," she mumbled sleepily, and kissed both his cheeks before she kissed him softly.

"Agent?" The red-haired assistant caught Edward's attention, her hand over the mouthpiece of her phone. "The Assistant Director will see you now."

Bolstered by the memory of Bella's warm, lucky kiss, Edward nodded his thanks and pushed the door open.

"Sit down," Banner barked without looking up from his computer screen. He was scowling at something, but then that wasn't atypical.

Trying not to let nerves get the better of him, Edward sat, folding his hands on his lap and waiting.

After a minute Banner sighed and finally swiveled his chair to face Edward. "I am truly sorry that it got to this point, Agent Cullen," he began, his words slow and sincere. "I'd like to be able to tell you that you absolutely should have been honest with me about your relationship with Miss Swan from the get go, but I realize I made that possibility difficult.

"Still, you understood what was at stake. After the fiasco in the courtroom, the director is aware of your actions and he expects that you be censured for your dereliction of duty." He eyed Edward warily. "You and I both know you weren't firing with all pistons lately."

"No, Sir," Edward said softly, trying his hardest to keep a grimace off his face.

Banner nodded. "Had a guilty verdict not been delivered in the courtroom, we would have been having a very different conversation right now. As it stands... Uley has agreed to plead guilty for the charges we've brought against him in return for a reduced sentence."

He reached into a drawer of his desk and placed Edward's badge and gun in front of him. "You are officially off suspension, Agent, but not without restriction," he warned before Edward could breathe a sigh of relief.

"Uley has refused to incriminate the Wolfe brothers, so we still have something of a mess on our hands. Right now, the only avenue we have open is the plan you laid out. Since it was your idea, you will be there when the Black family is brought in - behind the scenes of course." He made a face. "I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark and guess that it wouldn't go well if the family saw you."

"I'd say not," Edward muttered in agreement.

Banner nodded. "I figured. So you'll be behind the curtain as it were. You will lend your expertise for the duration of this case." He paused, looking Edward in the eye. "When the case is closed, you will be remanded to desk duty."

Edward's breath left him in one gust, his shoulders slumping. It wasn't such a surprise, and obviously much better than being fired, but being taken out of the field was not an easy pill to swallow. Technically, he had the same title, the same pay grade, but it was a definite step backward in his career; a loss of esteem.

"You're good at what you do, Agent," Banner continued, his normally sharp voice quite a bit softer than Edward was used to. "It won't be long for you to work your way back up to field work."

"Yes, Sir," Edward said shortly. He paused before asking, "What about Agent Whitlock?"

"When the case is closed, Agent Stanley will be reassigned as his new partner."

Edward's cheek twitched in barely constrained irritation. He wanted to argue - he and Jasper worked so well together - but he knew better than to think it was a good idea. After all, there had to be repercussions to his actions, and he couldn't expect Jasper to suffer because of what he'd done.

"I'm not unaware of your discretion in this matter, Cullen," Banner said, filling the silence that stretched on. "You can be sure that I will take that into consideration as soon as it's reasonable to do so."

"Yes, Sir," Edward responded. What else could he say? Banner was just as guilty as he was for not disclosing everything in a timely manner, but Edward knew damn well it wouldn't do any good to make a fuss about that.

Sitting back in his chair, Banner nodded. "Take the rest of the day. Tomorrow the team will be discussing the meet with the Blacks and I expect you to have your head in the game, are we clear on that?"

"Yes, Sir."

**~0~**

"This is crazy," Bella muttered, pushing away her laptop and resting her head on the table. "I'm about to have a baby. I can't go to law school. Why am I even considering this?"

Beside her, Angela put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Bella, you have every right to dream. This is still your life. All those clichès they spouted in high school still apply. Today is the first day of the rest of your life, and you can do anything you put your mind to." She paused thoughtfully before adding. "You really should talk to Edward about all this."

"Edward?" Bella echoed, raising her head and looking at her friend with a perplexed expression. "He doesn't need to deal with this crap. As it is, because of me, the career he worked hard for is in jeopardy."

Angela looked at her, blinking slowly, the look on her face contemplative. "Please don't think I'm being condescending," she began gently. "But you're in this together. Part of being in a relationship is supporting each other through the hard times, and sometimes the hard times are going to hit both of you at once."

For a long minute, Bella didn't speak, but turned the word 'relationship' over and over in her mind.

Relationships were easy in high school - too easy, to Bella's reckoning. If a boy and girl walked down the hallways hand in hand, you knew they were together. Being together meant kisses at lunchtime and making out whenever humanly possible.

With Edward, Bella knew she could take those things, have the physical intimacy that, she had to admit, she'd already grown addicted to. But she wasn't an idiot. She knew that what they were headed toward - what Edward wanted - was more than just the comfort and titillation of touching, kissing. They were going to be parents, for heaven's sake. That in and of itself smacked of permanence.

"I don't know what I'm doing," Bella said, her voice thin with sudden anxiety. "I don't know what I want."

Angela looked at her, again as if she was analyzing the words carefully. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to assume. From everything you've been saying, I thought you wanted a relationship with Edward."

"I know I don't want to be without him," Bella said quietly, addressing her words to the tabletop. "But I don't know if I can be a good girlfriend. I don't know how."

"Well, that's the thing, Bella. Being a good girlfriend with the person you're supposed to be with is as easy as being you," her friend said gently. "A good partner is a person who knows exactly who you are, who loves all your little quirks, and loves you in spite of the things that might drive them crazy. The hard part is the compromise - sharing your troubles just the same as your triumphs and finding out how you work both as individuals and as a team."

She ducked her head, smiling friendlily. "I'm sorry. It isn't my place to lecture."

"No," Bella said quickly. She took a deep breath and blew it out. "I get overwhelmed." She was thinking out loud more than anything, not really talking to Angela but working things out in her own head. "I think sometimes I feel more ill-equipped than I actually am. I think I make a bigger deal out of certain things because I feel so out of sorts."

She splayed her hands on the table, thinking for another moment. "Is that really all there is to it?" she asked in a whisper. "I want to be with him. He makes me happy. He seems to want to be with me. Is that all there is to think about?"

"Mmm, yes and no. The hard part is being honest - with yourself and with him. If there's something bothering you, something that needs to be addressed because, ideally, you want to be able to live with it in the long run, sometimes you need to talk about the hard things even when things are easy between you."

She smiled at Bella, reaching across and patting her arm. "You're right, though. You don't give yourself enough credit. You've never been one to get lost in a cloud, or been in love with the idea of love. I think that if you come to the realization that it's not right for you, you'll speak up."

"Like I apparently did with Jacob," Bella muttered.

Her eyebrows furrowed, and she let her hand drift down to her belly.

Barely getting her own barrings, it was still a little difficult to think for two. She was wrapping her head around around the fact that any decision she made would effect not just her life, but her baby's. She had a responsibility to provide her son with a stable life.

But it wasn't like Edward was just any man who could traipse in and out of their life at a whim. He was the baby's father, and he would always be around. She was unsure about a lot of things, but she knew in her heart of hearts Edward would never be a deadbeat father. Maybe, ultimately, they wouldn't make it as a couple, but she wouldn't be parading a man into her son's life who would abandon them.

The doorbell rang, interrupting her thoughts. Automatically, Bella's heart began to race with anticipation, fully expecting it to be Edward at the door. She got up, recognizing there was a gleeful bounce to her step even though she was nervous about how his meeting had gone.

When she opened the door, the tired looking expression he wore faded, and he grinned at her. He reached out, pulling her closer as he stepped in the door, leaning down to press a lingering hello kiss to her lips.

Bella sighed happily, leaning into him, running the crease of his suit between two fingers as she kissed him back.

Breaking the kiss, he wrapped one arm around her waist, drawing her up against his side as he placed his free hand over her belly. "How's our boy today?" he murmured against her hairline.

Shivering with the thrill that ran through her body - it was undeniably sexy to see a man so entirely in love with his child - Bella put her hand over his, tilting her head up to kiss the underside of his chin. "He's just fine." She kissed him again, feeling progressively more sure about this kind of affection. "He gives me heartburn though."

"I'm going to take off, Bella," Angela said, sounding amused.

Sheepishly, Bella unwound herself from Edward's arms, blushing as she turned back to her friend. "Sorry. You don't have to take off."

"No, I'm meeting Ben in a half hour anyway."

"Thanks for your help today," she said sincerely, hugging Angela goodbye.

"That's what friends are for!"

When Angela was gone, Bella turned back to Edward. "So? What happened," she asked.

His smile fell slightly, and he sighed. "Well, it wasn't as bad as it could have been," he hedged.

"But..."

"But it looks like I'm going back to being a desk jockey for the foreseeable future." He ducked his head, hiding his frown as best he could. "And they're splitting Jasper and me up."

Bella sucked in a sharp breath. "Oh, Edward. I'm sorry."

He shook his head, taking her hand and tugging her down onto the couch beside him. "I'm not sorry," he said firmly. "I believe I did the best I could and made decisions based on what was most important to me. Yes, there are things I could have done that may have made things easier, but such is life and hindsight. You can always see the clearest path when you look backward."

Again, he shook his head. "Anyway, it's done. Let's talk about your day."

Bella studied him carefully, scrutinizing him to make sure he was telling the whole truth. Angela's words echoed in her mind. If this was going to work, she had to be supportive, too. It had already concerned her that no one was looking out for Edward's best interests like he was looking out for hers. She was beginning to realize that not only was it her responsibility - if she was going to be with him - to be there for him but that she wanted to.

"You're really okay?" she verified.

He nodded, his expression sincere. "There's nothing not to be okay about. I'm still part of the team. I'm still doing something I love. Yes, it's a step backward, but it's not insurmountable. There are consequences to my negligence. I can accept that."

That didn't feel comfortable to Bella. He'd been so attentive to her, tried so hard, and she could see how difficult it must have been for him. She wanted to blurt that his employers should be more understanding; he was only human, after all.

But, that wasn't how the world worked. One facet of a life did not merely wait patiently for everything else to fall into order.

Putting that aside, Bella haltingly told him about the idea she'd been tossing around.

Maybe it was a product of her life these last months, but Bella had steadily become fascinated with the legal system. From Edward and her father who were on the side of the investigation - weeding out the criminals and bringing them to justice - to D.A. Damon and his team carefully plotting out a case, Bella was enraptured by the whole process. Each person had a job that carried importance.

There was a satisfaction at the the thought she might be a cog in that giant machine.

Having grown up with a cop father, Bella had no interest in being an officer of the law, at his level or at Edward's. That left the legal side of things.

She'd mused aloud to Angela, wondering if she could ever lay out a prosecution as brilliantly as Damon had.

Or, she had to admit, a defense as thorough as Victoria James.

When Angela had started babbling about great law schools in the area, Bella had quickly gotten overwhelmed at the prospect.

"Law school is a huge undertaking," Edward agreed. "You could do it, Bella. You are absolutely capable if that's what you want, but there are other options if you want to take it a little slower."

"Like?"

"A paralegal degree would lay a foundation," he said, tapping his chin contemplatively. "And the paralegal field itself is quite invigorating and lucrative."

"That's an idea," she said slowly. Then, she blew out a frustrated breath. "But who am I kidding? I need to find a job. How am I going to work, go to school, and raise a baby? I know people do it, but I don't understand how they have enough time in the day!"

For a second, she thought that Edward looked stricken. He quickly hid his hurt. "Well, for one thing, you don't have to work," he said slowly. "I know you're uncomfortable with the disability stipend you get, but Bella, something very real happened to you, hindering your ability to work in the field you chose. This situation is exactly what that program was created for."

He hesitated for a moment before looking up at her. "Besides that... I'd hoped you understood by now that you're not alone in this." He put his hand over their son again, looking her in the eyes. "I'm going to be here to help you no matter what. You're my son's mother, and I want you to have a fulfilled, happy life."

"I... I know that," Bella stumbled, feeling shaky for reasons she couldn't quite grasp. It was a profound thing, that someone's life could become so wrapped up and tangled with hers. "I just... I want to be an equal partner in this, and I'm not right now."

Tenderly, he stroked her cheek. "You're not a burden or a dead beat," he said softly. "Maybe my life, my job, anyway, is a little clearer right now, but I have aspirations just like you do. I'm not at the top of my field. I still have a lot left to prove. Ideally, I always will. You're just at a different point, but still moving forward."

He dropped his hands, resuming a more serious expression before they got away with themselves. "But back to business. As I said, you absolutely should take this time. Live on your disability check and go back to school. The FBI has an excellent daycare, and the building is very close to several universities. You'll be able to visit the baby easily when you aren't in class." He paused. "And me, if you'd like."

Bella bit her lip, considering.

It wasn't a bad vision of the future he was painting.

She could spend the rest of the pregnancy getting ready for the baby and researching schools. If all went well, and she could get into a program, she could go back to school as early as the end of January - almost three months after the baby was born. Edward would be there at her side through all of it.

It was a stable life.

Her heart seemed to grow in her chest, and she felt an intense, consuming emotion for the man at her side. What he was doing for her was something she couldn't quite grasp. She'd always been the one taking care of people - her parents, and herself. It was surprisingly not uncomfortable to have him taking care of her.

It didn't stop her from standing on her own two feet, she realized. He was right. She was moving forward, however slowly, and she was doing that for herself.

It didn't hurt to have someone to lean on.

"Do you miss her?" she blurted, suddenly needing to know. "I mean me. Do you miss the old me?"

Edward blinked, obviously bewildered about the sudden turn in conversation.

"I'm sorry," Bella said quickly, ducking her head. "I just... I need to know."

For a few, tense seconds, Edward was silent. "Yes, there are certain things I miss." When he saw her shoulders slump, he was quick to place his hand under her chin, bringing her face up to meet his eyes. "Of course there are things I miss, but you have to understand, right now, if you were to bring that woman back and take away this girl - this woman you've become - I would miss you terribly."

She didn't speak, not quite knowing how to take that.

He pursed his lips. "Let me ask you this. Are there things you miss about being seventeen for real? Things you miss about that life you were yanked out of?"

"Yes," she said, not having to think about it.

He nodded. "But if you were given the option to go back, really go back … leave all this mess behind and resume life just where you remembered it, would you?"

Furrowing her eyebrows, she thought about that possibility. "No."

His smile was genuine, and he reached for her hands, squeezing them tightly. "Neither would I."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you to jadedandboring and barburella. Much love, much love.


	29. An End And A Beginning

"No, man. That's brilliant!" Jasper exclaimed. His eyes were bright with the excitement that came naturally when a good idea was being thrown around. "You are a genius."

Edward shook his head. "It was our idea."

Just as quick, a dark look came over Jasper's face, and he scowled. "We have good ideas," he said with a sigh. "And yet, somehow, the FBI thinks it's in their best interests to split us up."

"Are you whining again?" Agent Stanley interrupted them, setting down the coffee she'd gone to retrieve for everyone. She shook her head. "You're worse than a bitch without her puppies without Cullen."

Jasper narrowed his eyes at his new partner. "I am still in charge of this investigation, Agent."

Jessica arched an eyebrow. "You're worse than a bitch without her puppies,  _sir_."

**~0~**

The day of the meeting with the Black family, where the director was set to officially thank Billy for Jacob's service, Edward was unquestionably nervous. Billy Black, his daughters, and Rebecca's husband had all been put up in the finest hotel the night before. They were brought into the conference room at headquarters where the director, Banner, Jasper, and two surprise guests were waiting for them.

Since he couldn't be in the room directly, Edward, along with the rest of the team, was watching via camera feed. He had a headset on so he could talk to the director, Banner, or Jasper directly. The idea was to read Rachel's reaction to the proceedings and act accordingly.

Edward tapped his foot as the director introduced himself along with the two strangers: Eric and Katie Yorkie.

The set-up with the Yorkies had been Edward and Jasper's idea. While Uley and the Wolfe Brothers were guilty of a number of corporate crimes, most were the type that had portioned off funds as a whole, not really hurting any one in particular, but cutting a big slice of the pie for the three of them. One particular scheme, heavily believed by Edward and Jasper to be Paul Wolfe acting on his own, had cost a number of people a lot of money.

Many criminals could justify their crimes because the people they hurt were faceless. Edward was hoping that if Rachel knew something, putting faces and stories to the people who her boyfriend had hurt would prompt her to step forward.

"Thank you for giving us the opportunity to talk to you face to face," Katie said softly. "You can't imagine how devastating it was for us when we found out that money we invested was just gone." Her voice cracked.

Edward felt a twinge of satisfaction followed quickly by guilt. When he and Jasper had interviewed a few victims they'd been in contact with previously, the Yorkies were a natural choice. He wished he could have said this was all an act, but it wasn't. Eric and Katie really had lost everything; her tears were real.

Together, the couple told their story to Billy and his family. They'd worked their way up from practically nothing to own a good home in a good neighborhood. Now, they and their two children lived in one room with his parents.

"So we wanted to thank you for your son's bravery," Eric said, sincere as he faced Billy. "It's a higher price than anyone should have to pay. I can't even imagine... But I hope there's some solace in the fact that there was some justice served here." He frowned. "At least, for one of the men who did this to us and to those other families."

Edward watched Rachel carefully, noting with some satisfaction that she looked equal parts ill and defensively angry.

"Now, Jasper," Edward murmured. On screen, Jasper nodded surreptitiously.

"We're still hopeful that new evidence will be uncovered or someone will step forward with more information about the Wolfe Brothers," Jasper said easily, his eyes on Eric and Katie. "Don't worry. We haven't closed the investigation."

"What do you mean?" Rachel exploded, her voice shrill. "You have Sam behind bars as it is. I thought this was over."

"Forgive me, Miss Black. I spoke out of turn."

"You know them?" Katie asked, looking genuinely surprised, though both the Yorkies had been briefed on the situation.

Rachel hunkered down, crossing her arms over her chest self consciously.

"Save her," Edward directed. Part of this game was trying to open Rachel's eyes to the fact they could be the good guys if she'd stop antagonizing them.

"Mr. Uley and both of the Wolfes grew up in the same small town with Jacob and his sisters," Banner explained smoothly.

"Wow," Eric said, nodding. "That only impresses me more. It must have taken a lot of guts for Jacob to bring what his friends were doing to light."

"It was very difficult for him," Jasper inserted. "I would say it broke his heart, but when he saw what they were doing and that they were cheating good, innocent people out of their money, he had to speak up."

"From what I understand, Mr. Black, your son found fairness very important," the director inserted. "I would say you've done a fine job in raising honorable children."

On screen, as Billy thanked the director, Edward watched as Rachel seemed to get smaller.

They continued like that for a short time, Jasper, Banner, and the director emphasizing Jacob's quest for justice - the quest he'd ultimately died doing - with occasional input from Edward via the headset.

By the end of the visit, Billy and Rebecca looked tearful. Rachel looked mostly green.

"I'd like to assure you that we're going to continue Jacob's good work," Banner finished as they were all standing, getting ready to leave. "We've left all avenues open. All it would take is an anonymous tip for us to be able to close this case with certainty."

"That's right," Jasper said, nodding. "We've also made it clear that if anyone at Imprint, Inc. - or anyone at all, really - has additional information, we're more than prepared to offer immunity for any previous obstruction of justice."

Rachel's eyes narrowed slightly, her expression suspicious.

"Back off," Edward directed urgently.

The director stepped in, again thanking the Blacks, commending Jacob, and offering lunch, on him.

A few minutes later, Jasper appeared, plopping down in the chair next to Edward's. "Well, what do you think?"

Edward steepled his fingers, contemplating the now empty conference room. "I think we've officially done all we can do," he said with a sigh. "I can see that guilt is eating her alive. If she knows something and doesn't step forward now, well..."

Jasper grumbled under his breath and sat back. "I hate this part."

"I know," Edward agreed.

"At least they got Paul Uley on possession. At least he has something on his record because of this," Jessica spoke up.

Edward and Jasper exchanged a glance.

They all knew a first time possession charge wasn't nearly justice enough.

At that point, only time would tell if they would have to live with what they got.

**~0~**

When he went over to Bella's after work that day, as was rapidly becoming habit, Edward was surprised to find Alice waiting. Jasper pulled up just a few minutes after he did, looking perplexed.

"What's this all about?" Edward asked.

Alice grinned at him. "We're taking our boys out to celebrate!" she declared, wrapping her arms around Jasper's waist.

Edward's eyes automatically went to Bella, and he couldn't help but smile when she didn't flinch at Alice's use of the words 'our boys'. Instead, she extended a shy hand to him, and he took it gladly, tugging her to his side.

"Well, a surprise visit from you is definitely a reason to celebrate," Jasper mused, leaning down to give Alice a tender kiss. "But why did you invite Edward and Bella?"

Rolling her eyes, Alice smacked his chest lightly. "Not that, silly. We're celebrating you two. The FBI's greatest team since Mulder and Scully."

"Mulder and Scully were pretty bad FBI agents," Edward pointed out.

Jasper nodded solemnly. "They really were. And for the record, I'm not in love with this asshole," he said, pointing at Edward.

"No. And Jasper would look terrible as a red head."

"Hey," Jasper protested. "Why am I Scully?"

"Because Mulder is devilishly handsome, clearly," Edward said, his tone indicating it should be obvious.

"Oh, Jesus," Alice muttered. She shook her head, unwinding herself from Jasper's arms and pulling at Bella's hand. "I changed my mind. Let's run away together; leave these idiots behind."

"Now there's a plan I can get behind," Bella said amiably, going to stand beside Alice.

Submitting to the playful atmosphere, Edward encircled Bella's waist bringing her back against his chest. "Mine," he said to the diminutive nurse.

Bella laughed, snuggling back against his chest. "Sorry, Alice. Agent Mulder seems to have regressed into a caveman."

"It's an X-File," Alice said, sighing in mock resignation. "Fine," she conceded, letting Jasper tuck her back under his arm. Standing on her tiptoes, she kissed him. "I always thought Scully was hotter anyway, and way smarter."

"Ah, yes. When you put it that way, I am the Agent Scully of this partnership." Jasper grimaced. "Well, ex-partnership as of today."

A somberness descended, leaking into the lightheartedness that had permeated the room just a minute before.

"Come on, boys," Alice said, her voice more gentle. "We're going to get drunk." She grinned wickedly, winking at Bella. "Especially since we have a built in designated driver."

Bella blinked, looking startled. "Hey! I can drink!" she exclaimed absently.

Edward chuckled. "Well, no. You can't."

She made a face at him. "No, I mean, I hadn't thought about it. I'm legal drinking age." She seemed to remember then that they weren't alone and ducked her head, looking sheepishly at Alice and Jasper. "Sorry."

"Naw," Jasper waved a hand. "I remember that. On my 21st birthday, I walked into a liquor store to buy a six pack. I was so jumpy, I totally expected the attendant was going to call the cops on me or something. I felt so … guilty." He laughed. "Wouldn't you know it, the fucker didn't even card me."

"They never do on your 21st," Alice said with a sigh. "Oh, hey. I got an idea! Maybe after the baby's born, we can have a pretend 21st birthday," she said excitedly. "We'll get you good and trashed."

"Oh, no. That's just... That's not necessary," Bella said quickly.

"No, it really is," Alice insisted. "Bella, the alcohol heavy 21st birthday is a rite of passage."

"It's best you just smile and nod at her, hon," Jasper said comfortingly. "Before she realizes that you probably don't remember your prom either."

"Oh, I'm sure I never went to prom," Bella muttered. "And I'm not going to yours, so don't even think about it."

"Why not?" Alice demanded. "Oh, that makes me sad. Everyone should get a prom!"

"In what strange parallel dimension would I ever have gone to prom of my own free will?" Bella asked, shaking her head.

Edward chortled, trying his best not to think about a truly teenage Bella, pink cheeked and smiling in a pretty prom dress. Briefly, he wished that he had been cognizant enough to have seen her so long ago, when they'd briefly crossed paths at school.

He hugged her a little more tightly.

How could he argue, though? Fate had given him not only a second chance but, now, a third.

He wasn't going to be anything other than grateful for that.

**~0~**

After an evening spent with the woman he loved at his side, toasting the end of a partnership that had given him a best friend he wouldn't lose, Edward was drunk.

He was really only distantly aware of what was going on around him. Someone was supporting his weight as he hummed nonsensically.

"Are you sure it's okay to leave him here?" someone - Jasper - whispered from close by. "I can drag him to his place."

"No, he's fine here," Bella's voice responded. She sounded slightly strained.

Jasper chuckled, the movement jarring Edward slightly as he must have been leaning on his friend. "Don't look so worried, Bella. He's just drunk."

"I don't have much experience with drunk," she muttered, sighing.

"He'll be fine in the morning. Maybe a little headache, that's all."

"S'okay, baby," Edward heard himself mutter. He reached for her, meaning to caress her cheek but kind of palming her head awkwardly instead. "I jus' need a nap."

Bella burst out laughing, and Edward liked the sound so much, he couldn't bring himself to scowl at her for laughing at him.

Jasper half-dragged, half-led him to the guest room, shoving him down on the bed. "Jesus, you're a heavy son of a bitch, you know that, Edward?"

"Naw, you're jus' weak, Whitlock," Edward muttered. He paused, and grabbed the other man by the wrist before he could pull away. "You know... when they paired us up, I thought you were a prick."

Jasper snorted. "Yeah, well. I still think you're an asshole with a stick shoved up your ass... sometimes."

Edward snickered. "Sometimes," he agreed.

There was a silence between them. It felt strange. He remembered years ago being introduced to Jasper, not realizing the bond that would form between the two of them. He just hadn't realized how important - almost essential - their partnership had come to him.

Not knowing what to say to communicate what he felt, Edward let his friend go.

"Yeah. Me, too," Jasper said softly. "Now get some sleep."

Edward dozed for a minute before he felt the bed shift. He opened his bleary eyes, seeing Bella's shape sitting on the edge of the bed near him. Without thinking, he wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her until she got the idea and laid down, her back against his chest.

With Bella in his arms, he felt some of the sadness over his broken partnership ease.

Worth it, he reminded himself, and fell into an easy sleep.

_**~0~** _

"Holy crap," Bella muttered, putting down her shirt and lifting it again, as if by some magic, her rounded belly would disappear as suddenly as it had appeared.

It wasn't until the last week or so that Bella had really begun having trouble fitting even in her looser clothes. Still, she didn't really look pregnant. She looked rather like she'd simply been eating too much cake and hadn't used her gym membership in a while.

That morning, however, there was no denying it - she was noticeably pregnant.

Standing sideways in front of her bathroom mirror, Bella cupped the pleasingly round protrusion. She scrutinized herself, trying to decide whether she looked like one of those adorable pregnant women or if she just looked sloppy.

"You are... beyond adorable," Edward said.

Bella jumped, having not heard him amble to her bathroom doorway.

She frowned at him. "Shouldn't you still be sleeping?"

"I'm fine. It's a little bright in here, but I'm fine," he dismissed. His keen eyes raked over her body, and he grinned widely, wrapping his arm around her as he stepped into the bathroom, spreading his fingers over her belly. "You're adorable," he repeated as if he could read her mind.

She rolled her eyes but was secretly pleased at his compliment. "You're biased. You're just trying to make me feel better."

He snorted and kissed the tip of her nose before he dropped to his knees right there. Bella started, and he looked up at her, holding her eyes to gauge her comfort level as he nudged the hem of shirt up and laid his ear against her stomach.

A tender, adoring warmth spread through her body. She wondered if she would ever get used to this kind of intimacy. Sometimes, it felt so clandestine - as if she still expected her father to come around the corner and catch them - but other times, such as right then, it felt more natural than breathing.

She ran her fingers through his hair, smiling as she watched him. When she sucked in a breath, he looked up, concerned. "He's moving," she explained.

His lips turned up again, and he laid his head back down, bringing the hand that he didn't have wrapped around her waist to press against her skin. "I wish I could feel," he said wistfully.

"Me too. Soon," she promised.

"Soon," he agreed, kissing her belly with a brush of his lips before he stood and kissed her, leaving the taste of toothpaste on her tongue.

She expected him to pull away quickly, but instead, Edward wrapped his arms around her, his hands snaking up her back, pulling her closer.

It was amazing how a single kiss could speak so loudly. She knew he loved her. He didn't say it - she thought this was because he was trying not to scare her - but she could see it in his eyes every time he looked at her.

When he kissed her like this - a serious, slow, lingering kiss - she felt an emotion so intense, it was frightening and exhilarating all at once. He not only loved her, but adored and treasured her. He didn't have to say it; he showed it in his touch and with his lips moving against hers.

Sighing, letting herself step off the precipice she was teetering on, giving in to the emotion that swept over her, Bella wrapped her arms around his neck, tilting her head up and crushing her body against his. It was all the more encompassing when they both felt the hardness of her belly between them.

This was her family, Bella realized. Her son, nestled safe, snug, and protected inside of her, and her Edward - the man who had proven time and again that he would do anything to protect her and their baby.

Bella broke their kiss with a small gasp, tightening her arms around his neck and hiding her face against his shoulder.

"Bella," he murmured, his lips against her hair and his hands running up and down her back soothingly. "You're trembling. Are you okay?"

"Fine," she responded, but her voice was thin and shaky. Tilting her head, she kissed the side of his neck, breathing in the lingering scent of his aftershave.

It was a lot, when she still sometimes felt like a teenager, to accept that this life was really, truly hers. She had a... boyfriend, she supposed, who wore a suit and tie to work, always smelled vaguely of aftershave, who would come home to her every night after a long day if only she said that's what she wanted. They were going to have a baby - a tiny human they'd created in love and would be responsible for raising the next 18 years and the rest of their lives.

Sometimes, it still felt like she'd stepped into someone else's life, but more and more it occurred to her that part of her terror now was that that woman would someday want back what was hers.

Suddenly, irrational though it was, Bella felt a fierce protectiveness.

This was her life - her baby, her boyfriend. No one was going to take it away from her.

Edward brought his hands to her cheeks, gently pulling her face away from the crook of his shoulder so he could look at her. His expression was curious and concerned, and the way he searched her eyes made Bella think he was trying to read her mind.

Smiling at him, she brought her hands up, laying them over his on her cheeks. "I'm fine, really," she assured, her voice more certain than it had been before.

Though she didn't know how to put her emotions into words, she knew her statement was true. Finally, after long weeks and months of desperate uncertainty, she truly understood that she was going to be just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you to my girls Barburella, jadedandboring, jfka06, and GinnyW 3
> 
> Sooo from where I'm sitting, I see two more chapters - probably short chapters - and an epilogue.


	30. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: For any of you who are reading Tomorrow is Another Day or Notes on the Fridge... I pretty much think I'm gonna have to give in and power through the last three chapters of this. Love you all!

**I'm partial to Topher.**

Edward made a face at his computer screen, typing back furiously.

_**You couldn't have forgotten That 70's Show?** _

**As if!**

_**Oh, no. Clueless was well before your time, Bella.** _

He waited a moment before typing back.

_**What about Android Smartphone?** _

**Why do you hate our son?**

_**What? We could call him Andy for short.** _

**How about Bond?**

_**Bond?** _

**He brought us together.**

It was so difficult to hide his ecstatic grin, so he didn't try.

_**Hmmm, Bond will get him beat up on the playground. Elmer is better.** _

"God, you're turning into the biggest pussy."

Edward swung around in his seat, grinning lazily at his friend. "Don't be jealous. Just because I have time to complete my obscenely boring background checks and talk with my girl on the Interwebs..."

Jasper shook his head, chuckling. "It is good to see you so... serene for once."

"Well, I've got nothing not to be serene about," Edward said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "Things are looking in the general direction of up."

"Well, they're about to look even upper," his friend said with a grin. "Come on partner. Let's give this a shot for old time's sake."

"A shot at what?" Edward asked, tilting his head.

"Go take a look at what's waiting for us," his friend said, pointing toward the interrogation room.

Curious, Edward stood and glanced over,

Rachel Black was sitting alone at the large table looking very, very annoyed.

Edward's eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

"She wants to talk to us," Jasper confirmed. "Us, you included, not Banner."

Hope and excitement kindled in the pit of Edward's stomach, working their way through his blood stream until he was nearly bouncing.

He sensed that Rachel had the information that could wrap this case up with a pretty bow.

"Edward, you gotta keep your head," Jasper instructed as they walked forward. "God only knows the kind of thing she's going to say. You and I both know she was never your biggest fan to begin with."

"I got this," Edward assured.

Rachel gave a little start as they walked in the door. It was a good sign. She was nervous, though she was trying to hide it behind a scowl.

"Miss Black," Jasper greeted, offering his hand to shake.

She looked at him warily before taking his hand and shaking it grudgingly, but pulled back when Edward started to offer his.

"Have a seat," Jasper offered amiably. "What is it that you wanted to talk to us about?"

Blowing out a sharp breath, Rachel hunkered down in her seat, wrapping her arms around her body. "Look, you've done a lot to my family," she began, glaring specifically at Edward. "My brother's dead because of what you had him do, and you lied to my father, you had no business letting him hope like that."

Biting the inside of his lip, Edward nodded carefully, accepting her accusations.

Again, she sighed, staring up at the ceiling. "I don't think my dad could take it. Jacob was the one who didn't abandon him when Rebecca and I did. It's been so hard for him, and I don't think he could handle if... if..." She closed her eyes, rushing through the next sentence. "If one of his daughters went to jail."

"Hypothetically, Miss Black, if you have information that pertains to the investigation into the Paul and Jerad Wolfe, I'm certain you will be granted immunity," Edward said quietly. He paused. "Unless you were a direct party to the crimes committed..."

"No," Rachel shook her head. "It all happened before I even came back home."

"That's what I believed," Edward said with a nod.

"Do you have an attorney, Miss Black?" Jasper asked quietly.

Rachel's head snapped in his direction, her eyes narrowing. "I thought you said there wouldn't be any trouble for me."

Holding his hands out in a placating gesture, Jasper explained. "And we'll keep to our word. However, it's best for you to have someone looking out for your specific interests in these cases. It makes things... cleaner."

"Well, I can't afford an attorney."

Edward cleared his throat. "Under the circumstances, it seems like the least I can do to put you in touch with someone. My family has an attorney we trust... or, if you'd prefer to find someone on your own, I would be happy to take care of your fees."

Rachel seemed taken aback. "Wouldn't that be a conflict of interest if it came down to a trial?"

"You wouldn't be on trial," he said gently. "Additionally, an attorney in this case is just a formality. Any deal we strike is a private matter. An attorney merely ensures that the fine print works out in your favor."

For a long, tense handful of seconds, Rachel said nothing. Finally, she nodded brusquely. "Okay. Like you said, it's the least you can do," she finally grumbled.

**~0~**

Some hours later, Rachel looked, for once, completely drained of life, her features painted with sadness.

She looked like she was trying not to cry.

It had to have been difficult. She'd given direct evidence against Paul. It seemed that while Sam and Jerad had the sense - or the at least, the sense of guilt - to keep their transgressions from their wives, Paul, in his anger against Jacob, had dragged Rachel into the thick of things.

She informed them that when he heard about exactly how Jacob died, he'd gone on something of a rampage.

It made him furious that Jacob, whom they'd drawn into their circle and treated like a brother, like another partner, would go against them.

"You owe me because of what your brother did," he'd told her.

"He made it sound so... logical," Rachel said bitterly. "It's really hard, even now. The tribe... everyone was so divided. We're still divided. It's never been like that - not ever." Her voice shook as she spoke. "He said it wasn't fair to everyone. It was bad enough that Sam was being charged with manslaughter. Let that be the end of it."

She went on to detail how he'd used her to channel the funds he'd portioned off illegally.

"He promised, when this all blew over, that we would make sure my Dad was taken care of - get him a big house and all that."

She gave them exactly what they needed - transaction dates and receipts, a clear timeline that traced where the money came from, where it went, and where it was then.

It was back in Paul's greedy hands.

They had him.

When it was all over, Rachel took the pen they offered, signing her name to the information she'd given. Edward noticed that her hand shook horribly, and his heart gave a sympathetic pang.

Better or worse, it was clear she was in love with Paul.

It wasn't the same, of course, but Edward had lied for Bella. He'd risked much out of deference to their relationship and what was best for her. As Rachel pointed out, he'd wounded Billy Black terribly by not being upfront.

Edward knew something of how love could make good people make choices they otherwise wouldn't have considered.

Just then, Rachel looked so bowed and defeated - very near tears - that he wished he could comfort her.

Since he sincerely doubted she'd want to hear from him, Edward tapped Jasper on the shoulder, nodding at the woman. Jasper nodded back that he understood before he stepped to Rachel's side.

"Miss Black?" he began gently. "I can't imagine this has been easy for you to do, and I don't know how this sounds coming from me, but this is the right thing."

She glared for a second, looking like she was going to snap, but then her shoulder's slumped. "Yeah, I know that. Paul... he wasn't sorry, you know? I kept waiting for him to be sorry, and he just wasn't."

She blew out a breath. "And I kept trying not to think about my baby brother. He was..." her voice wavered as her tears overflowed. "He was such a good kid. At first I didn't understand. How could he do something that would hurt everyone - his tribe - so much. But then, that was how important it was to him." She sniffled, wiping at her eyes.

"You have our gratitude, and I'm sure, the gratitude of the people most effected by all this," Jasper said softly. "I can honestly say, Miss Black, I admired your brother very much for what he did. It takes a lot of courage to speak up against men you admire, or love."

Covering her eyes with her hands, Rachel bowed her head and wept.

_**~0~** _

Since she'd had such a strong reaction the first time she was there, Bella had been wary of spending time at Edward's apartment.

She thought she understood her reactions now. Some part of her, her automatic memory perhaps, still recalled the time she'd spent here with Edward. This was where their relationship was born. This was where they'd fallen in love, and where they conceived their son.

The physical memories, the way he'd made love to her when she asked after the trial, and the tenderness she felt toward him currently made the heady atmosphere quite a bit more welcome when she stepped into his apartment again.

He greeted her with a kiss, his lips turning upward when she held him fast, lingering longer than a polite hello. As he'd gotten in the habit of doing, the hand he didn't have splayed at the small of her back drifted down her body, brushing long her side before coming to rest on the bulge of her ever expanding belly.

"How did it go today?" she asked when they finally had to breath. She was learning to be attentive to his needs. Though her world was slowing from its maddening spin, it was still easy to lose herself in her own problems. It wasn't that she didn't care about Edward - quite the contrary, she worried for him frequently - she simply found it easy to forget that no one else had everything figured out either.

She wasn't as behind as she originally worried.

"It's not perfect," he murmured, tucking her under his arm and leading her to the couch. "Try as we might, we can't find the link that would convict Jerad Wolfe. It's possible we can get Paul to turn on his brother, but I doubt it." He sighed, turning his head and pressing a kiss against her hair. "All things considered, though, I'll take it."

"Does this change anything for you? I mean, won't the director consider putting you back in the field?" She laid her head on his chest as she spoke, listening to the steady beat of his heart and worrying the edge of his suite coat between her fingers.

"It's not as simple as that," he said quietly. "But it does put me back on the right list."

Raising her head, she smirked at him. "The non shit list?"

He snickered and tsk'ed at her. "Such a dirty mouth. You're going to be someone's mother, you know."

She chuckled, knowing he was teasing. A few nights before, she'd asked about some of the differences between the person she was and the woman she'd forgotten. He'd told her she cursed a lot less and reminded her that adults didn't live under the threat of soapy mouths.

"Do you think you'll ever get Jasper back as a partner?" she asked a moment later. Every time they had occasion to see Jasper, he was complaining about something or another that Agent Stanley had done. Most of it, that Bella could see, boiled down to the fact that Jessica wasn't Edward.

Edward sighed, the skin around his eyes tightening. "It's not impossible," he allowed. "But it's improbable. I won't have another partner until I'm back in the field. As long as Jasper and Jessica work well together - which if he can stop being a prick, they'll be fine - there'd be no reason to split up that partnership."

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

Placing two fingers underneath her chin, he raised her head so she could see him clearly. When he smiled at her, his expression was calm - not the slightest bit perturbed. "It's not a big deal," he said easily, though she knew it was. Losing his partnership was reason enough for him to get drunk, so it wasn't nothing.

But there was no point in dwelling.

Especially when he was brushing his lips along her skin this way, stopping to kiss her cheeks, just above her mouth, the tip of her nose.

Bella's breathing became unsteady as her heart began to race.

His fingers were lazy as they drifted haphazardly about her body, making her shiver at his feathery touch.

Her body responded to him readily, and Bella found herself leaning into him, pressed up against his chest, without realizing she was moving. She raised her hands to cup his face, bold enough now to show him exactly what she wanted. Her lips moved with his, both of them eager.

When his fingers closed around her sensitive, piqued nipples, Bella gasped.

"I'm sorry," Edward murmured, moving his hands away.

"No, it's … tender. Not bad," she assured, reaching for him again. "In fact," her voice was shy, and she kissed his lips with a brush of hers as she spoke, "it was good."

This was another thing she was learning slowly - that there was no shame, no real taboo, in the way her body ached for his touch.

"Just... gently," she mumbled against his lips, tilting her head up.

"Always," he promised, his palm finding the curve of her breast again.

There was the sound of their kisses, the rustle of clothes, and the spring of the couch as they shifted.

Adults could still make out like teenagers - this she was starting to realize.

Bella would have been content to make kissing Edward a career. It was far less daunting than the coursework she would have ahead of her in her chosen field of law. It was probably a lot more satisfying, too.

Making a disgruntled noise, Bella pushed on Edward's chest.

"Are you okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?" he asked, breathless from their exertions.

She laughed at him - he was always so concerned - and stroked his cheek. "You didn't do anything. Your son is laying on my bladder," she said, scrunching up her nose in mock annoyance.

"I hear bladders make good pillows," he said, straightening them both up before reluctantly letting go.

Bella ambled off, a happy daze warming her skin.

In the bathroom, Bella was struck by imagery that was mostly emotion with the occasional blast of sensory overload.

She thought she knew how it felt to have the edge of the marble counter pressing into her back as someone - Edward - pinned her against it. She felt happiness approaching delirium and need that ran through her bloodstream, making the air static around her. She heard his rich laughter in her ear - the sound of his happiness, the look in his eyes that he was right where she was: so very much in love and...

Lust.

Powerful.

The images, the motions, that flashed through her mind were not the easy, gentle, tenderness that Edward touched her with now.

She thought she knew how it would feel to squeeze his flesh in her hands, not because she wanted to hurt him but because she needed him to be a part of her.

Breathless kisses, sloppy, hard, and crushing.

His hands at her top- rough, impatient fingers. The sound the buttons made as they scattered to the ground when he accidentally ripped her shirt.

Bella's head spun, trying to make sense of each individual image: auditory, visual... even the salty taste of his skin when she bit down on his shoulder.

She knew and she didn't know.

Maybe they were memories, but they were maddeningly insubstantial - not quite concrete.

Washing her hands, she splashed water on her face, closing her eyes and trying to breathe through the inundation of emotion.

More time than she thought must have passed because there was a soft rap at the door. "Bella? Is everything okay?"

Abruptly, Bella remembered the first time she came to his apartment, the way she'd immediately been struck by a half formed fantasy.

Quickly, Bella spun, opening the shower door. She ran her hands over the dark blue tiles - the exact tiles she'd seen in her vision, remembering how cold they were in contrast to the the warmth of her body and the water running down her back.

"Bella?" Edward called again, his voice a little more urgent.

Dashing the few steps to the bathroom door, Bella flung it open, grabbing Edward's arm and hauling him inside.

"What -" he began, but was quickly interrupted when she threw her arms around his neck, kissing him hard.

Bella's thoughts were erratic, and she was acting mostly on instinct. Her body's need for him, to have him as close as possible, took precedence, but the question that rang through her head seemed pressing, too.

Edward's fingers wrapped around her waist, and he pressed hard, pushing her away slightly even while his lips responded to hers. With a little groan, he managed to separate them. "I don't... What?" he asked between pants.

"Have we m-made love in your shower?" she stuttered, the words feeling awkward and foolish as they tumbled out of her mouth.

She didn't miss the way his eyes went wide for a split second before he tempered his reaction. He swallowed hard, cupping her face carefully, as if he was afraid she would shatter if he pressed too hard. "Do you remember something?" he asked, his voice shaking with a slight tremor.

"Yes... no... I don't know," she muttered, closing her eyes as the overwhelming feeling swept over her. She tightened her hold around his neck. "It's not... tangible. It's not... real." She shook her head. "Did we?"

"Yes," he whispered, stroking her cheeks comfortingly.

Opening her eyes, she pulled herself closer to him, standing on tip toe to kiss the edges of his mouth. "Show me," she said, her voice so light it was almost air.

Edward's breath stuttered. "Bella..."

"It's not just... I want to make it real, but I want... you. I want you." It wasn't smooth by a long shot, but it was what she felt. It was what she wanted for so many reasons. "Unless, this isn't what you want?"

"Oh, Bella," he breathed. He kissed her lips gently and reverently. "It's only ever been you." His breath was sweet and warm on her face as he pulled back again, looking at her. "But... the shower? Is that what you really want?"

She blushed. Honestly, if he'd pressed the matter, he could have had her any damn way he pleased. "I read in one of those books. It's a good position for big pregnant women like me."

He laughed lightly. "You're not even approaching big, silly girl."

"Well, it's not like we're limited, right?" She kissed his chin, trembling a bit in nervousness. "I mean, this isn't going to be a one time thing."

He sucked in a breath, his eyebrows shooting up. With a groan, he tilted his head, kissing her voraciously. "You... will be... the death... of me," he murmured between kisses.

As he spoke, he backed her up until the edge of the counter was digging into her back. It was not the most comfortable position, but Bella wasn't complaining. She couldn't think straight enough to complain. Her every thought was wrapped around deciding where to put his hand and where she most wanted his.

Totally inexperienced and lost in the sensation, it was easy to let Edward lead.

He'd only gotten as far as unbuttoning her jeans before he stopped, holding her at arms length. "I love you, Bella. I can't not tell you anymore."

"Oh," she breathed. "Edward... I love you, too."

His grin was wide, exultant. "Really?"

He sounded so adorably giddy and surprised, Bella laughed. "Yeah. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you. I'm sorry I've been so confused."

Rather than answer, he ducked his head, his kisses slow and serious, building. By the time their clothes had puddled on the bathroom floor, she couldn't be self conscious. There was no room left. The consuming feeling, the emotion that had overwhelmed her time and again when she was with him, made the space around them static. Every inch of her skin was aware, every drop of her blood was fire.

Edward held her away from him, his eyes wandering over her nude body.

The way he looked at her, she didn't feel uncomfortable or misshapen.

She felt beautiful.

She felt like a woman.

Edward was still kissing her as he fumbled blindly for the shower door, turning on the water.

The quasi-memories had been nice, titillating, exciting.

The actual experience was all together otherworldly.

The heat of the water, the steam around them, made their physical world match the sweltering atmosphere between them. The sensation of hot water trickling and coursing down her bare skin as his fingers danced over her sides, around to her back, his hands cupping her ass, only added to the fervor in the air. It was like Edward had more fingers, more ways he could caress her, making her body tense with anticipation.

She wanted him so much she was dizzy with it.

When he put his hands at her waist, turning her around to face the cool blue tiles from her visions, Bella stopped thinking at all about remembering to touch him, taste him. Her lips parted, she gave in to the emotion consuming her, feeling everything.

His warm lips at her shoulder, kissing his way up the arch of her neck until he could murmurer sweet, "I love yous" in her ear.

She felt it - in her heart, on her skin, to the depths of who she was.

His love for her, her love for him, was part of who she was.

"I love you," she mumbled back, her voice trembling with nerves as he gently spread her legs with his knees.

She kept her hands splayed on the tile to hold herself upright, letting him support her.

Like the first time, when he slid into her, part of the frenzy in her bloodstream calmed, sated by the rightness of their union. She loved the way it felt - their slick bodies pressed together, the way he snaked his hands, one upward to cup her breasts and brush her tender nipples, the other reaching down, stroking her where they were joined.

Beyond words, she tilted her head to the side, glad when he obligingly moved his lips there, dragging his teeth across her skin as he moved in her.

It was quick, but it was good - better than anything she could have imagined feeling.

He still kissed her tenderly as he turned the shower off, pausing only long enough to wrap her in his robe - though it was huge on her - and to tie a towel around his waist.

She wasn't quite sure why he'd bothered. She was already hungry for him again. They only got as far as his bed before she tugged his towel off - suddenly brazen because she felt, for once, completely like a woman and nothing like a little girl.

Their second coupling was unhurried.

They laid together, still damp from their shower, and Bella explored his skin with her hands and lips, beginning to mentally catalogue all the spots that made him gasp or moan, or made his hands tighten in her hair. She satisfied curiosities, discovering his nipples were sensitive to her stimulation and that when she danced her fingers over his stomach, his muscles would contract and he would laugh.

When he'd had quite enough of her teasing, Edward had rolled them onto their sides, hitching her leg up on his waist so he could enter her easily. It was a shallow position - not filling her nearly as well as when he'd taken her from behind - but it was intimate, and that in and of itself was a great pleasure.

When they were both sated, Bella felt content to never move from his arms again. She was warm to the very center of her bones, nestled against his skin beneath the comforter of his bed. Whoever she had been, whatever she would become - in that moment, she was whole.

Just as she was about to give in, letting sleep take her away from this moment of bliss, a fluttering in her belly brought her a little awake again. She shifted, giving a somewhat disgruntled grumble as she brought her hand to her side. "Shhhh," she muttered sleepily, as if the baby could be soothed in the womb.

"What is it?" Edward mumbled, the words coming out garbled and run together. She'd thought he'd been asleep.

"Baby's awake," she said with a yawn.

Automatically, his hand went to her belly, pressing. Bella laid her head back on his chest, ready to fall asleep despite the persistent wiggling, when Edward sucked in a breath.

"What?" Her eyes opened wide, sleepy but alert.

"I can feel him," Edward whispered, his voice awed. His palm spread wider, pressing against the spot where the baby was moving. "That's... wow."

Watching the way his face lit up, so alive and entirely in love, Bella smiled so widely, her cheeks hurt. She put her hand over his, just watching and marveling at everything she had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So that was longer than I expected.
> 
> Thanks to jadedandboring, ginnyw, and barburella
> 
> One more chapter and an epilogue.


	31. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It can't be stated enough... I love youz guyz.

These days Bella paused to give Edward time to get around to her side of the car before she even tried to get out. Just about full term, it felt like half her mass was all belly, and she was likely to fall right back on her ass if she tried to maneuver herself out of the car.

Keeping one arm out to steady her and the other around her back, Edward supported her weight as she pulled herself into a standing position.

"Got it?" he murmured, keeping his arm around her until she nodded back. She was breathless but she was stable for the time being.

Edward pursed his lips, watching as she dug her fists into the small of her back, rubbing. "I shouldn't have let you come. You should be resting."

She eyed him, feeling a spark of indignation. "I make my own choices, slick," she said irritably.

"I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean to imply-"

With a small sigh, Bella stopped him, putting her hand over his mouth. She smiled, her irritation fading. "I know what you meant," she said softly. "Moody pregnant woman, remember?"

Beneath her palm, she felt his lips tug upward. He lifted a hand, kissing her palm before he threaded their fingers together. "It's just that you look so uncomfortable."

"Resting isn't particularly comfortable either," she pointed out. "And I had to get away from everyone. That apartment is too small to have so many people in it."

Edward looked like he was about to say something but wisely thought better of it.

They'd had this conversation a million times over when they were deciding on how they were going to deal with a newborn when they lived in two different places. Edward wanted to buy a house, reasoning that he had the income, and they'd have plenty of space. Bella had argued that if she was going to live in a house with him, they had to be able to go in equally, which meant she wanted to at least be on her way to a good job.

So, this weekend, Edward was moving into her apartment.

Sometimes, Bella thought Edward was better at the compromise thing than she was.

But she was pregnant, dammit. That was her excuse, and she was sticking to it.

Because of that, and because the birth of their son was imminent, the little apartment was overflowing. The Cullen family in its entirety was in attendance along with Jasper and Alice, helping Edward move. Adding to the chaos, Renee and Phil were around, even though Bella had told them more than once that there was no guarantee that the baby would be born in the week that they'd blocked off.

Right about then, she felt as if she just might be pregnant for the rest of time.

A little overwhelmed by the chaos in her apartment and noticing the waning patience in Edward's expression as Renee teased him - for the twentieth time - about how he was never as good as he thought at hiding his true feelings for her daughter, Bella had come up with the brilliant idea that they should go get lunch for everyone.

"Anyway," Bella murmured, taking his arm as they walked toward Subway. "It's supposed to be good to get some walking in. I read this story about a woman who had to walk two miles to the bus station every day of her pregnancy, right up until the very end, and two miles back home. She gave birth  _as_ she was walking into the hospital. The baby was born into her pajama leg."

Edward shuddered. "Not that I'm not crossing my fingers for a quick, easy, relatively painless birth, but … "

Bella waved her free hand. "It was the on the Internet. She was probably lying about the pajama leg thing. Anyway. Walking is good."

"I see," he said amiably.

When they were safely away from passing cars, Edward paused. He turned toward her, and Bella had to smile when he brought his hands to her face, leaning down to capture her lips with his.

Edward, Bella had discovered, was prone to public displays of affection. He said it was mostly that he'd waited a terribly long time to be able to kiss her where everyone and anyone could see. He apologized, but admitted that he probably wasn't going to get over the novelty of it any time soon.

After all he'd been through, keeping their relationship a secret first from the outside world and then from her, Bella thought it was a compromise she could easily make.

Besides, when Edward was kissing her, she tended to forget about things like who might be watching... or the rest of the world in its entirety, really.

_**~0~** _

If Edward thought it would go well, he would have shooed everyone away.

Bella, though, was stubborn as ever. The surer she became of who she was and who she wanted to be, the more her confidence returned. What it meant for Edward was he couldn't get away with much of anything.

Of course, Edward could admit what he'd really like would be far into the realm of 'over doing it'. If it was up to him, he'd have had her in bed for the vast majority of her pregnancy. He wasn't above carrying her from the bedroom to the couch to the table as necessary.

Bella tolerated him only to an extent before she told him to find something else to obsess over.

Sometimes, Edward thought that Bella was better at the whole compromise thing than he was.

So, Edward bit his tongue and didn't kick everyone out of the apartment even when he saw that she was exhausted. This was one of the things they'd argued about. She understood that he hovered out of concern for her and their baby, but she didn't want to put up with him treating her like an invalid - or a child who didn't know what was best for them - in front of guests.

To stop himself from making a comment, Edward got up and silently shuffled to what had been the guestroom and now was a nursery. There, he felt quite a bit calmer.

Several weekends before, Alice and Esme had thrown Bella a baby shower. Alice claimed she always wanted to throw one, and Esme, besides enjoying putting together parties, thought it was her duty as grandmother. They'd coordinated and hit it off so well, they'd gone on to design his son's nursery.

Edward had to admit, the room was... precious. It was done in soft greens and yellows, and laid out so that Edward and Bella would have everything they needed to care for a newborn close at hand.

All it was missing was the newborn.

Though, to Edward, Bella had never been more beautiful, she was well past the stage of her pregnancy where she looked cute. Now, her belly just looked ponderously uncomfortable, and his back and legs ached in sympathy just looking at her. The doctor had warned them that sometimes first babies took their time getting here, but Edward hoped that wouldn't be the case for Bella.

After all - that was one thing he couldn't do for her: carry the baby.

At least, not until it was out of her

But these days, Edward was careful with his wishes. When he and Bella were first together, he'd wished the case would be over so that they could be free. Wish granted.

When Bella was comatose, he wished for her to open her eyes, thinking that he could deal with anything as long as he could see her pretty eyes again. Wish granted.

The more time went on, Edward wished he could tell her that he loved her and that the baby she carried, the baby she was terrified about, was his, and he was always there for her. Wish granted.

Throughout the remainder of her pregnancy, after they got together, Edward and Bella had chosen not to concentrate on the hazy world of 'what if'. Yes, because she'd gone through a trauma early in the pregnancy, they were both well aware there could be unforeseen complications with their son, but there was no point in dwelling. Instead, they'd thrown themselves into all the excitement: baby names, furniture, strollers, car seats, etc.

There was still too much that could happen, too many ways the plot could twist. Given his track record, Edward chose not to tempt fate. He was careful not to wish that Bella would go into labor sooner than later.

Besides, it was probably better if it happened when it was only them, he reasoned. Bella wouldn't want the drama of going into labor with all of his family and half of hers present.

Which, of course, was exactly why he shouldn't have been surprised when his thoughts were interrupted by a surge of noise in the living room/kitchen area.

"Edward!" his mother called.

Automatically on alert at the tone of her voice, Edward sprinted out of the hallway.

Emmett and Jasper were grinning at him widely. Renee looked excited. Phil looked queasy. Carlisle was smiling with something that looked like pride shining in his eyes. Rose, with baby Dean in her arms, looked sympathetic. And Esme stood with a comforting arm around Bella's shoulders.

Bella looked merely exasperated and embarrassed.

"It's time!" Alice squealed in his ear, obviously beyond excited.

That was when Edward noticed the front of Bella's pants were dark. He thought, for a second, that she might have actually wet herself - she'd complained she was close more than once. It took his shock addled brain a moment to catch up, understanding with a sudden surge of panic that her water had broken.

They were going to have a baby.

_**~18 Hours Later~** _

Bella was exhausted and sore, but happy as she settled into one of the maternity suite's large, comfortable chairs, her tiny son in her arms.

It was just after noon. Luckily, the three thousand visitors that had been in and out of her rooms during her labor and baby Liam's birth, precisely ten hours before, had decided it was time for lunch.

Of course, just as she was pondering whether she wanted to chance hospital food, Liam decided he wanted his.

"Shh, shhh," she shushed the fussy baby, trying to figure out how to maneuver, keeping him firm in one arm while she undid the front of her nursing top with the other.

Her little son was frighteningly fragile, and Bella was terrified she was going to do something stupid... like drop him.

"Daddy's trying to sleep," she tried reasoning with Liam. He squalled at her, and Bella smiled tiredly, casting a rueful glance to where Edward was stretched out on the couch, out like a light.

Bella brushed her nipple against Liam's cheek, holding her breath. She bit her tongue as he turned and latched, hissing under her breath.

The doctors had assured her that feeding the kid would get better.

Just in time for leaking tits, according to her mother - another glamorous perk of motherhood.

"Boy, it's a good thing you don't come with teeth already equipped," she muttered through gritted teeth.

She relaxed as the pain subsided and gave herself a moment to marvel as her son suckled away. It was the first time she and the baby had been alone - in a manner of speaking - since his birth.

Glancing at the clock, she stroked downy soft hair on Liam's head, searching his features and wondering once again. "Well, little man, you're officially ten whole hours old," she whispered quietly, placing her finger in the center of his palm and grinning when he squeezed reflexively. "What do you think so far?"

Liam seemed satisfied now that he had his lunch at hand. Bella sighed, watching his tiny hands flailing, landing randomly against her skin.

To her and Edward's everlasting relief, their son seemed fine. He had all his fingers and toes. He was born normal in every way. Of course, there was still some concern that wouldn't be cleared up until later in his development, but he was a beautiful, healthy, scrunchy baby.

When he was fed and burped, Liam was content in her arms, and Bella was happy to just stare. She wondered how long it would feel this incredible, finding herself and Edward in her son's features.

That was how her father found them just a few minutes later.

"Hey, kid... Kids," he said under his breath, sitting on the edge of the bed nearest Bella. He made a face in Edward's direction. "Must be nice."

"Dad," Bella admonished. "I don't think he's slept in the last 24 hours. Every time Liam woke me up last night, he was already awake."

Charlie just grunted. "How are you, Bella? Really?"

Tilting her head, her eyes still on her son, Bella smiled. "I'm... Well, I don't know, really. I'm happy... so happy, but I'm also nervous. I don't feel like a stupid teenager anymore, but I don't know. I don't feel grown up yet, either," she admitted.

Charlie reached out, stroking Liam's cheek lightly. "You know, Bell, you skipped from five directly to thirty. Maybe with this little rewind, you're right about even." He chuckled. "I don't think anyone is prepared for this - parenthood."

"That makes me feel better, I think." Standing, she transferred the sleeping baby into Charlie's arms, smiling at the image of her big, tough, cop father looking completely bowled over by the six pound, two ounce miniature human in his arms.

"He's pretty," Charlie chuffed. "Even with all the wrinkles, I can see he's pretty. He's gonna have to be a tough kid." He looked up, his expression full of love and pride. "But he's got a tough mom, so he'll be fine."

Bella blushed, but secretly felt buoyed by his words. "Thanks, Dad."

**~0~**

"Forget this paralegal degree," Bella muttered, raising her eyebrows as a nurse brought in yet another bouquet. "I'm going to open a flower shop."

Edward took the bouquet, thanking the nurse. "This one came with a gift." He looked over at his son, nestled in Esme's arms for the moment. The poor child had hardly had time to enjoy his plastic hospital crib. There were too many arms waiting to hold him. "Look, Liam. It's a stuffed dog, so we're not obligated to get you a real one for a while yet."

"That's not a dog," Bella said softly, reaching for the thing. "It's a wolf."

Curious, Edward peered at the note attached to the bouquet and sucked in a breath. "This is from Billy and his family."

"I figured," Bella murmured. "Wolves are very important to the tribe; it's even illegal to hunt them on their land." She smiled wanly. "They're thought to be protectors."

Quietly, Edward reached over, taking her hand and squeezing. Of all the things that had gone horribly wrong in their lives, they both regretted most Jacob's loss and the pain they had inflicted on his father. Only a few weeks ago, when they'd decided on a name for their son, Bella had written Billy a letter of thanks, condolences, and apology.

It wasn't the same at all, but they'd chosen to honor Jacob's memory with their son's name: Liam Jacob Cullen.

Maybe they would never be good friends, but Edward hoped Billy's gesture meant he'd found a measure of peace.

_**~The next day~** _

Edward was on his fourth or fifth trip to the car - double and triple checking that they had everything before Bella and Liam were discharged - when he ran right smack into Emily Uley.

Automatically, his hackles raised, his posture becoming defensive. "Mrs. Uley," he greeted carefully. "What a coincidence to see you here. I hope everything is well with you."

She ducked her head, looking down at her feet. "It's not so big a coincidence," she murmured, opening the passenger side seat of her car and taking out a huge basket full of brightly colored baby things. "I was actually hoping to see Bella."

Edward regarded her warily, biting back his automatic instinct to tell her she could go to hell if she thought she was going to upset Bella.

"I'm not trying to cause any trouble, Agent Cullen," she said quickly. "Bella and I used to be friends... I know she doesn't remember that, but I still care about her."

She seemed so defeated. Edward's heart gave a twist, looking at her. She was still a pretty woman despite the scars that marred her face, but there was a bone-weary tiredness in her eyes. Of course, these last months couldn't have been easy. Her husband was in prison, her tribe had ostracized her - it would do no good for Edward to antagonize her.

She wasn't Sam, after all.

He nodded shortly, taking the basket from her. "Thank you," he said sincerely, transferring the basket to the backseat of his mother's borrowed van. Gesturing that she should follow, he managed a small smile for her. "You caught us just in time, actually. Bella and Liam are being discharged in a few minutes."

Bella was just as surprised to see Emily as he'd been, but her nervousness faded quickly. The women chatted briefly, and Emily ooo'ed and aww'ed over Liam, her expression wistful and aching when Bella let her hold him.

When the nurse came in with the paperwork, Emily stood to leave, smiling at Bella. "I'll understand if you don't take me up on it, but I'm around, you know. I'd love it if we could be friends again, start fresh." She hesitated a moment before she added, "And I don't know if you want to hear this, but... Sam is - has always been - very sorry about what happened with Jacob, and what happened to you. He tried to apologize so many times. I know he didn't go about it the right way. I know he scared you, but he meant it."

"I believe you," Bella said earnestly, giving the other woman a hug before they parted.

_**~1 Week Later~** _

"Oh, this is ridiculous. Why is this so much fun?" Bella muttered, hands on her cheeks.

"I don't know, but we should enjoy it before they're old enough to fight back," Rosalie replied, grinning wickedly at her.

The family was gathered at the Cullen's house in Forks. Like any new baby, Liam found himself the subject of many photos. When Dean and Liam were in the same house... well... the cameras rarely stopped clicking.

It had seemed hilarious just a few seconds ago to swaddle Dean up as tightly as Liam was and place them both in the basket of laundry. Now Bella thought she was being just a little bit silly.

But they were so cute!

"Isabella Marie... are you torturing my grandson?"

Bella looked up, feeling like the kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar as her mother came into the room.

"Don't worry, baby boy, I've got your back," Renee assured, lifting Liam out of the basket. "Oh, Bella. Do you know what I bought for when you visit us in Florida? This tiny little lounge chair. Can you imagine? We'll get him a pair of teeny sunglasses and one of those big, floppy, baby hats... It'll be an adorable picture."

Rolling her eyes, Bella smiled fondly at her mother. "That'll be great."

"It'll be warm enough around Spring Break," Renee hinted.

"We'll see," Bella assured. She wanted to say yes outright but knew she had to run it by Edward first.

Satisfied with that, Renee hoisted Liam up on her shoulder and walked back out into the family room with him.

Meanwhile, Dean freed himself from his blanket confines with the fierce battle cry of an exasperated six month old. Rosalie scooped him up, blankets and all, and nodded her head in the direction of the rest of the family.

The moment she walked in the room, Edward turned to her, his eyes lighting up and a smile automatically tugging at his lips. Though he never lapsed from his conversation with his brother, he held a hand out, drawing her to his side.

The way he settled, with his arm around her like it was the most natural thing in the world, still made Bella's heartbeat quicken and her blood warm.

For long minutes, she was silent, watching the blended family around her. Not so many months ago, she'd awakened - confused and disoriented, completely unsure of who she was and what her place in the world should be.

In these last months, it astounded Bella how many times her life could change so profoundly, even when she was completely aware. Life was anything but a clear road, and any choice had so many consequences.

But even when she considered her worst days, how could she regret the way things had turned out?

It seemed to Bella that a lot of good had come out of her fall along with the generous helping of bad. Her eyes settled on Jasper and Alice, curled together on one of the room's big arm chairs, sitting side by side, happily squished. If she hadn't fallen from the cliff, they might never have met, starting their journey together, and Bella might have missed having Alice as a friend.

In her past life, she'd apparently drifted, landing in a field that she just didn't see could ever have offered her much fulfillment. Now, though she knew she had a long road ahead of her, Bella was excited for what her future would bring and passionate about the work she was pursuing.

During a lull in the conversation, Edward turned to her, smiling happily as he leaned in, kissing her softly and adoringly.

Not many people could say that they truly understood how deeply another person felt for them. It was one thing to feel loved and in love, quite another to be shown exactly how profoundly deep a love could be.

The knowledge - knowing what lengths Edward had gone through for her sake - was a fair trade for her frustration. Sometimes, it was difficult not to be bitter that so much of their first relationship was locked away in some dark recess of her mind that she no longer had access to.

Occasionally, some snippet of a memory - a tingle of her senses - seeped out, but eight years of time, might very well be lost forever.

But Edward's unwavering, evolving love for her - and the idea that she was capable of loving anyone that same way - was a gift she still had trouble comprehending.

Eight years of forgotten life for the knowledge she'd gained of herself and Edward - it wasn't an easy trade off, but it wasn't bad either.

This was her rightful place, she thought. This was where she was meant to be. She was a lover, a mother, a daughter, a sister, and a friend. Yes, she was still stumbling, but she'd come to recognize that was simply the human condition.

Laying her head on Edward's shoulder, watching her mother and father coo over their first grandchild in the house Edward had grown up in, Bella felt a great peace and happiness come over her.

She was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well, our journey is done, and what a journey it's been.
> 
> But I'll save the mushy stuffy for the epilogue. For now, much love and affection to all of you. I am so sorry I've been review reply fail for so long. Really, I over extended myself and it looks like there's no end in sight to that. But know you are all appreciated. Really. REALLY.
> 
> Thanks to GinnyW and Barburella for help this chapter.


	32. Epilogue: Good Fortune

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And here it is, your moment of fluff.

The view of the Golden Gate Bridge from Golden Gate Park was breathtaking.

Bella raised her camera, taking in the private view that belonged to her and her alone. Edward stood in profile, his head turned toward the view of the bay and his hair ruffling in the light breeze. Though Liam was safe in his front facing carrier, his chubby legs kicking with excitement at being out and about in a new place, Edward's hand was splayed protectively over his stomach.

It was a beautiful picture, not just because of the iconic view behind them but because Edward and Liam were most definitely father and son. It was true that Liam's hair was brown where Edward's was bronze, but it stuck up in exactly the same way. His lips, too, were lightly pursed - Edward's exact expression the moment she took the shot.

Alerted by the click of the camera, Edward turned, his mouth quirking up into a wide smile when he saw her. Liam, comically, mirrored his father's expression, his kicks getting more fervent as he babbled at her in baby speak.

"Ouch," Edward grimaced. He ruffled Liam's hair. "Easy buddy."

"Liam, are you beating up Daddy?" Bella asked her son, tickling the bottom of his feet just to hear his giggles.

Turning slightly, Edward tucked Bella under his arm so they were all looking out over the bay. "So, now that we're all here, will you finally forgive me?"

At Christmas, a little more than six months before, Carlisle and Esme had gifted Edward and Bella with plane tickets to San Francisco for them and the baby dated just after the school semester was set to end. Edward had - correctly - guessed that it would be the only way to get Bella to agree to a family vacation he paid for.

Of course, Bella was no fool. She knew exactly who'd put them up to such a thing, and he got an earful from her when they got home. She'd softened somewhat when he explained it was as much for him as her.

"You've never travelled, so this isn't an experience that's a do-over, something you've forgotten. It's entirely new to you. Let me travel with you," he'd pleaded. "We'll pick places I've never been either.

"I was never mad at you," she murmured, reaching up to take his hand.

"No," he said fondly. "You did a fine job of faking it then."

She made a face at him, resisting the urge to stick out her tongue. "Gotta keep you on your toes, Cullen. There ain't no rest for the wicked."

His expression was dubious. "Have you been catching up on music again?"

"Money don't grow on trees."

"Because, really, you shouldn't base your updated musical tastes on what Emmett tells you to listen to."

She just grinned up at him. "You mean the Backstreet Boys aren't in vogue again?"

Edward sighed and looked down at his son. "We're going to have to hope you inherited my musical tastes rather than your mother's.

"So, what's next on the agenda?"

Bella ran through the list they'd compiled of things they might like to do in San Francisco. "Ghirardelli Square," she said decisively.

"Good call," Edward nodded with mock approval. "Liam has only gone through two changes of clothes today, and it's already nearly noon."

**~0~**

About an hour and a half later, they were full on ice cream and though Edward had no idea how Liam had gotten any in his mouth after all he'd just cleaned off his son's body, the baby was amped.

"I don't know if taking him down to the beach is a good idea," Bella said, watching in bemusement as he tried to crawl out of Edward's arms. "If we put him in the water, he'll be halfway to Japan before he realizes he can't swim."

Edward just chuckled, hitching the baby up on his hip when he adamantly refused to be put in his carrier.

"We should get the stroller from the car," Bella suggested.

"He's fine for now," Edward said, waiving his free hand. "I got him."

Some people said he was crazy, preferring to keep his son in a carrier when they were out like this, strapped to him or in his arms as he was now. Edward hadn't forgotten what it felt like to be one heartbeat away from losing everything, though, and he kept his family as close as he could. Right now, Liam was young enough to let him.

Bella was, of course, a different story.

If he could have, he would have wrapped her up in his arms, making sure none of these strangers who loomed around them could hurt her. He was always watching. Even when he was at ease, enjoying himself, he was aware.

But if that was his burden - a low level of paranoia because he'd come so close to not having any of this - then it was one he bore gratefully. He supposed, in many ways, his scars from the ordeal they'd been through were just as deep as Bella's. She dealt with her challenges with grace. It was the least he could do to try to be reasonable.

As soon as she'd shouldered Liam's diaper bag, though, he took her hand, preferring that they were at least touching as they walked out into the crowded square.

They meandered. Edward smiled when Bella paused outside a tea room - a restaurant that specialized in tea parties - peering with a somewhat wistful smile on her face. Privately, he let himself imagine that they would have another baby in the future - one they chose together, without surprises and complications. He loved his son with a frightening degree of ferocity, but a little girl who brought with her all the things little girls were prone to would be nice, too.

He told Bella as much.

She gave him an indulgent smile. "Who says Lee won't like tea parties?" she challenged. "What do you say, Lee? Do you want me to buy you a tea set?" she asked their son, nodding emphatically.

Little monkey that he was, Liam helpfully nodded back.

"See?" Bella asked triumphantly.

Edward rolled his eyes at her, taking her hand again as they walked on. It was something they'd already talked about - having other children.

Once, Bella, watching Edward roughhouse with Emmett, thought out loud that it might have been nice to have a sibling. When he asked, honestly curious, if she ever thought of giving Liam a brother or sister, she'd surprised the hell out of him by saying she did.

"Later though. After school. After I find work."

Edward was content to wait.

Of course, that was getting quite ahead of himself. There was another thing he wanted before they brought another child into the world, and he'd been debating with himself as to whether it was a good idea to ask.

It seemed almost ridiculous to think that she would say no if he asked her to marry him. They were, to him, a foregone conclusion. Since long before she'd fallen off that cliff, Edward had known he would never want anyone as much as he wanted her.

But life wasn't as simple as who and how you loved.

Bella was a lot more sure of herself than she had been a year before. She'd grown into her role both as a mother and as an adult. They'd both worked hard at their relationship - learning to communicate and move as a well functioning unit should.

It wasn't the best time, either. After Liam was born, Bella threw herself into school full force, eager to mark some 'adult' progress - her words.

On his side of things, Edward had his own struggles. Before, struggling to prove himself, he'd frequently worked twelve hour days. He still had every desire to progress at the FBI, but now, he had a family to come home to. Bella was supportive, but he didn't want to fall into the trap many of his now divorced colleagues did - 'just until the end of this case... and this case... and this case.'

Still, he dreamed.

They were walking past the long line of street vendors when a spry, older Asian woman hopped out at them.

"Oh, yes. Pretty couple. Pretty boy," she said, beckoning them. "Come, I have something just right for you."

"Thank you, but-" Edward started to say, but the woman was insistent.

"Look! It brings good luck," she said, taking Bella's hand and sliding a ring onto her finger. They were simple rings - most of them made out of a single bit of metal. The one she put on Bella had been twisted into the infinity symbol at the center. "Lucky, see? Forever!"

"It doesn't fit," Bella pointed out mildly, spinning the ring on her finger.

"Ah, wait. I fix!" The woman took the ring off, taking out a hammer and banging at is. Edward had to bite his lip to keep from laughing.

"There!" The woman exclaimed, putting the ring back on Bella's finger. Now it fit snugly and the old lady gave a satisfied smirk. Picking up a ring that looked the same, she grabbed Edward's free hand. "See? You match. Very lucky. Sixteen dollar for both."

"Well, that's a small price to pay for luck," Edward agreed, reaching for his wallet.

Over the woman's head, Bella rolled her eyes but smiled at him fondly, mouthing the word, 'sucker'.

The gleeful woman thanked them profusely, promised them again that the rings would bring them luck as long as they wore them, and told them to come back again to see her. She informed them that many people who had bought her lucky rings came back telling her how they'd won the lottery or fallen into some other area of success.

When they were out of earshot, Bella shook her head at him. "See, I was afraid you would use this trip as an excuse to get a ring on my finger," she teased him. "But an $8 ring? I think I was gypped."

"This is the infinity symbol, Bella," he informed her gravely, readjusting Liam in his arms. "Like it or not, I guess you're stuck with me now. Besides - it's lucky. Remember?"

She paused, pulling him off to the side so they weren't stopping the flow of traffic, and wrapped her arms around his waist. She took a moment to kiss Liam's nose, responding to his baby babble, before she stood on her tiptoes to press a tender kiss to Edward's lips. "Can I tell you something?" she asked him quietly.

"Of course. Anything."

"I know I didn't know it at first, but when I woke up to you, I was already the luckiest woman in the world," she said sincerely. "And I'm glad you stuck around long enough to let me figure that out for myself."

He raised his ring adorned free hand, cupping her cheek, leaning down to kiss her more seriously until their son protested loudly at being ignored. Knowing he was being cheesy, but not really able to help it, he pulled her hand up to his lips, kissing the infinity knot on her new ring. "I know our time together is finite," he murmured, looking into her eyes. "But I will love you forever."

She could have laughed at him, but she didn't. Her face flushed instead, her lips turning up in a pleased, adoring smile. "I love you, too," she said quietly. "Forever."

With how much her life had changed - how she continually changed and evolved in the last year - Edward knew it wasn't a promise Bella made lightly.

They rejoined the crowd, a family of three in a city of millions, in a world of billions. Everyone had a story. Theirs, Edward knew, as long as they lived, would be written together.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: No word of a lie - that lady exists. Tellingmelies bought me that ring - so I guess that means she's stuck with me forever. Bwah hahahaha.
> 
> Anyway. That lady is crazy, the ring is awesome, and this story? It's done.
> 
> So many thanks to barburella, jadedandboring, jfka06, ginnyw and all of you who've loved these kids and stuck with me through to the end.
> 
> Frequently asked questions:
> 
> No, I have not seen The Vow.
> 
> No, Bella won't ever get her memories back completely. Amnesia patients frequently don't, unlike what fiction will have you believe.
> 
> What's coming up next?
> 
> I have recently started a new story - My Biggest Mistake, My Greatest Salvation. It's a wake up in Vegas married story but, you know, with a twist and all that. Check it out if you're inclined. I'm really rather proud of it.
> 
> Thank you for coming along with me on this journey. Thank you so much for all your feedback.


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